You won’t find any more updates on this here myspace blog.  You’ll find all sorts of updates and other fun stuff at our actual website:

http://www.pantspantspants.biz/

What you can expect from this site are more wonderful things along the lines of dancing broccoli, flying rocketships, and other such myspace goodness.

And then their myspace blog just went dark.......

Hi Pants Fans,

Let's cut to the chase. The world needs more giant squirrels. That's precisely why we need your help.

As few of you know, our "Full House" video has been included in The Owl Mag's online music video contest. It's an online poll where the winner will receive a brand new Gibson Les Paul!

The irony of our band winning a brand new guitar is too delicious to pass up. So, we put our thinking caps on and came up with this amazing proposition for you: If you help us win the guitar, we promise to sell it, and buy this!

All you have to do is go here:

http://www.theowlmag.com/giveaway.asp

And vote for 5 Pants Pants Pants. Please forward this on to everyone you know. This is your chance to be a part of something BIG!

with love,
Pants Pants Pants

Vote for us on the Deli Magazine Band of the Month Poll......please:

http://www.thedelimagazine.com/sf/voting.php

We're currently waiting quietly in second to last, ready to pounce.  The other bands don't suspect a thing (except that a few of them are our myspace friends and thus could possibly be reading this.......dammnit).

It's our time to shine.  Let your voices be heard!  Then encourage all of your friends to let THEIR voices be heard!  Vote the rock!  

VICTORY!

P3

What have we learned?

Unicorns do actually poop marshmallows, but they smell real bad.

The kindness of strangers is vastly under-rated.

The meaning of life is weed and meditation.  Jahdop Do!

When words fail you, try these: "Represent"  "Bring the Crew" "It's like that" "Turn it Up" " Yo yo c'mon"  "Jah" "Like this" and "Ding"

Ask and ye shall receive.

Say yes to awesome.

There is a limit to the amount of jerky you can eat.  Uni's feet are swollen.

1 + 1 = 3

Emerald Country Smoked Meats is the champion of all jerky.

If you think about killing someone, especially someone smaller than you, think of Smiley, the empathetic spider.

Small towns rock harder than big cities.

Do not lean on your own intellect.

Olympia is filled with zombies.

We're all about value.

Neon pants attract attention, but break easily.

Don't eat the fudge.

Drink tickets work for bribing new fans.

There are many excuses for slow shows, including "school's out", "there's a blues festival", "people go away for the weekend" "there's a hardcore show across the street" "they didn't write Weezer cover band on the flyer" "I don't get out that far"

It's hard to eat healthy, stay clean, exercise, and sleep on tour.  Uni has expressed interest in bringing baby wipes next time.

The size of the audience and the amount of money you take in is not what makes for a good show.  It's how loud people are singing "Dancin in the Dark".

Despite driving through the night we made it to KSLug early.  Gold recording artist Patrice "all about the love" Pike attempted to steal our thunder by showing up late and playing forever in the studio next door.  Eventually we were forced to overpower her with our own brand of home-grown "hipster funk" and van-grown. . . funk.  The on-air appearance went shockingly well, with only one awkward moment.  We were caught off guard and fully unprepared for Jen Savage's question abut the origins of our band name.  Where do they get this stuff?  Jen, Monica, Craig and of course Larry, made it the best and first P3 on-air they've every done.  They're super nice and JahMazing.  As we were leaving, Larry from KHUM, the "no rules" sister station of KSLuG, invited Uni onto his show to talk about her album and the tour.  She was well-received.  Humbolt county sure likes their uke ("ook") players.

We crawled back into the van and the ten days worth of sleeping in crack dens, cat poop, porches, cemeteries, down by the river and most recently, in the deliciously fragrant van finally caught up with us.  We decided it was time to reward ourselves with a stay at the luxurious Motel 6.  The subsequent showers, naps and Cash Cab were also tour highlights.  Unfortunately they didn't have wi-fi.  Uni threw a tantrum.  But we promised her wi-fi for dinner to quiet her down.  Lost Coast Brewery's beer and internet were delicious.  We also found Smiley "the Empathetic Spider".

While on the air, we heard that Weepel (a local Weezer cover band) had broken up and would not be performing at the show.   This would not have been a first for the tour.  We called them out repeatedly on the air, with Uni threatening to leave our dirty tightie whities on their front porch if they didn't show.  They showed.  It's possible that we also may have called-out the Bay Gaurdian.  We don't remember.

Another small but appreciative crowd at the Accident Gallery.  The first people to show up were a lovely couple who heard Uni on the air and loved the Uke.  This was the second show on the tour where we were asked to sign autographs.  They took beaucoup videos and photographs because they bring the crew.  The Accident Gallery just so happened to be running an erotic art show featuring several images of women bending over chamber pots, wearing nipple clamps, and a jack-hammer dildo, which was sadly absent for our performance.  Uni was also mysteriously absent for our performance.  It had been a long tour.  Uni sez: "sorey".   We posed for a tour photo in front of a larger-than-life naked rendering of one of the owner's girlfriend.  P3s show was effing moist, Stay in School was taken to new heights with the addition of aerial acrobatics.  Sadly the stripper pole was not used.  Uni has expressed interest in using the stripper pole next time.  The most heart warming moment of the SuperFuntastiTour was the sharing of Jeff Foxworthy's Maple Brown Sugar Ham Jerky with the audience which we had saved for the grand finale.  The entire audience bum rushed the stage in order to get a taste of natures bounty.

  Weepel brought the noise with their harder core renditions of Weezer songs.  Proving that they too were Independent and Adult and therefore do what they want, they forwent closing with  Buddy Holly in favor of "Stars" by Hum, that apparently only made Steve happy.  They were super nice guys who traded their cut of the door for mucho mercho.  It was a fitting and enjoyable end to the Scrumdiddlyumtitous SuperfuntastiTour.

Xoxo
P Units

"Uh huh."
-courtesy of John Staedler (track 5)

For most of the tour, we've been looking to Pendleton to revamp our self-esteem because, as we joked, "Uni is huge in Pendleton".  We discovered just how right we were when we rolled up to The Great Pacific aka GP to discover two life-sized posters of her obscuring the diners' view of Main Street.  We knew then and there we were destined to fall in love with Pendleton, and vice versa.

"You didn't eat the fudge, did you?"  

As usual, we had a bunch of time to kill before our show, so we cruised the main strip.  Then we came upon Toy's N' Fudge, a National Fudge Champion's candy and junk store.  Uni bought two pairs of jellies for $2.  The woman who ran the store demonstrated with great excitement her Dirty Bird, a mechanical filthy mouthed parrot.  They also displayed the most glorious collection of My Little Ponies and He Man figurines, a giant rack of decades old spices, and  free samplings of fudge.  We loved the place, but to our dismay the fudge wasn't quite as fresh as one would want it to be.  Every single local we told about our experience had the exact same response, "You didn't eat the fudge, did you?"  Appearently the shop keeper who said she wouldn't come to our show because she "didn't get out that far" (we were playing a half a block away) liked to clean the fudge knife after each sampling with her tongue.  To the surprise of the locals, none of us have gotten sick. . . Not yet. . . . The death watch is on.

As soon as we walked into The Great Pacific we were taken care of.  We were literally waited on hand and foot.  The free pizza flowed like the free wine.  As far as the eye could see, the room was filled to capacity with everyone from kids to grannies.  The man who made it all possible, including the giant posters, which he printed at his day job as a graphic designer for Budweiser, was Peter the King of Pendleton.  Any booker who brings his mom, dad and grandma to his shows is cool in our blog book.  The P3 set was reserved but intense.  It took the Pendletonians a few songs to warm up to their electrocknicing, but by Tater Tot, even the cooks had come out of the kitchen and were happily singing along.  Gibberish truly is the international language.   Also, a little shout out to our sound guy Steve, who did a five minute stint as a P3 roadie changing P3 Steve's bass string during his trombone solo.  

 Uni's set was full of hits, banter, and old fashion fun.  After every song, Blair (not from the Facts of Life, but a gorgeous GP audience member) stood up and cheered.  Peter requested Daniel Johnston's song "True Love Will find You in The End," and then Uni brought the effing house down with her sing along medley "Stand By Me" / "You Are My Sunshine".  By the end of the night, Uni had recorded both the first ever standing ovation and the first ever encore in Great Pacific history.   Also, the two bands  were recorded for their soon to be released CD "Live at Pendleton".  Combo deal sales went through the roof, and we were bombarded with autograph requests (seriously).  After all of our small but appreciative crowds we had finally found a large but appreciative crowd.  Now all we have left to find is a large but unappreciative crowd.  Perhaps we should just go back home for that.

After our show, Peter walked us next store to his parent's lovely photography studio, where they already had three air mattresses and two couches for us to slumber upon.  Next we rolled down to the Rainbow Café "the real Pendleton" as Peter described it.  $2 Budweisers, Pendletons on the rocks and you could smoke inside.  The bar was also plastered with neon rainbows and dozens of men in chaps, and featured a lively mustachioed bartender, but it's not a gay bar, we were repeatedly assured.

After failing in our attempts to get Bob Barker iron on T-shirts, we walked a half mile in 103 degree heat in the pursuit of value, the Pioneer humane society thrift store.  We were also barked at by some bitch dressed as a turn of the century brothel madame.  

Pendleton.  Don't worry, we'll be back for the Round-Up, the nation's second largest rodeo.  You'll be able to find us on one of the many mechanical bulls that line the streets.  We heart Pendleton.

We had our best paid gig so far on this tour in Seattle.  Being compensated in the form of shoes and break dancing lessons from Seattle's Finest shoe store, the Sneakery was far superior to being compensated with $5 from Andy.  Owner Drea and Uni have been friends for a long time. They used to work together at Amoeba Music in Hollywood. 9 months ago she had Uni play her grand opening of the Sneakery.  It was great to see how the Sneakery had blossomed into a vibrant community staple, much like us.  "Represent. " Drea presented us with the sweetest payday ever, the only challenge being choosing which sweet ass "trainer" we each wanted.  This was a good problem to have.  "Like that".  This was P3's first ever in-store, and they found out that they are much more successful at persuading people to buy shoes than something like say CD's or Pants Pants Pants T-shirts.  Stay tuned for a full line of P3 threads and kicks in time for the upcoming school year.  We're hoping that the Uni doll will make it into Toys R Us's by Christmas time.  Pre order on her myspace.  The new one.  Not the old one.  That's some jackass now.

"Say Please" - our tour mom, Lisa

There is no better hostess to be found on this planet than a rock and roll Mommy.  We were recently spoiled rotten by Lisa, who fed us delicious eggs, toast, coffee and fruit, because she "couldn't send us on the road without protein."  She also hooked us up with a queen-sized bed each and two awesome pint-sized fans, and offered to drive us to the library and to do our laundry.  She also took us out for dinner to a Thai restaurant, where we ate an appetizer containing every flavor in the world.  The perfect food.  The kids were awesome.  Jake was eager to show Steve his room, where he had recently murdered Black Beard the Pirate.  Black Beard's blood was everywhere, and his severed hand was nailed to the door.  It appeared that Jake had done the deed with one of his super amazing light sabers.  Later that evening, Steve may have threatened to remove Jake's appendages and scatter them throughout the house.  This threat became necessary when Jake broke both the "you must only pick things up with chopsticks" rule AND the "six inch airborn food" rule.  Needless to say, Jake is a lucky almost nine year old in that he still has all his arms and legs.  Steve was forced to sleep with a battle axe last night, but fortunately did not have to use it.  Lily is a keytar star who follows the rules.  "Bring the crew."

My kid is the left handed Buckethead: Chickenhead

We rolled into Georgetown for our show at Jules Mae and knew that the neighborhood was going to be awesome when we came upon on a 50 strong all black motorcycle gang called "Magic Wheels," who were out directing traffic.  These were our people.  Upon arrival we were greeted by our future tour sound guru/catstrophic disaster survival expert/campfire storyteller who promptly yelled at us.  We will call him "Papa Chickenhead" so that you can't track him down and steal him for your Superfuntastitour.  He's ours bitches.  "Don't bring me no moron."  Papa Chickenhead not only hooked us up with the best sound we've had on tour so far, but gave Steve and Oliver a detailed lesson on all things sound.  After the near sound disaster from 15th St Pub, this was both enlightening and reassuring.  Papa Chickenhead was very proud of his son, Chickenhead.  Chickenhead is the left handed Buckethead, and he will also hopefully join us on tour soon.  Papa Chickenhead told Pants Pants Pants that he thought they were the most origanal band he's seen in 10 years. We are hoping this means when he saw Journey in 1997, but it could be the Vomiting Unicorns, he doesn't remember.

With the lush sounds and the now standard small but enthusiastic crowd goading them on, P3 had what they deemed to be their best show of the tour.  Oliver almost made a full lap during the final Stay in School chorus (the course here was much longer) and most certainly terrified his in laws in the process.  Uni continues to take the stage banter up a notch, with her between song stories and zingers rising up almost to the quality of her actual songs.   Erin Jorgensen's set was nowhere in sight.  We missed her and all her fans.  This may have been our only chance to share a stage with a marimba player, and she totally blew it.  Represent.  We have still yet to play with a local.  Luckily we bring the noise.

(Hip hop references are courtesy of John Staedler's "La la la la….." fuck it, it's track 5.  Our jerkey tasting tour has pretty much come to a halt.  Apparently there's a limit to the amount of jerkey you can eat.  Who knew.  

Picture five overgrown metal heads moshing, stomping and yelling along with a tiny girl and her ukelele playing Bruce Springsteen for the second time that night, cuz once was not enough. You are picturing what was quite possibly the apex of the SuperfuntastiTour. . . Although we did skinny dip in a creek, witness some unfortunate fool getting thrown through a plate glass window, survive our time with No Name, and discover Emerald County Smoked Meats.

We rolled into Vancouver early on 7-7-7 and set out to destroy the town by means of rock. After flyering and drinking the spiciest ginger ale ever invented (Blenheimís) at Moxie's pop shop, and bumping our kickass jams at Mermaid Music (Rose I took a picture for you) we decided to go slumber with the dead. Uni took a run around the headstones while P3 tried to find a non-sacrilegious place to pee. Eat at Blind Onion Pizza. You can't miss it, it's right next to the cemetery.

The 15th Street Pub is a way sweet joint, however their PA is unequipped for the P3 rock and roll stadium rock power sound. Ding! Uni played first, wetting their appetite for destruction and promising a brilliant encore after donning her roller skates. Ginger Hustlers played their instruments on stage and Hannahís Field played songs of weed and meditation, gypsies and mermaids and Jah!

Steve's Tiny Drum
We really liked that Hannah of Hannah's Field handed out instruments for the audience, although Steve's tiny drum left something to be desired. However, Steve was amazed at what he was able to accomplish with his tiny drum.

The Pants set was perhaps the most stadium rockenest it's been yet. The drunk lady was dancing (more to follow, as Uni won't let it go) and Scott and Gillian arrived in the nick of time to much rejoicing! Oliver set a new course record, circling the entire bar twice ("one and a half") times during the final chorus of "Stay In School." It most indeedily was a School Night. Uni came up for two more songs and an encore, dedicating "I'm on My Way" thusly "This song is dedicated to the lady who said I look like a wannabe Dorothy of fucking Wizard of Oz on RollerSkates. . .Donít be jealous bitch." Which cemented uniís victory and made her a rock and roll McDonald superstar. Her grand finale ìDancing in the Darkî resulted in the aforementioned possible apex of the tour. This night sealed all of our places in CouvWa lore.

Scott and Gillianís Studio Apartment

Since we didn't let drunken buffoonery or filthiness stop us before, tonight there was no way we were going to let the "modest" size of this lovely couple's apartment stand in the way of our Sleep Train (Eat it Mancini). Since P3 was able to cover every square inch of their bedroom / entire apartment, Uni's choices were the bath tub or the back porch. She chose the back porch to practice the art of being homeless. Now weíre on our way to Seattle and we havent bought jerky in 24 hours. We're thinking of moving on to donuts. . .You know, for health reasons.