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Saturday, March 07, 2009

...
Current mood:

forgotten
Category: Life

Am I destined to hurt like this forever?
Am I destined to feel as if I am never meant to amount to anything?

Will nobody ever know if the power I am privy to?
Will nobody ever take adavantage of my strength and be my ally?

Gods help me...
I beg of you.

-mE

Currently listening:
Now in a Minute
By Donna Lewis
Release date: 1996-05-07

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Saturday, March 07, 2009

You Son-Of-A-Bitch!
Current mood:

ashamed
Category: Life

FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR LIFE!
MAY YOU BURN IN ETERNAL FIRE!

I cannot deal! I cannot deal alone!
You will suffer as I do if it is the last thing I do!

NOBODY FUCKS WITH ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!
NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE POWER I HAVE AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

-mE
(drunk!)
(and in pain)
(and begging release)

Currently listening:
Duty
By Ayumi Hamasaki
Release date: 2000-09-27

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Saturday, March 07, 2009

Who I Am...
Current mood:

betrayed
Category: Life

What hurts the most about being me... Is that I feel way too much.
That I remember too vividly.
That I'm far too sentimental.

Stupid songs... Stupid memories... Stupid me...
I can't deal with it. God I just wish i forget.
There is no amount of alcohol I can imbibe.
No amount of trouble I can get into.
No amount of sympathy I can be subject to.

God just make it fucking stop.
I don't want to remember you anymore.
You were no good for me... And I know that.

But God I cannot I forget.
How you made me feel.
Will anyone help me out of this.
Will no amount of chemical remove these thoughts.
FUCK! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!
HELP ME! SOMEONE PLEASE!

DFUHOWH)@$%(*@$(Y@)%&)@&%LAHFLHF)#%U&!)%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-mE

Currently listening:
Boys Like Girls
Release date: 2007-04-03

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Saturday, March 07, 2009

What hurts...
Current mood:

sad

What hurts the most...
Is that I never made an impression
Is that I will never be remembered.
Is that I meant nothing...

Gods help me.
SOMEone please... Just help me forget.

-mE

Currently listening:
Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: 1998-11-03

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Thursday, March 05, 2009

Post Apocalypse Wrap-Up...
Current mood:

guilty

I've really done it this time... I've tempted the fates and all their wrath, and I can feel that vengeful fire burn deep into my being.
Every fucking ounce of me has been brought to it's absolute limit.

My body is cold, clammy, fatigued, and desperately beaten.
My mind is being bombarded with probabilities, possibilities, and scenarios of the worst-case variety.
My soul... God my soul is wracked with guilt and shame.
And what makes all of this worse, is that I deserve every fucking bit of it.
I fucked up... And I fucked up BIG.

I won't go into details. Those of you close enough to me, have learned or will learn soon of the gravity of things. To those of you not privy to it yet... Let's just say I've managed to get myself into a whole heap of legal trouble the likes of which I haven't seen or felt before.
My stupidity has taken even I, by surprise this time.

As everything comes into harsh and realistic focus... I find that I cannot redirect my thoughts into the fantasy world I created for times such as this. I cannot escape it and I cannot redirect it. No amount of chemicals would be able to dull the pain, and no degree of masochism could bleed this out of me. This is the price I must pay, in the here and now... I feel that I cannot even speak with a higher power at this point. There is no way I am worthy to ask for help, protection, or guidance. I am to blame. I am at fault.
As for the future, that very thought brings even worse pain.
Where I could end up... How I'm going to settle things without the means... What on Earth will happen to me.
I just can't fathom it right now... Not and hope to keep myself from slipping into an emo hole.

Which is the last thing I need to do right now...

Please sleep... Come to me so that I might face the harsh wasteland I have created for myself, with the power to something... ANYTHING about it.
Fuck man...
*sigh*

-mE

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Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Changes...
Current mood:Finished

There have been some changes to my plans.
I will not be leaving on the 10th, as I have some legal issues to attend to.
Also. I no longer have a vehicle.

In a short time, I will be shifting the focus of my profile, to something a little more sparse.
This does not mean I am disowning anyone, it simply means that I need to change focus.
You will still be able to get ahold of me via IM or e-mail.

A lot has happened.
I'm counting my blessings.
And I am making changes.

Good luck to you all,
-Steven

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Monday, March 02, 2009

Subculture Observations: "Furries" - A Public Service Blog
Current mood:

amused
Category: Blogging

*****DISCLAIMER!!!*****
If you are easily offended by the blatant demenation of a subculture, group of people, or a creed/calling, then you should probably leave this blog. I realise that not everyone can take this kind of "objective criticism" and this could offend quite a few people. Despite the fact that I could care less, I am willing to give them the benefit of a disclaimer.

THIS BLOG CONTAINS CONTENT SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND INAPPROPRIATE!
Or... At least I HOPE they do. (o_o)

Some people KNOW why I posted this blog on the dangers of "Furry Fandom"... Others not so much. Let's just say I've had the misfortune of being submerged in this ghastly subculture for a few months, and I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THE SIGNS! That... And I wanted them to laugh like little girls. (^_^)

Subculture Observations: "Furries"

What are Furries?
Furries are members of an internet subculture known as 'Furry' (often referred to as 'Furry Fandom'), they are commonly people who enjoy anthromorphic animals - animals bearing the attributes of humans (Bugs Bunny is an example - he walks on two feet and acts human.) - seems innocent enough, right? No. You or I might enjoy Bugs Bunny, or Tom and Jerry cartoons or Chewbacca like any normal person, but Furries take their interest to an absurd extreme. An extreme never before seen, this is what makes Furries so hilarious and worthy of mockery. Furryism is, at it's core, the sexual objectification of animals.

Where did Furries come from?
Furries have been around for a lot longer than you might think, apparently it all began in the 1970s.

If Furries have been around for so long, why did I only just hear about them?
This is a good question. From what I gather, Furries weren't ALWAYS the horrible throng of yiffing weirdos we know today, if you had ventured into alt.fan.furry in the early 90s you'd have simply seen a group of people discussing cartoons (You can verify this with Google Groups). As far as I know, sometime around the mid-90s something happend to Furries and each successive year after that they have become more and more deranged, more and more weird, more and more obnoxious and more and wrong and in recent years they've had a lot of media exposure because of their oddball antics. If you venture into the furry newsgroups these days you'll encounter people who... er.. well, lets put it this way: Remember your mother used to warn you not to take sweeties from strangers? Some of the people inhabiting the furry newsgroups are the kind of people she was worried about. "Bunny boilers" is a good term.

Is the owner of this blog a Furry?
Good Lord no. I feel it's important to mock them, laugh at them and make them angry, it's also HEAPS of fun due to their persecution complex. Though it is a common misconception among Furries that anyone who criticizes them must be, or was at one time a Furry who has become disgruntled and bitter - Perhaps, for example, no one bought their incredibly detailed painting of Bambi using Thumper's left nostril for sexual gratification - I think this is because most Furries don't understand that the outside world considers them a laughing stock. Since there's considerably more internal Furry drama than external, it's much more likely to them that a disgruntled Furry would try to cause trouble. In short, they honestly don't understand why anyone would hate them.

How far do they take things?
I firmly believe that nothing is beyond Furries. Some will sink to any level to gratify their sexual urges. A lot of furries assure me that not ALL Furries like looking at poorly drawn pictures of cartoon characters having sex, not ALL Furries like reading Rescue Rangers erotic fiction, not ALL Furries have sex in Fursuits, not ALL Furries own a collection of specially modified 'yiffable' soft toys, not ALL Furries do these things - it's just the 'Furverts' it's just some bad 'Fursons' that are into those things.

---------------------------------------------

Furryism is like an onion. Consider an onion - it has layers upon layers of skin that can be peeled away. Furryism is like that, but instead of layers of onion skins furryism has layers upon layers of what is scientifically known as "Horrible disgusting shit". And, like an onion, as you peel away more and more layers of horrible disgusting shit you tend to start weeping uncontrollably. While it is entirely fair to say "Not all furries are into [Horrible sexual deviance of choice]", it is a misleading statement that doesn't tell the whole story. Consider a group of ten people - 3 of them are pedophiles, 3 of them are zoophiles, 3 of them are rapists and 1 of them has a thing for corpses. Now, it is entirely truthful to say "Hey, not all of these people are into having sex with corpses" but that doesn't tell the whole story - it is instead more accurate to say "Hey, ALL of these people are into some really horrible stuff", and so it is with furryism.

If you go to any of the more popular Furry websites, all you'll see for miles and miles is pictures of various cartoon characters, or "fursonas" engaged in all manner of depravity - this represents the majority of furry art. When you type 'fursuit gallery' into google, one of the top 5 results is "Female fursuit sex gallery lesbians lolita teen preteen 13-year ..." (in fact a lot of innocent queries related to Furryism will bring up a plethora of Furry porn/pedo websites). This shows furries as the internet's #1 laughing stock - they earned it.

Two Groups: Group 1
Lets put Furries into two groups here: In group 1 we have the people who have an obsession with anthropomorphic animals and artwork, these are your low-level Furries - they might draw anthropomorphic animals, they might have websites on the subject, they might post on message boards about furryism, they might REALLY REALLY REALLY like Lilo and Stich (If you know what I mean). For all intents and purposes these Furries are KIND of like any other fanatic with access to the internet, on average they're just a bit dimmer than your usual fat nerd that attends a Star Trek convention dressed as Mr. Spock. I say "just a bit dimmer" because the guy who dresses up as Mr. Spock doesn't actually believe that the spirit of Mr. Spock is living inside his body and guiding his actions - such as a lot of furries believe in regards to their "animal spirit". Regardless, they are still obnoxious people and most definatley into some of that "Horrible, disgusting shit."

Two Groups: Group 2
Then there are the very insane, very horrible, very obnoxious Furries. These Furries long ago abandoned all that is good and decent in order to live a life of depravity and sin - they have invested their lives in evil. If you read Furry usenet groups, message boards or hang out in a Furry IRC channel, these are the Furries you most likely will encounter, these people make up the majority of internet Furries and own the majority of internet Furry websites. Lets list the things they're into...

* Fursuit Sex: This is an activity where two Furries (Usually both male, as the sexuality of most all Furries can be well-described by the term "Jailhouse Gay" - in other words, heterosexual by nature, but currently homosexual because women won't touch them.) dress up in Fursuits and have sex while making sounds akin to whatever particular animal they're dressed up as. Enchanting.

* Plushie Sex: This one's even better. You know those little Lion King plush dolls you can get? Well, on some plush dolls there's a little zipper and if you unzip it you gain access the soft foam inside. The zipper also creates a convenient 'Hole,' and if there is no outer access to the foam there, you can just cut a hole with a knife. Furries will cut a hole in a soft toy and have sex with it. Most of the time they don't bother to do this themselves though, since there are people out there who pre-modify plush toys and sell them on at a profit - you can often find them on furbid.com. Some of them come pre-fitted with rubber vaginas.

* Erotic Art: Now sure, there's lots of erotic art on the internet. Some of it is very good and is created by accomplished artists - not really my thing, but if that floats your boat then go for it. However, Furry erotic art is.. different to say the least. I feel the point where you take an interest in anthropomorphic animals and turn it into images depicting them shitting and pissing on each other is the point where I can truely say that you deserve everything you get. This is the art that is the staple of the Furry community, all of the top (ha!) furry artists are into this.

*Fursuit Conventions: This is a huge Furry event, there's lots of different 'cons' each year and they attract different crowds of Furries. Typically this is where most Fursuiting goes on, Furries will attend the convention in a Fursuit or some will just wear fake bunny-ears, or wings, or a tail or whatever they fancy.
From what I hear, the smell of sweat and cheese is quite overpowering at a Furry con.
The convention itself is usually full of Furry artists selling their wares, talking to the socially inept and drawing commissioned pictures of big dicked dragons and selling them in return for some insane price. There's also art workshops (This is where the newcomer Furry artist will learn the all important rule: Testicles must be drawn twenty times bigger than the head etc.), cartoons and of course.. soft toys for sale (wink wink!). One of the biggest is AnthroCon. Another is Feral which sees a group of Furries heading out to live in the wild for a few days a year. I have always wondered what they get upto at but I don't like to think about it much.

* Erotic Fiction: Again, lots of this on the internet, but again we see that the Furry take on it is severely, severely twisted. Would you like me to read you some Furry erotic fiction?

His touch becoming more insistent, he stroked along the sheath, feeling life seeping into the leopard's manhood. Then grasping his fingers around the growing hardness, he slowly pumped him to a full erection. Tracing his fingers over his friend's cock, he was spurred on by the moment, and enjoyed the positive feedback of Lance's audible appreciation.

Lance had rolled back over on his side and Warren moved his touch to fondle his balls once again. Darting his fingers down just below them, he heard Lance let out another heady purr of pleasure. Lance's hand soon found Warren's own manhood, which was already almost fully hard with his excitement.

Gasping softly as Lance touched his eager sex, Warren felt the leopard's fingers run along its length. His touch was soft at first, sending shivers down Warren's spine as he caressed the fox's cock gently. Dipping his hand down he let his fingers explore Warren's balls, fondling them softly. Cupping them, he gave them a gentle squeeze, then moved his fingers back up to fully encircle Warren's cock. Going in an deliberate motion he began to glide his fingers over the shaft, pumping his friend slowly.

I don't think there's anything more to say on this point, is there?

* Internet Yiffing: You'll see this a lot if you hang around Furries. Basically this is kind of a mix between Fursuit Sex and Erotic Fiction, but on the internet. Two Furries together and they will have sex over the internet, by typing their actions into a chat client; AIM, IRC, ICQ whatever. So it looks a little like this:

sexifoxi299494: i take your fluffy tail and lick it up and down with my fox tongue
horsecat: uhhghhh
sexifoxi299494: mm you like that you dirty horse cat. i'll tug your tail a little bit while i suck it
sexifoxi299494: now i'm reaching around and cupping your balls and squeezing them
horsecat: oh my not too hard, i don't want my monacle and tophat to fall off
sexifoxi299494: don't worry baby i'm a gentle magic fox dragon
horsecat: i am trying to look back at you but i am a horse and cannot see behind me
sexifoxi299494: oh you LIKE to watch don't you, you dirty equine. you fucking love it you slag.

* Bestiality: Yes, actual sex with animals. Many furries try to rationalise this - they will claim that their dog (or other animal) "consents" to being fucked in the ass. I disagree. Until your dog can speak forth an English sentence consenting to being fucked in the ass, your dog does not consent to being fucked in the ass, you sick motherfucker. Another rationalisation often used is that the animal "just came onto me". "It was his idea!" they will say - if a dog starts licking your balls, your dog is broken and should be put down and so should you.

---------------------------------------------

The Fursuit
The Fursuit is just that, a fur suit. I'm sure you've seen those people at disneyland dressed up as Goofy, Mickey Mouse and so on. That's basically it. Most Furries come up with a 'character' to base their Fursuit on. The character is usually based on themselves, but with some animal element added into the mix (That said, most of them are wolves. Because furries are unimaginative asshats), and they'll break out the Fursuit whenever a Furry Con rolls around. Some Fursuits have special holes cut in them, or have special zippers in certian areas, if you know what I mean. There are also bondage Fursuits avalible that can't be taken off without a key. If you want to see some examples of Fursuits, have a look at our gallery, or do a google search for "my fursuit" you'll generally find that some of them are very well made and you can see that a lot of time and effort gets put into them.

Furries on TV
There have been several good documentaries made about Furries, MTV made an especially good one. I'm not sure how you'd get ahold of the others, but there IS a furry hosting the MTV documentary on his webspace. While I consider him a degenerate, it's very nice of him to host the MTV Documentary for Furries and non-Furries alike to watch. Remember though: Furries HATE this and other TV shows featuring Furries, they claim they only show the "bad" side of Furries and ignore the "Good" side, instead displaying them as obsessives with an overpowering fetish based on sexual attraction to animals - that sounds pretty accurate to me!

Well-known Furries
Thankfully there aren't any. Furries will never achieve the level of social acceptance required to become 'known'.

Other type of Furry
There's only really one type of Furry (the horrible type), but some Furries might describe themselves differently depending on if they have a particular penchant towards one type of animal. There's one divergence point though: Dragons. Some Furries think their bodies are home to the spirits of ancient Dragons, or maybe they were once Angels that have fallen to earth, now this is all completely insane of course, but at this point a furry becomes "Otherkin".
Otherkin aren't technically Furries, though they share some of the same characteristics. Generally, Otherkin aren't so bad when compared to Furries. In my experience, for Otherkin their subculture is more about their own spirituality rather than drawing pictures of the Care Bears engaged in an orgy with the Thundercats. So, while Otherkin are 100% demonstratably insane, their "thing" isn't the sexual objectification of animals. On average, Otherkin tend to be intelligent people - that is, compared to furries. And that's like saying a rock is intelligent compared to a puddle of mud.

Should I hate Furries?
You shouldn't hate someone for just being interested in the same things as Furries - perhaps they don't wear Fursuits? Perhaps they don't have sex with soft toys? Perhaps they don't LIKE looking at pictures of Darkwing Duck being sexually violated by Sebastian the crab while Jafar pisses on Chip N' Dale? Furryism is based on hijacking and retroactive branding, so someone that enjoys the same things as furries, may not be a furry at all.
No.
You should hate stupid people, you should hate people that do and say stupid things and set themselves up for ridicule. You should mock them and belittle their works, you should hate people that choose a lifestyle based around wearing fursuits and shouting YIFF YIFF YIFF, people who sell crayon drawings of animals having sex, people who actually rape animals, you should mock people that view the animal planet channel as a form of pornography - the thing to remember is that the vast majority of furries are into one or more of these things.

The world is Furry.
This is an attempt to retroactivley classify things as "furry" - you'll find some furries that will try to tell you that the ancient Egyptians were furries. This is hijacking - not to mention really, really stupid. Furries don't have any significant culture or accomplishments of their own, so they steal them from other places and brand them "furry". Here's an example: Do you remember watching Thundercats as a kid? Remember how Lion-O was like half-lion-half-man or some junk? Fast forward to today - oh snap! Lion-O is a furry.
Now, I enjoy Chewbacca (from the Star Wars movies), he's great! He speaks in howls and grunts, he's HUGE, he's covered in brown fur, he smells bad and he's pretty old. Unfortunatley not only did I just describe Chewbacca, I just described a large amount of Furries. Some Furries would consider me a Furry due the fact that I think Chewbacca is cool. But to some Furries, if you display any kind of interest in something they define as 'furry' they'll instantly consider you a furry. This is a further example of hijacking and retroactive branding - first, broadly define a term so that you can cram as much stuff in there as possible. Step two: Slap a big old label on it. Step three: Success! You no longer feel like a gigantic social outcast, because, hey... furries are everywhere! Did you know that the ancient Egyptians were furries?

---------------------------------------------

Dealing with Furries
Furries are known to be irrational, quick to anger, easily offended, self-righteous and very, very, very dim. Here are some tips and facts for dealing with and arguing with Furries that you may find useful. By knowing how someone will react, you have already won half the battle.

* Speak calmly and clearly because...

* Acting angrily towards a Furry will cause it to go into defensive mode and start ignoring everything you say, it's much better to stay calm and...

* Carefully inform them that they are perverts. This is very difficult, convincing a Furry how absurd their subculture is is like masturbating with chopsticks.

* Remember, some Furries are very wealthy. It may be financially prudent NOT to immediatley attack a Furry. Some Furries have been known to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on Furry paraphernalia, some Furries will even pay you to have internet sex with them. If all you have to do is type YIFF YIFF YIFF into an AIM window for 60 seconds in return for your Paypal account overflowing, then go for it.

* Most Furries are obsessed with Japanese "anime" cartoons - while this is by no means exclusive to Furries, it is often a Furry interest due to many of these cartoons featuring Furry characters - it's very possible that the only human voices they hear for months on end come from the 3 people that do voiceovers for these childrens programmes. Pointing out the poor quality of these saturday-morning cartoons is a sure fire way to get a reaction, from "Akira" to "Ghost into the Shell" right up to "Dragonball Z."

* Anyone that uses the term 'Furson' to describe themselves is too far gone to bother with.

* Furryism is a disability.

* George Bush and Jesus are the two things furries hate the most.

* Furries have the sense of humor of a rock.

* When cornered it is not unusual for Furries to start arguing in wolf calls. This is not a joke. If a Furry responds to you with something resembling "AROOOOO WOOOOOO AROOOO", you have successfully broken their spirit, good job.

* Furries will often try and 'yiff' you when they're out of names to call you. This is really funny, because they honestly think it's a good way to make their opponent feel uncomfortable and thus cause them to quit arguing. At this point, you can safely claim to have broken their spirit. Well done.

* Mudane is a Furry's favourite word, a Furry will almost always describe non-Furrys as Mundanes - it means 'ordinary' people. This has always puzzled me, it implies that non-Furrys are ordinary, average people, so this would make Furrys somehow special and unique in the world?
Maybe dressing up as a sexy Horse/Fish/Elephant nurse makes you somewhat unique when compared to the rest of humanity, but I would argue that it doesn't make you unique in any particularly positive or worthwhile way. Sticking your cock in a blender makes you unique, but people will still think you're a fucking idiot for doing it. That is, unless you construct a subculture and lifestyle around sticking your cock in a blender, so you can associate purely with other people that stick their cocks in blenders, thus deluding yourself into thinking that sticking your cock in a blender is the norm and not at all a crazy thing to do.

* Furries will instantly assume that everything you know about Furries comes from various TV Documentaries about them that have been made over the past couple of years. Furries hate these documentaries and will make a point of mentioning them constantly, the fact of the matter is that there are no factual innacuracies in any of them, but Furries will tell you otherwise. You can use this as an advantage as they will automatically have a pre-packaged response to any argument based on the TV shows Furries have appeared in and will not be expecting you to use anything else.
The Furry mind works thuswise: 'Surely, 100% of the people who hate Furries must have been turned that way by THE EVIL ANTI-FURRY LIBERAL CONSERVATIVE GAY NAZI COMMUNIST JEW MEDIA, so if I carefully prepare a response to this and only this line of attack, I will always win... right?? RIGHT??'
No.

* Furries will compare you to Hitler, since Furries have a persecution complex like no other group on the internet. There is a Usenet adage saying that whenever someone brings Hitler into a discussion, it's a sign that the discussion is over. Hitler is often Furries' first line of defence. There are several flaws in this tactic. Mocking someone that draws pictures of anthropomorphic animals pissing on each other is not morally equivalent to the crimes of the Nazi regime.
Furries are not a race or an ethnicity. Furries make a choice to join the Furry community and condone it's massive output of disgusting gunk.

* "This is amusing" or "I find this amusing." These are both heavily overused furry memes, and furries trot out one or the other in an attempt to justify a hypersensitive reaction, or to try and get out of a tough spot where they look like idiots. For example, in an argument a furry might try to make light of the situation by saying "Oh, I don't really care, I find this amusing" in an attempt to psychologically place themselves above their opponents. Usually this comes just after they've been hilariously embarrassed in some way, or as a qualifier before or during some insane rant. Honestly, what do they expect to accomplish by this? a reaction of "Oh no! They find it amusing. Well, lets pack up and go home guys. We knew this day would come."?

* Furries will inform you that they have the right to say, do and draw whatever they want and there's nothing you can do about it.
Remember, Furries DO have the right to say, do, write and draw whatever they want, but everyone else has those rights too, not just Furries.
I can mock Furries all I want, I can laugh at their stupid artwork, I can cackle at their poorly written poetry and stories, I can stare in awe at how much money they spend on Furcadia addons, I can post "HORSECOCK" in their Livejournals if I want to and I will speak to Furries in the harshest language I can muster and there's nothing they can really do. Furries often wave their freedom of expression around as an anything-goes pass to let them do whatever they want while avoiding criticism, but constantly forget that it also applies to others. They often seek to silence anyone that opposes them or mocks them, completely missing the irony of doing so. That brings us to the next point...

* Furries will take special care to tell you how they have 'won' an argument at every turn, they will also twist words and use twisted logic to make themselves seem superior. Remember, Furries can never truely win an argument, since at the end of the day when everyone goes home, they are still Furries and you are not. In this sense, a Furry can never put forward a winning argument. A simple rebuff of any argument with "But you are a furry" is invincible.

* When in trouble, Furries will often start to post modified Garfield cartoons in an attempt to mock you. Remember, arguing with a Furry is much like arguing with a small child, if you tell a child not to touch the fire, it won't completely understand what you're trying to say. You have to explain why the child shouldn't touch the fire in language that the child's simple mind can understand. Either that, or scream at the child until it is reduced to a sobbing wreck. Either way works well.

* Another often-used tactic is to deflect the blame of all of the terrible and awful things about the Furry community onto a small, anonymous group referred to as 'Furverts' (Basically, Furries into all of that nasty stuff). While it's true that not ALL Furries take delight in reading stories about gay threesomes featuring Disney characters, the majority do. The most popular and biggest Furry websites, the most popular Furry IRC channels, the most popular Furry newsgroups ALL cater to this fetish, the adult items sections on Furbid always have the most items for sale, it's quite clear that all of this can't be the result of one or two 'Furverts' spoiling things for the poor oppressed Furries (Persecution complex again). Is it really unreasonable when presented with all of this evidence to come to the conclusion that the vast majority of Furries are into some incomprehensibly fucking weird stuff? No, no it's not.
This is a terrible argument, because all of the evidence against it is right there on the internet. I think Furries that use this argument are just deluding themselves. Winston Churchill once said "If Hitler invaded Hell, I would make at least a favorable reference to the Devil in the House of Commons." While of course Furries aren't as bad as Hitler, the same thing can apply to picking allies who will aid you against Furries. I once had a horrible human being as an ally in a flamewar with a Furry and it's friends, he was a violent, crude man that treated people like dirt and had done some despicable things. But at least he wasn't a Furry. I'm not sure if I would ally with Satan against Furries though. Horns? Hooves? Tail? He sounds like a Furry to me.

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Bleed Me Fucking Dry...
Current mood:

betrayed
Category: Life

Tonight... I have regained a piece of myself, that I thought was lost forever.
A dark, merciless, and relentless monster, who until now had been locked deep within the recesses of my mind where he could do no further damage to the people I care about. He is the reason I have lost so many people who were at one time, very close to me. He is the source of every ounce of evil in my heart and soul, and he is as dangerous to me as he is to the rest of the world.

And tonight... I have called him back into being. I have brought him back from the depths to serve his purpose alongside the goodness and light that I possess. I have made the realisation that there is a place for him in my world... A place that until now, has been desperately empty. That emptiness has allowed so much hurt to infiltrate my mind and heart, and I cannot take it any longer. I have learned so much about my capacity for pain in the past few years, but it serves me no purpose if that pain exceeds my limitations and compromises my mental, physical, and emotional integrity. So I know that I must rebuild my walls, pull my weapons out of storage, and don the armour that I have kept locked away. And it is because... Because of people.

People are selfish. People are gluttonous. People are shameless!
People do NOT want to learn!
I am done teaching! I am DONE inspiring!
I AM FUCKING DONE WITH IT!
I have spent FAR to goddamn long hoping and praying that one day, ONE FUCKING DAY, I would see some fruit bear from a tree I helped to plant!
I was an IDIOT to believe it!
There is nary a soul in this world that can rise up to it's god-given potential... And that is because it's just TOO DAMN HARD.
Too fucking hard to grab hold of something you believe in and make good on a promise to yourself and those around you!
WHY?! WHY THE HELL!?

I can't do this anymore. I can't...
I'm finished with it.
Just... Done.

-mE

Currently listening:
We Are Not Alone
By Breaking Benjamin
Release date: 2004-06-29

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Friday, February 13, 2009

A Prayer For The Heart...
Current mood:

blessed
Category: Romance and Relationships

When I'm feeling like there's no love
coming to me...
And I have no love to give...
When I'm feeling separated from the world...
And cut off from myself...
When I'm feeling annoyed by every little thing...
Because I'm not getting what I want...
I'll remember that
there is an infinite amount of love available to me.
And I'll see it in you.
I'll remember that I am complete within myself...
So I'll never have to look to you to complete me.
And most of all, I'll remember that
everything I really need I already have, And whatever I don't have will come to
me when I'm ready to receive it.

Currently listening:
Sirens of the Sea
By OceanLab
Release date: 2008-08-05

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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Turned Upside-down...
Current mood:

angsty
Category: Life

There is so much going on right now, that I'm having a hard time distinguishing between the stress exhaustion, and the cold that I'm currently dealing with. Needless to say, it's been a hard couple of days... Well weeks actually, as the desperate lack of calm has wracked both the house, and the heads of everyone in it.

I think we all know now, that the catalysts have been placed and the spark has been cast. It's simply a matter of where we all will end up after the blast lights the sky on fire, and the how's and when's are weighing heavy on all our minds. How will it happen? When will it happen? Nobody can say for sure it seems... And that is only upsetting the peace further.
What little peace is left...

As for yours truly? I know I'll be on my way back to South Florida much sooner than I anticipated. Like I said earlier: The how's and when's are still in question, but I know it's probably going to involve an illegal tag or an escort. It's also going to involve finding a home for Al, (Which has proven to be quite impossible.) and then cutting as many ties with Central Florida as I can possibly afford. There will of course, be a few exceptions.

They know who they are...
You are the reason I've made it as long as I have, and you have earned your exemption from my executions three times over. You will always have me by your side, come whatever shit life should throw at you. We're going through some MAJOR shit, and though it looks like too much at the moment, I know that we'll be able to rise up and beat it back. Thank you, for all you have done to help me these past few months, and throughout our time as friends.

As details become clear, I will post updates with a time frame and the means by which I shall return. If you have any questions, or have any advice please feel free to send me a message. I will reply as quickly as I can.

Neurotically Yours,
-mE

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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

For Those I Met In Melbourne...
Current mood:

animated
Category: Life

Just in case you didn't know... A certain extenuating circumstance is no longer a mitigating factor in my life.

And if you don't know who that is... Well then you really aren't aware of much are you? LOL

In any case, the fact that my relationship is over should not bear ANY weight against our friendships. I love ya'll SOOO much, and you can bet your happy asses that I'll be out there again so we can jam out with our clams out. (^_^) I've never been one to allow one bump in the road to deter an entire trip, and this is NO exception! Much love to ya'll... Malaina, Liana, Jackie, Aaron, Erika, Dean... You all kick ass!

-mE

Currently listening:
Boys Like Girls
Release date: 2007-04-03

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Sunday, February 08, 2009

Trying to keep occupied...
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Tonight's blog comes care of Firestone Nightclub in DT Orlando. I'm rockin things here at the Jekyl and Hyde performance but truthfully my mind is elsewhere. So much shit to sort through... Ah well. With any luck things will get better. Much love to Ansley, Natalie, Malaina, Liana, and Erika. Have a good night all!

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Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Seek To Destroy
Current mood:

annoyed
Category: Life

These past few days I've found my heart and mind filled with an unhealthy level of disdain for everyone around me. Though I'd like to think there's no specific source for it, I know deep down what has caused this notable breech in my defenses...

And it pisses me off to no end.

The simple fact that I've allowed something so trivial, so utterly meaningless at it's core, to cause such damage to my persona, is vexing beyond explanation. I've tried to focus on other, more pressing matters. God knows I've tried, but it seems that no matter how distracted I try and make myself I am brought back to that same state of: "What the fuck was I thinking?"
Worst part is... I know EXACTLY what caused it, why I'm feeling like I do, and what needs to happen now. It's like an algebra equation that you've no hope of solving, and the answer is sitting in the back of the book just waiting for you to flip to it, but you are far to hopeful (or proud in my case) to admit your defeat and try the next one.
Once again, my pride is the guilty party in the crime against my sanity.

(T_T)

*sigh* All that aside, things are progressing. I've been working over at Eastwood for a few weeks now, and I'm settling in quite nicely. Though it's a small practice, it's got quite a few clients, all of whom are more than ready to pay the outrageous prices that we charge. I suppose this is why I'm being paid what I am... I can only hope that it holds out and that I'm not boned in the ass by another cosmic hicup. (Though honestly... I cannot completely ignore that possibility.) I made a good friend in the kennel tech Consuelo, and hopefully we'll get to raise a little hell together. The others are pretty cool as well... Though the office manager is a little on the neurotic side.
I get my first paycheck next Friday, and it marks the highlight of my month hands down. Seeing as the period started before I got my papers in, I've had to wait an extra week to see my paycheck. Sucky... But it does solve my financial (and legal) crisis pretty quick. I'll be able to buy insurance, get my tickets taken care of, and probably get my tag back by my court date on the 20th. If I can accomplish this much, I will have gotten the bulk of my real-world troubles taken care of.

Looking forward... I would like to try getting my own place before the end of next month. I've got a few paychecks coming my way, and with my legal troubles behind me I'll be poised to get back on the saddle and try my hand at single living. I've already told Ansley that she is more than welcome to move in with me, if she opts to move from Tampa to Orlando, and it would be awesome to have a roomate that I can relate to on almost every level. (Not to mention the break in cost of living.) Ideally, I'd like to stick around the East Orange area. There's alot to be had from the Waterford Lakes area, and since it's Orlando the prices are fairly reasonable. With any luck, my dream of moving to MY CITY and starting a period of unstable peace will be realised.

Here's hoping...

In regards to the "drama" from the first paragraph... I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said. I would LOVE to see it work, but I doubt it's a possibility anymore. There's just so much that one person can do on his own when it comes to interpersonal relationships... And I've found myself stuck on repeat far longer than I would have liked.
My only consolation is that I can be assured that I won't make this mistake again. Fuck people... Fuck them right in their ears. (T_T)

As for the rest? Well... I'm missing my phone desperately. I actually got ahold of the funds to turn the damn thing back on, but OF COURSE MetroPCS is being a douche and won't let me make the goddamn payment. Hooray for Corporate America. (T_T) I've managed to stay under the radar whilst getting to and from work, but not without several scares. I'm just praying that this and next week go off without a hitch, and as quickly as possible. I need my wheels back... If for no other reason than to be able to drive around aimlessly and keep myself sane.

*sigh* Let's see if there's anything left in me to get through this...

(-_-)

-mE

Currently listening:
Mysterious Ways
By U2
Release date: 2001-07-31

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

I Have Nothing Else! WHY DO THIS TO ME?!?!
Current mood:

crushed
Category: Life

I have not felt this kind of hurt in a very... Very long time.
The kind of hurt that trancends all planes of existence: Body, Mind, and Soul...

Let me backtrack though... About eight hours ago as I was bound for Osceola in hopes of securing both my wallet, and possibly some work. Not very long after getting ahold of the wallet I left in the VCA conference room the other day, I had the fear of all my fears become real.

I was pulled over by FHP...
If you didn't know... I was driving on a suspended license. (No insurance=No license)
I lost my tag, and my license, and had nobody to help me. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get away, and not a damn clue what to do to save myself, and my car.

I called Shawn... I had nobody else who could help me...
He didn't hesitate, he took off from work, came out there and followed behind me as I drove my car (UBER ILLEGALLY) back to his house. My car now sits in his driveway. Completely untouchable at the current moment.

I then called my other friends, and let them in on the insanity unfolding before my dumbfounded face. Then... RELUCTANTLY... I called my parents, who quickly called me every name in the book and mocked my stupidity until I could take no more.

Currently... I'm writing from Shawn's room. I'm 40 miles from home and I have almost no viable way to get home, save asking my friends in Orlando for an escort. I have no choice but to take the HUGE RISK and drive my car home to Orlando with someone riding my ass closely. It's the only way I am going to get myself home at this point. I see it coming...

The good news is... (though it hurts me because I got them involved) That you all, my dear friends, have been there for me in a way I cannot begin to express thanks for. It could have been a phone call or an e-mail... But most of you took the time to make sure I was okay. I appreciate that to no end... You are the only reasons I am still able to stay standing anymore...

I will update this blog as things progress. Right now though... I have a Jan 20th court date to attend, and around 1000 dollars worth of fines, tickets, and fees to address before I am road legal again. This includes finding an insurance company dumb enough to insure someone like me.

So yeah... This is going to be interesting.

Merry Fucking Christmas...

-mE

Currently listening:
A Best
By Ayumi Hamasaki
Release date: 2001-03-28

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Thursday, December 04, 2008

Existing...
Current mood:

blah
Category: Life

It's become a bit of a chore at this point... Though nowhere like it was in Parkland.

I've just... Had way too much time to think lately, and it's fucking up my groove a little bit. You know... Thinking on pointless things.
Things that really don't have a place in my mind right now.

Yeah... Like that.

I guess it's just... I think it's because I don't have the same stressors that I had only a few weeks earlier, and somehow my body is trying to compensate the lack of physical and mental strain.
Whee...

So things are okay... Work hunt goes well... And aside from that not much else can be said. I may be going to a party this Saturday with Twink, and I think I've beaten the smoking thing pretty efficiently too. Not sure yet though. (^_^)

Yeah, and my phone is off again... Not sure when it'll be back on though. I'll keep ya in touch about it.

Sorry this wasn't done in typical Steven form... I'm just a little blah is all. Hopefully in a few days I'll be back to my old self and the sixteen page blogs will reemerge.

Till then,
-mE

Currently listening:
Fat City
By Shawn Colvin
Release date: 1992-10-27

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Last Updated: 11/21/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 25
Sign: Aries

City: Melbourne
State: Florida
Country: US
Signup Date: 3/9/2005

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