I believe that there is good in all people, that evil is a sickness and from any sickness comes a cure.

I believe that one man really can make a difference and to make a stand is easier than keeping that place.

 I believe that violence is a last resort to a global solution that should never be used, that conflict and blood-shed reap more conflict and blood-shed.

I believe that if we cannot learn from the past then we should not let it hold us back for dwelling in negativity will only suffocate us.

I believe that there is always something worth living for even if you have to search all your life to find it, but cherish it when you do.

I believe that little boys and girls should be little boys and girls, and when they are men and women, allowed to be thoes children once more.

I believe in love, that it exists and, in its purest form, is ever lasting, that it can heal destroyed hearts and can spread like a virus for which no one wants the cure to, that if abused, can consume the mind and distrupt life.

I believe that from my weakness I can find strenght, and from my fears I can find the light to quide me towards a brighter plain.

I believe that we are not alone and there is someone out there who understands, that solitude does not solve a problem and unity will help us prevail.

Oh dragons (Chinese zodiac) are so wonderful. We're driven, we're popular and we can pretty much achieve what ever we set out mind to. People flock to bask in our glow. We are easy to get along with and energetic. The lover of lovers! We are also fantastic illusionists!

No dragon sees themselves as this Fonzie/James Dean character. Too cool  for school and everyone else but we still hang out with you because we think you're worthy. We hold this illusion well but because it is just that, it can be seen through and one of two things happens.They leave or they stay. Leaving because they realize that there is far too much deceit and evil for their taste in an idol or staying because they see that we are human too. We cry and have our hearts shattered, maybe not for public view but still, it happens. Cool as a cucumber with a fucking habenero pepper buried inside.

So to all thoes that have taken off their rose colored glasses, do you honestly like what you see? We who are so emmotionally retarded that we can drop friends as easily as we pick them up. An aquantance can become an annoyance in a heart beat, as quick to judge as we are to accept. That little glint in our eyes after meeting you is a verdict but the jury doesn't leave until you've weighed heavily enough on one side. It doesn't matter which side, not like we cared to begin with but we do like to keep the company we are around a pleasant one.

The personification of a lie should be the dragon, but the paradox of believing in a lie is that the harder you believe the more it becomes truth.

For those of you who don't know and I've clearly avoided telling, I write a lot of fanfiction...seriously A LOT! My oldest one took me like 6 years to finish? I don't really remember maybe it was like 4 or something but anyways. I love the fans of my halfassed pieces that actually leave reviews and comments. Here are some of my favs...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

"Hey there, this story has funkyness to the max! I cried a little a kylee miscarrying her child, but i got over it. YOU ROCK! >_< Your story just gets better and better. Keep up the good work!"

I don't even know if funkyness to the max is a good thing!

"Update this Damnit! You've stretched my patience long enough. The only reason I'm reviewing this chapter is because I already reviewed the last one. Finish this story and you won't hear from me again."

Angry people make me smile ^_^. This guy wrote a lot!

"I read this story loads of times on different websites, and i can't stop reading it! This is one of the best stories i have ever read about Shadow with a fan character and i get something new out of it every time i read it. Keep up the good work!"

The dedicated fans, this also proves how much of a writing whore I am xD

"that chapter was awesome!! THIS WHOLE STORY IS AWESOME! hope you update soon!"

The enthusiasts.

"Hello! Hey, I like this fic, If you need some help whit the Spanish, I can do it! I'm from M'exico, and I Know spanish ((of curse)) and Iglish because I lern it in the school =P

See ya!"

I hit the second language barrier!

"What, an OC that I like?
Seriously, I've been reading a lot of stories with OC's that are actually worth the read, and this is one of them.
This might have been said already, but Mai's name is spelled wrong.
I think you had it correct in previous chapters.
Speaking of Mai, it's refreshing to read a story that has Mai IC, even if she is the rival 'shipping'.
I love this love/hate thing Zuko and Jaherah have (even though it is Zuko's doing).
It seems that Jaherah is slightly aware that there is something wrong with Zuko's mind, not so much his heart.
I'm am excitied to see what's going to happen Next :o)"

Someone who sees what I've done and recognizes it as something awesome!

"OMG i LOVED it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write a sequal! i need to kno wut happens!!"

More enthusiasts

"That as so sad. It mad me want to cry. Well, not all of it made me want to cry. Some of it made me laugh. Like how they kept fighting.
At the end was the most sad how they had to leave each other. I would be crying if i had to leave the one i loved. My favorite part was where she was sleeping in his lap.Where his arms were around her when his Uncle walked in.
I also felt sorry for the people in the cells. The poor slave people. I would not like to see anyone in cells being a slave. It hurts to see mice in cages. Well, thats off subject. It was really good. I am really wondering if they are ever going to see each other again.
It broke my heart to see them leave. Keep up the good work on the rest of your stories."

I made someone cry MUAHAHAHAH!

"this story is brilliant. please, please, please continue"

Someone called something I wrote brilliant! Thus I will keep writing but only when I fucking feel like it which is usually 2am. WOOO!

This bit is actually a thought from a character in my "manga".

I watched her, as helpless as the others as she was consumed with such gluttonous pride. No word could reach her ears. Her skin was set a blaze, her eyes blackened like her heart I’m sure, she was solely fire, mindless and merciless fire. The brilliance of her flames was both beautiful and heartbreaking. Yet another I thought untouchable had fallen from grace

Some what inspired by all the emo hanging around in the air, combined with self-loathing and other stuff.

I wish...

I wish that I could tell you everything that’s on my mind, all the stings that are about you, and everything about me. I wish I could tell you how I feel about everything, about the world about you. I want to know if my plans will actually take me somewhere and if they include you, but if they don’t, I wish they would. I see happiness and love sprout from seas of destruction and negativity. Seems I can’t say the same for me. The thought of you makes me smile and yet seeing you shuts down what little courage I have. It’s all the same isn’t it. But a wish rarely becomes more than just that, well, for me anyways. I’ve stepped aside so often that being on the left is damn near my home. They’re never the one and those that come so close, I just let walk by. No smile or wink, blatant lustful stare, nothing. Just nothing.

I am once again whoring out my art skills to raise money for a smurf relief fund.

I can pretty much draw and color anything now, however gaggingly cute or grotesque. There really is no low for me, unless it’s kiddie porn then I’m not talking to you anymore.

Anything on basic sized sheet of paper (8"x11") will start at $5. Detail will alter the price as well as color. You can even ask what you want it done in, ink, paint, crayon. If i can do it, it’s a done deal. There is no limit to how big or small you want your piece to be.

Important to know. I do not and cannot create and sell anything depicting copy written characters. That means no Tweaty Bird, no Mario, no anime. I can do FAN created characters.

My style varies from realistic to goofy. If you want to see samples of my work you can check out my dev http://viciouscerealkiller.deviantart.com/ , look in my pictures on my profile or just request to see my portfolio. It’s really up to you. OH! and if you still go to Kenwood High School, just look at the mural by the library. I designed it.

WOOT! A bit early but this one just hit me and I don't want to lose it now.

Fags and Bitches

GEEZ! How much longer do I have to stare at this chick's face. Never mind the fact that she smacks her gum like a fucking cow and keeps humping me with her eyes. I'm not even into her type. You know, pretty primped up princess with daddy's money and mommy's whore skills. Oh yeah I went there and I'm probably right. She looks the part and sounds it as well. I would take listen to a baby crying next to a cat yowling it's final hours away than listening this uppity bitch and her "valley talk".

"LYKE OH MOI GAWD!" If I have to hear that again I swear I'm gonna kill a bitch. Everything starts with "like". "LIKE! we were going to the mall" "Like Marissa totally hates her," "It was like" "He was like" "She has like." SHIT EITHER HAPPENS OR IT DOESN'T HAPPEN YOU IGNORANT WHORE!

Thank god I'm gay or I would have no choice but to deal with her type on a regular basis just to get in her fucking pants and get the hell out. Though what would she sound like during sex? "Like, oh my gawd I am so totally going to come!" I shudder at the thought now. I think every guy she's laid in the past week probably brought along ear plugs.

But I think what I hate even more are those damn FAGS! Yeah I said it FAGS! Fake Ass Gay Suckers. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to act, sound and dress like a chick. That's what cross dressers do! Unless you're both then that's a completely different story I guess.

ER! When is this class going and SWEET JESUS WHAT IS THAT THING ON HER HEAD?! Is that her hair? It looks like a giant bump. I hope she didn't do that on purpose. It looks like something out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon when Elmer Fudd gets conked on the head and a huge bump just swells up.

Oh crap! She caught me staring at her hair. Do I like it? Why the hell would I like it? You look like a castrated rhino! No I shouldn't say that. That would hurt her feelings...fucking I'm saying it.

Oh great now she's mad and won't shut up. Blah blah, you worked hard to look like shit, congrats on the sub par effort. I don't care if some hotel skank started it. I'm not to blame for having no idea what you look like. Your shirt exaggerates your torso which is disgusting. Humans are supposed to be 70% leg. How many bracelets do you need to wear on one arm? I heard you coming over a hundred feet away. I am now convinced that you're just a part of the flock. That's right sheep! All of you!

WHEN WILL SHE SHUT UP! I can't take this any more!

"I'M GAY! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU'RE HURT! Fucking mind ninja."

Ah, peace at last. Now time for the next class.

So the snow outside combined with having the day out and no real contact from someone I would subconsciously flirt with has me thinking. Is Fullsail or even any college really for me? My life's ambition is to be a director but I'm pretty damn sure it has nothing to do with going to school for it and more with knowing the right people. I don't know any one that could help me cozy up to some movie executives and so I'm broke as hell. My closer goal is just to be an author and I can pretty much go to any school for that right? But then again why bother? Do I need a fucking degree just to do what I've been doing since the third grade?

What would be the point in pouring money into a liberal college taking courses that are merely required and probably won't have anything to do with my goals? I guess some help would come of it, and people watching is oh so fun. The college setting would probably pose for a bit of drama to watch or get pulled into.

All I want to do is write and create and all this year off has told me is that I need to read more books, expand my vocabulary, and stop dating the wrong guys. Maybe all I need to do is put off going to fullsail until i can really get some cred attached to my name. I grab a recommendation from some teacher, take those fucking SAT and ACTs then look for a school that leans more in my favor I guess.

Next on the agenda is the lack of literature. Well I work which means the one person I get book suggestions from I rarely talk to now. I would like to be able to pick up something on my own and go "What the fuck is this" then start reading and go "WOW" instead of "WHAT?" But titles tell you little and blah blah. So any suggestions? I'm open to anything right now. My only source would have to be intelligent movies, that I lack as well. Meh. I guess I choose to write my own rather than to read them.

To say that I've had trouble with boys would be like saying Hitler only killed some of the Jews. My choices have been well poor at best and most have actually turned a few heads, most of those heads belonging to my friends. Like I care what anyone thinks of who I date but like they say "love" is blind. It would be nice to have someone force mine open before oh say Jon Campbell, Chris Salazar and Jeremy Rodgers had a chance to happen.

The only thing that I've ever really been attracted to from the male species other than looks is a sense of confidence. NONE!! of the guys I've ever dated have had even a lick of it and what little there was probably came from me saying yes, though it was me that usually made the first move which sucks entirely. But it can't be that bad right? I shook em off eventually and just kept going. Other than being driven away by their whining, I often broke it off because I lost sight of what was important to me. No matter how sweet the guy or how great the sex it all summed up, in the end, to another distraction. AND FROM WHAT?!

The fact that I pursued them only means that I wanted to forget what ever it was that was going on at the time. Chris and Jon were grand examples of that and those who know the shit that was going on behind the scenes are aware of that as well.

So what am I looking for? Or is what I'm looking for not looking for me? Am I aiming too high? Is wanting someone who can stand on their own two feet and look me in the eye too much? I can see those that have these qualities, one in particular but unfortunately I'm just too weary of what most people fear, rejection. I've been told once before and like anytime I hear no to something I want I stop pursuing it all together. It's what I've come to accept. I get told no and I go "Okay" and drop it all together. I don't ask why because I don't need to know, it's of no real concern to me, but then again I'm not one who gives up easily too. I don't need something but if I want it enough I won't stop until I get it because there are two ways to ask for something: begging and a more diplomatic approach that requires a bit of finesse to get someone to see it your way.

I would like, for once, to be the one sought after instead of the other way around. It would shock me so much if someone who knew me actually asked me out instead of complete strangers eying me from afar then having the balls to speak to me. I say this because I asked if I was too mean and unapproachable. Turns out I'm just intimidating. go figure. I'm afraid of my own shadow in the right light, what makes me so damn intimidating? This little bit of info makes just about anyone who attempts to woo me either oblivious to what I would do to them emmotionaly if "no" wasn't even matter of would I say it but when; foolish; bold or all of the above.

So what do I want? Something I've said several times and has always been my resolve when it's time to cut another victim loose. Someone who doesn't need me but I guess that's too much to ask. I'm just tired of the needy, clingy, hold my hand and feed my ego types already. I'm 19, I've dated five guys and slept with all of them and all that has changed is that I dislike their type even more now that I've run through them. Either I'm mean or thoes that get fed to this she wolf are just wussies. Anyone who can stand up to me deserves to keep me as proof but that doesn't mean they have to stop fighting for it because I don't plan to stop either. Seems liek all I'm asking for is someone I can butt heads with or maybe that simplifies it a little to much? Do I want drama? If I call him a bitch what's he going to respond with? Something witting or something low like "takes one to know one" or just shrug off whatever I say as a waste of words and walk off, finding the best way to defeat a mind ninja is to ignore it. GAH!

I DON'T KNOW! I need someone to set me up with someone, atleast then there is an outside opinion to whether or not we would actually hit it off. If not then I'll just see if this thing I have for whom eve fizzles off and turns out to be nothing more than me wanting a rebound then I can move on. But if not then someone needs to watch his back.

Well I'm bored and I can't sleep (or refuse to) so inspiration and situation have forced my hand to the keys. Now for your reading pleasure or discomfort AM Monologues.

The Other Woman

How long can I wait for him to call me again? Another half hour and I'll have to call it a night. He's probably off with her again, the skank. Always calling at the wrong time, interrupting important dinner parties and events. If only she relived how much danger she puts his career into with her persistent calls and pages. Sending those tasteless pictures to his office! Of all places! She should at least try to maintain some level of finesse.

WHY DOES HE GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HER?! I came first. I helped him to the top and when he faltered and hit bottom again, I was there to comfort him. Where was she? Probably turning tricks for one of his competitors. I should rip her head off and feed it to the dogs!

No, that would be too messy or maybe not messy enough. I want to destroy her and her reputation, if there even is one. I want her to feel humiliation like every time I'm alone, making excuses for his absence even though I know he's laying under her. I want her to know what it feels like to be alone when everyone else is happy together. I want her to know what it's like to be lied to unflinchingly by someone she thought loved her. I want her to suffer! And then when she can't go on anymore I want to give her a window of opportunity then slam it shut in her face!

False hope hurts like a bitch and so does having your man ripped from your arms. I'll make her beg for forgiveness until her tears cut through her pretty face and that girlish voice grows hoarse. I'll prove to her that she is weak and not woman enough to truly stick by his side through it all. She will crumble, he will send her off and I will return to my pedestal, the triumphant victor. I am his wife after all.

BLAH! I've done worse at this time, it was a huge bit of smut that probably wont resurface for a LONG time.

Dreams can be so innocent, kind but at the same time, they can be evil and devastating. I dreamt of something the other night that filled my heart with far too much hope of something that will never happen. A close friend that I had known for a long time, who became so detached from me. Someone who I could tell everything, things that no one else knew, not even my best friend. He was the other, the only other person I could confide in all my deepest, darkest secrets. We gradually grew up together then after a few aggressive incidents resulting from mounting tensions, we grew apart as well. I turned my back on him and let him fall out of the grace of our circle. In my dream, I woke to find him in my home. My brother had delivered him to me. While his clothes were new his face was still as I remember it but aged more than mine. I confronted him and told him that I hated him for what he did and most of all for leaving me. I spoke of how much I missed him and how much of an ass hole he was for just disappearing. He said nothing and just stared at me with the eyes of a man who has had his share of hard times. He infuriated me as usual with his looks, mocking me without saying a word. Without warning and as rash as any of his actions he pulled me towards him and kissed me. Nothing erotic about it, just a sweet and innocent kiss. I guess his way of apologizing for something he didn't do, crimes he did not commit that I accused him of. In that instance, I realized that this could never come to pass. My life is not so wonderful that someone who walked out, that I really cared about, could just as easily walk back in. But I do hope that he is somewhere safe and well. That he is surrounded by people who love and care about him, a group that understands him, like I still do.