It has been far too long since I have written a blog. I actually started one last night but in typical Maureen fashion, it is still unfinished.

I. Most of the time I have to wear my socks inside out. I absolutely hate the feel of those toes seams touching me. Eeeooow, and the seams get all bunched up on the sides of your big and little toe... Can't they make a pair of socks that doesn't make me act as nutzo as Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets?

II. The sound of styrofoam being manipulated makes my head explode. You ever sat next to someone who is playing with a styrofoam cup?? They keep squeezing it or flexing it or running one of their sweaty paws over it. That sound it makes!! It would be kinder to just shoot me in the head and get it over with.

III. The instructions on what to do with me when I die are as follows: Cremate me to a nice lovely ash and then take the little wooden boxes containing all my dearly departed kitties' ashes (I have a closet  full of little wooden boxes) and mix them all in with mine. Then shake us all up together really good and just toss the whole container overboard somewhere. I don't really care where, just as long as me and my babies are all together in one big happy jar. (Don't even think about sticking me in the ground or I'll come back and haunt your ass for the rest of eternity.)

IV. I have hundreds and hundreds of men's vintage neckties. That wouldn't be all that strange as I do have a vintage clothing business.... but I've never tried to sell even one of them. I'm obsessed with them and can't bring myself to putting any of them up for sale. Although, I do frequently give them as gifts. I love giving neckties as much as I love hoarding them!

V. People often tell me I am insightful. The truth is I'm really just a good guesser.

VI. I not only feed my dogs scraps from the dinner table, I actually feed them to them with a fork.... my own fork.... while I'm still using it. Eh, what can I say?

VII. If I drink Jack Daniels my voice goes from soft and sweet to deep and husky, kinda like Rose Marie from the old Dick Van Dyke T.V. show or Brenda Vaccaro. I didn't believe my friends until they tape recorded me once. I absolutely did not believe them when they said it was me. I no longer drink Jack Daniels!

VIII. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't want to hear you talking about your damn feet! I hate, hate, hate when people tell me about their freakish and alien like plates of meat.

IX. I love driving in snow storms. Most people find this an odd thing to enjoy but, oh man! The harder it is snowing the more I want to be out driving in it, listening to Moby's CD, 18. That's my idea of heaven.

X. As a teenager, I always thought Potsie was way cooler than the Fonz. (Sorry Silvia. You know it's true!)

I now tag the following ten friends:

Vikki, Gary, Tracey, Tracy, Gigi, Denise, Richard, Deb M., Cara and Rob.

Not That Innocent

The LINK in the image can be found  below or simply click the image to go to thethe  Humane Society's Stop the Dog Meat Trade page

CANINE FRIENDS ARE NOT FOR CONSUMPTION


PLEASE GO TO THE HUMANE SOCIETY'S STOP THE DOG MEAT TRADE AND SIGN A LETTER SUPPORTING AN END TO THIS CRUEL TRADE

Jo Said.

Then Cindy Said.

Then Gina Said 'Wow'.

Jo Said:

Popcorn

God loves me because I appreciate this life
I sit at the banquet
Thankful for it all
And when I step out of line
I surrender my will to his
And he guides me like a ship following
The north most star

People always let you down
People operate for the most
Out of pain and fear
It's the rare ones
Open enough
Feeling enough
And strong enough
To really deliver truth

And it seems so easy
But that's what all the jungles
And shadows
And alleys are made of

People unwilling
Unable
To believe in anything at all
Shattered and sheltered under chaos
And the doomsday machine

I think of my father
Making popcorn when I was boy
(The only thing he knew how to cook)
And what a show he made of it
Shaking that big pan vigorously over an open flame
Metal against metal
Shrieking against the violence of fire
I used to just stare at the spectacle with awe and wonder
As the kernels blew up one by one and then in clusters
And then one by one again
Til it all stopped

Life is like that
A human life
Pops just like corn
At first a little bit
And then all at once
And then slows
And stops

The act of eating
Like memories to chew over
The events of yer life
The melted butter
Whatever poison
You use to make it all go down
A little easier
And at the bottom
The black kernels
Burnt and slightly open
The chances you weren't brave enough to take

God loves me because I recognize the gift of all this
Life isn't suffering
Life is love
But love
Swallows us all
Eventually

Then Cindy Said:

i cracked my tooth
on burnt kernels of love
then i told myself ~wake up, & smell the popcorn!
god offers an invitation to happiness every day
but that ol devil slides between yer teeth
n then ya have to dig him out with yer nails
and yer gums swell
and the angels shake their heads
and look at each other & shrug their wing laden shoulders
roll their eyes, and have another bite
wondering when us earth bound creatures
will figure out that the gourmet stuff is free
puffy & no kernel skins!
partake & enjoy