|
Thursday, June 04, 2009
 |
Current mood:  chill
It sucks to know that not everyone we meet and become friends with remains in the long run. There will always be the memory of happy times. But in any kind of relationship, as soon as one irreparable damage is done, all the happy memories just tip over and disappear leaving only traces that will most probably just soon evaporate leaving nothing but a very distant vague memory of something wonderful.
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Sunday, May 10, 2009
|
Current mood:  rejected
like me getting the best of both worlds and be happy for a whole complete day and night...
driving around at 2:30 in the morning and finally deciding to just go home 30 minutes later did not do me any good... because here I am blogging and chugging fucking alky alone...
I'm not mad at anyone but myself... not blaming anyone but myself... and not disappointed in anyone or anything but myself... I know no one else will take the blame... so yeah, spit them all on my face...
This has been one hell of a week and I'm surprised I actually survived it. And I thought tonight was just gonna be all fun... it was... for the most part... until I tried to do the impossible and juggle 2 things at the same time.
So I apologize to people I disappointed. I apologize for things I did or did not do. I apologize for being the mean bitch. I apologize for seeming too bossy. I apologize for being the all-knowing smarty pants that make you look stupid. Sorry for making you clean after your dirt. Sorry for making sure I get to do my job by making sure you do yours. Sorry for not being part of the fun. Sorry for not being as cool as the others. Sorry for being the antagonist of your life. Sorry for not being there. Sorry for being too late. Sorry for taking so long... Just... sorry to everyone.
It really sucks to be me. But I want you to know, I try... with all my might.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Friday, February 27, 2009
|
Current mood:empty
Tomorrow will be a loonngg day.. I can almost taste it. Believe it or not, I'm so excited. haha :)
I should be really happy and contented right now. I already have almost everything I could wish for... almost everything.
There are a lot of reasons to be happy right now. Family, friends, great job. Enumerating will just give me 3 but if I elaborate, it will take me forever. I should not complain, right?
I'm not complaining, really. It's just that even though I know I should be one of the happiest people in the world right now, at the end of the day when I'm alone and stare at my room, I feel an almost faint pinching in my chest... like there's a hollow part that aches that makes me just want to slump on the floor and stay there. I don't understand.
I have been through depression before and I know it ain't pretty because you ache and you don't even know where and why and nothing seems to help. Even blogging - my own dose of anti-depressant - is not helping a lot lately. Am I going brain dead?
I guess choosing silence and solitude is taking a toll on me... I know I should od something and believe it or not, I am trying.
I should really be happy and contented right now. It's ridiculous to complain. But I really feel like sometimes it really sucks to be me.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Saturday, February 21, 2009
|
Current mood:alive and jumpy!
E! Online Revealed this today! Woooohoooo!
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Friday, February 20, 2009
|
Current mood:super duper uber excited!!!!!
Just got this off www.etonline.com
The very first official New Moon the Movie Artwork!
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Sunday, February 15, 2009
|
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
|
Current mood:nostalgic
It's not fair. It's really not fair. You cheat and you lie and you don't keep your promises. How will we ever move on if you keep breaking your promise? How will we ever forget if you keep crossing the line. How will it ever survive if you don't fight for it? How is everything going to be okay when you're obviously not? Why do you keep on breaking your promise?
you promised you won't call anymore.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
|
Current mood:ninja
It's funny how no matter how my faith falters a lot these days, God still never fails to amuse me. One day He pushes me down the floor to the edge of giving up. Other days he just sends me surprises in very unexpected and extraordinary packages. Yesterday, I got a surprise. I don't know what I should feel. i just know I am very very greatful. I am probably one of the luckiest people in California (if not on Earth) right now for actually having 2 flavors of ice cream to choose from (not literaly) - and we all know we don't get much choices these days. God is good... although it sucks because both choices are good. I hope I don't make a wrong choice this time.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
|
by Jon McLaughlin Open up the center of my being
Can't there be some room inside of me
I'm tired of trying to find a way to make it through these endless days
Complacency is not enough for me
Constant thoughts of where I ought to be plague me
How could I be a fool so long when the only way I live at all
You're loving me
Your grace is so amazing
You're loving me
Your love and Your grace sustain me
I've tried to push distractions from my head
Oh, I try and try but find myself mislead
I need Your hand to clear this road
I know I cannot bear this load
But I run until I run right out of breath
And only a fool would run from what he knows is best
Without Your hand to guide I know
There's loneliness there's never growth
But still I try, I fail all on my own
But through it all...
You're loving me
Your grace is so amazing
You're loving me
So open up any door for me
And watch me walk again
I give up all fear and reluctance to depend
And when I fall down, Your rules never bend
You pick me up anyway
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Monday, February 02, 2009
|
Current mood:hilarious
PLEASE TELL EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY KIDS, THAT EVEN AT A YOUNG AGE OF 3RD GRADE, SPELLING IS VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Sunday, February 01, 2009
|
Current mood:blank
There are certain things the mind doesn't know that only the heart understands. These are usually the things we know in our minds are wrong and hurtful yet the heart pushes you to go on feeling the wrongness and the pain. We as humans are naturally masochistic in every which level possible. Some of us humans think more than feel and usually just brushes off the pain. While some feels more than think and just embraces the pain. Even when the pain is already staring at you in the face, we often just look right past it and just see through it... we still choose to feel. It's probably a matter of convenience... emotional versus physical... it's more painful to forget the pain than go through with it by continuing to torture ourselves and look pain in the eyes... we probably even make friends with our pain at times... that when it finally disappears, a huge gaping hole is left in our chest... something... some part of us feels empty. I should admit that this just sounds absurd, crazy, pathetic. But what do you really decsribe someone feeling an utmost desire and longing for that one person who's simple picture in your head just keeps pinching off tiny pieaces of your heart, making it beat faster and fight, making your palms all sweaty, or your mind go in whirls of wind? How do you describe that? Absurd, crazy , pathetic. Right? Sometimes I feel I attract all that is "wrong" and "inappropriate" and there's really nothing I can do to repel it. So I run. I run away from it. (Yes Ale, go ahead and slap me now. I concede.) That's what I do. I run. That's who I am. I'm a runner. Maybe because I am a big coward. Whenever somethings gets too complicated or entangled that I didn't want to be a part of, I run because I can neither face it nor hide from it. What choice do I have?
So I guess it should be simple to understand my behavior. I'm really not a psychotic freak. I just choose to live with my pain and be happy with the happiness I see and feel around me... doesn't mean I have to be as giddy as them. My life is complicated as it is and I probably need a therapy session or two. So don't judge me. Don't blame me. Don't make me feel worse than I already feel. So what what if I give them all up? So what if I end up alone with myself? As long as they all end up happy and I end up, what else should matter? Why should my happiness be relative to theirs? I'm not that selfish.
If you're asking what's my point... well I don't really have any. I did not intend to make any point. I just want to blabber and get this out of my system. :)
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Saturday, January 31, 2009
|
Current mood:exhausted
Yup, I've been kidding myself. I'm not in love. He's not in love. He doesn't exist and he probably doesn't even know I exist. It sucks to be me. Although, I am not exactly complaining. Everyday I wake up, go to work, go home, eat, shower, exercise, sleep. Everyday, same routine. But I am surprisingly contented with that. So what if I choose to stay in and wallow alone? I don't go out a lot. It's probably because I'm really lazy. Some days, it's just because I don't feel like it. Sometimes I just didn't want to miss my favorite show. Other days, I just don't have extra money to spend, or the right clothes to wear, or the willingness to burn expensive gas. Most of the time, it's because I just want me some alone time - watch reruns of my fave tv shows, watch my piling new dvds, read and re-read my favorite books, sleep. Is that wrong? I blame it on my being boring and lame in nature, and my tendency to crave solitude and silence like a chain smoker craving a quick puff. I don't know how I've becomes like this but most of the time i just want to be left alone. I'm not like most people who just can't live without someone. You probably think I'm a psychopatic nerd freak who prefers to type and talk to cyberspace than actually talk to real people. Hey, don't get me wrong, I do like talking to people but I just don't have a lot of insights in me that I end up just listening and absorbing everyone else's angst in life. I get tired of that too... but I assure you I have opinions... that you may or may not hate me for.
O well. So I deserve the loner adjective. but just because I want some alone time doens't mean I'm a loner, right?
Well, if it makes you feel better, I am actually going out tonight to my friend's birthday (Cynthia). I wonder what's in store for me there. I haven't seen them since the holidays. I'm sure I'll have fun.. I'll just have to make sure having fun won't need me drinking.
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Saturday, January 31, 2009
|
Current mood:musical
Sandali na lang
Maari bang pagbigyan
Aalis na nga
Maaari bang hawakan ang iyong mga kamay
Sana ay maabot ng langit ang iyong mga ngiti
Sana ay masilip
Wag kang mag-alala
Di ko ipipilit sa 'yo
Kahit na lilipad ang isip ko'y torete sa 'yo
Ilang gabi pa nga lang
Nang tayo'y pinagtagpo
Na parang may tumulak
Nanlalamig, nanginginig na ako
Akala ko nung una
May bukas ang ganito
Mabuti pang umiwas
Pero salamat na rin at nagtagpo
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Saturday, January 31, 2009
|
Current mood:uber annoyed!
First Love Never Dies. Right. Like We all haven't heard that before. It's realy annoying. I'll probably hit you in the face when you say this to my face... but I got to admit, it's sort of... welll... it's kind of... uhmm... true. You see, when you're turning 26 in less than a couple months and you still believe that you met your first love when you were 15 and is still in touch with him up til now, your life probably sucks right now. Why? No reason, I just know. I should go to hell for this, but it's still nice to be able to talk to that guy, casual chat, about work, friends, food you ate lately, new shows you've seen or dying to see... you know, all those nonsensical friendly conversation topics. See? Harmless right? Not. Why? Coz he's married and she sure is killing herself with jealousy... I repeat SHE is killing HERSELF. She's feeling jealous about nothing. I mean come on, it's not like I'm seeing the guy (or I could - we're not even in the same continent for crying out loud!!!!), or flirting with the guy, or doing/saying nasty things with the guy! Seriously, we were friends first, what right have she to insult me and tell me to stop talking to her husband??? OMG, how insecure, right? Right???? Well, I'm sorry I have to vent out but that b#@*h is seriously on my last nerve. I thought she was nice as my friend/ex told me so, but seriously, her horns and tail are protruding right now... and they ain't pretty! Do I even deserve this? Am I going to lose my (best)friend just because his wife is neurotic? No way, man! So I take it back. I don't think I should go to hell for this because I'm not even doing anything wrong. They better talk and leave me out of this. Gawdd!!!! I feel like I'm being bombarded with nightmares from my past. I better move faster and look towards the future!
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|
Thursday, January 22, 2009
|
I don't even know how or where to begin buy I hope you're not mad at me for not ever answering your calls. Last night, you randomly called me again... and just like that... just hearing your voice in that message you left reminded me of how hard it's been for me to just forget. It's been centuries old cliche to say that first love never dies but after almost 10 years, just hearing your voice still makes my heart skip beats just the same when I first saw you... When will I ever get over you? When will I ever learn to accept that it was never meant to be?
Powered by | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|