I used to go to shows
now I throw them.
Wanna sit back and relax
but don't know when
I can find the time
to kick back--contemplate
When will I reclaim
mental real estate?
This used to be fun
yeah I remember the days
when i enjoyed myself
but now it's a haze.
Was it a mistake?
I'm takin' a break.

Hey MONTANA FRIENDS! I will be in Butte 5/31-6/6/6
Hola Montuckian friends!

I am going to be in town for my lil' bro's graduation (Yes, he is that old, and YES, that means we're all old fogies). I was thinking that we should all go hang out somewhere together. Let's pick a bar and a time. I would like to see all you beautiful people!

Mayhaps we can go chill at my cabin and grill all sorts of delicious animals and plants.

Love and Hugs,

sarah

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I have not eaten in three days-- I have been drinking lemony sugar water and peppermint tea, interspersed with laxatives and salt water colon scrubs. I am feeling better today than I did day one or two, but my body is telling me that it is cleansed and I need to stop.

So, at 8 pm, my fast ends.

I am counting the minutes....

tick

tock

Godddamn I am hungry!!!!

Now I know the true meaning of breakfast.

Next time I will shoot for 5 days.


All in all, I would say that fasting has been a positive experience and a solid reminder of my will power. :)

...make lemonade?

This has been running through my head all night.

The last two weeks have been trying at best. First there was the shooting, then Matt got a gun pointed at him by a crackhead, and Friday night I found out that my friend Nathaniel was in ICU at Harborview and they weren't sure if he was going to make it. I went to see him today. It was really hard to do. He's still unconscious, but they think he can pull through this. I have never seen anyone hooked up to so much life support before-- it wanted to cry, but I don't even know if I have any more tears. I just held his hand and told him I loved him, and that I would be back again.

I am at a loss of what to do if this trend keeps up. I realize that people die and are born every day, but it's not exactly routine to have these things happen so much and in such a condensed time period.

Tonight I am preparing for the fast I was supposed to start Sunday, March 26, which I did not do for obvious reasons. I had to juice a ridiculous amount of lemons. So there I was, staring at lemons, and all I could think about was "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." It seemed a bit trite and silly, but I decided to explore it anyway.

What I am realizing is the depth of love I have for my friends. I am equally nonplussed by the outpouring of love and support from people I didn't even know before this shitnami hit.

Some lyrics worth pondering at the moment-- at least they have been ringing true for me:

I got friends all over this country
I got friends in other countries too
I got friends I haven't met yet
I got friends I never knew
I got lovers whose eyes
I've only seen at a glance
I got strangers for great grandchildren
I got strangers for ancestors

I was a long time coming
I'll be a long time gone
you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when you're willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right
~Ani Difranco
------------------------------------------------

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize
~The Flaming Lips

-------------------------------------------

Do you all realize how much I love you? I know I don't say it much, but I do!

    


Matt almost got shot at work this morning. This coming on the heels of our friends being shot last weekend. I just really don't know what to say.

What went down was that at about 3 a.m., Matt and his coworker were lighting some candles and sage to get the bad energy out of madison market. They were walking around the outside, smudging the place, when these two guys (crackheads) started arguing at the 7-11 across the street. One guy pulled a gun, and the other guy said "go ahead and shoot me." Then, the gunman realized that Matt and Stuart were witnessing this, and turned the gun on them. They hid behind a pillar and called the cops.

This was their first full day back at work since the shootings of last weekend. How the hell are people supposed to heal when fuckers keep picking at the scabs?

Sometimes it's hard for me not to internalize everything around me. I find that when others behave in a cold/mean/inappropriate way toward me, that I think it's somehow my fault. I really need to realize that it's not me.

I just want to be respected. I just want to create my art-- have it appreciated. I don't want to fight with others who do the same thing I do. Especially when I am constantly on the defensive.

I am tired of the snide remarks, the backstabbing, and the threats of legal action. Stop it! No more drama!

I am just going to go on, doing what I do, and ignoring the current plethora of shallow people. I am just going to hold my head high and rise above.

Good Day!

Sheri, goddess that she is, referred me to one of her part-time jobs because she got a promotion to full-time at PAWS, where she squishes cute kitty cats. Congratulations Sheri! I'm so glad you are getting to do something you love!

So, this job is pretty cool, especially in stark contrast to the last two that I had (see blog rants in the past). I am working as a sort of "Jill of all trades" assistant to an architect who works for herself. She does residential architecture, and gets tons of business through referrals (always a good thing). Her office is located in her home, which, as you can imagine, is very cool and has been decked out and modified to her specifications. So, basically, my job is to take care of the bookkeeping, organizing, filling out of paperwork, scheduling, and assorted other tasks so that she can focus on being super-creative. I will get to learn some Auto CAD, and there is also an opportunity to run errands to deliver permit applications and measure houses-- I love not having to sit in the same place all day!

It's only 20 hours a week, but the pay is good, and I can focus on doing freelance graphic design part time, which is really an ideal situation for me. The extra cool part is that I get to make my own schedule.

I really couldn't believe the job interview-- it consisted of her telling me all about what she needed done, and asking me, with genuine concern, if I would HAVE ANY PERSONAL GROWTH IN THE JOB. I can't say that I have ever had an employer that was actually concerned about what I would be getting out of working for them. WOW, that's all I have to say-- WOW. I just sat there with a smile on my face the whole time.

And you know what-- like most people, I am WAY more apt to do my best and be really on top of things in a job where I feel appreciated and respected. I am totally motivated to get in there and be awesome-- it's a nice feeling that I haven't had in quite a while.

Wish me luck!

Last weekend Matt and I took a little trip to the Tri-Cities. It was pretty fun. I got to see his old stomping grounds (from high school) and hang out with some friends of his.

I didn't really feel like I was getting twice my recommended dosage of radiation while I was there, but Matt assured me of it. Looking out on all the nuke plants made for an uneasy feeling. I don't think I could live there with the imminent threat of nuclear disaster staring at me from the horizon. Nuke plants with names like "Whoops 2" scare me.

Matt and I went to this cool gazebo on the top of one of the hills. The wind was crazy, and I felt like I was going to get blown off of the mountain. It was the kind of wind that sucks the breath right out of you. The view was worth it, though-- all tri-cities looking sparkly and some amazing stars as well.

Later, Nick, Matt, John, and I went to go explore this abandoned train tunnel that they always used to go to back in the day. They said there were bats in it. I *heart* bats. So, we set off in the middle of the night to go spelunking-- sort of.

When we got there, the bats had moved out, but a lot of water had moved in. We considered not going in because of the water, but decided to trudge a little bit into the opening of the cave. After a while, the water started to disappear, so we continued on. It was beautiful in the cave-- with jagged pieces of basalt lining the walls, and graffiti almost everywhere. Apparently, it was dug as a train tunnel a looooong time ago, but for some reason they decided to halt work before the tracks were even laid. We got to the other side of the tunnel, which is on a hillside overlooking a bend in the Columbia river. It was pitch black out, and the stars were gorgeous.

On our way back to Seattle, we encountered a bunch of snow outside of Yakima and had to bust out the snow chains. We got into Ellensburg and the pass was still open. From Ellensburg to Cle Elum, whe saw a car overturned almost every quarter mile. They were going off the road left and right. I kept it on the road, but when we hit Cle Elum, we were diverted off of the highway because they had closed snoqualmie pass. "Oh great," I'm thinking of the last time they closed the pass for DAYS.

Apparently there was high avalanche danger and a guy had gotten his car buried the week before. Matt and I just sucked it up and went to sleep in the car. It was COLD. It snowed a foot that night. I finally said "fuck it" and went inside the only bar/cafe that was open 24 hours and got drunk with a bunch of truckers and a chemistry student from the UW. Around that time, the mayor came in and told us that they had opened up the senior citizen's center for all the stranded travelers to have a warm place to sleep. We slept on a hard wood floor, but it was warm, and it was nice...

In the morning, they cooked us a pancake breakfast and a lot of coffee. They were so nice. A group of ladies came in to use the space for their exercise and they were watching Richard Simmons... I almost died from the cuteness of them all. They were completely humble when we thanked them. I can't express how thankful we were for their kindness and hospitality. The funny thing is, I bet they do this every time the pass closes, which is at least once or twice a year.

I always find it inspiring when I am stuck in an otherwise lousy situation, but it ends up being a great experience.

Around 10 a.m. the pass opened back up again, and we made it back to Seattle in a couple of hours. I wanted to kiss the ground when we got home, but instead I went and helped my friend move.

Whew! What a crazy trip it was!

I am still waiting for my unemployment claim to go through. In the mean time, I still have to follow their rules as if I was receiving unemployment. Today I went to a worksource class called "Knowing Yourself." I wasn't really sure what I was going to get out of the class. Would I be greeted with a jaded beaurocrat teacher who didn't really care what I *wanted* to do? Or, would I encounter something better? Well, I expected the former, but got the latter. It wasn't that I got much NEW information out of the class, but that it helped mentally prepare me for the search ahead. The teacher, while not stellar, was not bad, and was a pretty personable and understanding guy. He had some good suggestions and observations, and I am going back to meet with him for some career assessment next week. Here's the result of "Knowing Myself": Work I like, or that I am good at: *research, science, investigating, using logic and intuition, solving problems, serious thinking, developing new theories, and other intellectual activities. *talking about creating and composing, performing, art, dance, literature, form, color, sound, patterns, using the imagination, and things that are pleasing to the eye or ear. *helping and serving people, social services, teaching, charity, spiritual needs, and other social issues. *advertising, marketing, and politics *details, keeping things running smoothly. Or, in other words, I am Investigative, Artistic, and Social. I also learned that I am a quick study, learning by observation. Show it to me, and I will figure it out. My strong points are Linguistic, Logical, Musical, Spatial, Interpersonal, Kinesthetic, and Naturalist Intelligences. I am only lacking in Intrapersonal Intelligence "having an accurate picture of one's strengths and limitations, awareness of one's moods and motivations, and the capacity for self-discipline, self-understanding, and self-esteem. This intelligence is highly developed in individuals who "have their act together." Wow! Hmmmmmm-- I guess I am just clueless when it comes to knowing myself. Well, at least I got that out of this class. How does one gain perspective on this and get their proverbial "act" together?

Hang Out? Due to my recent unemployment, I have a lot of free time. If anyone wants to hang out and do FREE-type things, drop me a line. :) sarah "free" johnson

On the bright side of things, at least my IQ is high. Does that make me a smart ass? Congratulations, Sarah! Your IQ score is 133 This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results. http://web.tickle.com/tests/uiq/index-pop.jsp?sid=2607&supp=&z= IQ Description % of Population 130+ Very superior 2.2% 120-129 Superior 6.7% 110-119 High average 16.1% 90-109 Average 50% 80-89 Low average 16.1% 70-79 Borderline 6.7% Below 70 Extremely low 2.2%

Hi all, I find myself in the market for a new job. If you have any leads, I will give you lots of hugs and praise. What can I do, you ask? Here is a list I have been working on. Feedback on the list is appreciated as well. Please comment: 04/04 - Present -- Case Manager for Dr. Stuart Greenberg, Forensic Psychologist. * Research. * Report/Technical writing. (sometimes 100+ pages) * Creating narrative life histories from questionnaires. * Creating narrative summaries of parenting histories. * Scoring Psychological Testing (MMPI-II, MCMI, BDI, BSI, BAI, SILS, VIP) * Summarizing Court Documents(Typically took a 5-10+ inch stack of documents and reduced it to only pertinent information-- about 30-60 pages) * Word Perfect, Excel, Microsoft Word, Outlook * Scheduling, fielding phone calls and taking detailed messages, office tasks (fax, copy) * Dealing with issues of confidentiality and sensitive subjects * Dealing with evaluees who are defensive because of their legal situation * Taking notes on interviews/collaterals * Logging all telephone calls, emails, documents, and interactions that come through the office. * Training new employees. * Proofreading, Editing * Juggling Multiple Deadlines 03/03 - 12/04 -- Framer/Sales for Exclusively Art, a Picture and Gift Gallery * Frame and Mat Design for Pictures * Sales of Gift Items, Prints, and Original Artwork * Till Reconciliation * Key Holder (opening and closing) * Assembling Frames/Cutting Matts and Glass * High attention to detail. * Merchandising/Displays (front window and throughout the store) * Helped to decide what new inventory to order/what to discontinue. * Communicated with vendors. 07/00 - 02/03 -- Lead Barista for Tully's Coffee Corporations * Made delicious espresso beverages. * Stocking * Till Reconciliation * Opening and Closing the store * Supervising one or two employees * Customer Service 05/01 - 11/01 -- Graphic Design and On-Site Presentation Support -- Six Month Contract with Silver Fox Productions and Microsoft Corporation * Provided Graphic Design for Power Point Presentations * Provided Technical Power-Point Support to those presenting at Microsoft Conferences * Responsible for insuring that presenters adhered to Microsoft's guidelines for branding/identity * Managed up to 2,000 files per conference. Placed files over the network to the correct computer in the correct room at the correct time. (Managing versions of files was a challenge) * Acted as a representative of Microsoft presentation guidelines to presenters from other companies (for example Intel and HP). Corrected errors in their presentations, provided feedback, and worked with executives on specialized animations and buttons. * Met with Art Directors and Graphic Designers from Microsoft for further training in Photoshop and Microsoft Standards. * This job was 85% Travel. Some work days lasted 23 hours. * Arranged my own travel. <--really enjoyed this job/travel. September 2001 - Present - Freelance Graphic Design *Design Software: Photoshop, Freehand, InDesign, Quark Express, Illustrator, Some Flash, Dreamweaver, GoLive. September 2001 -- Graduated with an Associate's Degree in Graphic Design from AIS