So, Sara's wedding was yesterday.  (I am ignoring mentioning all the drama surrounding it as that doesn't need to be preserved...)  She is my step-dad's granddaughter, which would make her my niece, fyi, but since we are so close in age I'm typically introduced as her cousin for simplicities sake.  She is currently 20 years old, her sister Colleen is 18, and I'm 23.  We grew up together, and they are the closest thing I have to sisters (although their mom is actually my step-sister, but... you get what I mean.)

Anyways, I had always felt that as the oldest I probably would have gotten married first... Nope!  Sara married Josh yesterday, who I've only met a few times but he seems nice.  Hes 26.  26 seems like a good age to get married, but it also seems too soon for me - 28 seems more ideal.  I know for a fact that I wouldn't want to have kids till at least then 28-32 seems like a good age to have kids - your old enough, but not too old to take care of them.

Colleen once told me, kinda recently, that she doesn't want to get married before I do, so in 5 years when I'm 28, she'd be 23, and since she doesn't want to get married as young as her sister did, then chances are I might get married before her, like she wanted.  But I'm not going to sit here and predict the future.  I dont know what will happen.  I just live my life day by day, and I try not to worry about the future, as it will happen however it wants to.

Anyways, the wedding and reception were nice.  I was suprised to hear that some people who didnt know me thought I was Colleens boyfriend!  But I guess that's understandable from their point of view - I was sitting next to her at the reception, I'm not blood-related so I dont look like the family, I am shy around people I dont know, and most of the people I knew there were family and the 2 that I am closest to are Colleen and Sara.  I didn't have much of a chance to talk to Sara, as she was quite busy being the bride, so I talked to Colleen mostly.  Still, its interesting that people thought my actions of shyness had a different motivation.  What makes it more interesting is that my (real) dad wants me to marry her, after meeting her just once at my graduation.  Like I said earlier - she is like a sister to me, but people dont see that.  Maybe its because I'm naturally very flirty - as I've been told by a number of people on different occasions (although I don't see it.)... I really dont know.

---------

A conclusion to my indecision/worrying from the last 3 posts:  Whatever happens will happen.  I have no need to worry about making a decision, I'll let things happen naturally, and I'll be receptive to any cues relating to any possible outcome.  I'd be happy with any of the positive outcomes and the neutral one.  The few possible negative outcomes would be disappointing, and the worst case scenario would be even more so, but I'm sure I'd learn something from the experience.
....I am, however mildly optimistic, and fantisize about the best case scenario, but I dont allow to get my hopes up too high, just yet...

It's your move.

---------

As of today I have joined a gym, so I get rid of my gut, whittle down my thighs, build a bit of muscle, and most of all, increase my endurance/stamina, as I am horribly out of shape.  I used to have less than 8% body fat back when I rock climbed. (I also had no muscle and stamina though, so I was a twig)

My love of beer, fast food, a lack of exercising, and a job where I sit most of the time - have done quite a number on me (50lbs to be exact) in the past 2-3 years.  Since the beginning of the year, I have managed to get rid of 15lbs just by eating less fast food.  My goal is to hit the halfway mark of where I was when I rock climbed (125lbs) and my peak weight (175lbs), so 150lbs - without muscle.  I'm 160lbs now, before I started going to the gym - so I wouldn't mind staying at 160lbs if I had muscle to go with that weight.  The weight really isnt the point - Its just an easy thing to measure.  My BMI is the more ideal thing to check, but harder to measure.  I dont want to be 8% again, cause I was just too skinny, but something more average.

---------

My luck has been changing!  My 2 male friends are back.  One more so than the other, but that is to be expected.  My job situation is looking more optimistic, as we now do have actual orders, and one is a huge one.  So a few more weeks and I'll probably be back full time.  Whoo!  I've enjoyed this time off, but I am ready to go back... eventually....

And I finally got around to shooting my gun... It's Awesome!

I kinda just wanna say "fuck it" and sit on my ass and do nothing.

I knew the fork in the road was coming.

I didn't know it would come so soon.

The signs were all there.

I approach it for what seems like an eternity,

but was actually just mere moments.

My concrete path seems dull

to this seemingly familiar yet scenic route.

This unknown path that I have been waiting for

frightens me.

I miss the exit with a sad smile on my face.

Only to contemplate making my own path

back to it before it veers too far.

i'm now 23.  wow.

it seems so old, but i dont feel old.

just more mature.... i guess.

it's been one hell of an interesting year, thats for sure.  it started off with me getting a speeding ticket on my last birthday: a sign of things to come...   but, i also met rose. 

hopefully this next year wont be as exciting in the negative ways of the previous year, but will be even more exciting in better, positive, ways

so here is my list of goals, which i haven't updated in a while:

finish high school: done
finish college:  i have my AA degree, almost done with my BS.
win the lottery: not yet
find a nice girlfriend who i could someday marry: i did find a nice g/f, and i have been with her for almost 10 months now... marriage? not for a long while...
get laid: yep
have long hair: i sure miss my long hair...  i dont want to deal with that again for a while.
grow facial hair: i got some nice sideburns, but everything else is still thin.
get a mini-fridge in my room: hell yea!
world domination: i for got about his plan... been too busy
retirement by or before i'm 30 (or ASAP):  7 years left...  i do have a 401k though
turn 18: oh yea!
turn 21: yep
get a car: i'm running my current one into the grave...  so i can save up...
buy a gun:  i need to buy one before obama tries to take them away...
pay off credit cards: my biggest priority right now.  i need to do this before buying a new car, and probably before buying a gun.

I always desire what I cant have...
(Which always, always, eludes me)
Or I desire what I don't want...
(Which has been troublesome in retrospect)
And then sometimes both happen at the same time...
(Which is actually frequent, and usually negligible)
May fortune give me what I didn't know I needed...
(Which will leave me wanting for no more)

..>..>

Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP)

Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant.Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all menYou are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

my mind has been set at ease and i can stop worrying...   

Free personality analysis from ColorQuiz.com.
Generated on Tue Oct 9 00:56:09 2007.

Your Existing Situation

Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.

Your Stress Sources

The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground. He feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to him and from which he wants to escape, but he feels unable to make the necessary decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Has high emotional demands and is willing to involve himself in a close relationship, but not with any great depth of feeling.

Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective

Needs a change in his circumstances or in his relationships which will permit relief from stress. Seeking a solution which will open up new and better possibilities and allow hopes to be fulfilled.

Your Actual Problem

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. He reacts by seeking outside confirmation of his ability and value in order to bolster his self-esteem. Inclined to blame others so that he may shift the blame from himself. Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires.

as some people might know, my old 360 died a while back...  i revived it.... twice... but now its completely 99% dead.  (it doesn't randomly crash anymore, but i have no video output.  i do have sound though!)

anyways so i picked up my Halo 3 special edition xbox 360 yesterday morning.  I am happy now.

*anxious for next Tuesday... Halo 3!!!*

so now i can play my games now...

I have never liked my gaming setup... i would like to change it and not have it in my room.  but i don't really have anywhere else to put it.

so, Friday night i was at the movie theater watching a movie, and when it finished i went out to my car, only to find my driver side window smashed (very ironic for a reason i wont say on the internet), and the dash around my cd player popped out, and the contents of my glovebox on the passengers seat.

my stereo wasnt stolen (1- becasue it's a crappy old cd player and 2- it's not installed in any standard way - i had installed it like the original radio was mounted),  the one CD that was in my car wasnt stolen, in fact, the only thing that is missing is a single USB drive (256mb) that had only MP3's on it.

Thanks, Meth-heads!  i hope that USB drive was really worth the trouble!

I'm very lazy...

people who know me well know this - but people who dont know me well dont think i'm lazy...  I guess just certian aspects of me are lazy in certian situations.

i recently had the idea (well, it's reoccuring - i first had the idea about 7 years ago.) that i should get a wheelchair - just so i wouldnt have to walk.

serously.

have you ever been in a wheelchair?  some models are extreamly comfy!  i sat in one once just becasue there were no other seats availble at the time - and it was the best chair i have ever sat on.

but it would also be a hassel too - like stairs and stuff

also i wouldnt want to have to be in a wheelchair at all times either - i dont want to berak a leg or something - i'd be perfectly fine.

but i'll probably never do it though - cause i'd have to buy one, and then i'd get fat casue i'd get no exercise...

so... i dont knoe... but thats my random thought for the day...

THEY FOUND HIS CAR!!!!!!!!   It got towed in Bellview, WA!  We are going to go up there tomarrow and get it back.  Some minor damage occured (to the door lock and ignition, and the stereo - i think) But its still driveable!

amazing!


update soon!

so, i jsut noticed (well, the other day) that my friends and comments didnt show up on my page in Internet Explorer.  (I use firefox - and it was fine in that)

turns out i was missing one single backslash " / "

i fixed it, and everything looks good again!

come on! Comment me!

Dude, my best friend, (who is not on myspace, otherwise i'd link to him) got his car stolen.  It was a green '92 Honda Accord EX.  It was stolen probably around 11:30-11:45pm Sunday night from the Stark Street Cinema side parking lot.

We went to the theater to see the movie Anapolis or something. (about a navy recruitment center).  when we got out, the car wasnt there!

He called the cops, and when the cop came he said that he drove past my friends car not more then 20 minutes earlier!  ...the thing is that the theater played 15-20 minutes of previews before the movie!  Ahhh!!!  Man, my friend is pissed.  I would be too!   He's paying payments on a car he doenst have!

The car didnt get stolen for the stereo, cause the faceplate was with my friend, and the doors were locked.

I pray that he gets it back in good condition.