weeeeeeeeeeee, that says it all.

can't wait.

so fun.

unexpected.

embraced...

don't ever change...

ZOMBIES EATING BRAINS!

Alrighty. so.  Here I am sitting at this totally janky table/desk of mine that I actually love rather dearly thinking about all that has happened as of late, and pondering all that is which to come.  My "Walden" pond is clearly being affected by the "ripples".  Mke of that what you will.  I sure as hell am.  And damn it feels good.

a)  I'm digging Colorado Springs.  Yes, yes, I'll have my moments wherein I miss good ol' Cali and the myriad places that I'd go to and call 'home', but I can tell that this change is not only necessitated, but very very good.

a1)  is yummy steak sauce.

b) there are certain conversations that I've had with folks here that just don't gloss on the surface of the english language, but, rather, delve deep into the imagination, the psyche, and are so wonderfully stimulating.  I think that I really missed that.  Rudy and Rina, my two besties-- *we* could have conversations like that.  We still do, granted, (thank you AT&T for your wonderfully awesome service <------ sarcasm highly noted there), but at least I'm able to call up my buddies at all hours, any hours, hours that don't even yet exist, and really, truly, talk about life without restraint.  BLESS you bitches!

c) stands for Cat.  And Mauser is getting along quite well here.  I'm sure he understands that there was the passing of Little Girl, and my buddy is here for me more then ever.  And I him as well.

D) stands for Don't Ya Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me, Don't Ya  <---------- this is purely for Rina.  Remember us dancing at the Beauty Bar in the mission like the hot bitches we are and I was all puttin' on my subtle lindseigh-like show for you-know-who who was spinning it? 

Now we skip straight to R, because my soul-sistah Rina means the absolute world and beyond to me.  I've never loved a friend more than you, girl, and you are such inspiration to me.  Yeah, sure, we've all gone through rough patches in our lives, but your amazing perserverance brings tears to my eyes and happiness to my soul.  You are KIND, BEAUTIFUL (like, on a scale of one to ten you're up in the frickin' 100's), SOULFUL, sooooooooooooo INTELLIGENT, and a true woman who I look up to. I'm so glad that I have R for Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrina!

that's 'bout it for now 'cause this girl be ready to watch a scary flick.


NOTE TO MOVIE MAKERS:  More zombie films, please.  And anything scary, that isn't too horribly cheesy.  All things Apopylictic, Virus-ridden, Conspiritorial, etc.  But most of all ZOMBIE MOVIES!  Just dooooooooooo it.


World, I love you.

don't know if what I am doing is right...

but how do we ever really know what is perfectly 'right', if such a state even exists, and if it does exist, how can we *truly* know the correct fashion in which to go about a situation?

like a leaf in autumn, we all know that we are going to fall off of the tree, but who knows each individual trajectory that every little leaf has? So many ways one can float off and go...

we're all little leaves, essentially, not knowing where we're going to land, each colored differently, our textures varying widely.

It's pretty gosh darn beautiful, but I sometimes wish I had a really super Handbook to Life on Earth or something.

lilies on a pond. so beautiful, so exquisite, so proud to just be a pretty little lily floating in a vast sea of waters...

Work was fun today. SO much accomplished, finished, posted, filed, sent, entered, and all that good administrative stuff. I feel good about all aspects of work today, actually. Things ran smooth and quick and nice and fine-- ALWAYS good. No irate customers, no annoyed people on the phone, no 'I have absolutely no sense of humour and life is completely dismal' douchebags. Was the whole of Napa on happy pills today or what??

I'm tickled pink and pleased with other aspects of my life as well--where I'm going and where I've been; I'm appreciative of all of it. The ups and downs, middles and in-betweens... I feel so blessed to have experienced every single moment of it.

Wow wow wow.

Happiness, I embrace you.

my bones are restless and I've a feeling something beautiful is just about to rise over my horizon.

"I am learning to understand rather than immediately judge or to be judged. I cannot blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I will not allow myself to indulge in the usual manipulating game of role creation. Fortunately for me, my self-knowledge has transcended that and I have come to understand that life is best to be lived and not to be conceptualized. I am happy because I am growing daily and I am honestly not knowing where the limit lies. To be certain, every day there can be a revelation or a new discovery. I treasure the memory of the past misfortunes. It has added more to my bank of fortitude."

Bruce Lee- a very, very wise man.

spreading, believing, holding, grasping.

maximizing.

it was a glimmer
a sparkle
a shimmer of hope.

it idled there briefly, and then, without warning, began to grow brighter and brighter-- more infused with love and happiness and freedom and life-- until one had to tuck away this flash in the pan before it all turned to bright white light.

I'm grasping this to my chest; this moment I've found that is truly mine. The only thing hanging over my head, literally, is my apartment and ecalated pace with which I must find a new one. I don't even feel safe here. Oh well. Life happens.

But! All else is truly well. I talked to two of my closest girlfriends today and it was so fucking wonderful to connect with them again. I love 'em so dearly and they helped to provide some insight as well. girls fuckin' rule, booya.

hooray to life.

what a long strange trip it's been.

finally, no more of my ex calling up my family, emailing and messaging my friends when he has no right doing so; no more of him taking it upon himself to perform some truly abhorrable acts. truly.

freedom, finally.

moving day, please come quick and rescue me.

can't wait to get out of this hellhole.

freedom, finally.

the word that would best describe this feeling
Would be haunted
I touch the clothes you left behind
That still retain your shape and lines
Still haunted
I trace the outline of your eyes
in the mirror hypnotized
I'm haunted
I find a solitary hair
Gone and still I reminisce
I'm haunted

Haunted by your soul
Haunted by your hair
Haunted by your clothes
Haunted by your eyes
By your soul, by your hair
By your clothes, by your eyes
By your voice, by your smile
By your mouth, by your soul
By your hair, by your clothes
By your eyes, by your voice
By your smile, by your mouth
By your soul

HAUNTED (haunted)

So this is for when you feel happy
And this is for when you feel sad
And this is for when you feel...
Nothing

oooh when the minutes drag
oooh when the minutes drag

And this is for the tears that won't dry
And this is for a bright blue sky
And this is for when you feel...
Lucky
And this is for when you feel...
Lucky

oooh when the minutes drag
oooh when the minutes drag

So this is for when you're feeling happy again
And this is for when you're feeling sad
And this is for when you feel...
Something

-L&R, haunted when the minutes drag

were so lovely in my mind, nevermind the heat, the dust, and the debris caught up in the ditch. I swerved through it all and ended up next to him, phantoms floating around, screaming at us in silence.

my mind felt like a tropical rainforest, the inhabitant of many wonderful things, and the wave of glittery eyes shining upon us with love grew exponentially with every passing moment. such sheer cliffs they were, these palatial palisades, and we were there at the top--tiny specks--in our giant castle.

funny, when dreams coalesce.


-dream abstract-

as we both fell backwards, holding hands, into the shimmering diamond-like water, we both realized in that exact moment that we were dreaming, as the sun sparkled though the diamonds above us.

we breathed in the glittery water and then everything changed and it was gone.

...i've likened it so often to that of my beautiful new garden-- everyday bringing some new change-- and now so does my life.  In a different, more major way however.

 

I need water and care, but sure, I'll grow.  And maybe, just maybe, we'll end up crossing vines on this trellis of life.

 

love.