2:22.. make a wish...
that could have been one of the things she would speak to me right now in life...
current status? : well..
i'm high and its been in a few days so the loss and sadness is zoning me out...
i had to light sumthing up after i got off the phone...
2:54.. i prolly will b late to this interview later...  it really doeznt matter now..
my life is empty... ;./ (sadclown)
one more bowl and i should b ready.. off to an interview for potential werk...
its modeling X_x ill prolly fail at it.. i have a dislocated ankle and prolly a cupple broken foot bones but its ok... im pretty tolorant of pain... or anything n life really.
which is the point of this whole blog i guess...[well it wuz] blahblah blah
anywaze... i generally dont like to talk about my personal life but my life has become so inpersonal that its kind of pointless not to..
3:17..
k back to my point... im tired of ppl assuming things abut me and my life that arnt true.. so ive decided its time for me, i , skum, jesse[for those that dont know..] ide rather b called skum but jesse werks too... thats my name when im not skum usually... but anywaze wut everwutevr im just letting it all b known now...
  i got on this myspace blog shit to write the words i wantded her to hear but she refuses to believe hear listen or even remeber that i spoke them... and thats how it iz with most things in my life... ill just play the scapegoat card first and foremost...
cuz yes i do take the fall/blame/wieght/bullshit from a lotta ppl in general in my life... but that is about to change.. and this is just gona b here to remind me that it shouldnt b that way for anyone in this world.. ever.
  i wont let it happn anymore for me.. and im going to do my best to not let it happen to any of my friends, family, loved ones, hated ones, people i run into in the street.. people ivwe never met, people ill never meet, and those i knew or know from the past.. iLOVEYOUALL.. maybe not equally but its all love.. u think love is nothing special? well your kinda right.. its common and all over the place and lives in us all.. so let me say this... i love and respect you all... im just like you.. i wana b happy most of the time like everyone else... no one is bettr then anyone else.. maybe they dont like them.. but they arnt any better.. just diffrnt.... and i respect the diffrnt things in life.. contrast is fun... vibrant... ppl.. the things u dont like make the things you do like that much more special to you.. respect that.. its truth. i am tryn to b just that... i got on here cuz i am going to b that but im just gona b that... cuz fuckit... i am that... i am... true love showed me that... and that is a special thing...
  K now let me type wut i am assuming most pp would have wrote aftr they had gona through wut u [the reader] are yet to expierience through my werds or relating to it... [lolz.. unless your her] makes me laff cuz i am writing it for her/you but im doing it even more for me of course.. and i am not me... im not this body... at least... dont get me wrong its a nice one but it doeznt reflect me.. the thing that controls my actions statements words movements in life... that iz.. when i dont act on my emotions... ive been reprogramming"' if u will my brain for a long time now.. but im not "deleting programming"  mearly recoding it.. lolz anywze.. i have been finding ways to give myself..the sole inside me.. the truth.. '' more control over my life...  this wutever it iz..  its here and wut were are apart of as hhuman beings" and involving ourselves with on a day to day" basis.. i just want the same joys and happyness as everyone else.. and im willing to show respect love and grattitude.. even when i dont get what i want.. as long as i get what i need...   and when i say needs im not talking about things u buy at the store.. [that should b the governmnts job but ill speak that later] im talking about the things we.. as human beings need to live in peace love a nd harmony... now im not being all prophetic and shit.. theres a lotta great minds out there speaking messages of peace throughout the world.. there are protests happening on a constant.. but voices arnt heard... things arnt put into action.. thingsa arnt put into actions..  we all needa change... its time for peace to come for all.. ive been tryn more and more but i cant doet alone.. >winkwink<[for you pervos out there.. lolz AHHHH] im just sayn.. i am doing my best"... to the world.. to my love.. to my family.. to everyone, for everyone, and werkn on the with everyone part..without the with its hopeless yo.. im willni to werk togethr as long as theres these things needed in order to do wut we do as one without hating or fighting or holding anything against eachothr... most ppl dont want it.. theres just alotta misunderstaning in the world and also alotta pride.. i have a lotta ppl who love me and a lotta ppl who hate me.. and i love them all.. most ppl who hate only come from a long train of being hated on and pushd to the point of no return.. its all they know sumtimes.. i cant hate em for it.. cuz the wires in there brainz just dont function the same way anymore.. sumtimes ppl have to remember who they were b4 they were so concious of this crazy world we exist in..  and  i try my best to.. im not perfect.. nobody is.. wtf is perfect anyways in a world that is always changing..
     Now to my love.. yes i love you lots.. and i dont want anyone else to b my love.. but u ar currently not my peace..  and you dont gotta be if you dont want to.. but respect me please.. im asking you politly cuz i am resect.. and u know wut im talking bout more then anyone i know currently when i say.. i am respect... b it chik.. wut iz it? it iz all that iz past present future.. b it all and more.. long as its done truthfully and equally its iiight.. it sux that u are unsatisfied by emotional needs but they are illusions.. are feelings can change..  i still love you.. you are my love.. but you are not my peace... and i can prolly survive without love.. but i need peace... it doeznt have to b that way but the world is so full of hate... its hard not to b apart of that self rightchous part of u that sez wut about me..... i doet all the time.. but im tryn to change all that.. and this is to remind me more then you... you made love special and like no other.. truth  .. i dont need to write a blog to remeber that.. ive been remembering you and feeling you before i ever met you.. when your ready ill b here... but if your on a time limit.. hurry please cuz u made it special.. i undrstand now why there is no greater feeling then true love.. that must b how god feels or sumthin lolz.. idk.. but i do kno that its not eazy to find true love in life currently.. dont get me wrong.. i can love and b in love but when theres that thing there that u cant explain.. and that music always playing .. idk.but ilytb
     So wut im saying in this blog iz i am going to only b truth and honestly i love who i wuz , am and will b.. and i love you all very much.. and terri... fuct.. kiki.. meowmeow.. pilots....  <3  how i feel about u iz indiscribable.. .i love you and thank you.  you were right.. u did help me.. you did show me.. it wuz all truth and ive been in denile of alotta things i alredy know... but all u gotta do is speak up and the world is yours... so you need time... i am timeless.. its alredy been done and im not the boss.. i can only hold your hand and walk with you..
    i wuz really heart broken but only for a second... i realized in that second that my heart and emotions were not aprt of me at that time... wut made our love special wuz it wuz so idk.. indiscibable.. when i find a way to i will.. i need peace tho... like it wuz in the begining with the connection from the end...
so thats it for now..
i am the sole .. not the body... physical is just the mechanicl of the emotional..
the emotional iz the paint of life...  with training we can emotionally paint nothing but extreme werks or art and beauty... i am tryn to do that.. no... i am that.
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END-  NEXT BLOG= EATING MEAT