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CRAWLING THE CARPET DAILY
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
idiot-proof highways get folks places
with very little, we piddle,
in lubricated ideas
complicated ceilings,
used to bump heads on
watch debris fall,
blame a closest whoever-
obsess over compatibility
unable to comprehend never
horoscopes drop
rescue ropes, held by soulmates.
for me, coffeemate
she died in 1609,
queen of an adulterous isle,
i get pissed off
driving a hazardous mile.
time machines, oxiclean
neither can remedy,
nothing's wrong,
buried skeletons flowing along,
beds, graves, both military issue
admitting i miss you
until i'm scared, dead, gone,
we're dying every singing second,
sky-
stars quitting without notice,
my-
life may be meant to choke us
Monday, July 20, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
weather
a slumhouse heaven settlement
remember the time, hidden sentiment
i sang off the beat
like an obese police gentlemen,
weather not autumn
stems of leaves get number
on a worn chair of leisure
called Thursday,
i might use your number-
remember my face
on a rugburned sunday in fall
it’s a gift of creamy graves-
even if my face is blank,
memory falls short like chinese names,
remember i’m rain
only weather that resembles god-
angels laughing their asses off
reading soaked science books with no shame
as thursday came,
i still found you endless gorgeous plenty nice,
we shimmer under city lights-
southside.
i subside
like a dead lighthouse bulb
requesting you crash your life
into mine,
for a short time,
if it gets dull,
remember me,
when it felt like Cali
for a week
in this burning bible called Alabam,
my parking lot in heaven
will have thugs and hook-handed strangers, crying clowns,
they’ll all slam
hands in the laughter stained gates-
and i’ll flood your mind
category five-
grown man flurry of hurricanes
Thursday, March 26, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
dear saint peter, fuck the gates,
eternity is getting sexed ruffian style
by sunday afternoons-
i can't consider heaven 'til i leave this southern hell,
a pagan memoir written by hands of unborn children
spilled from the crotch of girls who don't know "no",
dig up the cobblestone piss ditch
behind an old building in southside
that's where you'll find my head-
rain knows no joke in which i don't laugh,
flooded mountains are merely moist peaks
objects for me to disregard
when hurriedly filing my complaints
on a poor girl's face,
dear god, saint peter needed a smoke,
but don't worry,
i'm sitting on the bucket,
making sure only virgins get in,
so keep swinging that slingblade,
swigging on corn liquor,
and cussing about the lack of a death parade,
no,
them whores'll never change-
at least monkeys aren't required to have shame,
people sit on their porches unaware
while i'm burying myself in what i would consider
the last solo played by a grand piano
in a room bathed with mirrors
so my ghosts aren't afraid-

Sunday, February 22, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
i appreciate the kudos from everyone....but some input please?

vultures hang a new clothes-line
on capitol hill,
fresh meat, their ecstasy
sweetness found in a passing bill-
stimulus, mighty dim to us
might as well be digging tunnels
under a caving landfill,
cash crop used as a money prop,
makes too much sense-
i'm  just dense,
we're all pinned under due dates,
my woman would appreciate
a dinner date
without a pound of ground beef
being whored out by me
in my future ex-kitchen-
a tabloid leaked premonition,
i'll need to remain this high
to deal with most
especially,
if i'm expected to butter their rapidly depreciating toast




Friday, February 20, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry

I know...long time no see right?

I'm trying to find my creativity again.  After trying everything, I've resorted to forcing myself everyday.

Yesterday, I didn't succeed.

Today,
I got this:

blah.

worry strikes the pilot light,
gas wall heater
scares the shit out of me again-
smoke wrestles itself inside of a sunbeam
traveling with no regard to severe storms within,
there's a woman behind me on the bed,
been here hundreds of days,
but to me
she's a stranger with every sad sunrise-
does another man take pride
in his sins
treats them like his children
until he can safely die,
escape from them-
smoky mountains stretch over my memories,
but honeysuckle smells so much sweeter
on a city sidewalk than an electric fence.







Tuesday, November 25, 2008 

Category: Writing and Poetry


skeletons falling out of closet while roughing it in bankhead

staring inside a campfire by a creek
which sips from sipsey river
i saw the entire world in log form
former twigs now burning strands of ember
resemble humans to me
detachment from modern days
embolden my knowing
i am a flying ember
refusing to land, burn out
yet meaningless to anything that matters
as if i'm a centuries old cave understanding
that nothing matters,
to matter something to anything in itself
is all that actually matters,
caves, like people are only canvases,
skyscrapers of cliff surround me
caves etched into them
where indians had listened to their own existential bullshit
echo off the barren walls,
her and i kept feeding the fire
when it died
i heard the night groan, then sigh,
another nothing turned out its light
Monday, October 27, 2008 


Monday's Weather

Today,

a high of flaccid fingers of Fall feeling their way around the loneliness of our homes, taking in just what makes us so alone, reminding the single folks of their singularity, weighing down the worse of those who have a better half, and if you understand it, you'll find yourself waiting to kiss the fate of whatever "last chance" meant.

Tonight,

a low of extended breaths on the neck of all that's ahead of your foresight, my muscles have seen many a sore night, but the remedy is in the bones of everything that's never grown. Manufactured moonlight and artificially flavored sunlight take their toll. Even if you think you're right.


freeball

a risky bet rests
inside dirty jeans
thrown over the sofa
of a frozen dream
a tender hello
stretches its feet
then folds them
to forget its lines
in a diatribe
given by the gleam
opening our eyes-
a meeting of lips split between concrete
relationships resemble rips
at our seams

©

blah,
c
Wednesday, October 08, 2008 

Category: News and Politics


Good mawning bishes.

I have been on hiatus for most of the summer due to the fact that I fucking hate summer.
Now, it's fall and I'm feeling equally shitty, but not because of the weather.
We've experienced a worse drop in the markets this decade than we did in the 1930s.
I know things are different, but still......the markets only dropped 9% in the 1930s. This decade, the markets have dropped 17%.

I sat through the whole debate last night. At one point, I found myself standing at the fridge trying to see how fast I could down one of my girlfriend's tallboy Budweisers and contemplated whether or not oral sex would be appropriate to receive during a debate. To my dismay, I found out that I'm not the one who decides such things, so I chugged another tallboy while looking for medication that causes drowsiness.

The problem I have with these two is that they're too fucking different. It's kind of like my coworker said this morning, "If you haven't made up your mind yet, then you must be in a fucking coma..."

This is true.

However, the differences between the two are so extreme that, sometimes, I find myself thinking that I just don't like McCain because he outlived some of my grandparents who would look better than him if you dug them up today.

My idea?

Make sure that Obama can't lift his arms any higher than McCain and let them fight it out, UFC style in the octagon. This is America. We don't have the attention to just sit there and listen to these two whiny bitches fight over America like two gay men who've been played by a smooth-talking straight guy that likes ass sex.
So yeah....let those fuckers duke it out and then see if "Pockeystan" wants some. Cheezus.

Moving on,

The real reason why I haven't been writing is that I'm not as singular as I used to be and my fascination of human behavior and heartbreak directly fuels my creativity.
Which means not much is going on if I'm regularly having sex.

Since you're reading this, you can assume that I haven't had sex in awhile. This is kinda true, but not in the essence that you'd think.
I'm relatively sure that I have a wonderful girlfriend. However, I'm also sure that the all-night sex and fascination with each other is quickly exterminated if you move in together.
How do I know this?
I ought to be a fucking expert on this by now. My buddy's wife asked me the other day,
"So...she lives with you?"
And my buddy was like....
"Which one HASN'T lived with Clint?"

And that's a good fucking question. I guess I put off that "move in with me" vibe. I don't know. And trust me, I have cracked and told a couple of them to leave. Why?

Because I realized that they're never going to produce anything in society that's worthwhile and having my baby is not something I'd consider worthwhile to society. That would be the same thing as going down to the garbage dump, throwing an empty styrofoam cup on top of the pile and declaring,
"I have changed something for the better!"


Do any of you have this "move in with me" vibe? I don't mind it so much as I don't understand how it happens. I don't have this need or ambition to move in every woman I swap fluids with. (I have a studio apartment, not a locker room.)

Anyways, politics, economy, and relationships.

How about...poetry? I'm just going to throw together some random lines I've been saving over the summer and hope that it jumpstarts the rest of me to actually write something longer than just a few lines.



Freeball?

We're all whining like drunk bitches
teetering on the curb,
listening to two suited assholes
talk about how well they serve,
as my dollar bill splits itself in half
cursing and spitting at each other
playing who didn't cut up the credit card last
ain't life good?
The air is constantly thick,
I hang my clothes on cigarette smoke,
feeling heavy from the choke,
She's beautiful when dressed like shit,
jogging pants, a stained t-shirt,
and no bra covering tit,
I wonder if our love is stronger
than the dollar split in half
or the wood floor where we sit,
then I realize that we have nothing to do with this,
I'm just a check casher, republican basher, market crasher, multi-tasker,
pot passer, middle class taxer, and insignificant bastard,
I take down the government mirror,
pick a flower after the rain stops its assault,
and allow everyone to touch my over-sized lips
with their own
because we're all so lovely to one another,
but it's never offline or off the phone,
only face to face
if we need a fucking loan.



blah,
c
Tuesday, September 16, 2008 

Category: Writing and Poetry
Something about autumn returning and hurricanes coming through is the only thing that rouses my creativity. It may have something to do with the fact that I've spent over half my life driving on interstate 65 through Alabama and when I'm driving down it, lines come to me.


There's no title on either of them because I fucking hate about 80% of the world's population, like many of you, and would be okay if every government and economy in the world crumbled like a fresh-baked biscuit bite falling in to your mother's mouth. Well, that's not why there's no titles, but it's a valid statement regardless.


humidity swaths over me
butter spread on bread


i talk

she stares into me
listening intently



i know


she has no clue



what i really said.







september serves vodka, goes well with wind
tropical storm fronts wine and dine the month-

i-sixty five lined with pines
wavering soldiers, freshly wounded die before the bend
i've driven on this glorious war of season change
longer than a prison sentence spoken with no end
so hypothetically
if i left
who would notify its next of kin
Tuesday, September 09, 2008 


Bumming Cigarettes Off Jesus

Tentative lyrics to a song if Richard( fat-tire records founder and co-writer of the song Scienceless on my music profile at this bullshit "online community") ;)


bumming cigarettes off jesus


when i got to heaven
i bummed a cigarette off jesus,
rolled it for me,
pointing at himself saying
you sinners stay in need-
if only you could learn
difference between grief
and disease
honestly i couldn't care less
i took the life test
and they called me a cheat
as if i sucked on a wife's teat
so if you need a light
for your cigarette you
got for free,
don't worry
most of the world,
it's stupidity-
i got plenty of fucking fire,
plenty of heat.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 

Category: Writing and Poetry


While I kind of want to rant on and on about politics, Putin tranquilizing an escaped Asuri tiger as cameras were rolling because he has the worst case of little man syndrome in world history, the possibility of a non-question asking creationist, pro-lifer, "I Wear The Pants", lifelong NRA member, hunter, fisher, "drill alaska, kill the polar bears," and other liberal bullshit that I could say just get the point across to you that...

She's a man just as much or more than the rest of the men in this nation.

Did she saaaay, "She wanted to kill all the polar bears?"

No, she didn't.

She probably would say that after a few beers and blowjobs given to whoever you blow to be governor of Alaska.

Point is, Irony is beautiful. Hilldawg(Hillary) looks like a man. This bitch IS a man. Aren't we all fucked? Yay.






That's from www.vpilf.com.

Go there for all the news on him.


Personally,
I agree with the bumper sticker that reads, "If We Don't Vote, Will They All Just Go Away?"



I wrote this Saturday morning. It cliches into time bullshit and I hate it. I hope you feel the same.






life has condoms with no reservoir end.
if a win eventually grows into a loss,
trees explode before they bend,
we're being patient for a reason
seen looming at graveyards, abandoned hospitals.
i gag as i try to make a change,
a stench rises from the pennies, nickels, and dimes
crying in corners of children's piggy banks,
spent on laughter formerly free.
some consider autumn mundane
but to me,
it is when water was re-discovered,
oxygen scratched the chalkboard of night-
i am too young to realize
repeats of what we consider years;
suddenly by pure accident,
i cannot breathe because i have tasted the bitter
of time-
Sunday, July 13, 2008 

Category: Life


Good afternoon bishes.

I haven't been giving you the daily run-down because of 2 reasons.

1) I have been busy at work.

2) Summers in Alabama don't inspire me to do the daily blog. The blog was doing really well, but my main goal is to get poems published. Not give you toilet humor on a daily basis. Don't worry. There will be a return to the daily rundown and the toilet humor, rants, and rhyming weather forecasts. I've submitted a few poems. Just trying to find a publication that digs my style at the moment. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Bleh.

It's like this every summer. The rundown will return in fall or a little before. It's just that the daily crawling of the carpet doesn't satisfy my creative goals. I appreciate you all for reading it. And I know poetry sucks and its dead. But my poetry doesn't exactly suck. My mom told me so. So wish me luck while i try to get something published. Maybe even paid. When the leaves turn, I'll turn over out of this bed called "My Annual Summer Writer Slow Down."

The latest drivel which is a rewrite of a previous post:

twenty four year old scratches on a hardwood floor



sitting on the stoop of an old bungalow i own

in a hometown i despise, bought for purposes

justified by my penis-

my friend rents it out, now, allowing me to revisit

a surreal continent of my past, with present-time's laughter mass

being furthest from memories playing a sulking rhapsody-

life is a box-set of on again off agains

unsent sins dancing with mail box bombs-

appreciating little things,

bad dancing, misbehaved children,

a beautiful woman in my future's bed-

touching myself on my own secondary's primary ransom,

or what some mistake as soul, thinking about halls of 10th dimension

reality in which i am watching myself;

we're all constantly watching ourselves-

smoking a mind to numb a pocket full of navel-gazing,

summer exploits worldly fragmentation, my nucleus has swamp pit stains,

unknown to most of us, a time delay, at least 3 seconds,

dominates everything we do, say, or hear,

tv, ear, to radio-

i drive around the gay park, dog park, and play park,

on Highland Avenue,

living in a box called a studio apartment;

researching how to prevent off again on again,

scraping lines with jagged fingernails on my self-made cobbestone wall,

"we're all just like ground,

littered upon by whoever mistook us as a ditch"
Monday, June 23, 2008 

Category: Life


we live in a world war II era building
converted into studio apartments
called The Corners.
close to Southside, but
in uppity Highlands, Aptly named in regards to its location
on the corners of 11th ave south
and 29th st south-
depending on who you ask or
whether or not
they have a pretty mouth-
gay park, dog park, play park
in that order,
yes i have been hit on at the gay park
i returned after that occurrence
just for a self-esteem boost;
parked on lunch break,
vodka miniatures blurred rinse,
before returned to do something,
when explained,
won't make any fucking sense-
she draws her dreams
with a pencil in pink dress
on our bed with its four-legged frame
called future,
absorbing thoughts do the sheets-
we weed out and let it stain them
drip, drip, drip,
IV filled with a combination of half eraser
half delete key,
staining the sheets due to unpaid fees,
pianos sold with no keys-
burned like us by the cigarettes, they smoke us-
i look at her exposed thigh
loosening my tie of focus-
we live at the Corners,
only thing that adorns us,
ourselves occupying four corners
of a box,
a lack of adornment
made up for with love
unspoken, but meant,
her dreams drawn have color,
we're both straightly and significantly
bent.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 

Category: Life


Afternoon bishes.

Tuesday's such an irrelevant fucking day, isn't it?

First of all,
Don't go see The Happening. It fucking sucks. The ironic thing?
Other than grotesque acts of suicide in which some made me laugh out loud, nothing fucking happens. The wind stops blowing, people stop killing themselves and the movie ends. There's no fucking twist. Nothing. It's like walking into your own surprise birthday party from the neighbors with a hard-on and a random black guy from the bar for your wife to fuck.
As soon as it starts, you wish you were someplace else.

And Marky Mark really DID hold down the funky bunch. I'm glad he turned to acting. They're true superstars now.

It's as if we're all ignoring a pot with water boiling over knowing that, in time, the water will evaporate into nothing. Life is nothing. At least not on Tuesday.
And that's especially not pertaining to my fucking pants.

A Writer At Newsweek Has Good Sex On Vacation

Other than reading about how someone went to Paris and had great fuck sessions without any detail or at least a picture of naked silhouettes in the doggystyle position...fuckin A...,
they do offer this tidbit of information:

New research suggests that some people experience an increase in sexual interest when they're in a negative mood. About 9 percent of straight men are more rather than less interested in sex when they're depressed, Janssen and colleagues recently reported, while 21 percent are more rather than less interested when they're anxious. In the case of depression, the greater interest in sex may reflect the greater "need for intimacy, for self-validation, or simply for sexual pleasure" when you're feeling blue, the scientists speculate. Meanwhile, anxiety can fuel sexual desire in people for whom "the post-orgasmic calming effect" is Nature's own Valium. If you or your partner fit into either of these categories, then vacation sex will likely not be better than the at-home variety, where you're surrounded by stress.

"9 percent of straight men are more rather than less interested in sex when they're depressed...."

What. the fuck. Does that mean?

Someone....one of my writer/reader types tell me what the fuck that means. I know that it means this dumb motherfucker can't write a story with correct grammar, but what about the 9 goddamn percent? NINE percent......who gives a fuck?

It's like telling me that nine percent of the babies born every second in New Hampshire are mentally fucking retarded, it would make me chuckle.

Point is.... I guess I'm more rather than less interested in not giving a fuck where I have sex....as long as I'm having sex.

Furthermore, common sense should tell you that it would be better while on vacation. It's like only buying hookers and blow when you're in Vegas. It's what we fucking do.

Click for the rest of the "I Got Good Dick" on vacation story.



Talking Jesus Doll Creates Personal Connection, Parents Murdered...I wish



"Order your Talking Jesus Doll now for only $19.99. Don't miss this opportunity for your child to experience a direct connection with Jesus and the scriptures."



The above image is straight from www.buytalkingjesus.com.
And who says Jesus doesn't care about money?

I think my parents give ten percent to a church. Is that not fucked up?

They could just give me the ten percent and I can tell them stories about dragons and fairies and Eleanor Roosevelt's hidden sex treasure chest....same thing.

Religion is like reality tv. It doesn't prove anything that you didn't already know by simply going to the beach.

Click here for the website. Let me know if you buy one. I'd like to know who's personally responsible for the collapse of our society besides those fucking kids on "The Hills"....in which I still don't understand why that's a show or what relevance it holds in order to make a camera roll on it, but I digress.


Celibate Monk Knows More About Good Fucking Than Most Adult Men On Earth

A celibate monk has set up a website telling Catholic couples how to have better sex.

Father Ksawery Knotz's lover's guide on www.szansaspotkania.net gives graphic lovemaking tips and has been dubbed the 'Catholic Kama Sutra'.

It compares having an orgasm to going to heaven and recommends that men 'take care that women experience pleasure' during sex, adding that this requires 'extra efforts on the part of the husband'.


And all the people said, "Amen mafucker Amen."

If Only The Waitresses Had Beer Flavored Tits

New Delhi, June 16 : Qingdao, a Chinese city already famous for its beer, has given ale lovers another reason to visit the place - a restaurant where every dish and dessert is made with the golden-tinted beverage.

Qi Shan, owner of the beer-themed restaurant, says they have beer-flavored meat, beer stewed fish and bear steamed duck on the menu.

Beer ice cream, beer cake and beer coffee are their bestsellers.

To keep the theme of the eatery intact customers are made to sit around beer barrel-shaped tables.

Also, the waiters wear clothes, which look, like beer bottles.


Here's the weather outlook for the week bishes...

This weeks highs will be:

remotely installed below the tree roots of our rusted existence on soil that breathes faintly like a baby that sleeps, but never wakes. Gifts are pretentious presents when given late. I had a full head of steam and an aspartame dream when you opened your gates. If you want to know the future, look in the mirror, rub your crotch against my face, and smooth your fingers over the dates.

This weeks lows will be:

secretly blowing itself under the table of self-serve ice cream and reese's pieces flavored milk cold from the cow like hot from a hooker with no legs that served you better as a shrink than a cum deposit for andrew jackson's sake until you realize that her pussy was fake. I've been talking about God the whole time. I would explain, but I've been crushed by the weight. Buried to wait.

I was gonna write a freeball,

but I got high. But I got high.

I was gonna eat yo pussy too,
but I got high. But I got high.

Now I'm jacking off and I know why,
cuz i got high.....cuz I...fuck it...I'm out.

-c
Saturday, June 14, 2008 

Category: Writing and Poetry


I have been swamped at work bishes. I apologize for my absence with my daily carpet crawl of craziness, but bills must be paid. And if any of you drive a buick, pontiac, gmc, caddy, saab, or hummer. Then, thank you bishes. Buy another one tomorrow. Let the commercial influence you too.
And if I hear "Less pumping...more driving" one more time after this week, I'm gonna hang myself like an emo kid that got bullied and didn't do like future lawns and just cut himself.
Anyways, if you hear a GM commercial involving "Less pumping....more driving..." followed by a really wordy offer that usually doesn't make sense then pity me a little.

Sorry for just hitting you with poetry, but hey...the ending line is about nuts swinging.

driving south on 65 as i pass under the to montgomery sign

world perspective, instant side pickin
explanations get more extensive
sentences like cleaned plates rinsing
we've lost the idea of being simple,
examinations so extensive-
sex is the only thing i do
labeled as labor intensive,
i live a simple life
among historic homes, umbrella trees-
her arrival rustles the leaves,
can't wait 'til they fall,
if they're anything like us,
in that i am,
you are you,
we be
it'll be before summer lets
its nuts swing.
Crawling the Carpet



Last Updated: 7/15/2009

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Status: Single
City: Birmingham
State: Alabama
Country: US
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