oh lawd, please don't let me be misunderstood.

I'm invincible. I can run at night alone, I can ride my bike with no handlebars.

Speaking of riding, driving, I guess no one read my "small vehicles only" request. There's a reason I drive a cute little Honda Civic and not a Chevy Silverado. And on occasion, a 40 passenger bus and now I tote critical patients around town.

I feel like a wanton woman. Somebody's Eve. I manage to attract the scoundrels who already have dames. I don't wanna be the second-hand store, ok. So lets sort this out. What does this say about me?

How does one have a Karma Cleanser? What is it made of? Grapeseed extract, like a body scrub?

c'est la vie.


that is all.

She stood at the sink and splashed cold water on her face. He caught her glancing at him through the reflection of the mirror. "What's wrong?," he asked in a concerned matter. She shrugged and gave her best impression of a smile that nowhere met the eyes. Somehow in this short period of time, he was able to gauge her subtle change in moods, whether he was texting her from miles away, or having a playful conversation over dinner. This was as disturbing to her psyche as it was comforting.

He was still gazing intently at her and held out his arms. "Come here," he demanded and they embraced. Here was the chance for both of them to speak the words that had been hanging lower and lower overhead. "What's going to happen?," she whispered and kissed his lips gently. "What are you going to do if she finds out?" His eyes were pained but he didn't look away.

"You, you don't need to worry about any of that. But are YOU going to be okay? I'm not an asshole you know....," his voice trailed off and he looked away. When she remained silent, he continued. "I didn't expect for this to happen. Everything happens for a reason. I don't know why this happened, but we've had a great time.."

Silently, she knew it didn't really matter what the reason was. Her sexy companion would be going back to fulfill his responsibility and there was no plausible teaching experience for her in this tryst.

Last night I had a most delightful dream
It should come as no surprise since I drifted off to sleep with you on my mind
I didn't expect it to play out like it did..it was perfect. even as
all inhibitions should have been free, anything goes
you were still
an officer yet a gentleman
evident was the lust reflected from my eyes into yours
we talked, touched
even in the middle of the crowd, there was none of that
daytime shyness
you stroked me gently
not wanting me to leave but again, reality even in imagination, knowing that was the
right course of action
wanting me to come back
in the matter of defiance for modern restrictions
we embraced when I returned.
how the rest played out is a mystery
but perhaps one morning i'll wake up in your arms
and know how it ended.

I wouldn't have adventures if I didn't have text messaging or Wal-Mart. I have a Wal-Mart story still in the works, matter of fact. There's really not enough time in the day to recount the tales that only seem to happen to me when I'm alone. Well, that and the stories only a single gal has..but even those you wouldn't believe unless I disguised them as fiction.

Yesterday, there I was innocently studying math, not really giving a damn about factoring binomials, more thinking about multiplication with this hot guy recent in my single girl tales, right. In this case, no names will be changed to protect the guilty because if by some freakish accident I get stalked here, I mean he had it coming.

From: (as saved in my phone) Weird Stranger Isaac
who is this ?
5:26pm 9/17/08

Me: Who is this??
5:27pm

I went to Google, stat, to find out the area code, which I vaguely remembered as being El Paso, which it was.

WSI: u sent me a pic
5:27pm

If so it was to a stranger. I don't live in el paso or near there anymore
5:31pm

I'm starting to get a little concerned. Surely even in a drunken state I hadn't missent any inappropriate photos but what if someone was trying to get back at me for something..


WSI: well whats ur name ? this is isaac
5:31pm

Well this is jamie but i don't know an Isaac.
5:33pm

I didn't THINK I knew an Isaac but I might know people still in the El P area so I thought maybe it could be a trick question or a name I didn't remember.

WSI: so where do u live ?
5:35pm

Do i know u
5:35pm

WSI: idk....i dont even kno what u look like cuz the pic didnt come thro
5:36pm

Yea well i didn't send one so it must me a mistake sorry...

relief on my part..

WSI: its kool. ur number just looks really familiar
5:38pm

WSI: remeber me?

5:45pm

RE: Where have you been stationed
5:53pm

Note the tan tee. So familiar. But uh, I only tend to deal with the guys in uniform that girls drool over, and he's not one of em. That's just fact.

WSI: Fort bliss and fort campbell
5:53pm

When Bliss? I was there like 01 to 03 but way before i had this number
5:55pm

WSI: 1 yr
5:55pm

So finally he's cleared all suspicion from my mind. This is just a drunk disturbed GI out to victimize someone.

WSI: So u didn't recignise me?
6:37om

No sorry
6:37pm

WSI: Can u send me a pic?
6:38pm

No because i don't know you
5:37pm

WSI: Well maybe id recognise u
6:39pm

WSI: Do u have myspace?
7:19pm

Oh right, that's the ticket. Next thing I know, he's on the next flight out here, him and his paralyzing injection and hacksaw, and I'm another statistic. And then my myspace will be investigated as well, and put on the news...to say nothing of my phone records..

Who do you think I am??
7:20pm

WSI: Shht idk thats y im tryin to figure it out
7:21pm


Okay, so a part of me wanted to be ridiculous and find the most hideous picture I could and send it to him, just mess with his world. I don't think there's any legitimate way he could have had my number in particular. Do people still write numbers on bathroom walls? Who just randomly types in numbers tho? Should I be fearing for my life?



But is the episode over? It was over for me last night but maybe I should make sure he knows its the wrong number? What would you have done?

A few weeks ago I had a text convo I can just not forget..I wasn't out that night because I was getting my beauty sleep for my trip to Savannah, GA the next day.

>ding!<

From:C
what r u doing
2:24am 8/15/08

Me: Um, just catchin sleep, ya know

From: C
oh ok, sorry
2:27am 8/15/08

Me: no big deal, have a good night

From: C
so there's no chance I can see you tonite?
2:32am 8/15/08

Me: No no I'm all snuggled in bed, thanks

From: C
well you could be snuggled against something else, just sayin
2:37am 8/15/08

From: C
i'm not lookin for anything permanent, night.
2:38am 8/15/08



With this final message I threw the sheets aside and began weeping. Nothing permanent?? And there I lay, alone, the sheets saturated with lavender, a thousand candles burning, the silkiest lingerie draped provocatively across my heaving bosom, a night of passion a scant T9 text away...




(oddly enough there was another unrelated lad texting me at the same time, almost as if they were in cahoots together. I regret the fact I'm a light sleeper, but what part of I'm sleeping can be misconstrued as I want to be ravished right now)

For example, yesterday was a beautiful day and the gym is right down the street, so I strolled there via foot. My preferred dress at the gym is some silky shorts, aka ranger panties, tank top, dirty shoes, and headphones so I can ignore everyone (well, at least avoid conversation). So I'm walking back after an invigorating workout and a couple glances at handsome dudes, and some guy in a truck, a 5-ton military truck, waves, so I wave back, no big deal. I hadn't made it back home yet before he swings around to talk to me.

Mind you, he was the TC *passenger* so he made his driver swing back around. Who does that?

And I get hit on at work when I'm not looking my best, in scrubs and I'm all high off Monster. Something about me cleaning wounds or sewing a dude up gets them hype.

But when I put on my Sunday best and hit the wild club scene out here in Fayetteville, its like it doesn't even matter.

Well thats a lie.

But the ones I actually find intriguing and attractive...can't hold on to them past a couple Friday nights! ahahhaaa...

When I don't give a damn, which is often, I get the most attention. I'm way to blase, I could probably care less about making idle conversation or plans with these dudes who think they could like me, or whatever they THINK I am. If only I could be a better faker and portray that with anyone I do find interesting, that might work out for me..but I hate playing games.

Also I'm impatient.

I don't know. Sweaty bitchy is the way to go.

Lately I've been on the edge of irritability, almost constantly. I think there's something I need to be DOING with my life, something great..the impossible quest to quench this insatiable thirst. It's like I know what I'm capable of, but all of this energy is sitting dormant, being wasted.

A little personal background: I've been a medic in the Army (think a cross between M*A*S*H and Scrubs), I've been in just shy of 9 years...I've got a little bit of schooling done, been to a few cool places, met awesome people. But I have yet to have anything exciting under my belt.

I'm pretty sure I need to deploy. It is of no fault of my own that it hasn't happened, and I should feel blessed to not have gone. But people who know me know I like to get dirty, be part of the action. I may have it over-glamorized in my head - hell, I see the effects in my friends who return, all the time. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to be a part of that experience. The good thing about the Army is all the people you meet, and being part of a productive team...work hard, play harder. I'm all about making the best of every situation, and there's hardly a time I won't be able to fit in a laugh.

So if not deploying, I don't know what. I just feel like I'm behind the power curve of life at times. And its not like I have anything, I mean, ANYTHING holding me back here. I have friends...but no kids, boyfriend, house, whatever. What do I have to lose.

Only thing I can lose is my sense of self-worth if I continue on the path of least resistance.

She sat by the window, the darkest time of night. Only the sliver of a mocking moon would know her secrets, but who would give her the answers?

As she scrolled thru old favorite saved text messages, she wondered if she would ever again be someone's first thought in the morning, last smile at night. Would anyone ever try and succeed in breaking the tough exterior and get to the existential? Was that her one last chance and she failed to recognize what she had always hoped for?

It took so long in the first place to get past that mistrusting selfish part. She wasn't sure if she now had the energy or desire to even deal with opening conversation lines.

That was what the day told her anyway, the glaring sun was actually better at keeping her thoughts intimate than the unforgiving night. There was no one to lie to at night. Nor anyone to lay next to, although that was her choice, she knew.

Was this the right choice, and how long could she go feeling unneeded?

The girl, she wondered, and looked to the stars for answers. As she turned her head up, a gleam reflected off her cheek, an inside story for her and the night to never reveal...

I'm so excited, I have a date lined up for this weekend.

All I have to do is call him.

Charles, may I refer to him as Sweet Charlie?

As I was walking, SAUNTERING, if you will, out of Wal-Mart this evening with my 3 planned items (bleach, handsoap, and ice-cream, a deadly combo, I know...what am I concocting?), Mr. Charles gazes at my receipt, wow, he's a crime-stopper too. Everyone knows only Chad 360 steals out of Wal-Mart, but thats only in a fire emergency.

Well I don't know if he was attracted to the gutter look I have tonight, hair frizzy, a tank top thats seen the last of its days, or maybe just he wanted some ice cream. He engaged me in conversation (our 1st!) "Are you in the military?" Wow, there must be something about my strict disciplined demeanor. I'm sure he didn't safely assume that because the base is 5 minutes away, no, he felt a connection. Any-hOO, we chatted for a few minutes and he told me to look him up if I decide to go to jump school. This is after he drug out of me that I have no husband or children.

I mean, I understand, a Wal-Mart greeter in his prime, at least early 60's, well, he wouldn't want to be tied down to a young thing with ya know, a history or baggage. Oh no, he wants to start anew.

So he did the gentlemanly thing and didn't force me to give him my phone number, no, he gave me his number, written on the back of my receipt in a black fine Sharpie.

his HOME number.
Do you realize the significance of this?

So thats right, my dear friends. Don't look for me online Friday night. I'll be in the throes of my newest passion. Its been a while since I've been on a date, so this might be awkward.

But sweet Charlie will be patient, I know this.

Can You Answer 22 Questions About? Your 2??

Can YOU answer 22 questions about YOUR number 2? DON'T change your top friends, and answer 22 questions about the 2nd person in your top
friends.

I change this around regularly but here is this week's victim. And thanks Sir CB, for mentioning the stupid editing mistakes.

Jenny P















1) What's their first name??
Jenny

2)?What's their middle name?
Poopy

3) What was your age when you first met them?
it was in another lifetime, perhaps, or 25, virtually

4) Is this person one of your friends?
quite possibly one of my favorite imaginary friends

5) Is this person smart?
She's got big boobs she says, so no way

6) Is this person older than you?
I don't rightly know, supposedly. she regularly injects Botox and takes Viagra so she might be approx 100 or less

7) When was the last time you saw this person?
she commented me a couple hours ago

8) Do you love them?
I wouldn't change her diapers but I wouldn't kick her out of bed

9) Are you related to this perso?n??
relatively speaking, no?

10) Do you have nicknames for each other???
I call her what ever she calls herself for the day, she used to call me her pet and now she never buys me.

11) Are you always together?
yes, always, of course she's always in my heart

12) Do you think this person will repost this?
maybe after another killing spree

13) Why is this person 2 on your top friends?
she was number one last week but I crave variety and she's so sweet

14) Have you ever seen this person cry?
i imagine tears of crusty blood

15) Does your 2 have a boyfriend/?girlf?riend???
she is Mrs. Sir Cummy Beard

16) Do you tell them a lot about? your life?
all except the parts about me and Hugh Hefner playing Limbo and Naked Twister

17) Doing anything with them soon?
telling them about this bulletin

18)?If yes, what?
sodomy

19) Would you have them at your wedding??
she would sing the wedding song, something to do with Barbies or kitties

20) Would you do anything for this person?
all except go on a reality show with her

21) What's something this person is obsessed with?
a man with a cummy beard and a Jolly fellow, and how to destroy them

22) Does this person make you laugh?
all the time, there is nothing amusing to say in response


Repost this as:
Can YOU answer 22 questions about YOUR 2?

So I'm struggling to carry my habit up the stairs in heels. By habit, I mean 2 six-packs of non-non-alcoholic beverages. No biggie, I mean, I can run in heels, and my guns should be registered. A guy in a family-sized truck sees this as his as his opportunity to save a damsel in drinkstress, and hollas: "Do you need some help with that?"

I giggle girl-like "hehe, No thanks, I'm fine!" and he impedes my rhythm even more by then asking the inevitable.

"So when are we gonna get married so we can move outta these barracks?"

Sigh. I have been proposed to more times as a means of moving out of the barracks, and at times, its tempting in a logical, non-moral way.

I want things. Nice things, my own things. My own things that have been in storage the better part of a year.

But there is no room when you live in this:


Ok, well not quite...

People in the military get contract marriages, its extra money.

I don't think its worth the stress.

Or getting in trouble for having my boyfriends over. Wouldn't that sound a little suspect by the way? "you can come over, my husband is out, but he won't mind anyway..we have separate rooms."



Someday someone will want me for my lovely personality and the way I can use a George Foreman. And then we'll share space and maybe a dog.

I want a dog.

I'm getting married.

I know it doesn't seem likely, but I have a couple of irrational fears. One is that while driving home on these dark, woody, windy roads, a deer is going to literally park itself in my path and I'm going to swerve madly into a tree. I wear nice underwear so at least the hospital I work at wouldn't laugh at me. But if I didn't make it, well, I would hate for my journals to be found. I fear that.

That and one day I'll go on photobucket, and find myself in one of those embarrassing Motivational Posters.



But back to the deer. That in itself is a good enough reason to have a DMF:
Designated Male Friend.

My friend Sully just left at this past week, left the Army (active anyway), back to Texas and into a new world.

He's been my DMF for the past several months.

He helped me buy my first car, we drank together and watched TV.

I like having a good guy friend, no pressure, and you hang out enough that any potential people you would have to turn away might think twice before embarrassing themselves. You can go eat and split the check without feeling awkward or take turns paying.
Plus even when I got my car he loved to drive, and I think driving is a man's job anyway so, hey yea, please, drive.

Not very many can fit that bill, however. There's not many people that won't expect somethin, esp when it comes to the opposite persuasion. Since I'm really not looking to date anyone right now, the new DMF could even be gay, they're always fun and even more disinterested in me than the general populace of the XY.

Until then, I'll be keeping my brights on.

And hide my secret diaries.

Two things make me happy - talking to cute boys and getting new toys.

Both of which I have done today.

I got a new cell phone, thank goodness. I was spending wayayay too much time trying to charge my old one, I'm so over it.

So tonight I will hopefully not break my new phone, maybe not for a few weeks anyway.



pretty isn't it.

Also, another thing that makes me happy is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It is on TV, regardless that I own it, that will be my other entertainment tonight.


My brother was so scared of that movie as a kid because of Augustus Gloop being sucked into the pipe.

It was great as a book and great as a movie, thanks Roald Dahl.

Have I ever mentioned I REFUSE to see the new version? Blasphemy!

I mean, Willy Wonka, so sarcastic, so wonderful.

"You stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks! You get nothing! NOTHING!!"




Ya'll send me some yummy pictures.

Good day sir.

While at SeaWorld, Orlando I snapped this photo and thought of another photo and fell into the Motivational Poster extremist category.

It is possibly only amusing to me but I thunked to share it with the masses.



MINE

versus theirs

i never wanted to feel another sad love song was talking directly to me, telling me I’m as cold as ice, or what a fool believes.

this time, oh it’s gonna work. i’ll have faith, see something thru.

distance! ha, no obstacle.

it’s real, it’s there. all u need is hope.

oh and love

and a train ticket once a month.

trust.
communication

HAPPY TIMES. oh! the happy times! the laughs the inside jokes the photos

it was never wrong.

if there was rare tension, a misinterpretation of intention, well, the next day it’ll be ok, right, we can’t talk now, its too loud, you have homework, i have to sleep, sorry...

everything will work itself out. which it did except for not talking and embracing the not so
HAPPY TIMES.
figuring out how to work thru that.

victims of circumstances. it wasn’t bad.

not at all.

but how could there be when you don’t share any common threads at the end of the day besides a phone call, a weekend together (the BEST weekends) and a trip now and then.

(comic relief)


i never wanted to have to grow and learn from my "experiences" again, this was it, I felt it. I was there.

but there is always room to grow and learn and I’m no closer to knowing anything, it feels like.