Dear Instructors and Continuing Education Institution-
I wanted to alert you to an alarming problem that may be plaguing female Realtors between the ages of 20-30 from the Mora Minnesota area. Your classes are making them fat.
I understand that the Minnesota Department of Commerce requires a certain amount of education credits to be done every year, and although I already met my Ethics requirement twice over, I did not REALLY need to take another Ethics course. However, I found it necessary. (In other words, it was cheap.)
So, like a good girl, I wake up at an obscene hour (5:00 AM), and slowly drag my butt out of bed. I sit on the floor of the shower, trying to remain awake, but really wishing for sleep.
Here is problem number one. I would burn more calories if standing and moving around in the shower.
I then get dressed, and go outside to start the car.
Here is problem number two. If I didn't go pre-heat the car, I would freeze for the first ten minutes of my journey, and the severe shivering is bound to kill some calories off.
I return to the house, where I pack up my laptop and other necessities. I do my makeup, and check the time. Surely the car is warm now - twenty minutes later.
I slide into the now 105 degree car, and roll my window down two inches to regulate the temperature. I then hop back out, pop the truck, retrieve a Mountain Dew, and slide back in again. I back out, and head down the road.
After 37 miles of Mountain Dew induced conciousness, I reach Cambridge. Here I hang a left onto Highway 95, and pull into the parking lot. I walk inside the building, where I am greeted by a nice, cheerful morning person. I order two turtle mochas, thank the nice Caribou Coffee baristas, and return to my car.
Here is problem number three. Do you know how many calories I have taken in, just to drive to class?
I get back on the road, and cruise for another 30 or so miles. Once again, I make a quick turn, and park my car. I hop out and enter the building, a little more awake now, and on a mission.
I need V-8.
Thank goodness SuperAmerica is stocked. Unfortunately, they cruelly place the V-8 next to the string cheese. Mmmmm..... cheese. (Come on, I'm from Minnesota! I LOVE cheese!)
Problem number four - cheese, and high sodium V-8. Although, I do have to give props - you got me to digest three servings of vegetables in one sitting.
With cheese and bottle of sodium in hand, I walk across the parking lot and swing open the door.
The door to Caribou Coffee, where a metro-area barista greets me, and I order another Turtle Mocha. After all, that's the only thing I've found that doesn't really taste like coffee. I hate coffee.
You better make it two.
Armed with beverages, I make my way to the car. I drive another 10 miles, and pull into another parking lot.
Thank goodness this is school, because I really need to use the restroom.
You would think that eventually I would learn my lesson.
I mosey past the check in line and head to the ladies room, then return, check in, and plop my butt into a chair.
I sit there for two hours, take a much needed bathroom break, sit for another two hours, and then am released for lunch.
Stand in parking lot, thrilled at the possibilities in front of me. Unlike where I come from, there are many different restraunts to choose from.
How do I go to just one?
I decide on Taco Bell (I almost always do.) where I shove nachos, a taco, and a Mountain Dew down my throat.
A few minutes later, I pull into the parking lot. I throw open the door, march a few steps, and position myself directly in front of the candy. I mean, really, I am a hyper person. (Especially after four turtle mochas!) I talk with my hands, and really prefer to be moving all the time. I'm listening, taking notes, and doing what any other normal Minnesotan girl who can't hold still and has a major sweet tooth would do. I eat a candy bar.
Better make it two.
Return to class. Two hours, bathroom break, two hours, dismissed.
I am free to go.
I hop into the car, and begin to drive home. I find that I don't always know where I am, partially from the caff crash, and partially because I have so many real estate related thoughts filling my brain, I can't think about anything else. I crack open another Mountain Dew.
About twenty minutes up the road, I realize that normal people eat dinner.
I should attempt being normal.
After much debate, I swing into a parking lot somewhere and usually order something that involves buffalo sauce. (Is this a big deal everywhere else? Everything is covered in buffalo sauce lately - even Subway had buffalo chicken subs!)
I return to car, and stare out my windshield while shoving my face. 60 miles later, I arrive home, completely exhausted.
I turn on my electric blanket, and crawl into bed.
Now, dear instructors, I do love your classes. (You should be able to tell, since I have taken more than my required share!) However, let me summarize this for you.
- Sit in a car for an hour a half, drinking high calorie drinks
- Sit in a class for eight hours, using no energy
- Eat like a pig for lunch, due to the fact that I don't "get out" often
- Eat like a pig for dinner, because I am brimming with ideas from your course and can't think, much less cook a normal dinner
- Go straight to bed when I get home.
- Sometimes eat an extra donut or two in that time frame, when provided by you. I mean, this is Minnesota, and it would be RUDE if I didn't eat my share.
How to I plan to cure this? I have a proposition for you, which hopefully you will agree to.
The morning of a class I register for, I would like it if you would send a driver up to Mora with a nice car, to pick me up. What car, I'm not sure, because I want to conserve gas, but a Hummer limo would give me enough room to workout on the hour and a half drive down to your class. This driver would bring me home at night, as well. I figure that you can afford this, based on the percentage of my commissions that I set aside just to give to your institution. This will not only give me some serious "active" time, but will also keep me from
- Picking up turtle mochas
- Picking up fattening lunches
- Picking up dinner and candy bars
I appreciate your consideration in solving this dilemma for me, and hope to see your driver early tomorrow morning, for the foreclosure and short sale breakfast/class.
Sincerely,
Joslyn Panka
P.S. What are you serving for breakfast tomorrow? I'm dying to find out!