Okay... so It is 12:48am, Early Sunday Morning... and I am completely shit faced.... so this is always a good time to let the shit hit the fan... and let the good people know what your are thinking...

1-  Miranda.... SO MUCH FUN... Miss You.. we need to hang out more often...

2-  Happy Birthday Danielle

3-  Nice Tank Top

4-  I took 204 pictures... and 5 of them I deleted cuz they were blurry or I couldnt make out what they were...

5-  that bitch was ugly... I dont care how nice of a person she was.... PEACE WERE OUT!

6-  I don't need anyone to hold my hand when I gotta pee... if i gosta go... I gosta GO!

7-  My Birthdays Next Friday... Party at the Pond... Cindys porch... Maybe Kyle will let us have a bon fire...

8-  I can't wait for my fathead to come home..... 8 days.... YAY!

9-  I added two new myspace friends tonight... ASHLEY AND AMY..... Ashley I hope you feel better..... CRAZY NIGHT

10-  Kirch... I love you.... you are my besteset friend in the whole wide world....  I would do anything for you... even punch a bitch in the face...

Check out my pictures... you can then join in all the fun we had tonight...

Man... let me tell you... I have never had to deal with something so mentally and emotionally draining.... For any of you who don't know, Josh is in China right now... he is there until the end of August... and it SUCKS...

Not having him here when I get home... that sucks... not being able to talk to him whenever I want.... that sucks.... its a 12hr time difference... so when I am going to bed, hes getting up... when hes going to bed, im going to work.... but we make it work....

I can't wait till he is home.... but the experiance is good for him... and the way I look at it.. .its making our relationship that much stronger... it just goes to show that we can make it through... and we will... I love him with all my heart.... it is proving to both of us what we really mean to one another... and I can not wait till he is home...

and I can not wait till next April... when the two of us share a name.... Im so excited....

I can't believe it had been almost a year since I had posted a blog.... GOSH!!!!  Anyway... Just an update on me...

Lifes good... I am gettin married.... Not sure on a date yet.... but all my wishes are coming true.... My dogs are great.... The boy is wonderful.... House is aight.... Shits good..... Friends are good.... love them to pieces.... Christmas was great.... Hope the new year is better.... My rings beautiful.....

Work Sucks.... all around.... its such a hole.... nothing ever changes.... people suck.... job sucks.... pays good... but thats about it.... Its BBY..... where the SHIT NEVER STOPS!

other than that.... not much going on here..... Hope it keeps snowing.... I wanna ride the beast..... I need a vacation.... Yeah.. Vacations are good...

Ahh... randomness....

Good night

Well, I am not a Ho NO MO!  I have decided to take the plunge and settle down.....

On Christmas morning.... Josh asked me to marry him....

THAZZZ RIGHT!.... This Ho is GETTIN MARRIED!!!

.... OF COURSE I SAID YES!!!

God I love him!

We all go out on Friday night..... I had a great time..... It was fun..... We all chilled at the Underground..... I can't complain........ we had some drinks..... we did some shots...... we yelled at some bitches in the bathroom....... it was good times..... but apparently now I am a slut...... not just a SLUT....But THE SLUT!  I am the master of all Sluts.....

I guess what makes this funnier is the person who gave me this title..... she should look in the mirror..... look at your life... and what you have done in the past 10 yrs.... besides become aneroxic, sleep with a bunch of guys....one who was 3 times your age..... and lose "the best thing that has ever happened to you"...... Prolly picked up some diseases along the way..... How many boyfriends have you cheated on?  Man if I had to give someone a title, it would be you.... and I think I would call the a Whore....or a Failure.... whichever you prefer...... I like my Nickname... because you couldn't have titled me any further from the truth..... and there are people out there.... they can attest to this....


I can't believe after 5 yrs..... you are still hung up on this... and everytime you pull me back into your little web.... I get all caught up in it too..... one of these days.... you will finally realize (I am going to repeat something I said a long time ago) that everything that has happened..... its your fault...... You fuck everything up...... and contrary to what you believe..... He never cheated on you..... and you broke up with him...... so once again.... YOU FUCKED EVERYThing up....


But don't forget.... IM A SLUT!

I will be honest.... I sit here and think....."what could have been"?  Woudl it have worked out?  Possibly.... but in my heart I know that I would never been able to go through with it.  would I ever be able to Trust you?  Probably not..... I know to much.....  The one thing I still think about..... Why we can't be friends.... Why everytime I talked to you..... it needed to be for someother reason..... never just the fact that I missed my friend.... but now..... now I have lost it all.... I have lost any chance at being your friend..... it is so bad that you will not even look at me.... no eye contact.... do you really hate me that much?  That when I walk by, you look at the wall?  I don't get it.... I guess though you said that to me once..... Its never my fault..... I never think it can have anything to do with me...... well maybe that is cuz no has given me reason to believe it is me......that brings me to this.....as straight as you say I never was with you..... You have never given me a straight answer as to who was making you believe what was never true.....  But I will never get that chance..... not that you really want to know that anyway......

To be honest.... if an oppurtunity arrises..... I will be gone.... Gone forever.... and I will be sure to never have any contact.... I wouldnt want to be anymore painful to you than i already have been.  I am sorry.... I am sorry for all the hurt I may have caused you....  I wish you all the happiness in the world...... I am sorry that it will never be with me.... and I am sorry that everything turned out this way......  I am sorry you hate me so much..... I am sorry that you have to waste energy hating me..... I hope someday..... You will understand..... I am not as strong as you.... and I can't make that choices you made....


As long as it may be.....Good Bye Forever.....

You hold the ball in your court..... its in your hands..... I am walking away with a smile on my face.... if you choose to never look at me..... never speak to me...... again..... thats okay with me..... The smile will continue....

Sit here..... missing you..... your working.... one more day..... You will be close again..... Through my head..... it runs...... Randomness........I hate silence..... Randomness..... people are pathetic....... People are stupid....... More Randomness..... You Win...... I am done...... I laugh..... its funny...... down a path..... look away.... HA! Thats funny...... Hilarious..... Makes me smile..... Stupid...... Christmas is coming...... I am on the good list...... I must be lying to myself..... I am not honest..... HA!  That makes me laugh...... I am not loyal...... I am a lie... and a cheat.... HA!  I am cracking myself up....... Tears in my eyes, I laugh so hard......

A different you...... A smile screamed out from behind the darkness when the question was asked?  Are you gonna?!  Yes..... a challenge, A challenge that Is waiting....... One I can conquer..... Far from the other........ Happy I may be...... Quarentined......Far from the Plague...... Healed..... Myself.... Thats what I can be...... Makes me Laugh..... HA!..... Laughing...... I can't stop...... Over it..... HA!  LAUGHING AGAIN!......

Feelings hurt..... appologies never heard...... Laugh...... at a point, nothing else matters...... Josh...... everything..... two words..... together forever....... Pish and Posh....... Red and Green...... White and rice...... Flys and Shit...... trees and leaves...... Dogs and Cats......

Are you confused yet..... HA!  I LAUGH..... I AM DIFFERENT..... and loving it..... this is what happens to me daily..... my head jumps..... but in the end.... I laugh..... Laughing makes everything make sense...... it keeps me sane...... keeps me sober...... Laugh an d Love..... Spread the Holiday Cheer.....

KEEP SMILING..... KEEP LAUGHING..... KEEP LOVING..... I know I will....



*Pathetic...... That's how I describe this current situation

*Lost...... Things are just flying around in my head.... its Hard to focus.....

*Apply or Not Apply....... That is the question.... is it worth it...... will it help fix whats broken?

*Love...... Josh

*Hate..... Feeling like This....

*Disconnected........ You.......

*Loyal....... Honest........ and Content........ That is me......



*

I love when you talk to me..... I love when you touch me.....  I love when you hold me..... I love the way you chase me..... I love when you get goofy..... I love it when you call just to ask if I wanna watch a movie...... I love how much I miss you when your not around..... I love when we just sit and catch eachothers eyes..... It puts a smile on my face...... I love when our feet touch and our toes curl around eachothers.... I love when you roll over just to hold me.... I love it when our lips touch..... I love when you give me butterfuly kisses..... I love when you give me escimo kisses.....  I love it when my phone rings and it is u telling me u just wanted to say hello and you love me...... You are my everything.... and I love you with all my heart...


I guess all I am saying is I LOVE YOU!    MWUAH!!!

I apologize for all the wrong I have done..... I never wanted to hurt anyone.  I never meant to be mean..... or seem selfish......  I try my hardest..... I do all I can do..... and sometimes that is not good enough.... but that is okay..... I apologize..... I apologize for any wrong I have done...

Hope in the end..... we can still be friends.....