THE TIME TRAVELER....

 ....

“This is Loveline, on....”....

“Radio ...“....

“Station....”....

“...REAL ROCK RADIO: KRXQ. ROSEVILLE, SACRAMENTO. 93.7, 93     ROCK.”....

            The radio went silent. Adam had pressed the sleep function an hour earlier and it had finally expired. He enjoyed listening to Loveline because it was educational and extremely funny, but he had another day ahead of him and Loveline would not be part of it because it wasn’t broadcast on Friday nights. His eyelids felt very heavy. Dream world wasn’t far now. Sleep was almost instantaneous.....

            The next morning, when he woke up, Adam was no longer in his bed, much less his room, or at home. Thinking that maybe he was still dreaming, it took a few seconds to realize his surroundings and figure out where he wasn’t. When he became aware of his surroundings, he sat up a little too quickly and became dizzy. He paused until that had passed and then looked around. He was inside some sort of automobile and easily concluded what kind it was: an AM General Hummer--the ultimate bad boy of off-road travel. The keys were in the ignition but the engine was turned off. The strong odor of coffee pierced his sinuses which led his eyes to a tall silver travel mug with the words ‘EDDIE BAUER’ wrapped around the brim. Further examinations of his surroundings revealed that the Hummer was located deep in a snow-covered, evergreen forest and he was dressed for winter: a woolen sweater, a black turtleneck, and a navy blue, long sleeved t-shirt covered his torso and light blue denim jeans were wrapped around his legs. His shoes were Doc Martens boots. The exterior color of the Hummer was a dark black, which made it look even more like a monster. But where was he? It definately wasn’t Davis. In fact, it didn’t look like California. There was a hint of Northwestern coast in the area. Determined to find out, the Hummer was started without hesitation. It leapt forward, living up to its bad-boy reputation, as it ripped through the snow easily. A few minutes later he was heading north on a two-lane road. The Hummer was one hell of a big truck and took up the entire lane. Hopefully, that wouldn’t be a problem, Adam thought, as he reached to ignite the heater. ....

            His thoughts became a big blur as they raced through his mind. He was a fan of science fiction, but even this predicament didn’t make sense to him. Maybe the radio would provide clues for him. So, Adam pressed the power switch and was a little startled as the Pioneer audio system came to life: The G.P.S. screen told him that  Adam was indeed in Washington State heading northbound towards Seattle. Searching for some answers, Adam found a news radio station and started listening with full attention. There was a familiar voice doing the static-filled broadcast and Adam recognized the voice as being that of Walter Kronkite. Kronkite was wishing everyone a Happy New Year and a Happy New decade. DECADE?! Adam was hearing answers which were not ones he wanted to hear. ‘But,’ he thought,  ‘Eliminate all of the possible and whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.’ ------------------(Sherlock Holmes)....

            After about a half-hour of listening to old and antique broadcasts of old-styled jazz, he was angry that there were no easy answers to this situation and the music was boring the hell out of him. There was a White Zombie CD in the dash, so Adam popped it into the player and pressed random play. The sound was almost deafening, but he had no problem with loud music after enjoying a live Metallica concert just two years ago. Twenty minutes passed. He was almost starting to enjoy himself when he saw a police car heading towards him from the opposite direction. It was an old police car--probably a 1949 Chevrolet Caprice. Those hadn’t been in service for a very long time. Adam noticed the officer inside staring curiously at the Hummer, so Adam stared back at the officer and his police car. At almost the same time, they stopped their cars and started asking questions. The officer spoke first. “That’s a nice car. What kind is it?”
             “It’s a jeep on steroids. More specifically, it’s called an AM General Hummer. Where can I find a copy of today’s newspaper?”....

            “Nearest place is Olympia. It’s about ten miles up.” The middle-aged officer seemed too eager to help out. ....

            “Thank you. Happy New year.” The cold air was stinging Adam’s face so before the officer could even respond, the Hummer took off with the engine roaring to life. Adam had floored the gas pedal. That idea Adam had earlier was starting to knock on the door of his brain and he had a hard time trying to ignore it. So far, it was the only explanation for his bizarre experiences. Time travel, he thought, wasn’t possible,... was it? But assuming for the moment that he had gone back in time, he knew he should lay down some ground rules for himself. Before he was even able to begin, the police officer, who he had just encountered, had pulled up behind him. The sirens were on, as were the lights. Adam decided he didn’t want to cause trouble by ditching the officer and creating a big manhunt. He shut off the stereo and then pulled over on the side of the road. Adam guessed that by already have talked to the officer earlier, he may have altered history. The officer was on his way towards the Hummer, walking slowly and cautiously, unsure of what might happen. Adam opened the door of the Hummer, stepped out of the gigantic monster, and began walking towards the curious officer. The officer paused when he saw the stranger walking towards him. “What’s your name, son?” the officer asked politely. Adam never answered as he kept approaching the officer. The officer was about to piss in his pants as the mysterious stranger (Adam) moved towards him, slowly. Adam was pretty large: 6ft, 2 inches and 350 lbs. of pure muscle. He was NOT the person to pick a fight with, because he appeared to posses the ability to pick up a car and throw it like a football. The officer went for his revolver, but Adam was too quick and was already on top of the officer. Adam’s hand snaked out and ripped the revolver away from the surprised cop. The officer never even saw the hand move! Adam was now in control and pointed the gun at the officer’s forehead. The officer thought it was the end of his career as his life flashed before his eyes. “What day is it?” Adam yelled at the officer, “The date!”....

            “First,...J-J-January...Friday,” the officer’s voice trembled.....

            “What year!?” ....

            The officer looked at him, puzzled. “1950,” he replied.....

            Adam sighed, and let the revolver drop gently to the ground. Now the officer was completely baffled. Adam decided to take a VERY big risk. “All right, you look like someone I can trust. The two things I’m going to ask of you is your full attention and that you try to keep an open mind.” The officer nodded and listened while Adam laid it all down for him. Adam told him the truth: he was from the future...46 years, 4 months from the future, his full name, age, birthdate, social security number,...he even showed the officer his driver’s license. The officer nodded, even though he had no idea how to help this ‘time traveler’. Adam made the officer swear that he would tell no one about Adam and that the officer would have to take all of the credit if anything big happened. The officer agreed, and introduced himself as Russell Shultze, then offered to escort Adam into Seattle where he could buy Adam breakfast and check him into a hotel. Adam agreed, returned to the Hummer, and followed Russell into Seattle.....

            Adam had been to Seattle before, back in the summer of 1994. Nothing looked familiar to him now. Nothing looked the same for 46 years straight. Here in 1950, Seattle never looked so beautiful; it was a real shame that pollution had screwed everything up by 1994. Adam felt a little out of place when he saw the classic automobiles and all of the people looking at him and the Hummer, like the both of them were from outer space, or something. It had started snowing by the time Adam and Russell arrived in the city. Adam was a little awestruck by all of the snow because it rarely snowed in the Central Valley. Russell took him to IL Bistro for breakfast and was nice enough to pay the bill for Adam. Adam was not surprised that Russell was very curious about the things to come and repeatedly tried to get Adam to ‘slip up and spill the beans’. He failed every time because Adam kept saying to him “It could only screw things up and there would be a strong possibility I would not return home. Besides, you know too much already.” Russel didn’t seem to understand. After breakfast, Adam followed Russell to Bellevue where he was checked in to the Holiday Inn hotel. Adam didn’t even know that he was in Bellevue until Russell told him so, and even then, Adam didn’t believe him. Adam knew that sometime in the next few decades, Bellevue would be part of Seattle.             ....

            The person at the front desk was friendly and asked politely how long Adam would be staying. “I’m not sure yet,” Adam responded, without any emotion on his face. He was given the key to his room and directions of how to get there. He said thank you, then walked back outside, parked the Hummer in a secure, but private area and then began to move all of the luggage, which had been sitting in the rear of the vehicle, up to the room with the help from Russell and the bellboy. There wasn’t much luggage so it didn’t take long to get all of it into the room. The room itself was small, but it had a full bathroom, a small kitchenette and a good view of the city and Puget Sound. The TV in the corner was obviously the latest for the time period, but to Adam, it was an old relic. Adam sighed. This would have to do for now. Russell tipped the bellboy and then the bellboy left. Adam and Russell were alone, again. Adam finally took a good look at Russell. He was middle-aged, probably in his mid 30’s, 6’0”, dark hair, light build, and had the beginning signs of a goat-tee...the area around his mouth was fairly grizzled. Adam thought to himself I wonder if he fought in World War II, but he didn’t actually say anything. What he had to do right now was figure out how and why he was here instead of 1996. He knew the task wouldn’t be easy. ....

 ....

                                                END  PART ONE....

            ....

Part 2....

Mon. April 30, 1996. 7:30 P.M.....

            He was in his weekend home, typing up his daily diary. Hmmm, a glass of White Zinfandel could hit the spot right about now. He got up and poured himself a glass. After a few swallows, he looked outside his kitchen window and could see his canoe docked on the Maryland River bobbing up and down even though it was tied down. He set down his glass on the kitchen counter next to the the sink and walked out of the house towards his canoe. Tonight would be a perfect night for an evening paddle. William Colby, former CIA director, is an elderly man of 76 years who enjoys spending weekends at his property in Washington D.C. Since his second divorce, he likes to be left alone and can be very inconspicuous. In fact, he once described himself as “the traditional gray man, so inconspicuous that he can never catch the waiter’s eye in a restaurant.” Colby, however, was a man with a hidden rage. In 1975, The CIA was put under heavy investigation because of suspicion by the media they were accused of planning assassinations of foreign leaders. Colby, the director at that time, was forced to cooperate with officials. He was forced to turn over a 650-page list of the CIA’s dirtiest tricks, and was then fired by President Ford. Not only was his career ruined, but he was publicly humiliated. It had taken him years to bury his anger and it was tearing him apart. He knew that it was going to be very soon that his end would come. ....

            Colby started to think about the events back in 1975 as he was paddling down the river, so consumed in thought that he didn’t notice the whirlpool he was in until it was too late. He jumped out of his canoe and into the water. A strange sensation came over him while he was trying to resurface and he couldn’t tell which way was up. He saw a bright blue light, swam towards it and then went through. That was the last thing he remembered before waking up on the shore of the river.....

            Upon waking up Colby had no clue as to where he was. There were no houses around, he didn’t see any power lines, and the river was clear as day. He thought he had heard a car off in the distance and decided he had better find out where he was. He walked for about fifteen minutes before he came upon a road. He could see off in the distance a lone car coming his way from the southern direction. He contemplated whether or not to hitch-hike. As Colby stuck out his thumb, he could see the make of car. It was a two door, 1948 Cheverolet Impala. As the driver pulled over, Colby noticed the liscense plate on the car was from the state of Washington. The car came to a halt and the driver unlocked the passenger door. As Colby sat down, he noticed the interior of the car was as beautiful as the exterior. Everything was original, right down to the nobs of the glove box.....

            “Where are you headed?” the driver inquired.....

            Colby’s mind raced. “Well, north, I suppose. I’m going up to Canada, but you can just take me as far as you’re headed.” The driver nodded.....

             “This is a beautiful car. Are you the original owner?” Colby was curious about the strange vehicle.....

            “Well, thank you, sir. Yes, I am the original owner, unless you count the dealer I bought it from.”....

            “What year is this car?”....

            “1948. Why?”....

            “Wow. That is a long time to keep a car this beautiful.”....

            “What are you talking about? I’ve only had this car for a couple of months.” The driver was puzzled. Colby went pale. His instincts told him not to continue the conversation, but to keep silent and think things over. He knew where he was: somwhere in Washington state, but he didn’t know how he got there. If he guessed right, the year was somewhere between 1948 and 1950, which meant he had traveled back in time. He then remembered the blue light in the river. That must have been some sort of time portal.  Colby was getting excited with the idea that he had traveled back in time. If only I could go to whatever time I chose. I could get revenge from those who destroyed my life, those who shattered my dreams. ....

            With those thoughts, Colby had a vision. ....

END PART TWO....

 ....

Part Three....

            About a week and a half had passed since Adam arrived back in 1950 Seattle. While spending most of his time explaining to Russell his own theories about temporal mechanics, he discovered that he possessed new knowledge about many things: history, physics, language, math, chemistry, weapons, demolitions, surveillance, computers, engines, biology...the type of things that only someone like James Bond would know. This was exciting news because it was a piece of the big puzzle he was trying to solve. The puzzle was trying to figure out how and why he was here in 1950. The new knowledge had convinced him that he was here to keep history from getting screwed up and that the person or persons who he was going to face off with would be a professional at what ever they were going to do. ....

            Russell seemed very cooperative and eager to help out in any way he could. Right now, Adam needed all of the help he could get. He did not care if Russell learned too much about the things to come. Adam was actually having a lot of fun being an educator to Russell, and Russell was enjoying having Adam as a teacher. Temporal mechanics was actually exciting and fun to learn about, unlike Latin, which had always got Russell into trouble because he always fell asleep during the lectures. He was learning a lot of complicated stuff and that raised his self-esteem and confidence in himself. Adam was starting to think about maybe bringing Russell back with him into the future. Russell didn’t have much of a life here, anyway. He was single, never had been married, or had a girlfriend; his entire family fell victim to Polio--except him--he never even contracted the deadly virus. Adam started feeling sorry for Russell, and knew that one of two things had to happen: either Russell would come with him back home, or, Russell would have to be killed in some fashion. Adam never told this to Russell, in fear of the reaction from Russell. ....

            Adam had also found that the luggage from the Hummer, contained lots of surveillence equipment and survival gear, along with clothing, toiletries, entertainment gear, etc. The why part of his journey was clear; it was the how part that was not. Meanwhile, Russell had switched to his normal civilian clothes so that he now didn’t look like a police officer. That made Adam a little more comfortable. That brings us up to date... ....

            Adam looked at his watch. It was nine o’ clock at night. He hadn’t eaten lunch and was very hungry. So he and Russell traveled to downtown Seattle where they found a local bar and enjoyed some seafood together. Russell made an excellent dinner partner, Adam had noticed, and always payed the bill. Adam almost felt like he was taking advantage of Russell by not paying once-in-a-while. Tonight, Adam was determined to pay for the both of them. Ten minutes into the dinner Adam saw a familiar face walk into the restaurant. It was William Colby--the ex-director of the CIA in 1973. Funny, he looked older than he should have for the time period.  Than it hit Adam in the face. He told Russell, who then turned around to look. Colby didn’t see them yet, but Adam wasn’t taking any chances and told Russell to face forward, and to enjoy his meal. Russell didn’t understand but did it anyway. Colby was escorted into the back of the restaurant where he was given a table all by himself. Adam and Russell quickly finished their food, and then left after Adam had payed. As soon as they got outside, and into the car, Adam knew what his assignment was and told Russell to call an emergency meeting at the police station as soon as possible. Russell nodded.....

            When they arrived back at the hotel and got to the room, Adam started getting his things together when there was a loud knock at the door. Adam went to answer it and when he opened the door, there were two men dressed in black overcoats and suits. Government ?, Adam thought. The two men introduced themselves as CIA agents. Figures.  Adam introduced himself and Russell. The agents quickly briefed the both of them explaining that they were here to bring Colby back to 1996 without incident. They said that they knew Colby had come back and was planning to detonate a small nuclear device while spreading the Ebola virus by the bomb’s shockwave. After recovering from a sick feeling in his stomach, Adam turned to Russell and explained in full detail about the deadly Ebola virus. Russell started experiencing the same sick feeling in his stomach as Adam had, just moments before. The Agents informed them that they had a twenty-man strike team ready to go and that they needed Adam to go with them. After agreeing, Adam was briefed about the operation: The Strike team would divide up into groups of two. Four groups would attack from the roof of the building while four snipers would attack by helicopter, two teams would attack from the rooms next door and the rest from the hallway. Adam would be on the roof. Russell was ordered to get everyone out of the building and into a safe area. Adam went to get dressed into the appropriate clothing that he was given by the G-men. ....

            It was well after midnight when Colby finally staggered into his room. The team waited at least a half hour before they made their move. Adam was dressed in a black military-styled uniform and was ready to do his job. He had nightvision goggles covering his eyes and a balaclava covering the rest of his face. Then the order to proceed was given. Adam jumped off the roof, waited for his bungie-coord to kick in and less than three seconds later he was inside the room of William Colby. He immeadiately saw that the room was wired and could blow at any second with enough C-4 explosive to rip apart the building. Colby had the detonator in his hand with his finger on the trigger before anyone could even breathe. Without thinking about it, Adam raced out of the room, shattering the glass window, and on to the helicopter’s landing gear. “GET US OUT OF HERE, NOW!” Adam yelled at the pilot. Russell had been one of the snipers on the helicopters, so he was safe for the moment. The chopper moved to a safe distance and seconds later, there was a blinding flash and the loudest roar Adam had ever heard as Seattle erupted into a huge fireball. Adam’s adreneline was thrashing around in his veins. His heart was filled with remorse for those who had given their lives but he knew it was all over. He had failed his mission. Colby had rigged the building with a very powerful neutron bomb and detonated the damn thing with a vengence in his eyes. Adam’s skin first charred over, then was ripped from his bones entirely as the shock wave overtook the chopper. Adam couldn’t even hear himself screaming because of the blast. ....

 ....

FADE TO BLACK....

Report Says Fire, Not Explosion, Felled 7 W.T.C.

By ERIC LIPTON

GAITHERSBURG, Md. — Fires in the 47-story office tower at the edge of the World Trade Center site undermined floor beams and critical structural columns, federal investigators concluded Thursday, as they attempted to curb still-rampant speculation that explosives or fuel fires were responsible for the building's collapse of Sept. 11, 2001.

The long-delayed report by engineers here at the National Institute of Standards and Technology in suburban Washington is intended to solve one of still lingering central questions about the 2001 attacks: Why did 7 World Trade Center fall, if it was not hit by an airplane.

"Heating of floor beams and girders caused a critical support column to fail," said Shyam Sunder, the lead investigator. "Video and photographic evidence combined with detailed computer simulations show that neither explosives nor fuel oils played a rule in the collapse of that brought the building down."

No one died when 7 World Trade Center fell, nearly seven hours after the twin towers came down. But the collapse of the adjacent tower — once home to branch offices of the Central Intelligence Agency, the Secret Service and to the Giuliani administration's emergency operations center — is cited in hundreds of books and Internet sites as perhaps the most compelling evidence that an insider secretly planted explosives, intentionally destroying the tower.

It is the first skyscraper in modern times to collapse primarily as a result of a fire.

Mainstream engineers and government officials have rejected the speculation as ridiculous. But national polls have shown that perhaps as many as 1 in 7 Americans believe that the destruction of the World Trade Center towers was an inside job.

The investigators determined that debris from the falling twin towers ignited fires on at least 10 floors at 7 World Trade Center, which was about 400 feet north of where the city's two tallest buildings once stood. The blazes burned out of control for six hours, as the city fire department, devastated by the collapse of the twin towers, abandoned its efforts to extinguish the fire, and the sprinkler system was incapacitated.

The heat from these fires, the investigators said, caused the beams on the lower floors of the east side of the tower to expand, ultimately causing a girder on the 13th floor to disconnect from a critical interior column that supported the building's long floor spans. Once the 13th floor gave way, a cascade of floor failures started down to the fifth floor, leading to the overall collapse of the tower.

Skeptics have questioned if explosives were planted at 7 World Trade Center, as well as the twin towers and the Pentagon, as the Bush administration was seeking a justification to invade Iraq and Afghanistan. What started as a small number of such conspiracy theorists has only ballooned into a movement of sorts, largely fed by Internet sites that promote the theories.

"Seven World Trade Center is one of the key points of evidence, one of the smoking guns," said Richard Gage, a California architect who leader a group called Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth. "There have been much hotter, longer lasting and larger fires in skyscrapers that have not fallen down."

The investigators said that if the city water main had not been broken during the collapse of the twin towers, the sprinkler system would likely have put out the fires at 7 World Trade Center, and the building would not have fallen.

The engineers also examined whether diesel fuel tanks in the building — to power the Giuliani administration's emergency operations center and other government offices — might have been a fuel source that caused the collapse. The investigators determined, based in part on computer models and videos of smoke coming from the tower, that the heat generated from any fuel-fed fires would not have been enough to cause the collapse.

Dr. Sunder said the investigation pointed to the need to consider how expansion that can occur in steel as it heats up in a fire needs to be considered to prevent skyscraper collapses in major fires.

"Our take-home message today is the reason for the collapse of World Trade Center 7 is no longer a mystery," Dr. Sunder said. "It did not collapse from explosives or fuel oil fires."

A new, substantially different, 52-story 7 World Trade Center opened in 2006.

Trouble the Wonder Hamster wrote:

People like you make baby Jesus cry.


My dearest hamsterboy-
you'd cry too if you were fisted without lube, dumbass. or if I hit you in your face with a sledgehammer. you might want to get to know me a little better before you shoot your mouth off in the future.


PS-Making baby Jesus cry is a skill of mine that I happen to be very proud of. Just as shoving gerbils and other varmit up your ass is a skill of yours that you happen to be very proud of and you're really great at...

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock. 

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan

P.S.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing 

as promised, this would be the requirements of making it onto my friends list:

1) The Age limit:

first off, if you're younger than 18 years old, and you're not related to me in some fashion, forget it. you're not making it on my friends list. while the minimum age of myspace is 14, honestly, I still think 14 is way too young to be on here. don't bother me with a friends request.
secondly, if you're between the ages of 18 and 20, you had better be extremely cute, otherwise, go away.
Also, if you lie about your age or say that you're 99...I'll simply ignore you

2) People I went to high school with:

I graduated high school back in 1996 from davis senior high. I have a reunion coming up with my fellow classmates which I am looking forward to. being the moderator for my school forum, I see that there are more than 60 people on here who from my class. send me a friends request or an email and you'll probably make it.

3) Metalheads- just what it says. I listen to heavy metal music- the hardcore stuff. THIS DOES NOT MEAN IF YOU'RE AN EMO IDIOT, SEND AN ADD REQUEST. you emo losers are simply annoying posers and any friend requests or emails sent will simply be ignored.

4) the pests: if you faithfully listen to the Opie and Anthony radio show as often as possible, you know who you are: do me a favor and send me a request. Would ya?

5) there is nothing wrong with being super hot and qualifying as eye candy. as long as you fit the age requirements (and I will be checking) you can send me a friend request.

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Chance Rush
Date: May 22, 2006 9:41 AM

dozens of profiles a day showing 14 year old girls dressed like sluts, wearing four inches of make up From: Absolute Evil


Anybody happen to catch Nightline? In case you didn't, one of the hot topics discussed was MySpace. It is no secret to anyone who reads the newspaper or watches the 6 o'clock news that MySpace has been in the limelight because of "sexual predators" trying to "abduct and corrupt" the youth of the world. To this I say bullshit! I see nd 32 layers of eyeliner, displaying their age as 18 years old and profile lines stating "Oh, I'm So Sexy" or "Hey There, Wanna Check Up On It?" Come the fuck on! The youth of today's world are already corrupt enough due to the undying need to be "older" than they really are. I seriously doubt there are tons of people on MySpace stalking "innocent young girls" who just happen to have tramped up profiles and ages 4 years greater than their own.

On Nightline, there was a story of a 12 year old girl who was a drug-addict and attributed it all to MySpace. She claims that MySPace allowed her to easily fing drug dealers in her area, as well as older men to have sex with her. Now, at the age of 14, she has been checked into a drug-rehabilitation clinic and has been away from her family for 5 months. Her parents would rather place the blame squarely on the shoulders of MySpace instead of their daughter, who even admitted that at the age of 12, had already tried weed, crack, X, and had slept with numerous guys older than herself...but of course, it wasn't her fault, it was all because of MySpace.

Once again, COME THE FUCK ON! When are parents and children going to stop passing the blame and grow up enough to take responsibility for their actions and the actions of their children.. Parent;s, monitor your children online, take some responsibility for YOUR children. Children, if a profile name sounds like something that comes out of a cheap horror movie, like "DARK ANGEL OF DEATH WHO EATS THE BRAINS OF GIRLS"...chances are you DO NOT WANT TO ADD THEM AS A FRIEND. Apparently there is new legislation in Congress now to block MySpace in all public schools and public libraries across the United States. All because little girls want to act grown and don't want to accept the consequences and parents don't want to accept the fact that their "innocent little girls" are posing as 18 year old crack whores trying to buy drugs.

Eventually, if this continues, MySpace could be totally outlawed from the Internet. Restrictions will be put in place in order to make MySpace "safer". I don't know about you, but I use MySpace to keep in touch with my family and friends, use it for messages, and just to have a space that is my own. Just because some children want to act grown, does that mean I may have to eventually give up my MySpace? If you feel the same way I do, please, repost this in your blogs or bulletins, or both as "STOP BLAMING MYSPACE". If enough people post this and spread the word, maybe people will get the picture and stop blaming MySpace for every little thing that their children do wrong. As user of MySpace, we should all repost this and take some sort of action. This is not a chain letter, and nothing will happen to you if you don't repost this in 321654987 seconds. However, of all bulletins you will read today, I am sure that this one is the only one that actually has a point to it. So please, have some common sense, and repost this. Thanks

1. Friend Test?....You got to be kidding me. Who the fuck are you to test me? Go ahead and DELETE me, I have no desire or need to prove anything to any one who would "TEST" a friend. The people on your friend list, didn't sneak on there, YOU approved them. I will never repost your stupid "friend test," so spare me the dramatics, delete me now.


2. God and Jesus.... dont need bulletins passed along MySpace. People who do not repost religous bulletins are not denying God, Jesus (or Buddha or Muhammed or Flying Spaghetti Monster). They just choose not to play your game. If you want to worship God go to church, your myspace friends could care less about your religion.


3. Tom is never going to charge for MySpace. Why? Because it is advertiser supported. The more people who are on here, the more money MySpace (and its parent company) makes. If there is ever going to be a change in MySpace it will not be announced through bulletins. Why would any company trust its future to idiots, who "test" their friends, and think that the phone rings because they've re-posted a bulletin. And there is NO way to attach a fucking tracking device to a godamn bulletin!!! Come on people!!!


4. Charities will never see a penny because you have reposted a chain mail. Get real. There are a lot of much less complicated ways to raise money than that. Think about it. Charites DON'T use chain mail or bulletins to raise funds. EVER!

5. Don't act offended if someone asks to be your friend. If you don't want friends you don't know in real time, then change your fucking settings, stop acting like a fucking drama queen.


6. Not everyone will like you. That's life. Grow up. Even Hitler had pals, you'll find someone too! If someone denies your 'add friend request', move on. Don't pester the shit out of someone to be your friend, it's not going to work.


7. Don't act offended if not every message you send receives a reply. People have lives beyond MySpace, and hold out the possibility that they may not want to talk to you right this moment. Your mother lied to you, you aren't the most special person in the world.


8. "Bored?" - Keep it to yourself. Why would anyone want to chat to someone who is bored? You're bored because you aren't bright enough to entertain your mind, stop expecting strangers to entertain you. Generally ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE fuckin BORING get BORED!!!!!


9. Don't question the number of friends someone has. It's none of your fucking business. What is it to you if Sally or Johnny has 10,000 friends. It makes them happy. And their 10,000 friends don't seem to mind. Do you really chat with all of your 40 friends everyday?


10. Your phone is going to ring regardless of what you do with a bulletin. Reposting a bulletin along won't make it ring. It will prove to your friends that you are an idiot.


11. Do you really want a BF or GF that is conjured up by you reposting a bulletin on MySpace? Let's face it, if you can't attract and keep a BF/GF, reposting a bulletin isn't going to change the fact that you are loser. In fact it sends a clear indication to any potential mate, that you are not only a loser, but that you are also annoying and stupid. Dont advertise the fact!


12. Do you want any one to read your profile page? Then take a look at it again. Your attempts at being creative, are just a huge technicolour mess with a bad song in the background. Learn how to do it right before you try to get artsy! What's the point if it can't be read?


13. Also, people don't give a fuck if you changed your page and your pics enough to run to your fucking page to post comments... people will post when they see it, or when they feel like it. You don't need to send out another worthless bulletin.

14. Don't post bulletins asking if others will have sex with you/date you/like you or any of that bullshit. If you really depend on MySpace to see if someone will fuck you, or to see if someone has a crush on you, you will die a lonely death. It is fucking stupid, and you are pitiful if you are asking strangers or even your real friends if they will have sex with you or date you because of a bulletin. See number 11.


Repost this Damn it.

If you do.....

I won't like you any more or less.

I won't delete you, but then again I might delete you.

Your phone will ring, eventually, this bulletin had no influence on it.

The Clown in your bedroom is your mate.

If a lesbian shows up at your bedside tonight and kills you, well that just means your life is really sucky and now it's over. This bulletin will play no part in your horrible demise.

Meet Mr. and Mrs. Crystal Meth.

I destroy homes – I tear families apart.

I take your children and that's just a start.

I'm more valued than diamonds, more precious than gold.

The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember, I'm easily found.

I live all around you, in school and in town.

I live with the rich, I live with the poor.

I live just down the street and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not one like you think.

I can be made under the kitchen sink,

In your child's closet, and even out in the woods.

If this scares you to death, then it certainly should.

I have many names. But there's one you'll know best.

I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is Crystal Meth.

My power is awesome, try me, you'll see.

But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go.

But if you try me twice, then I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.

You'll do what you have to do, just to get high.

The crimes you commit for my narcotic charms,

Will be worth the pleasures you feel in my arms.

You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad.

When you see their tears, you must feel sad.

Just forget your morals and how you were raised.

I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from their parents; I take parents from their kids.

I turn people from God, I separate friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride.

I'll be with you always, right by your side.

You'll give up everything, your family, your home.

Your money, your true friend, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take till you have no more to give.

When I finish with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me, be warned, this is not a game.

If I'm given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravage your body; I'll control your mind.

I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you when you're lying in bed,

And the voices you'll hear from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, and the visions from me.

I want you to know these things are gifts from me.

But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart

That you are now mine and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me (they always do).

But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen.

Many times you've been told.

But you challenged my power,

You chose to be bold.

You could have said no and then walked away.

If you could live that day over now, what would you say?

My power is awesome, as I told you before.

I can take your life and make it so dim and sore.

I'll be your master and you'll be my slave.

I'll even go with you when you go to your grave.

Now that you've met me, what will you do?

Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.

I can show you more misery than words can tell.

Come take my hand, let me lead you to Hell.

comment all you like:
from yahoo.com news-

Yahoo! News
Knitters purl for gold in "Knitting Olympics"

By Diane BartzSat Mar 4, 11:06 AM ET

More than 4,000 knitters in some 20 countries who took part in an informal Knitting Olympics did their final purling and cursing last Sunday as they struggled to finish projects during the closing ceremonies of the real Olympics.

One of the knitters was Emily Cooke, 23, a financial management analyst at the Department of the Army who started knitting in January to help her quit smoking.

"I wanted to do something with my hands" while she watched the real games, she said at a Knitting Olympics party in Takoma Park, Maryland, stroking a blue-grey Irish hiking scarf she had finished on Sunday morning.

The Knitting Olympics was suggested by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, who writes a knitting blog called www.yarnharlot.ca/blog from Toronto, Canada.

She urged her readers to choose a project -- a challenging one -- cast on during the opening ceremonies and finish during the closing ceremonies, even if it meant ignoring families, jobs and housework.

The number of people who responded "and the sheer fanaticism" surprised even Pearl-McPhee.

More than 4,000 knitters e-mailed her to sign up. There were "teams" from 22 countries, but most of the knitters appear to be from Canada and the United States, according to entries on the blog.

A doctor wrote in to say patients could wait and a prosecutor said she was joining the event even though she was supposed to be preparing for a big trial.

"Will there be drug-testing?" one knitter queried, while others pledged to keep knitting no matter how much coffee and chocolate were needed.

Another knitter at the Takoma Park party was Jennifer Rothschild, 25, a children's librarian who has been knitting for seven years. She finished multicolour tote bag on Sunday that was knit using a stitch called entrelac, which she had never done before, and felted, or intentionally shrunk in the washer.

"I had to tear out one of the blue rows," she said, which cost her about six hours worth of work. "I screamed and shouted and muttered when I was tearing it out and threw it across the room and it stayed there for about a night."

More people on myspace really need to follow these very helpful tips:

By BEN FELLER, AP Education Writer 5 minutes ago

About one in 20 adults in the U.S. is not literate in English, meaning 11 million people lack the skills to handle many everyday tasks, a federal study shows.

From 1992 to 2003, adults made no progress in their ability to read sentences and paragraphs or understand other printed material such as bus schedules or prescription labels.

The adult population did make gains in handling tasks that involve math, such as calculating numbers on tax forms or bank statements. But even in that area, the typical adult showed only enough skills to perform simple, daily activities.

Perhaps most sobering was that adult literacy dropped or was flat across every level of education, from people with graduate degrees to those who dropped out of high school.

So even as more people get a formal education, the literacy rate is not rising. Federal officials say this trend is puzzling and worthy of research.

Adults with ability to perform challenging and complex reading tasks made an average yearly salary of $50,700 in 2003. That is $28,000 more than those who lacked basic skills.

The adults deemed illiterate in English include people who may be fluent in Spanish or another language but cannot comprehend English text at its most simple level.

"Eleven million people is an awful large number of folks who are not literate in English, and therefore are prevented access to what America offers," said Russ Whitehurst, director of the Institute of Education Sciences at the Education Department.

Some 30 million adults have "below basic" skills in prose. Their ability is so limited that they may not be able to make sense of a simple pamphlet, for example. This total includes 7 million adults considered not to be literate in English but with enough knowledge of the language at least to be tested. The remaining 4 million deemed illiterate did not have enough English skills to be tested.

By comparison, 95 million adults, or 44 percent of the population, have intermediate prose skills, meaning they can do moderately challenging activities. An example would be consulting a reference book to determine which foods contain a certain vitamin.

The National Assessment of Adult Literacy is considered the best measure of how adults handle everything from completing job applications to computing tips.

Black adults made gains on each type of task tested. White adults made no significant changes except when it came to computing numbers, where they got better.

Hispanics showed sharp declines in their ability to handle prose and documents. The background of U.S. adults has changed since 1992, when the test was last given; fewer people in 2003 had spoken English before they started school.

"We can no longer afford to ignore the unique needs this population has demonstrated for years," said Jose Velazquez, director of the Hispanic Family Learning Institute at the National Center for Family Literacy.

Overall, the study represents a population of 222 million adults. The results are based on a sample of more than 19,000 adults, age 16 or older, living in homes, college housing or prisons.

Education Secretary Margaret Spellings pledged to coordinate adult education programs across the government. She also promoted the Bush administration's campaign to increase testing and specialized reading help in high school.

"One adult unable to read is one too many in America," Spellings said.

Millions of adults with limited reading skills have enrolled in literacy programs at high schools, libraries, workplaces and community colleges. Advocates of those programs said the new scores prove that a greater investment in adult literacy and research is essential.

"It's really hard to have a well educated and highly intellectual population of children if they go home to parents who do not have adequate reading skills," said Dale Lipschultz, president of the National Coalition for Literacy, a broad range of education groups.

___

On The Net:

National Assessment of Adult Literacy: http://nces.ed.gov/naal

    craigslist.org



because it's fucking pathetic!!

lose - the opposite of win, to misplace something, ONE FUCKING O
loose - the opposite of tight, your mother/wife/sister, TWO FUCKING O's
how can so many people get these two confused? IDIOTS

your - a possessive, similar to mine, his, her as in "your loose slut of a sister loses her mind every time she gets railroaded by your whole inbred, shitbag excuse of a family", NO FUCKING APOSTROPHE
you're - a contraction of "you are", as in "you're a dipshit", A FUCKING APOSTROPHE

its - another possessive, similar to your, NO FUCKING APOSTROPHE
it's - a contraction of "it is", as in 'it's fucking simple', A FUCKING APOSTROPHE

Need a trick? Fine - when using it's or you're, expand the contraction. If "you're head is full of shit" becomes "you are head is full of shit" and doesn't make any sense (maybe it will to you because you're a fucking idiot), then you are using the wrong word. Queef.

to - a preposition, as in "turn to the right" or "it's time to go back to school", ONE FUCKING O
too - an adverb (know what that is?), synonymous with "also", "as well" as in "Really? I went to college too. I actually read a FUCKING BOOK." It can also be used to mean "to a regrettable degree" as in "It's too late for you, moron", TWO FUCKING O's
two - a number, it comes after one

there - an adverb, similar to here as in "your tiny bus is over there"
their - yet another possessive, similar to your as in "it's not their fault that you're a fucking retard. It's YOUR fault."
they're - a contraction of "they are" as in "they're not responsible for your complete ignorance of YOUR OWN FUCKING LANGUAGE. READ A BOOK!!"

IT'S NOT FUCKING HARD, DOUCHE BAGS.

By the way, grammar is spelled with TWO FUCKING A's. So next time you want to flame someone for bad "grammer", at least spell it right.

Fucks.

 

It's hip to be grammatically correct
Know when to use a semicolon? How about the difference between 'lay' and 'lie'? These days, English teachers aren't the only ones embracing the correct use of the language.
By Gina Kim -- Bee Staff Writer
Published 2:15 am PST Sunday, January 8, 2006
You know the language-maven type: the one with a sharp pencil in her bun who gasps in horror at misspelled words and corrects the grammar of strangers.

Could it be that she is becoming cool - even, dare we say it, hip?

There is evidence of a growing respect for language and a resurgence in appreciation for grammar, even grammar books.

British author Lynne Truss' lament on the misuse of apostrophes and commas hit the New York Times best-seller list in 2004 and remained there into 2005. Truss' "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" has sold more than a million copies.

"The Elements of Style," the age-old bible of good writing, was released in an illustrated coffee-table version last year.

Bloggers, who write in the realm of mysterious acronyms and unofficial abbreviations, complain that they receive admonishing e-mails from readers about their use of language.

And at the Borders on Fair Oaks Boulevard, there are now 20 shelves dedicated to books on grammar and writing.

Is it possible we are entering the age of the grammatically correct, in which more people are speaking in "whoms" and "heretofores" and agonizing over semicolons and colons?

"I think people who use grammar correctly are sexy because it means they're smart," says Laurie Rozakis, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Grammar and Style."

While Rozakis often has been a lone grammar gendarme - she notes that her children may need serious therapy for the embarrassment she's caused them with her compulsion to correct - she sees others joining in her mission. Her book, published in 1997, has sold more than 100,000 copies and is in its second printing.

She believes it is part of a societal shift.

"I think there's going to be a return to more formal styles of dressing ... and we're moving away from sloppy grammar," she says. "There's more of a return to traditional values."

The cause? The tightened economy and increased competition in the workplace, she says.

"You whiten your teeth, you get laser surgery on your eyes, and you learn how to speak and you learn how to write," she says.

Rozakis, a former high school English teacher and now an English professor at Farmingdale State University on Long Island, N.Y., has a penchant for correction.

"I live and die by the red pen," she says.

Indeed, she has been known to pull it out to fix a sign at the grocery store. She once knocked on a stranger's door to tell him he should demand his money back because his wrought-iron address sign said "ninty-nine" instead of "ninety-nine." And she lamented the money she spent on her son's Princeton education when he misspelled the word "scandal" in an e-mail.

There's no question there is heightened interest in how absent hyphens can change the meanings of sentences or incorrect punctuation can make a love note a hate letter, says Richard Lederer, co-author of the book "Comma Sense: A Fun-damental Guide to Punctuation."

"I co-host a weekly public radio show called 'A Way With Words,' " he wrote in an e-mail interview. "... And I have found that grammar/usage is one of the most popular areas for listener questions."

Ask anyone for language pet peeves and you'll face a barrage of irritating uses of nonwords such as "supposably," "incentivize" or "orientate." Perhaps your friends will rant about the use of "should of" when it should be "should have" or how people talk about "getting onto the bus" when they really are just "getting on the bus."

Are we becoming uptight? Maybe.

"Claiming, 'Who cares how I say it or write it, as long as I am understood,' is like claiming, 'Who cares what clothing I wear, as long as it keeps me warm and covers my nakedness,' " Lederer wrote in his e-mail. "But clothing performs more than those functions. Your choice of clothing says something about your taste, your awareness of others."

What does our grammar and use of language reveal about us? A lot, says John T. Clark, an assistant professor of English at California State University, Sacramento.

"With the accent, we think of where you're from," he says. "With the grammar, it's where you went to school, what job you have, the kind of people you hang out with."

And then there are those who commit the almost unforgivable act of using words pretentiously but improperly, what's called "hyper-correction," Clark says.

"People are so worried and freaked out about appearing wrong that they'll hypercorrect," he says.

These grammar criminals use "whom" when it should be "who" or "myself" when it should be "me."

"The biggest hypercorrectors are people who might have pink-collar or blue-collar backgrounds but have career aspirations," he says. "You see more of it in upwardly mobile societies."

In his work as a corporate trainer in business and technical writing, Dave Dowling noticed that people have difficulty with the difference between words such as "yoke" and "yolk," "hurdle" and "hurtle," and "exalt" and "exult."

So he wrote the reference guide "The Wrong Word Dictionary: 2,000 Most Commonly Confused Words."

He thinks people are more self-conscious about their grammar because they have to be. Just look at President Bush, whose off-the-cuff speech has been known to include a grammatical error or two, he says.

"We have an open-microphone society now and an open television lens," Dowling says. "Nobody's perfect, but when somebody does make a blunder, it's amplified."

Trent Vanegas, writer of the celebrity-watch blog www.pinkisthenewblog.com, thinks everyone just needs to relax. On his blog, he has bemoaned the numerous e-mails and comments he receives from "the Grammartarians out there" every time he uses the word "irregardless."

"People ... it's not that big a deal," he wrote. "Who cares if the word irregardless is an actual word or not. ... Hasn't anyone ever heard of poetic license?"

But if good grammar is chic, high school students have yet to catch the wave, says Jennifer Makol, an English instructor at Christian Brothers High School.

"You could have fooled me," she says. "It may be just a byproduct of teaching writing and teaching grammar, but I can't have conversations with people without hearing their grammar mistakes."

Makol constantly corrects students who ask her to "send that book to Joe and I." (It should be, "Send that book to Joe and me.") And she decries her students' failure to enter the "foreign territory" of commas.

"If grammar is trendy," she says, "people are missing it."

Test yourself

Find the mistakes in the following sentences.

1. While walking down the hall, her coffee spilled all over the linoleum.

2. Martha made some homemade soup and sandwiche's.

3. Although it was hard to find, he delivered the package to the Smith's house.

4. Its up to Laura and I to choose the next book for our club.

5. If I could remember my PIN number, I can get some cash from the ATM machine.

6. His very unique comedy routine had us literally rolling in the aisles.

Here is how a copy editor would fix the sentences in the grammar test:

1. While walking down the hall, she spilled her coffee all over the linoleum.

Otherwise, it sounds as if the coffee was walking.

2. Martha made some soup and sandwiches.

In this case, "homemade" is redundant, and the apostrophe in a plural noun is wrong, wrong, wrong.

3. He delivered the package to the Smiths' house, although it was hard to find.

Put an apostrophe after the "s" for more than one Smith, please. We're assuming that the house was hard to find, and this construction makes that clearer, but if the package was the hard-to-find item, a different rewrite would be required.

4. It's up to Laura and me to choose the next book for our club.

An apostrophe is required for the contraction of "it is." "Me" is needed because in this case, it's the object of a preposition. "I" used properly: "Laura and I get to choose the next book."

5. If I could remember my PIN, I could get some cash from the ATM.

Both "PIN" and "ATM" include the noun in the acronym, so saying "number" and "machine" is redundant. And "could" requires a second "could," but the sentence could be rewritten with "can" and "can."

6. His unique comedy routine had us rolling in the aisles.

Something is either "unique" or it isn't - it can't be qualified. And it would be a unique comedy club indeed if audience members "literally" rolled in the aisles.

- Kathy Morrison, Bee copy editor (whose favorite grammar book is "Woe Is I" by Patricia O'Connor, second edition; Riverhead Trade, $14, 256 pages)

Commonly confused words
AFFECT: influence

Alison hoped the expired hair dye wouldn't affect the color of her hair.

EFFECT: result

The effect of using expired hair dye was green hair for Alison.

ALLUSION: indirect reference

In asking for white coffee, Sarah was making an allusion to wanting milk in her drink.

ILLUSION: false idea

I held on to the illusion that Sarah drinks her coffee black.

BESIDE: alongside

Lisa sat beside Rachel.

BESIDES: in addition to

Besides sitting next to Rachel, Lisa also sits next to Cynthia.

CAPITAL: seat of government

Sacramento is California's capital city.

CAPITOL: the building where legislators meet

The Capitol is between 10th and 12th streets in Sacramento.

COMPLEMENT: something that fills up or completes

David's homemade marinara sauce is a perfect complement to this homemade pasta.

COMPLIMENT: expression of praise

I gave David a compliment about his marinara sauce.

ELICIT: draw out

Ken asks good questions and will be able to elicit good answers.

ILLICIT: illegal

Ken's questioning bordered on being illicit because you can't ask people personal questions during job interviews.

ELUDE: avoid or escape

Tom was able to elude the magazine salesman who visited his house because he was working out at the gym.

EVADE: avoid or escape by being deceitful

Tom tried to evade the magazine salesman at his house by pretending he wasn't home.

FARTHER: more distant or remote

Kathy ran farther than she had ever run before.

FURTHER: greater extent or degree

Kathy gave further thought to running five miles but decided she hadn't stretched enough.

FEWER: small number

Rita has fewer than 20 dollar bills in her pocket.

LESS: smaller amount

Rita has less than $20 in her pocket.

HANGAR: airplane shelter

Jack is fixing his jet in the hangar.

HANGER: something on which objects are hung

Jack hung his jacket on the hanger.

IMPLY: indicate indirectly

Lori hoped to imply she wanted a piece of cake by saying she liked the decoration on it.

INFER: conclude or decide

When Lori said she liked the cake decoration, I was able to infer that she wanted a piece.

MORAL: distinction between right and wrong

The moral of the story was you shouldn't lie to your friends.

MORALE: confidence or enthusiasm

Morale was low at the company after several layoffs were announced.

PRINCIPAL: first in rank

The school principal made the decision to cancel school for the day.

PRINCIPLE: a standard or rule

The principle we followed in calling a snow day is that students must be able to arrive safely.

WHO'S: contraction of who is

Who's the person who tracked in this mud?

WHOSE: possessive form of who

Whose shoes have mud caked on them?

 

 

Techno lapses
When it comes to technology, etiquette has gone out the window

Published 2:15 am PST Sunday, February 26, 2006
Julia Mitric was out to breakfast with a group of friends recently when one of the assembled pulled out his cell phone, commenced typing with his thumbs and did something for which the group would promptly hang him out to dry.

He texted a friend to make plans while still in the midst of his current ones.

Sure, he was as engaged in conversation as anyone at the table. It just wasn't, you know, the same conversation.

"One-word answers? Totally," Mitric, 32, said of acceptable social texting. "But beyond 'see you at 2 p.m.,' I think it's rude."

Everyone knows the guy who thinks the whole bus wants to hear what he's having for dinner, or the woman who has not yet mastered the concept of the inside voice, or the co-worker who wants you to pass this e-mail on to 10 of your friends and your dearest wish will come true.

But despite the fact that we, as a society, have mastered the art of the I-can't-believe-you-justdid- that glare, the technology etiquette lapses just keep on coming.

A July survey by market research firm Synovate found that 70 percent of people witness disrespectful use of technology on a daily basis, with a third of the 1,000 respondents saying they see it multiple times a day.

"I didn't expect that people would have these feelings to that degree," said Steve Levine, senior vice president for tech and telecom at Synovate. "I think we're a fast-moving society and I think things tend to happen so quickly that people don't realize they're being rude in many instances."

But as wired as we've become, it seems that the other guy's bad behavior - and it's always the other guy - might be the only thing we're certain of when it comes to technology etiquette.

"We need to have some common understanding and rules to play by here," said Judith Kallos, who runs the tech etiquette Web site Netmanners.com. "Everything just flies out the window (when it comes to technology)."

Kallos has made it her mission to educate the world about the evils of bad netiquette . an all-encompassing category that touches nearly every part of our lives, from talking to typing to sharing the TiVo.

"Everyone has been running around being self-taught and doing their own thing for too long," she said. "A good, healthy portion of people are very resistant to etiquette."

Yet, setting those rules is a lot more complicated than it might appear, according to David Lawrence, host of a self-titled radio show on technology and pop culture.

Unlike the established etiquette rules that govern the nice-to-meetyous and the napkin-on-laps of in-person civility, he said, we really haven't figured out how to apply good behavior when it comes to our latter-day tools of communication. Technology, which can sometimes be cutting-edge and obsolete in a matter of days, is simply moving too fast for the rules to catch up.

"The target is moving so quickly that actually passing on (any) sort of etiquette is difficult," he said. "Eventually, some technology will last and the rules will settle out."

In the meantime, however, there is at least one thing we do know for sure, and, well, it's that we're all pretty darned annoyed.

Synovate's study showed that cell phones predictably produced the worst public offenses, with e-mail close behind. With the latter, sending chain forwards was far and away the biggest annoyance. The former? Yep, the loud talkers.

"It makes them feel important," Lawrence explained of the highdecible yakkers. "It lets them carve out a larger personal space than they would normally carve out."

Still, he says, there is a time and a place for certain behavior that would normally be a no-no by set-in-stone etiquette standards. Sometimes, it's OK not to treat an e-mail as if it were a letter to your great aunt or to type acronym-heavy instant messages.

If there were a rule of thumb, he says, it's this:

"Consider your audience," he said. "It's not always your best friend Jeremy who's also 14."

Know what's acceptable in your particular community and give it to them, he advised. And in places where your community intersects with another . i.e., on a bus, in a business e-mail or in a movie theater . tread lightly and read the signs. "It's all a matter of looking with your eyes open and seeing what other people are expecting or not expecting," he said.

Common courtesy? Now that's a crazy idea.

And while many folks predict that our technology etiquette will get worse before it gets better, there are some, like Sacramento barista Garitt Mathews, who believe the prescription for the future begins with a step back to the good old days. His solution?

"Tin cans with wires, a rebirth of the post and human interaction," he said.

How to live politely
OK, so maybe we haven't entirely decided what's universally acceptable and what's not in the world of technology etiquette, but a good set of guidelines never hurt anyone. Prepare to feel slightly guilty.

If you've dropped every hint in the books and a certain someone is still driving you nuts with their poor technology etiquette, what can you do? Well, not much, according to Judith Kallos of netmanners.com. There's just not a good way to say something like that to someone's face. But! You can send them an electronic hint. Fitting, no?

Kallos offers a service on her Web site where you can send a kindly worded message to a tech offender that will gently point them in the right direction. Go to www.netmanners.com/recommendfriend.html to send a dose of etiquette. And no, you wienie, it's not anonymous.

Of course, no one's saying that your own technology etiquette is anything less than perfect. But just to test yourself, take Kallos' Netiquette Quiz at www.netmanners.com/netiquette_quiz.html, so you can brag to your friends about how considerate you are.

E-mail:
 Sarcasm, emphasis and other nuances of the English language don't always come across here, leaving your words open for misinterpretation. So be clear and get creative. If there's a better way to say it, like say, using a more accurate word that you might have to look up in the dictionary, it won't kill you. Plus, that's what emoticons are for.

 Don't do cutesy things like have a special signature or format your e-mail with color and kittens.

 Check your spelling, grammar and sentence structure so you don't sound dumb.

DON'T TYPE IN ALL CAPS (IT MEANS YOU'RE YELLING). And don't type in all lowercase either - it's too informal.

 Don't send chain e-mails or other junk mail. It's really just spam.

 Don't cc with wild abandon. Bcc to respect people's privacy when e-mailing large groups.

 Don't send huge attachments.

 If you're firing off an angry e-mail, wait awhile to make sure you really mean it.

 Don't leave the e-mail subject field blank.

 Greet the person you're e-mailing - after all, you say "hi" when you're on the phone.

- Judith Kallos, technology muse and webmaster of netmanners.com

Texting:
 Be short and sweet - that's the whole point of texting.

 Don't go crazy with the acronyms unless you know for sure the person understands them.

 Don't use this informal medium for weighty topics. A "sorry your dad died" IM? Not OK.

- Kallos

Forums:
 Don't be a troll - someone who posts things that would earn them a fat lip in any bar.

 Don't be a flamer - someone who fuels online debates with incendiary reactions and remarks.

 Leave the discussion once the topic at hand has been thoroughly abandoned. It's probably just going to devolve anyway.

- Kallos

Cell phones:
 Recognize the difference between work and social calls.

 If you're expecting an important call, let those you're with know. When you get it, excuse yourself and step outside to take it.

 Don't feel bad about deleting people from your address book if you rarely or never call them. You can always put their number somewhere else.

 For crying out loud, keep your voice down.

 Don't talk on your phone if you are someplace people have paid to be, i.e. a movie or restaurant.

Official "I'm on Myspace but I'm not a dumbass" Rules If you want to continue being on myspace and also continue not being a dumbass, then you need to obey the following rules: 1. Delete Tom... he's not your friend, and I promise you that he won't notice if you delete him. 2. Never under any circumstances is it acceptable to say "thanks for the add," unless of course you're a dumbass. 3. Put a fucking picture up. 4. "You're" is a contraction meaning "you are." "Your" is a pronoun meaning "belonging to you." Similarly, "they're" is a contraction meaning "they are," "their" is a pronoun meaning "belonging to them," and "there" is an adjective describing a location that is away from "here." 5. Rofl is what a retarded dog says. It has no use in communication between two human beings. 6. Myspace will never figure out if you failed to repost a bulletin. Therefore your profile will not be deleted. Although maybe it should be if you're stupid enough to believe it. 7. The Trifecta is a perfectly good reason to celebrate. (Trifecta- new comment, new message, and new friend request at the same time.) 8. If you put up a fake job title, someone from your work is going to find your page. So let's stop with this "executive consultative assistant of regional administrative operations" shit. You're a fucking secretary. 9. Bands do not belong on your top 8 unless you are personally acquainted with the members of the band and you regularly spend time in their physical presence. I like NIN, but that doesn't make them one of my 8 best friends. 10. Deleting someone off your top 8 is not the ultimate insult that you can bestow upon someone. If someone cheats on you, taking them off your top 8 does not make it even. Having sex with their best friend/ roommate/ new girlfriend/ new boyfriend/ sister/ brother/ mother does. I rule. 11. Forwarding a stupid message that says that you will have bad luck or never have sex again if you don't forward it is just plain fucking rude. It's like your neighbor's dog shits in your yard and you call your friend, invite them over, and then when they get there handing them a paper towel and asking them to pick up your neighbor's shit. Fucking stop it. 12. If you constantly post comments on someone's site and they never comment back, that means THEY DON'T FUCKING LIKE YOU. Get the fucking clue. This is especially true if you are ugly.

1. You are at a bar or club and you suddenly realize you recognize someone. You can't figure out how and then it dawns on you... You have never met this person before, but have spent a considerable amount of time looking at their Myspace. 2. After meeting someone your conversation somehow leads to - "So, are you on Myspace?" 3. You do not call people anymore, you post comments and send messages through Myspace 4. When talking about one of your friends you just refer to them as "Morgano" rather than their real name. 5. When you're out with friends and you take a good picture you exclaim loudly, "That's going on Myspace!" 6. Conversations with friends tend to lead to, "Did you read that bulletin/comment/ or see that new picture 'Cuddlemaria' left?" 7. You check your Myspace as soon as you wake up, and right before you go to bed, including the 10 times you check it during the day. 8. You know people who have gotten offended about the Top 8. 9. You start off intending to check if you have new messages/comments but find AN HOUR LATER that you are still on and have no idea what you even accomplished during that time except stalk. 10. You find yourself laughing (sadly) and agreeing as you read these, and you know you're going to repost this for everyone else to see.

(Don't know who wrote this, but it's...genius.


If myspace were REAL life:

Tila Tequila, Forbidden and Web Master Tom would know everyone in the whole world.

You would struggle over the time it takes someone you like to crack your top 8.

19 year old boys wouldn't own shirts and 19 year old girls would not own pants.

If you're a fat girl, people would only see you from the shoulders up.

Girls would always be posing, cheeks sucked in and lips puckered two feet off their face.

Your attraction to someone would be based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey.

All females are bi and all males drive import muscle cars

Your driver's license would have hearts around your name
or quote from an emo song.

The phrases "Yo," "your hawt," or "hit me back some time" would attract the opposite sex.

Bands with 3 song demos could book stadium tours.

Lesbian women would not allow anyone with a penis within 50 yards of them, not even to deliver a pizza.

It would be perfectly acceptable to blurt out any random filthy perverse sexual thought at any random woman/man you thought was "hawt" as a first greeting.

It would be no more unusual to see a man walking around displaying his erect, naked penis than it would be to see random women running around in a g-string w/nothing covering their breasts but their hands.

Every woman from the o.c. would have a boobjob.

Every man from the o.c. would have sleeves.

You would look your very best at all times.

Everyone would make $100,000 a year or higher.

There would be a lot of youthful looking 99 year olds.

Blogs would be required reading and any random thought in your head would be shared with everyone

Everywhere you would walk, an image of Angelina Jolie would be behind you.

Forbidden would actually be hot.

YOU'D HAVE A FRIEND NAMED TOM CREEPILY FOLLOWING YOU AROUND GIVING YOU BAD NEWS CONSTANTLY

It wouldn't be odd to have Brad Pitt in your circle of friends.

Hello Kitty would be a real person.

Conversations would sound like this "How are you?" Sent. "Good, how are you?" Replied.

During a long conversation you'd have to say "Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: all right, well call me later."

When it was time for bed you would say you're "Undergoing Maintenance."

You would have to paint your walls using Thomas Myspace Editor codes in your apartment.

Stewie from Family Guy would be your best friend.

In your circle of friends you would hang out with Scottsdale bars and clothing lines.

When someone said something funny, you'd actually roll around on the floor and laugh your fucking ass off.

"Friend Whoring" is equal to STD's.

"Fuckin MySpace!" is the only universally known term in any language to show anger.

At nights when you are asleep you would get people running in your room that you don't know saying. "It's 4 a.m., I can't sleep, someone talk to me."

Bands go to your house and ask you to give them a listen because they see that you like a band they sound nothing like.

Anytime you walk into someones house they have the same video or song playing all the time, non-stop for three months straight.

Every couple of days you would threaten all your friends to take their information out of your cell phone and delete them, since they haven't called you in, like, four days.

People would run up to you, tell you a random message, and you'd have 17 minutes and 13 seconds to pass it along before a ghost came to your house and rape your dog.

People would inexplicably be stuck in their homes for hours unable to communicate with the out side world because some asshole put up a large white wall in front of every door and window with a note attached saying Sorry but and unexpected error has occurred!

I'm a californian, and that means... - I'm mexican or I've dated one - Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter then yours - I cuss a lot. - I say "like" and "fer sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "bro" and "peace out"; and I say them often. - I know what real cheese & avocadoes taste like. - I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe and Big Bear. - Summers are really hot, and winters arent really cold. That's the way it is. - I know 65 mph really means 80+. - When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and they accept it and give it back, because that's the California way. - The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border). - My governor can kick your governors ass. - I can go out at midnight and wear a tank top and skirt, or shorts and a t-shirt - I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD. - I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day. - All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here. - We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them). - I have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means MY opinion means more then yours, which means I'm better then you - I know what bros and bro-hos are - The best athletes come from here - I'm from California and I love it ....Dont you wish you were as cool as me?! repost if ur a true california native