Katrina Brown's MySpace Blog | Sometimes Reason Leaves The Building

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November 4, 2009 - Wednesday

Is there any body out there? Nod if you can hear me....

MySpace is pretty dead.

I only come on here about once a week or so.

I'm on Facebook more now, so if you haven't added me on there please do so? You can link me on FB through my website at:

www.KatrinaBrownComedy.com

Or you can simply check that site to give it some hits. ha ha ha!

Busy season coming -- I've moved my Katrina Critters to Facebook as well. Nothing had sold on here in a LONG time, and the minute I moved it to FB? BAM! Orders. And we need the money. I won't lie about that!! I'm thankful for repeat and new customers in an economy that is biting way too many people in the ass.

Comedy is still busy as well. Had a few gigs fall through here and there, but I did manage to headline a club for the first time last Friday. Solid 45 minute set, merch sold afterwards, and a few old faces in the crowd. Not old as in Elderly but people I haven't seen in a long time. My college roomie and her husband and parents came to the show, and oddly enough my ex-husband stopped to say hello. He couldnt' stay for the show, but saw my name on the marquee and wanted to stop by before he went to work. Hadn't seen him in over 15 years. Why did he stop by? No clue. It was neither upsetting nor exciting. If anything it was surprising in how unremarkable it was.

I thought he was taller. I remember him as being a bigger man.

I guess when you spend the better part of ten years with a big hulkin' Yeti everyone else is small in comparison?

We talked. We exchanged Nice. That was it.

More important was the chance I was given to headline a club when there are still some who are stubborn enough to think I can't even feature at one. That I haven't "been at it long enough" or whatever...... Yeah. WHAT. EVER.

I'll take every opportunity presented to me and run with it. I'll never bite off more than I can chew but it seems I've found....... I can chew quite a bit.

Okay done rambling. I guess I just wanted to touch base.

Yeti's feeling better every day, his blood being controlled by medication. The VA has taken over his care and they're going to figure out WHY he tossed those clots. But he's back to being my big, strappin', hunka-hunka Yeti again.

Life is busy. Life is Good.

I am a content and highly blessed woman.

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33 Kudos

October 22, 2009 - Thursday

Mind. Numbing.

"I want dat movie dat twooooooo...."

(true)

"I want dat movie has bad guys in it. A YOT of bad guys. And dey not aliens. Ben 10 has aliens, not aliens. Bad guys. YOTS and YOTS of bad.... oh wait. I duess bad guys are aliens. B-yew ones."

(blue ones)

"Not DAT movie. Dat one wit the bad aliens and big worm what eat the good guys? That movie? You know what movie I talkin 'bout now? That one with yots and YOTS -- I mean a YOT -- of bad guys. And the monsters and the aliens -- no, NOT Ben 10 Mom. Not Star Wows. Maybe it one of de Star Wows. Dat one when Darth Vader take off his mask and he not bad any-moe. Dat one? Is dat the one I talkin' about?

Mommy?

Mommy?
Why you wubbin' you head? You dot a head ache?"

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32 Kudos

October 18, 2009 - Sunday

Turn Left. Recalculating. Recalculating.....
Category: Life

I had a gig in Morgantown, WV on Friday.

This was an important show for many reasons. I needed the stress relief, sure, but we also needed the money. I canceled those MI gigs due to Yeti's illness, and that was about $400 out of our pockets once travel was taken into consideration. THEN, because we don't have insurance right now, half of our weekly funds were sucked up by prescriptions. And that's okay. Shit happens, and you deal with it.

But having this gig was cool because we knew we'd recoup at least half the money spent on the meds Yeti needed. It's not like we could view his meds as a Luxury we could just skip over and do without, right!? ha!

This was also the first gig booked through the new agency I'm working for, so I had to get there on time, be spectacular, make a good impression and whatnot.

MapQuest estimated that it was a 3 hour, 15 minute trip.

I always factor in potty break time, and the "just in case" construction time.

Safe time to leave home and get there by my 9:00 arrival time was 5:00. Leave the house NO LATER 5:00.

So, with the address programed into my trusty GPS I was out the door at 5:00 and everything was good.

Once I started, I knew..... something was amiss.

This is where we have become too dependent upon machines to do our thinking for us.

That GPS took me the shortest route between home and the venue.

This meant I traveled every back road, bitty "highway", state route and twisting turning SNAKE SHAPED STREET between here and there.

On the ride, it was beautiful. The leaves were at high points of change and I kept turning into these open spaces with hills with trees of every color. It was still light out and I was in awe of what I was seeing.

Simply BEAUTIFUL.

Then, when it got dark, and started to misty-rain.... it got hairy.

The roads got more turny, twisty, hilly, FUCK-I'm-GOING-TO-Die and DEER kept challenging my ability to avoid oncoming moving targets.

When I saw the Ramada Inn -- my point of arrival -- I almost WEPT with joy.

I made it on time.

I slipped into the lobby Ladies' Room, or what I like to call "My Dressing Room" and I fluffed the Diva Dome and I put my face on, and I was set.

I performed.

I rocked.

I got paid.

And I decided on the ride HOME I was going to take the more traveled highways even if it meant adding on another hour of drive time.

Half way into the trip home I decided I didn't trust my ability to read a map, and listened to the GPS again.

Because I had altered the ride home with a few assumptions of my own, I didn't go home the way I'd gone there. I got a NEW variety of twisty, turny, loopy, bullshit back roads from West Virginia to Ohio and OH MY GOD......

IT WAS HELLISH! And I was laughing the whole way, as I am now typing, because I knew I would make it home EVENTUALLY. The "three hour tour" on the ride home took over four.

At one point the GPS had me "turning left" 300 feet ahead. When I saw the "turn left" street -- I said out loud in my car to no one....

The Fuck I'm Turning Left THERE!

It looked like the road people would take just before their car died and the murderous canabalistic clan that lived in the woods came out to the All You Can Eat Moron Buffett for turning down THAT road and started chomping on limbs.

My GPS was stuttering at me like I'd kicked her in the throat,

Recalculating.
Recalculating.

With the rain and the dark and the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE area, I risked the thing just flat out giving out and losing signal, but there was NO FUCKING WAY I was turning down that road. It wasn't even paved. Dirt road in the dark with no lights in the middle of nowhere at two in the morning?

I'm not THAT stupid.

And it was dark.

Not, "Oh it's night time outside" dark but a seventh level of dark that only exists in hell and back roads of West Virginia.

I think on the ride there I saw at least 30 deer. That excludes the field where an entire family of them were just hanging out.

On the way home I saw at least 30-40 more, hopping and happily playing "Dodge The Aspire" with me the whole way.

When I got to RT 77? I did the happy dance in my car. I was never so happy to see civilization.

I'm in no way a "City Girl" but damn...... I'm sure as fuck not country, either.

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October 16, 2009 - Friday

In case you didn't know....

Yeti's HOME, for those who missed the status updates on FaceBook yesterday.

YAY!

And again I say, YAY!!

He's still in pain, sure. That's going to take time to go away. There will be follow up doctor visits and tests and whatnot, and he's going to have to TAKE IT EASY (that's me yelling at him to remember to NOT over do anything) for a while.

It was monumentally wonderful to walk out of the bathroom and around the corner into the living room and see him sitting on that couch like nothing ever happened.

Yes, it did all happen. But he's home.

And that's what matters.

Now, I need to hustle ass to get ready for a show in WV tonight. Only three hours away. We've got a sitter coming to help Pat with the kids so he's not left alone to get them in bed and all the daily hub-bub.
But, Mama's gotta work.

We need the money, and quite frankly, now that he's home and I don't have to freak out every second in my head? I need the comedic release.

Thank you all for your prayers, kindness, well wishes, and everything. It's been SUCH a testament to the wonderful people we've come to know on here. You guys are simply beautiful!

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36 Kudos

October 13, 2009 - Tuesday

Today's not the day....

We'd rather hoped he'd be home today.

Not going to happen.

I'm frustrated.

He's in a lot of pain again. He'd tried to skip the pain meds and ween himself off them, but by doing that the pain got ahead of him.

The verbal disturbances is the pain medication. When he was off it was when he sounded normal. On them he's all forgetful and can't grab the right words in conversation. Now that I know what's causing THAT I can breathe a little better but.....

I hate hearing him in pain.

I can't stand it.

I want to reach into him and grab out what is hurting him.

I didn't line up child care today because we thought he'd be coming home. Right about when I had to pick Spencer up at school Max decided to melt down and be a turd so thankfully my one sister came over so I wouldn't have to lug Max to pick up Spence. That very well might have pushed me over the edge.

So, no Yeti in the house this evening.

And, I can't go see him.

It is going to be a long night. I haven't missed a day, even if only for an hour, since he's been gone.

Ugh.

They said he's likely to hurt for a while until the clots get small enough to NOT cause pain -- several WEEKS of this kind of pain for him. And it pisses me off. Not in the sense that I'm mad at Pat or any PERSON.... just the fact that my husband hurts. I know there are worse things that can happen to people. I understand that it's not like he lost an arm or went blind or something but.....

I want to fix it.

Kiss the boo-boo away.

And, I can't.

Damnit.

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21 Kudos

October 13, 2009 - Tuesday

quickie

Pat's still on the mend.

Looks like he might come home either tomorrow or wednesday.

Just too wiped to blog anything more than that, except this:

THANK YOU

Thank you all for your kindness and prayers and well wishes and naked kitchen dances. I have simply been FLOORED with the outpouring of love and support from all of you. I know when Pat gets home he's going to be, too, when he reads everything between here and on FaceBook.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for being such wonderful people.

Getting some rest now.

'Nother busy day ahead......

Good-night Friends......

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30 Kudos

October 11, 2009 - Sunday

Update: Time to exhale?

I saw Pat this afternoon.

Wait, before that....

He's been texting me when he gets up in the morning so that he doesn't call and wake me, and I dont' call and wake him. We both realize for different reasons that we need sleep.

I wake up, see my phone, and there are 3 messages. Before I see them I panic that they're going to be emergent......

First one says something about his fever breaking and him bathing in his own sweat.

Then something silly.

Then something sillier in the next one.

I call him, and I hear MY PAT on the phone.

He's alert. He's with it.

So, I go see him and he's there. Like, all there. The fevers broke on and off through the night but are not back as of yet. They think the part of his lung affected by the infarction has an infection that explains the fevers. That, and they think he's contracted a bit of a bug or flu. They keep insisting he must've had it prior to coming but... I don't think so. Spencer's had a cold off and on, but nothing major.

He got up and shaved. Man, that was getting to be ONE BURLY YETI in that bed. Every nurse who's had to attach a lead to his chest or tape to his arm keeps saying,

"You're a very hairy man....."

I get the biggest giggle from that.

He was up moving around his room freely without looking like he was going to hit the deck, so there was more relief there.

So for now, at this moment, it looks as though last night was the big bad bang before the calm.

Let's hope that's right.

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28 Kudos

October 11, 2009 - Sunday

far too quiet

I've already rambled my ass off on my "notes" section in Facebook. I thought I had it out of my system. I thought I was ready to try to sleep.

The tears are coming hot and heavy and I feel like I could throw up if I could just let myself.

I want Pat here. I want my husband in this house, better, and I want this over.

He's not getting better. I thought he was, but I saw him tonight and NOW he's vomiting and running fevers and those symptoms have nothing to do with blood clots.
He's either contracted something in the hospital or his body is doing something else evil and horrid.

And I want a cigarette. I've quit, did I mention? Because while smoking didn't cause his clots it was enough to scare us both. Obviously he can't smoke there, so I'm not smoking here. He's going to come home to a smoke free house and life so it won't be a temptation.

This is what is weighing on me, and I have to say it here more than Facebook because I have more family there than I do here........ I can't talk about this there because I don't want to upset anyone...

Back in 2002 my brother in law John walked in to an ER with a splitting head ache and he was vomiting. They diagnosed him with the flu and sent him home. He went back a few hours later, feeling worse, and that's when they listened. The staph infection had settled into his neck. They did surgery, and paralyzed him. This was after a four day lag between finding the infection and attempting to DO SOMETHING about it.

For four days he tossed and turned in fits of fever, not recognizing people and getting sicker and sicker while doctors sat on their fucking hands watching. John almost died, and came out of it a paraplegic.
Since then his body rages with infection, never able to fully heal. He's been in the hospital since last week. Every time he goes in they think he's not going to survive it. THIS time, I guess, he's VERY VERY bad.

And I can't help but find the parallel in John and Pat right now:

Big, sturdy, healthy man walks into an ER.

Given the wrong diagnosis.

Sent home, only to return WORSE OFF than he was hours before -- back when, if someone had DONE THEIR FUCKING JOB, something might have been prevented.

I don't want to see parallels in their situations but I do, and it's upping the fear factor.

From the time of 8:30p.m. Thursday night when we were discharged and home until around 8:00am Friday morning when they found the clots, those clots had 12 hours to do more damage.

And now he's coughing up blood.

And vomiting.

And running fevers.

And he doesn't look like Pat, and he's all faded -- like he's not all together "there" any more. I kept asking him if he was okay, trying to get HIM out of there -- out of his head -- and he was like,

"I'm fine. I hurt, but I'm okay...." and I don't think he even realizes he doesn't sound like himself. Like part of him is on vacation and won't return until the package is all better.

And I'm scared.

I'm scared.

I'm. SCARED.

My hands have not stopped shaking since I got home tonight. I feel ill. I feel like I could vomit up my insides until they were outside of me, like there's too much inside me and I need to hollow out and fill up with something else. My fingers are numb but it's not cold in here, and my heart is aching. Hurting. Breaking.

There is simply no "Katrina" without Pat.

And I think of the dumb shit we have argued over in the past few years -- marital spats that at times weakened our foundation -- and I want to take those times back. The minutes and hours spent bickering and fighting, I want that time back RIGHT NOW. I want a statistical sheet with the measurement of time we spent yelling at each other over things that don't matter so I know how many hours or days I can have to love him extra.

Right now I am not strong.

I will put the fake face back on when the kids get up, because -- and Spencer has brought this up already..... The last person THEY saw go into the hospital was their Grandfather. And he never came back out again. That is what my sons are going to bed with in their hearts.
And I can't fix it. I can put a band-aide on it and keep the mood light but I can't fix it and I can't fix Pat and I can't do anything but wait.

In case you don't know it, patience is not a strong point of mine.

I want to scream and pull my hair out. That's one of my Mom's favorite things to say, and I never felt like saying it until now.

But instead I sit in silence in a house that is too quiet. If I listen close I can hear my children snoring and they'll be awake in about six to seven hours and they're going to need me to do all the Mommy things I do and I don't want to do them. I want to wake up and walk out the door and be with my husband. Even if all I can do is watch him sleep, it is where my heart and mind are.

I can't fucking stand this.

And Pat keeps saying "I'm sorry" like he DID SOMETHING, and ........ I just can't fucking stand this.

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22 Kudos

October 9, 2009 - Friday

Pray please. UPDATED 4:00

I've already laid this out on Facebook so pardon my brevity right now.

Pat is in the hospital.

He has blood clots in both lungs. As far as I know right NOW, they're keeping him for a few days and treating him with blood thinners. Beyond that, I know nothing. I'll be leaving to see him at the hospital within the hour.

Please do your thing with the Good Luck Mojo and I'll keep everyone posted.

Thanks.

_________________________________________________________

UPDATE:

I managed to luck out that when I went to Pat's room around noonish, the doctor was just coming in.

Confirmed with the doctor he has clots in both lungs but they don't know where they came from.

24 hours ago he was outside doing yard work, 100% FINE. This started around 7:00 last night, came to a head at 3:00 in the morning and he's progressively getting worse as the day ticks on.

Also confirmed he has pneumonia.

And this makes NO SENSE to me.

It makes no sense that the first trip to the ER around 8:30pm, THAT doctor checked for kidney and gall stones and said "You strained a muscle. Go home. You're fine."

3:00 a.m. and I'm on the phone with 911, Pat is on the floor.

At 6:00-ish a.m. THAT ER doctor said "You strained a muscle. Go home" but I got THAT one on the phone and said,

"NO." Men like my husband don't just fall to the floor for nothing, even if it would've been a pulled back muscle. Pat said from the get-go "This feels internal"

After I pulled the UberBitch Kat Rant on the phone with the doctor, they admitted him, ran more tests and found the clots. They were going to SEND HIM HOME like that, TWICE, with ticking time bombs in his chest.

Now the pneumonia on top of this?

It. Makes. No. Sense.

They're talking about checking his heart to see if there's a hole in it??? and if the clots are close or something...... I'll be honest, when the doctor mentioned his heart I got a little weak kneed. That, and the guy's accent was so thick I had a hard time understanding him.

So that is all I know.

I want to make it back out there either after dinner or after the kids go to bed.

I have to get back out there.

Right now I keep thinking I'm going to hear him walk up the sidewalk like he's out running errands and expected home at any minute. It's fucking killing me.

I'll let you know what I know when I know it.

Thanks for all the prayers and support.

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24 Kudos

October 5, 2009 - Monday

I think I peed a little bit.....

The way our house is set up, our computer room has a window that is at my back. It faces the walk-way up to our front door.

Many nights, after the kids are in bed, if I'm in here alone and things are quiet.... I get WEIRDED OUT by the idea that someone could be watching. Or creep on up to that window behind me and I wouldn't know it until a voice floated in from the open window.

I do this to myself.

I can FREAK MYSELF OUT in a house, all alone, if I mentally charge my brain to believe Da Booooogey Man is comin' to get me.

I don't sleep with a leg hanging off the side of the bed for that very reason. Because you know, that's like INVITING him to snag you up and rip you into the darkness where the Sleestacks live and eat you alive, starting with your belly of course. Because, as you all well know, if they start at the intestines you're still alive when they start to eat you.
Just like Dr. Grant explained to the bug-eyed kid about the Veloceraptors on Jurassic Park.

Anyway.....

Yeti and I have started a new weekly routine. He's better about getting moving EARLY in the morning, so he gets up at 5:00-5:30 to get his motor running so he can get to the gym and be home before Spencer leaves for school. Then, after Spencer is at school, I go to the gym. I need more time to clear my head. I can't hop out of bed, grab a java, and be on the Elliptical in less than an hour. I'd pass out or fart on people or something.

I have been trying to get up before he leaves the house. It gives me quiet morning hours to get awake, get some coffee in me and stuff before the kids start asking for attention. I've found I'm a MUCH more patient Mommy if I've been awake before them rather than having to hit the ground running with Kid Demands.

So this morning, it is quiet. Yeti is at the gym. The kids are sleeping. It's still dark outside.

I'm checking my FaceBook and drinking my morning coffee.....

And I hear it.

Sounded like a twig snapping right outside the window.

Fine.

We have critters that call the trees out front their home.

Another twig.

The rustle of leaves.

Do I hear footsteps?

Now I've paused.

I've sat perfectly still, listening. The window is open to let in the chill of the morning air, and I'm on High Alert.

I'm statue still.

I've shallowed my breathing so my Morning Smoker Wheeze doesn't mix with what I'm trying to hear.

All is silent.

It was just my imagination.

And then,

As I'm starting to relax,

A voice floats into the window......

"I don't mean to scare you but....."

I let out a YELP that should've woken the dead. Thankfully it didn't wake the kids. Our landlord was dropping off our rent receipt on her way in to work.

Didn't mean to scare me?

DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE ME?

Holy Fuck.

I'm very much, without question, AWAKE.

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25 Kudos

October 2, 2009 - Friday

Well at least I'm not as pathetic as YOU!

The title of this blog is the gut reaction and the knee jerk feeling I get when I listen to religious high roller bible thumpers bash other people.

Because whether or not you "believe" in sin or want to specifically call it that, we're all sinners. We all fall from grace. None of us are perfect and even when we're good, solid, salt-of-the-earth people..... there's still fault there. There's still imperfections. There's still sin.

So, David Letterman had an affair.

As a wife it angers me. As a human I shrug it off and assume he had his reasons. Be they desire, lust, the want to flaunt his "power" as a celebrity over people, his need for variety, his wife wasn't givin' it up at home, or perhaps she cut off the love supply for her own reasons, or he's just flat out a seething pig..... who the hell cares?

Why do we stop in shock when someone who's famous screws up in a way that every day people do all the time?

I'm not talking about the CRAZY shit like using drugs that could choke a horse, or it being FRONT PAGE NEWS when a celebrity's dog dies......

It's disturbing to me what we expect from other people. It BOTHERS me when people cite a celebrity as a "hero" only for their acting ability, or their ability to toss a ball. I have people who have inspired me as a performer.

I absolutely LOVE how Christopher Titus takes things that are NOT FUNNY.... and makes them funny. A dad who's an alcoholic and a suicidal mother? into a joke?
Genius, man!
But he's not my HERO.
I don't look to him in awe, with eyes upward, ready to worship him.

Letterman acting like a typical man is not news to me because, um, hello? He's a man. Just a guy who screwed up. Ah, but because he enters our home five nights a week we.... what... expect him to be "above" it? NOT defending the Right To Cheat here. I just can't figure out why people are freaking out about it.

Speaking strictly from a woman's stand point, I'd say a man who looks like Letterman would HAVE TO be famous to merit a mistress. Who would want him otherwise? ha ha ha.... sorry. That was mean. But damn.... all that money and he can't get some braces for those teeth??

I digress.....

Let's say, for argument's sake, I become famous. Household name kind of deal.

The only press I'd worry about are people in my PAST speaking up to make a buck letting the world know what we did 15 + years ago.....
.... but what haven't I already confessed in my blog anyhow?

Someone attempting to extort money from Letterman because he had a momentary lapse of reason.... or SEVERAL, what ever the case is, is sickening. The person attempting to bleed money from him..... I wonder how clean their life is?

Just.... pondering.....

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24 Kudos

September 27, 2009 - Sunday

It's Been a Hard Day's Night....
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Last night I did the fund raiser show at the Akron FOP Lodge. The crowds there are phenomenal. They don't toss out pity laughs, but they laugh when something is funny. They are ready to enjoy comedy and are generous with their laughter and attention.

I think this is the 4th? one I've done at the Lodge at the invitation of my friend Mike Conley who puts the gigs together. It's always an honor to be asked. I've sat a few out, but I get that, too. Can't have the same lineup every time or no matter how funny you are there's no draw to get people to come. Still, I had new stuff from the last time I was there. I don't think it would've mattered. Before the show started some of the Lodge regulars were expressing how happy they were to see me back, how much they enjoy my show, etc.....

It simply felt Lovely.

They laughed hard and loud and long and EVERY show there can make a comic feel like a ROCK STAR!!!! Yeti calls me "his Rock Star".... more of a joke than anything but.... not a joke. It's empowering to control a room full of people. You're putting yourself out there and they're GETTING it. They get you. They get your humor. They relate. They laugh. It's intimate.

I was recently signed with an agency that books venues all across the East Coast. In the next ten weekends, I only have two that are without shows. All paid gigs. Gigs through Michigan, WV, Ohio and Maryland.

I'm beyond thrilled at this activity in my schedule. I will never be gone from the kids for more than a two to three day span. It's mostly weekend work. As long as Yeti's still laid off we're taking advantage of the time so that I can get out there as much as possible.

I know the blog has been more quiet than usual. There are only so many hours in the day. I just had to pop on in here and let you guys know what's going on.

I'm elated at the turns my career is taking. I know it could back back off at any time, so I'm grabbing what is offered to me and running. Running like my life depends on it.

For the record, in case the "right" people are reading this? You know, the lurkers who keep tabs but never say they were actually here?

I didn't get this gigs because I spent time in back rooms sucking someone's dick.

I didn't pay anyone off or force myself into anyone's space by buying my way into anything.

I didn't "glom" on to another comic, inserting myself into their lives to where they felt they had to take me along for the ride. I have gotten HELP -- comics who have asked for me when they come to town, comics who have opened doors at other clubs. That kind of networking is normal. People like Tommy Blaze, Jeff Blanchard, Mike Conley, Jason Benci, Jen Kober, Mike Malone, just to name a few.

If you guys see they're coming to your area? GO to the SHOW. You won't be disappointed!!

What I meant with the "glom" thing is there are people who will attach themselves to one comic who's made it, never venturing out on their own, and just stay with that ONE person. I guess it is one way to do it, but I like falling and succeeding by myself when I can. In a community where there are people who will stab you in the back and attempt to keep you from gigs, there are as many good ones who will HELP a new comic because they remember what it's like to be the New Guy. Or New Girl. You know what I mean!

I did this with the support and encouragement and love from my husband who's been behind me EVERY step of the way.

So really, We did this.

I did this by listening, and learning, and accepting advice rather than acting like I know everything. I listened to comics better than me and watched and tried to learn something.

Do I sound cocky? If I do? Fuck it. I've earned a moment here.

I'm proud of myself right now. I don't have many moments of pride, so I'm going to savor this one. I'm going to chew it slowly and savor the flavor.

In three months I could very well be "gig-less" because of what ever reason, so I'm relishing the work right now knowing I earned it, I did this because I wanted it, and made it work.

It's an amazing thing when you do something you really never thought you could.

Feels..... pretty freakin' good....

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27 Kudos

September 25, 2009 - Friday

Try again.

Back when I first started doing comedy, when the very idea of comedy didn't exist much further than my home club, I was in the finals of the contest they hold there. People kept telling me I was going to win. Oh, for SURE I was the best one of the night.

"You're going to win this, Katrina!"

I remember the night clearly. The club always plays some random DVD for music prior to the show and Billy Joel was playing. Whoo HOO! An Omen in MY FAVOR! How could I not be anything short of spectacular with Billy starting the night?

I tanked.

Hard.

I bit it on stage like I was Augustus Gloop heading for a chocolate river, people.

Friends and family alike did the "Avert thine eyes" thing when I came off that stage. I received the obligatory "You were funny" remarks with such a lack of enthusiasm and honesty it was as though they were delivered with a gun pointed to the speaker's head.

I wasn't funny. I did not do well. I TANKED.

The very next week, I showed back up at the club. Head high.

The owner and the house MC laughed at me as I walked in the door.

"We took bets on whether or not you'd show up here again....."

In the words of Bugs Bunny, "Dey don't know me vewwy well....."

Of course I showed up again. One set back does not derail me.

Since that night I have had other performances that have been less than stellar, but nothing quite as gut wrenching and stark as that FIRST major tanking on stage.

It's a painful thing to watch, really: A bad comedian. Perhaps they aren't a bad comic so much as they're just having a bad night. That's what happened that night. My timing was off. I attempted new material that wasn't funny. I opened my mouth, got off on the wrong foot, and kept stumbling with zero chance or even ATTEMPT to right myself.

That kind of shit happens.

I haven't been to the gym in a month. Between a horrific hormonal battle with Aunt Flo and a cold that will not clear up, I have let myself get back into the game of Random Excuses.

I do see not being able to BREATHE properly as a reason to not mount an elliptical, but it boils down to making excuses when the reasons linger too long.

I haven't stepped on a scale in a while. I don't need to to know I've probably put at least 10-15 pounds back on. I can tell in my face. I can tell by how my clothing fits. I can feel it in my veins like someone replaced my blood with a rather thick and rich gravy of sludge.

In the past, when weight loss and health were the goal?

I'd just quit and be done.

It was easier. It was easier to wallow in my unfortunate genetic build up than to fight it. It is very easy to slip up and embrace lazy than regain the momentum built by actions that are far from lazy.

I've had a set back. Not because I couldn't do the work, but because I made a choice to become lazy again. Complacent in my indifference.

Now the guilt should come in. Guilt leads to guilt eating. Guilt eating leads to more fat. And so the cycle goes.

Yeah, fuck it.

Not this time.

I screwed up, but I see it.

And like the choice to get back on stage or accept failure came years ago, I make a choice to NOT GIVE UP just yet.

There's still an athlete in me waiting to get out. I shall stop smothering her in neglect and continue to try to find her.....

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September 23, 2009 - Wednesday

Here Kitty Kitty......

Yesterday Yeti takes Max to run a few errands. I settle in for a minute with my lunch to watch a few Dexter episodes I've recorded. I'm just sitting down when the phone rings.

Durango's dead. Yeti's on the side of the road with Max. We knew the truck was acting up, but didn't think it was anything THIS bad.

So, I wolf down the lunch and head out to pick up my boys.

I swear to GOD I didn't hear a "thud" or see ANYTHING in the driveway when I pulled out.

We get home and at first I thought there was a garbage bag that had blown onto our drive way. The way our house sits, it's like a wind tunnel. Random garbage that flies out of people's trash ends up carried by the wind and put near our front door or in our yard.

Once I focused we both realized...... not a garbage bag. It was a cat.

Okay, a cat decided to nap in our drive way.

Um....

Not a nap.

Yeti got out and I could tell by the look on his face that cat wasn't sleeping.

I'm telling you I did NOT hit that animal. There were no tire tracks on it's white fur. Just a WHOLE LOT of red blood coming out of its mouth and eyes.

Damn it.

The only thing I can figure is that someone hit it on the road and it got knocked into our drive way.

We get Max in the house, shielding him from the carnage. I really didn't want to have to explain to him why the cat wasn't moving or what all that red stuff was. And the damn thing was still ALIVE.

The next step was, honestly, putting it out of its misery. We figured it was the neighbor's cat. He has several.

Once Pat got back outside, the neighbor was already standing over the cat wondering what happened.

Here's what happened:

Dude, you left your "pet" out to roam.

If you have ANY "pet" that is outside more than inside, free to roam about and be "free"?

It's not a pet.

It's a stray you feed and have a fondness for.

When are people going to be more responsible with animals?

I'm not a PETA freak or anything but strays happen for a reason: People don't give a shit ENOUGH about the animals they supposedly love and they breed and run about and end up dead or about 80% dead in someone's drive way.

Damn it.

As if the truck issues weren't enough drama for the day.

Seriously people, keep your pets inside. Or on a leash. I had a cat once. I NEVER let it out. Because it mattered to me. It was part of my family. I'd no sooner let that cat out to roam about in a street than I would my kids. Common sense could've prevented this. I've felt like shit about it since I saw that poor animal laying there with all that damn blood coming out of its body.

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September 21, 2009 - Monday

Zoo Spectacular: A WILD Photoblog!

Last year, we'd hoped to get the kids to the Zoo. There's one in Akron (far more kid friendly -- everything is closer to the next thing and it's not that big) and the Cleveland Zoo -- FAR superior in display and variety, but a LOT of walking. I mean a LOT. of. WALKING.

We didn't make it there last year, and with our finances we figured we couldn't get there this year either. I mentioned this to a friend of mine -- just randomly in conversation, and he sent us four free Zoo passes in the mail a few days later. I don't know if he just had the tickets laying around, got them via his radio contacts, or went out and bought them... but it doesn't matter. The gesture of kindness goes beyond seeing animals and stuff. It was one of those random moments of kindness that makes me believe in humanity.

So, thanks Chuck. Because we had a WONDERFUL time. The kids got to see so much!! I hadn't been there in over 15 years and it was a beautiful day. No rain. Not excessively hot. Just an all around beautiful family day for The Browns......

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Spencer ID'd these guys right away. Thanks, Diego!!

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SO many variations of the word "monkey".

These guys were very active.

99% of my shots were through the observation glass.

I lucked out in keeping the flash off to prevent the reflection. I'm really REALLY pleased at how these came out. Not National Geographic Worthy, but still pretty LUCKY for a random day and a shutter-happy Mommy who hogs the camera!!

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Max would've stayed and looked at those monkeys all day if we had let him.

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LOVE the Orangutans!!

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Again, talk about luck! This was shot through the glass about three feet OVER my head! The light cooperated nicely!!

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Gotta love the killer zoom on this camera.

Caught some shots of the fishes....

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Basking in the sunlight, taking a nap. Who doesn't feel like that from time to time?

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"No, you silly human. I will NOT turn and look at you. Now, go away, and let me fling my feces in private... Be gone with you!"

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I love, love, LOVE the Red Pandas. Sometimes called "Lesser Pandas".... they don't look real. When they're awake and their eyes are open and they're all upright and stuff they look like stuffed animals ready to be snuggled. These are and have always been my FAVORITE animal at the Zoo. Beyond the primates (who rank up there as favorites) these guys are just too awesome to watch.

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Here's the boys, looking in on some of Yeti's distant relatives. Again, I had big time luck with the zoom through the observation glass...

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This guy was actually pretty close to us, but there was a chain link fence. I aimed the camera through the links and got that one.

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"Aaarrh, Mates, there be an adventure afoot!"

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A monkey? A skunk? A Skunkey?? Not sure what it is. I'm just always in awe of what nature has to show us. There are things out there we can't dream of.

There are more photos to be seen, but I didn't want to slam the blog.

All the photos have been uploaded in an album on here.

Thanks again Chuck for your kindness and generosity!

And thank YOU guys for lookin'!!

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Katrina Brown

Last Updated: 9/27/2009

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Status: Married
State: OH
Country: US
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