I have been gaining a little weight lately.

In 1976, Abe was born. This is his theme song for that year:


By the time he was a year old, he was deep into the disco sounds. The message in this disco hit of 1977 says, "Music Makes you feel good." A message that Abe has understood for some time.


In 1978, Abe was being introduced to the world of words through good ol' Seasme Street. He also learned how black people talked.


By 1979, "the jerk" was more than a casual reference to Abes's dad. It was here that Abe learned about the harsh realities of sucess.


Now we get into the 80's. This is where the real proving grounds for Abe came into play.

Here in 1980, Abe was getting smart by watching shows that really taught you stuff. Really important stuff. Reeally important stuff, like this:


In 1981, Abe was sitting on the living room floor playing with his trucks while this was going on in the background of this year. Yep, Abe was there when Bob Barker didn't have white hair.


By 1982, Abe had to endure the terror that was the Annie movie. Because of that shit crap movie, every first grader in the world had to learn the fucking words to this brain numbing song.

To counter the horrible world of annie, there was a movie that was making chit chat at recess a little funner:


By 1983, nothing really mattered to Abe except Saturday Morning cartoons.


Although Abe would like you to believe that he was totally into the Dead Kennedy's, this is really what he was into:


In 1984, it was all bad TV sitcoms for poor ol' abe.


By 1985, Abe was starting to really get into what was cool with MTV!!! (well, sorta. Here's the #1 song from 1985)


1986 had way more going for poor little Abe. Being in the 5th grade, he was probably the coolest kid on the playground trading his Garbage Pail Kids. When he got home from school, this was what his face was plastered to.


Now we get into 1987. The sixth grader was getting ready to be an adult finally. I mean shit, middle school was a big step. He needed a role model.

He also developed his first real crush:

And then another:

But this is what really got him going...

(and they say the show has gone down hill)

Now comes the awesome late 80's. While I was smoking cigarettes and drinking 40's. Abe was feeling the awesome that was, 1988...


Alright, nobody could stay lame for that long before they started getting into the real good stuff. Abe was blessed to be at the forefront of a new era in music circa 1989:

Alright, just kidding...


In 1990, our little Abe was going through puberty like never before and President Bush was gearing up for war and music and TV were going nuts!




1991 was when Abe was learning some serious life lessons about what he can touch and what real vanilla flavor was:



It was late in 1992 when Abe was finally really becoming cool:



1993 and Abe was almost the big man on campus. Unfortunately, he still had a curfue and had to be inside before the street lights came on. TV was still his friend and these shows were just starting to air:

Conan O'Brian's first show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AWV792CC44


Um... it's 6:AM

I think Abe feels all warm inside over all of the effort I put into this.

Happy Birthday Abe.

The First Song: "Push On Through" by SALMONELLA DUB

When your sitting on the side of a road, things like pollen and dust mean nothing to you. Heat is bearable. Hunger and thirst are bearable. Sore muscles and tiredness are bearable.

There is nothing to comfort you.


The Second Song: "Can't get enough of your love" by EDDY GRANT

I imagine the soldier on the front lines during WWII or Che' and the men in the jungles of Cuba. They had just the bare minimum for existence. They knew the food they ate was going to taste bad. They knew there was no other food to eat. There were no other options. They ate the food and were very accepting of it despite the lack of flavor and visual appeal.

The Third Song: "Light & Magic" by LADYTRON

When you have your thumb out, you know that the next car is taking you to a city. It's likely that your leaving a city. Cities are never more than three or four hours away.

The Fourth Song: "All I need" by AIR

When you get to the next city, you pull out a few dollars from the nine you have and stop at a store and grab a soda. If your out of smokes get a pack. If they have a deli, get some jo-jo's. They will plug you up so you don't have to take a shit for awhile. When you have to go to the bathroom, stop in a hotel. The bathrooms are usually nicer.

The Fifth Song: "Illumination" by THIEVERY CORPORATION

If your tired, that is when you want a truck stop or a Denny's. If your drowsy, grab a crossword, a soda and sit at a booth. Feel free to doze off, just don't look like you meant to do so. For instance, don't use your bag as a pillow or sprawl out. Put your face in your hands like your looking down at your crossword. Your only going to get maybe an hour or two of sleep. You treat it like you just took a mid-afternoon nap.

Don't waste daylight hours trying to sleep.

If the waitress seems cool, go ahead and let her know your hitchhiking from one place to anther and ask if its alright to hang out for a couple hours to rest.

The Sixth Song: "Bells Ring" by MAZZY STAR

Take your time doing everything.

The Seventh Song: "Artificial Soundtrack" by STEREO DUB

Your hitchhiking. You shouldn't have to be anywhere by any certain time. When your on the side of the road, look at the nearby businesses, trees, grasses or mountains. Take some deep breaths and relax.

Your mind will wander. Think about funny stuff.

One time I had myself laughing so hard on the side of the road I literally was keeled over grabbing my gut with laughter.

The Eighth Song: "Sleeper Car" by VERUCA SALT

Be friendly and polite. Don't be obnoxiously polite, but try not to cuss, ask if you can put your bag in a more comfortable spot, say thank you for giving you a lift.

Talk about whatever you want, but its always best to let them do the talking. Always start with five or six ice breaker questions.

The Ninth Song: "free" by TELEPOPMUSIK

"Are you from (name the city they are going to)?"

A typical answer is, "No, I'm going to see my *doctor, aunt, girlfriend*." or "I live there, but I'm from *such and such city*."

The Tenth Song: "Beautiful Otherness" by BENT

Another good question is, "What do you back in *where they live*?"

They will say what they do wither for fun or for work. Its open ended enough that they can elaborate according to what they are comfortable talking about.

Now that you have the ice breakers out of the way, let them know some basic stuff about you. Where your headed, what your going for, what you do back home, etc..

Once you have those out of the way, you can ask probing questions about what they said earlier.

For instance, if they are going to visit their girlfriend, ask them how long they have been together.

The Eleventh Song: "Milky Dub" by THE EXPENDABLES

Say a brief anecdote about your self before moving on to the next question.

For instance, "Yeah, I have not been in many relationships." Then move on to ask them another relating question.

The Twelfth Song: "This Is Now" by THE KNIFE

Be honest. The last thing you want to do is lie. That just kills the vibe of the trip. Don't freak out if someone is pulling your leg.

The Thirteenth Song: "Runaway" by LADYTRON

Let people be nice. If someone offers you something, take it and say thank you. Never turn it down. The exception being booze or drugs. Always turn those down. You need a clear head.

If they ask if your hungry, say yes. Let them know you don't have any or much cash though. This usually leads to them treating you to a drive-thru or maybe a bag of chips.

The Fourteenth Song: "Beat Connection" by LCD SOUNDSYSTEM

Your also part psychologist out there. Sometimes someone mentions something rough in life like the recent passing of someone, a difficult job loss or whatever. Just by saying something like, "How are you taking it?" or "Are you prepared for it?" can really open a can of worms. At this point, just listen.

If what they are saying starts getting to deep or you feel really uncomfortable, ask a related but off topic question.

"Have you dealt with something like this before?" can usually get them to change their frame of thought.

Don't chime in with your own experience.

The Fifteenth Song: "Smile" by TELEPOPMUSIK

Let people talk. When a discussion finally does start to happen, its natural. You feel more comfortable and things mean more.

Don't ever judge the person your with by what they say, how they look or by how they act. None of those things will help you.

The Sixteenth Song: "Piste 13" by ISRAEL VIBRATION

Be open and assume that what they are telling you about them is true. You only need to care about where they are dropping you off.

Don't let people drop you off at a "Truck Stop" if there is a city nearby. You want to get dropped off near the farthest side of town you can get to even if its just to get dropped off on the side of the road.

You want a an on ramp on the edge of town. If there is no traffic on the on ramp, then walk down to the freeway and hitchhike from the shoulder.

The Seventeenth Song: "Non-Stop Loving" by YAMI BOLO (I need to delete this song)

There is no good way to stand. I like to look at drivers like I'm trying to make eye contact. I nod at every other car. I'm looking to see if it is elderly people, women or men with families.

The Eighteenth Song: ""Fuck Dub Part 1+2" by TOSCA

The average person picking you up is a guy between the ages of 23 and 50. I have been thrown for a loop by who will pick me up. Here is a short list:

-A grandmother with her two grand daughters. One just won a miss teen beauty contest.

-An electrical engineer that was invited to inspect a UFO for the government.

-A 20yr old in a super fresh car where the sexual tension between us led me to stay at her apartment outside of Fresno.

-A Mexican guy that could not speak English. We had a great conversation and I learned that he was a cook and had a few grand kids. We figured out how to conversate regardless of the language barier.

The Nineteenth Song: "Luciel" by STEREO DUB

Take advantage of the moment. Smile alot. Think of the funny things that have happened to you in your life.

The Twentieth Song: "The She" by THE BREEDERS

Anyhow, it's been quite awhile since I started this and am not all that far along, but it feels good to finally write. Take care and I'll keep it different here on my little blog.

      Playing disk golf at Dexter yesterday was quite the interesting ordeal.

      We were on the tee at the 18th hole. We could hear a helicopter above us circling around and we looked up the hill to see an emergency truck. My neighbor Ben had just flung his disk and the two guys we were shooting with proceeded to take their shots. It was now my turn and the helicopter was circling around again. I tossed my disk and it was short.

      We walked to our disks and began our second shots. The helicopter was kind of far away came in like it was going to land then took off again to circle around.

     The guy in the emergency truck yelled at us to stop throwing our "frisbees" (what a guffaw, obviously they are disks). Anyhow so we stopped playing and left our "frisbees" laying mid-hole and sat back in the shade of the trees.

 here is what we saw:







This is just the emergency truck and heli. A few moments later the ambulance arrived.




The paramedics and the helicopter crew climbed into the ambulance and came out a couple minutes later. The medics then pulled the patient out of the ambulance and put him in the helicopter. Then the helicopter took off.







At that point, we finished the hole. I bogeyed it. Obviously the whole helicopter thing threw my game off, right? (Total score = 30 over par)

How are things between you and the person you like?
I don't think she knows I dig her. Maybe I'll show her the shrine in my closet someday... *writhes hands in deviant way*

Have you ever intentionally made someone jealous?
How do you do that? What do I have that anyone would be jealous of? Yeah, look at my super-dooper, um... uh... (looks around)... if you were from a third world country, you would be totally jealous of me.

Who was the last girl you talked to?
Christy this morning. She sold me a soda and a burrito. And kicked me down a smoke to. Made me pretty glad. The burrito that is. Although I bet me talking to Christy made you pretty jealous, huh?

Do you listen to love songs when your down?
Ha! Um, I'm pretty much an ardent anti-love-ist when it comes to music. Yep, the second it gets sappy, I'm all, "Fuck that shit" and then I snub who put it on. Although, when I was in the 7th grade, me an this girl totally had Phil Collins, "Groovy Kind of Love" as our song. Thats actually cool, because Phil Collins is cool.


What did you do Wednesday night?
I hung out at home until late night then went over to Dan and Rebeck's and hung out! It was awesome! I played this boxing game and was totally kicking ass.

During the day though:


Last time you were truly happy?
I'm pretty stoked right now.

Where did you sleep last night?
Wouldn't you, the authorities and my Mom want to know?

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
I want to thank so many of you who have accepted my invitation to come to the White House to discuss important issues.  We're off to a good start.  I will continue to meet with you and ask for your input.  You have been kind and candid, and I thank you for making a new President feel welcome.  (Applause.)
The last time I visited the Capitol, I came to take an oath on the steps of this building.  I pledged to honor our Constitution and laws. (Applause.)  And I asked you to join me in setting a tone of civility and respect in Washington.  (Applause.)

     George W. Bush address to Congress 2001

What are you doing tomorrow?
Whatever it is, I am going to do will certainly be inspired by Benny Hill:



What color shirt are you wearing?
Beer shirt. They now make up more than half of my wardrobe of shirts. I'll never forget the conversation from high school I over heard once. Mind you this is a group of 17 year old high school girls. "I would never date a guy that wears beer shirts."

Here I am years later reflecting: "I wouldn't want to date a girl that doesn't like a good beer shirt wearing guy anyway!"


How many pillows on your bed?
None. My bed is fucking awesome! Its like sleeping on a warm giant human sized burrito. I have the frikkin futon rolled up with a pillow top matress flopped on it with a set of flannel sheets thrown over it. I just plop down and my arms and legs flop off the sides. I bet it kind of looks like I fell asleep humping my bed.

Who was the last person you took a photo of?
I took one of my roommate on his phone today. We walked down to the river, chatted and smoked cigarettes with our feet in the water. Here I am a few hours ago:


Did you laugh a lot at something today?
Benny Hill

Who was the last person you hugged?
Are you kidding me? Thats how people say hello here in Eugene.

Are you keeping a big secret right now?
CONFESSION TIME!!!!

I told my roommate I wanted burrito's instead of the stew I made for dinner because I knew he'd enjoy it more than I would.

I like some of the stuff that Phil Collins has done.

I occasionally listen to bad 80's music. Like really bad.



Why aren't you in bed?
Because now I'm rocking out!!!



What are your initials?
That doesn't matter... This video is fucking kick ass!!!
Indian singer Lata Mangeshkar is one of the worlds greatest singers.

She makes your mind bleed pure core emotion. Her traditional Hindi style is amazing to say the least.

 Here she is:


Has someone ever told you they love you and you didn’t say it back?



Three little words... "so fucking what"

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?


When’s the last time you had a headache?
Pollen...


Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone with?
Like a full blown conversation? Sherry about Board of Directors stuff.

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?
Yeah! On Saturday at the Hilton, I was walking down the hall to the elevator and a couple of the Prefontaine runners were walking toward me with pizzas. I said, "How did you know I wanted pizza?" and the girl says, "We have two. They messed up and put sausage on one and we don't eat sausage. Here you go." and they gave me a fuckin pizza right then and there!

Here we are eating pizza in the elevator:



What’s your favorite drink?
Mountain Water Runoff
Which just so happens to be the name of the painting this guy is painting:

"Water is a funny animal" (at 7:39 in the video)

Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
What do you think?


Who was the last person that you threw out of your life?


What's on your bedroom floor right now?
Me.

How many windows are open on your computer?
I have 4 tabs going if that what you mean:
torncity
photobucket
youtube
this page on myspace

Do you miss anyone?
Yeah, a good translator to read this to me:


Do you secretly like someone?
Half the people I know.

What is your favorite thing about the beach?
We don't have a whole lot of beaches in Oregon:


How often is your smile fake?


Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?
Well, I'd talk, but I don't know who'd listen:


Do you like the band Taking Back Sunday?
Noooooooooo. You can have it back.

Would you rather go camping or spend a day at the spa?
Well, depends on the happy ending.

Do you like pale or bright colors more?


Have you ever been so hurt that you wanted to stop feeling completely?
Clear Cut forests suck


Is there a specific moment you can replay in your mind perfectly?


Where did you get the pants you are wearing from?
I'm not wearing pants.

Would you rather play sports or watch them?
Is oil wrestling a sport?

Who will you be with Saturday night?
My family

Would you ever cheat on your bf/gf?


Have you ever asked a girl for advice?
Dudes advice sounds like this:


Girls advice sounds like this:


How many hours did you sleep last night?
Not nearly enough and when I woke up my room smelled all farty.

Something you really want right now?
for this survey to finally be over

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Um... sure.

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?


Who did you last pinky promise with?
My niece Hannah just before we jumped into the freezing river together a couple weeks ago.

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?


Are there certain things that can't be joked about with you?
Guess you just have to find out, now doncha?

Have you ever cheated on a test?
Praternity test.

Has anyone lied to you today?
Just myself when I said, "Burrito's are nutritious I bet."

Do you think money buys happiness?
Yeah! Its at the bottom of a beer glass. You can't get it if your broke. Which I guess is making me unhappy.

Do you have a pet?
Do moths count?

Would you rather ask someone out or be asked out?
Get asked out.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for over 5 months?
If I can last this long for a survey, why not.

Do you want to have children?
Better kids than puppies. If I had puppies, something would be shamefully wrong.

Seriously, he should have just got a pizza. Thats actually the real thing to do.

This is me at the park today. (white shirt backwards hat)

(Picture by Discofairy)

Woke up, read a comic book pdf I downloaded last year and never got around to reading. Made some phone calls. Went to work to send an email. Talked with Tim, my super awesome boss. Got a lift to the party in the park. Watched Lucid, Michelle, Luke and Manoj play super beats. Hung out with my cousins John and Pablo. Wrestled with Ian. Juggled with Lorq, did sticky hands with JahMas, talked about rivers with Jamal, talked about meditation with Michael, Sipped vodka redbulls with Nate, met this girl Brook, Said hi to Hannah and Jazz, talked about the michael franti show with Big Daddy Scamp, Watched rachel sharpie a drawing on Tiggers back, went with Jesse, Hanz and Katie (who by the way reads beer bottle labels like a pro) back to Casey and Nicks place where I chopped wood and made a hamburger. Then I went to Laughing Planet and watched two girls sweep and mop while I got down to some James Brown and Fresh Prince. Then Donovan and I walked from there to my place and had a cool conversation. Finally got some interweb reception and checked my emails...

All done.

Yep, gonna go to sleep now.