Job hunting is hard work. I find myself caught between getting a nice resume together, or rubbing my Dorito stained fingers on my shirt while watch Tyra. I did however manage to get a couple of interviews lined up so wish me luck. This one interview gave me the hint I wasn't going to get the job. The receptionist was trying to chat me up by saying "hey did you catch the Republican National Convention?" I immediately launch into a diatribe about how stupid she was and how her shoes looked like dead vomit walking. I don't think I'm getting a call back but finger crossies.

Speaking of wasting my life, I saw one commerical that caught my attention. The product it was trying to sell was a device were you step on a pad and  a strategically placed light would light up. Then said device disengages when you step back onto it. "Say bye-bye to the Clapper!" It's main selling point was that the CDC had reported that 8.1 million people have injured themselves by walking in underlit areas of their home. Hmm? Well who knew being stupid was a disease? Way to put me in my place CDC. Now let's work on a cure, maybe we should have a foundation set up.The Sarah Palin Foundation for the Terminally Retard. The ribbon should consist of popsicle sticks and safety scissors.

My mother is bat shit crazy, I admit. Hell she admits it. Good ol' IronPussy I love her. She reminds me of a cross between Oprah and Mommy Dearest. I can hear her now. "Kristy fetch me O magazine! No more wire hangers!" Indication one I had of her crazyassness was back in the day when my parents were undivorced. She woke my father up in the middle of the night because of a dream. In her dream she was given the information of the whereabouts of treasure in our backyard. She made my drowsy dad get up and dig. We lived in Columbus Ohio, which is located in middle of the state in a fucking valley. What kind of shitty pirate would bury his booty there?

Needless to say my dad dug up some sort of animal bone, which sent IP into another crazy direction. Now we had "dinosaur" dig on our hands. My brother was in kindergarten at the time and they were doing a project on bones. He was supposed to bring in a bone from dinner and they would slather it in clay. Cause that's what you do with dinner for the sake of edjumacation. Well my bro decide he'd bring in a "dinosaur" bone to destroy. But his plan was aborted when IP found it in his bookbag and proceed to beat that ass like Joan Crawford. "No more dinosaur bones!" Long story short we had the bone examined to find it was just a cow kneecap. God pirates in Ohio sure are stupid!

Now I leave with one last thing to sum up this blog. I'm a lazy bastard, I can't work with Republican receptionists, stupid is a disease and the people it afflicts will buy anything, my mom needs to take a geography class, and I need to put Mommy Dearest in my Netflix.

You've read it you can't unread it!

 

Well I'm here in Alabammy! How and why is a long drawn out story onto which I will eventually tell. Where to start? But before I tell you, I must make one thing clear. It was not my choice and I strongly feel I was kidnapped. Kidnapped is a strong word. More like slavery 2008. What can I say? He has papers on my black ass.

I was well on my way at a new job in credit card collections. It was a job tailormade to my sensibilities but alas that is another blog. Needless to say I was comfortable with being the villian on a daily basis. I come home from a happy day of fucking with people, when NavyHubby has some news.

Apparently all the white people in my family went bonkers! LilNavySister-in-law calls up all kinds of distraught. Back history on LNS, is I knew her ever since she was 19 she is now about 26ish. Her and husband were and are currently experiencing marital issues, to be honest who isn't? One day she was a washing her Poon bits and realized something strange. So off to the doctor's office she goes. The doctors tells her it's Herpes. Yeah exactly! I said Poon bits.

NH goes into gangsta mode. He's looking for a way to fly up and attempt murder. That feeling had evolved into a cross country move to protect and serve like he was the pussy police. Not to his only sister by God damn! Let's say I understood but was not sympathetic. I knew her current situation was fucked up, but I was okay with giving her the support she needed from a sanitary distance.

So we were told that the doctor thought it was cut and dry case of herpes. And the only person she has had relations with was her husband. They still proceed to test her for herpes of course, staph infections, and miscellanous vagina afflections. It would take a day to get the results back. So thus began Pussy Gate.

Obviously the converstation with her husband, wasn't all sunshine and baby farts. Divorce was a definite and her life was destroyed.

The next day, the results were in. It was just a raging yeast infection that could be cured with normal over the counter Yeast-B-Gone. Did that stop NH? Well I'm no logictologist, but I didn't call her The Vagina that Launched 1000 mini vans for nothing!

NH then proceeds to go into reasons why he doesn't want to stay in Washington. He's never liked it there, and I loved it. He didn't think we could survive on my salary alone, and he insisted finishing up his school. He has about 1 year left. I got to thinking. All I heard was blah, blah, I'm talking out the side of my ass. Then I thought about living closer to my relatives again, so I ultimately agreed to the move. NH assures me he would handle all the moving stuff. He also planned on moving in with LNS of a transitional period. He wanted to move and get a house in Alabama.

The following day, I get a call. He has already cancelled our renting lease, got movers, and wanted me to put in my 2 weeks notice! I passed out. When I came to, I had strangled a puppy and had a copy of US Weekly in my hands. I know what you are thinking. I never read US Weekly.

I don't handle change well. When I agreed to the move I thought it would be a gradual change. Not how to pack like an Immigrant for Dummys. I freaked out. I went missing for periods of time just to stall the process. I loved it there, made new friends, and I was tired of uprooting. I've done that too much. Didn't have the stamina you would say. It got real dark those days. NH and I squared off. He used forth this edict: Come with us or stay by yourself.

To this day I don't know the following. Why did I decide to go? No ultimatum has gotten in the way of what I wanted. So basically I disregarded what he said. I love my extended family. But I like not living by them or with them.  And finally why move so when we were already settled? What was my motivation?

Go with the flow in the fattest state in America. Still stay focused and funny. Look at things from all the light angles. Try not to snap or at least not hurt feelings too bad. Ignore the evangelicals, racism, and stereotypes. Avoid snark. Enjoy the good times. Fuck them all. Have fun. Mix. Repeat.

 

 

 

I'm definately bored. I assure you that I will get to blogging about the topics in the last blog. It looks as if you all are interested in either ass or shit. Far be it from me to deny the masses. But in normal LNW fashion I choose to ignore your wishes and blog about something completely different.

Right now I'm watching episodes of the The Superficial Friends and ignoring my kids as well as my niece and nephew.  It's an animated spoof of the Super Friends.It's so funny you asses will laugh shit giggles."Gathered here in this great Hall of Anorexia, are the 5 most self important celebrities ever to be assembled. Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and the Olsen Twins! Dedicated to selfishness and social ignorance, they are the Superficial Friends.

The Olsen Twins are like the Wonder Twins except Ashley can only turn into the form of Bob Saget and Mary-Kate turns in to various ice objects. Paris has a "call Daddy for anything phone" and humping powers. Nicole has puking powers and the Brittle Bones Mobile and Bulima Copter. And Lindsey has punching implants. They all have slutastic vagina powers. I love the episode when the SF team up with Britney Spears! Oh spoiler alert, check out Space Monkey Seacrest! My fave name for Lindsey is now LoHo.

Opps I lied I think I want to take a list of dumb celebrity quotes. That'll at least knock one of the topics of the list. Okay here goes:

Ted Turner media mogul, on selling off his money losing properties.

"If I sold all my liabilities, I wouldn't own anything. My wife's a liability, my kids are liabilities, and I haven't sold them." 

You know, he has a point they are liabilities. They get in the way of every damn thing especially wives. Maybe he should've sold them, he could get high dollar for Jane Fonda.

Britney Spears on traveling the world.

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."

"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."

Geographifin' ain't Britney's job okay. Her job is feeding her vagina Red Bulls and neglecting babies. It's Britney bitch!

George W. Bush making you dumber one quote at time.

"I think war is a dangerous place."

"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods."

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."

"They misunderestimated me."

"Will the highways on the internet become more few?"

"Put the 'off' button on."

We have only ourselves to blame. You voted for him, you can't unvote him.

Dan Quayle dumber than W.

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

I wish I made these up. I could if I face planted a cinderblock. I love these cause it makes me feel like an undummy! Here's a little game for you all match the dumb quote with the person who said it.

1.I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me. * Jessica Simpson sure is tanorexic and dumb. Two things Texans are proud of.*

2.We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?*Lee Iacocca (Chairman of Chrysler) knows we need enough clean air to fill in the empty spots in his head.*

3.We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.*Jason Kidd (NBA Basketball Player) realizes that 360 degrees is really an octagon.*

4.The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush. *Sylvester Stallone I hope he doesn't come back as Balboa again.*

5.I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. *Terry Bradshaw is America's greatest chub.*

6.Facts are stupid things.*Ronald Reagan is right. Facts get in the way of politics.*

7.Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. *Mariah Carey is the new head of the Peace Corps.*

8.I'm convinced the Beatles are partly responsible for the fall of Communism. *Milos Foreman proving you don't have to be smart for murder and exile.*

9.I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid. *Paris Hilton's tits needs to have a talk with her vagina.*

10.I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. *Arnold Schwarzenegger the Govenator is so gay!*

11.Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.*Brooke Shields wants to know what is the most important part of your death.*

12.I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.  *Jacques le Blanc (French ambassador) is proving you don't need the learning to be a french asshole*

13.So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?*Christina Aguilera only knows a few things: where Wendy's is, the location of her panties, and that Cannes is in Toledo.*

A. Ronald Reagan

B. Terry Bradshaw

C. Paris Hilton

D. Sylvestor Stallone

E. Milos Foreman

F. Mariah Carey

G. Lee Iacocca

H. Arnold Schwarzenegger

I. Jason Kidd

J. Christina Aguilera

K.Jacques le Blanc (French ambassador)

L. Jessica Simpson

M. Brooke Shields 

Have fun. Try to guess who said what. And if you cheat you are dumber than Dan Quayle.

 

 

 

I would like to thank all my loyal readers for keeping my blog in your subscriptions. I really know that you were too lazy to unsubscribe. I salute you Myspace, way to go! Don't forget my group too, The Society for the Advancement of Fake Words. So you have a mission. I'm needy! Go get me friends and comments.

I can't choose what to blog about first so here's a list of up and coming blogs. Please vote on which one I should do next.

1. I moved to Birmingham because of  my sister-in-laws vagina.

2. Bikers fucked up our trip to Deadwood.

3. I think LilNavyPrincess is the Anti-Christ.

4. Pay your damn bills or we take your house!

5. The accidental shitting. A love story.

6. There are no black people in Wyoming.

7.To hell with all these damn kids!

8. People in Alabama have no sense of humor.

9. Ass. The back pussy.

10. Celebrities say the cutest things.

11. Dylan the villian.

12. Everybody's kids are bastards except my own.

13. I'm the black Martha Stewart.

14. At least I'm not as bad as...

15. Another you are going to hell if you laugh at this.

16. Fake words.

17. Vagina! Now in technocolor.

18. Don't ask me if...

19. I don't really care if it is for Jesus.

20. Why I think no scratch that KNOW I'm better than you.

21. Hooker with a heart of gold filiment.

22. 2 hobo stories for the price of one.

23. Why do fat people befriend me?

24.  Just cause I'm black doesn't mean...

25. Bottom of the Barrell

26. How to lose your job in just 5 easy steps

27. My vagina is on the fritz again.

28. Weed.

29. The SCA.

30. How to do a bi-coastal move in just 8 days.

 

 

Dear Myspace,

Oh it's been a long time Myspace. I have violated your lovely pages over the years, like a teenage boy with a wet dream involving half asian midgets and heavy petting. Wait would that asian technically be like 1/4 then? I don't know I was never good at math. Irregardless, is not a word. I'm getting off topic. Let me think I have been drinking quite a bit of Haterade lately. Right I remember. Heavy petting! Isn't that awesome it's one of those old timey words nobody uses like, chamberpot, persnickety and women's lib.

But I must admit to you Myspace I habored mixed feels for you. You found out that you weren't the baby's father you yelled at me off stage as I ran away in tears. I was left with Maury to console me. That's worst than your best hobo. We are but flawed people you and I. I forgive you Myspace. Now crack open your finest bottle of Nyquil or Thunderbird (your choice of course), tuck your love one in then punch him/her/goat  in the face, and prepare yourself for my blog of much hyped disappointment.

A lot has changed in the magic Poondom where I, LNW the Mighty rule! I moved from the west coast back to the dirty south for starters. Oh for extra drama my mother is on this bitch and checks my page often. She shall be hencefore be known as Mee-Ma. It was either that or IronPussy. I went with a more family friendly name. Not to mention Bobert's new found bitchassness. It's a word 'cause Diddy said so.

But alas Myspace it is true what they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Except if we are talking about herpes. Then it's about suppression. 4 out of 5 people got that joke.So basically in a nutshell I have a lot of blogging material. Like this mini- Undressed!

Kim Kardashian

Aha we caught ya looking stupid Kim! Oh wait that's every damn day she takes a breath. How appropriate! We found where the Hamburgler puts all his stolen burgers. In Kim's titties. She looks like the whore version of Crocodile Dundee. "Good day Cameltoe, run over with your Jesus sandals and fetch me a McGriddle!"

Raven Symone

This outfit has it's own episode called "That's So Fuckin' Ugly". It looks as if she woke up from a nap, removed her sleeping mask and said. "You are fucking fired stylist!" I doubt that flashdance meets gothic ballerina hooker pirate with an afro will ever be in fashion.

Lil Mama

I know what you are thinking. Yes I could kick Lil Mama's ass no problem. Let's see how much that lip gloss be poppin' after a good ole fashion snotbox rockin' for this outfit. She looks like a ghetto ass Bo Peep. Bitch there ain't no sheep in Harlem! And keep your titties to yourself! Lil Mama is modeling Gap's new hysterectomy line you'd swear you had things done to your uterus or your money back!

 

Yeah I know. I look as though I’m held hostage. Be that as it may I would love if any of my loyal readers all 5 of you would like to show up to the white trashiest shingdig this side of the mighty Mississippippi-fuck I can’t spell. Well as the slap dash sign says it’s tonight. I procrastinated because I wasn’t even sure I was going to do the damn thing but here we are.

I plan on taping the show come hell or high water. Especially if I decide to get shitfaced. I want to tape it because I know it’s going to blow. If it defies my expectations then I would be pleasently supprised. Hopefully the bit I planned about dropping a turkey from my Poon goes over well.

I’m out of practice all on the account I was very sick. I’ll blog about it later. If you are interested call the number on the flyer and say "Hey fat-ass when and where. Ryan loves it I promise.

Okay so it's crunch time and I'm bombed out of my mind. Pop Quiz time my gentle readers! The previous sentence can be misconstrued in any number of ways.
 "Okay so it's crunch time and I'm bombed out of my mind."
 a) I'm under the influence and I'm blogging when I should be wrapping gifts.
b) I'm stressed out beyond belief working retarded hours and bleeding out the ass.
c) I'm anticipating  the morning like a child does for Santa. I owe him a hellified hobo-kicking ass sandwich.
d) all of the above because I'm retarded.
I hate to turn this into a "me" show but this is my blog and all. I like to be Captain Obvious sometimes. But over the last couple of weeks I've been over the moon. So many crazy things have gone down. I found out that I'm completely satisfied with myself. By no means am I being narcissistic. Every flaw I celebrate of me. Complete Self Awareness! I don't know where I was going with that ...Hole 2!

I'm not a very sentimental when it comes to the holidays. I can see where enjoyment can be derived, but I really don't get all wet in the Poon over it. Yeah I really can say my past Christmas's weren't suck tacular than the last. They've progressively gotten better but OshKosh Be Goddamn it's not that great. This Christmas may be kinda cool, not really, okay well maybe, kinda sort of not really but still....Hole 3!

I went down to the Underground recently. Completely on a whim all the planets aligned and it was a magical night. A couple of my coworkers and I just so happened to have the same night off. That very night it was an open mic night in Seattle. Four!

I wonder if this blog makes sense or if I've gotten really fucking....for fuck sakes Five!

My boss at work she first language is not English. So she says words as "re construed and unrespect. I find it ridiculously cute. I really like my boss! It's weird absolutely but I really really like my boss...don't get the wrong ideas Six holes!

So there you have it have fun filling up my holes. You filled it but you can't unfill it!

For the uninitiated this is an Undressed! blog. On Msn.com there's this columnist by the name of Kat Giantis that basically gets all kinds of bitchy about celebrity and their ill fated wardrobe. I blatantly take the pics and come up with my own catty remarks. Oh it's deliciously fucked up and full of Haterade. Lets get this shindig dug!

Heidi Klum




I know what you are thinking. I'm not going to make a crack kills or crack is whack joke. But why did Heidi think it was cool to dress as the stunt double for Showgirls? All I know is that it's not make it work time on the Sunset Strip Heidi. Besides the obvious tragic ass cleavage, I think Heidi's vagina is trying to say hi. What the fuck is up with the Scotch tape holding her dress together? Did Seal cosign on this? She looks like a tarted up cocker spaniel.

Mary-Kate Olsen


What the shit is this? These girls creep me the fuck out next to Dakota Fanning. Creepy doll human! What kinda look was she going for? Sexiest pillow case from Bed Bath and Beyond? And the shoes! Those are the fugilest stripper shoes in the history of whore footwear. It was reported that Mary-Kate's feet tried to escape that's why they are tied back. This is what happens when you bang Lance Armstrong.

Sharon Stone



Holy cat suit Batman! Camel toe is not the new cleavage indeed! See what happened was that Sharon felt the need to try something new. She flashes her vagina so much she decided to have it vacuum sealed. It's hard to find your vagina on the floor at a Hollywood party. Damn near impossible to find on the red carpet. Yeah that was a hidden period joke or maybe Ms. Stone snatch looks like a baboon's ass. You take your pick which one you want to laugh at.

Rihanna



SOS please somebody help her find a proper dress! Note to Rihanna: Minnie Mouse is going to beat the shit out of your titties for hijacking her bows. Next time you see your stylist take that damn Umbrella and shove it up their ass.

Beyonce



All I have to say is that these shoes cost $4,175! I can't write anything funny right now cause I just punched my son in the face for not being Beyonce. I said " How come you can't be Beyonce and buy butt ugly outfits and shoes for me!" To which he replied "cause I'm only 4 and I have a penis." A penis didn't stop Beyonce! That explains the thing sticking up from behind her shoes.

There you read it you can't unread it! I know that Sharon's clam is burned into your eyes. You see it even when your eyes are shut. Don't worry it will go away in a couple days. It happened to me when I saw Amy Winehouse or when I saw David Guest and Da Brat kissing. This too shall pass.

The other day I had a chat with UHBL. You know the man-child that makes me feel like Chris Hansen has my number any minute. Get this he's so damn full of himself too. He wants to hook-up with my MILF friends to tuck him in and read him a bedtime story. His words not mine this time. Don't shoot the messenger or there's a boot in the chops waiting for you!

 Now when he's not talking about himself he has something called "dirty points". Apparently you can accumulate dirty points based on your actions or behaviors. I'm not quite sure if having dirty points is necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. But now I qualify as "dirty no showers". I told him that I have a Mighty Poon and it is washed by the blood of slain hobos. Plus according to him I'm "hella rude" so that in and of itself is at least another thousand.

What started this conversation was the fact I have a class reunion coming up and I was thinking about what I was like then vs. what I'm like now. UHBL happened to come by bum cigarettes again and I made him pay for it by listening to me for hours on end. I must've racked up a million and one dirty points before I turned 18 according to UHBL. So take score for the dirty points I accumulated and add up your own for extra measure.

 I told him about one fight I got into with a girl where I brought a tube sock full of nickels into a fight. I was definitely a hood rat back in the day. He was perplexed as to how and why. I had stole my Dad's collection of pre-rolled change. I figured that he wouldn't miss the nickels. Before the beat down I took off my socks and popped the nickels in it. I held it David and Goliath style.As to why, simple. I'm little I haven't grown since the ninth grade. There's no such thing as a fair fight! Earrings, hair, and shirts are all fair game. Something is getting snatched the fuck off! I used to lube myself up with Vaseline  just so it would be hard to grab a hold of me. Sure I lost fights but believe it when I say I rocked more snotboxes than I had mine rocked. So count up how many physical fights you've been in multiple it by 5. Add 3 points if you stole something and used it in one of those fights. I've been in 13 fights. LNW's score: 65

I hate to talk about fighting but I was reminded of a classic fight. I used to be in the band in high school I was a first chair flutist. Our school lost every damn football game and we were very poor losers. Without fail there would be some sort of altercation. This one in particular happened in the parking lot. Think soccer hooligans in Scotland when their home team loses. Well this was our band versus their band. Needless to say it was a free for all brawl with my uniform and flute in tow. My Dad had to swim through the sea of fighting teens to drag me out. 5 points if you've gotten into it with a mass amount of people. 1 point being using in a uniform. -2 points if someone had to drag your ass out of the fight. LNW's score: 4

I was once entrusted with a videotape that had 2 of my friends having relations on it. The 2 in question haven't been outted as gay at my school. How the tape of mutual cocks got in my hands were beyond me. I figured I would help these two guys get out of the closet by holding a matinée showing of the tape. I showed EVERYBODY! So 10 points for having a sex tape. -3 if it isn't of you. LNW's score: 7

When I was 19 I lived in South Carolina and I caught a Greyhound back to Ohio to visit my parents. On the trip up there I smoked weed behind the terminal with some hobo. Real fucking safe huh? After that I got back on the bus to my seat. Then a man with a Styrofoam cup full of ice sat next to me. In his inside coat pocket was about a pint of Absolute Citron. He told me if I clammed up he'd share. I was down like 4 flat tires only problem  was that he had just the one cup. I made him go back in and get me a cup and a Sprite chaser. He protested slightly till I told him that I would sing like a canary. Needless to say I drank my ass off. When I finally got to Ohio my sister and my Dad met me there. I was so fucked up! "Girl have you been drinking?" he said. "Hell yeah!" I said.  10 points for getting trashed with strangers on a Greyhound. 5 for showing up fit to be tied to one of your relatives. LNW's score: 75

So there you have it. I've done a lot more like kick a hobo, ass punch a drag queen, get into a fist fight with my own mother, kick over a dog with wheels, and stole NH's heart. What have you done lately? How many points do you have?

Yeah it's Thanksgiving I fucking get it! I'm not doing a Thanksgiving blog for the simple fact that everyone and their turkey lovin' mama is doing one. I'm thankful for not getting a Nyquil enema or ass herpes. How about that? Not good enough well cram it up your mouth meats along with cranberry and stuffing! Thank you Charlie Brown for fucking it up for everybody!

Well I figure I will keep it light and playful as always by having yet another blog about the wonderfulness of being LNW. I have a high opinion of myself not too much but a much too much. Since I'm the shit and you are not, do you have what it takes to be my sidekick? Do you have the sand to say and do shit that will get you 5 to 10? I say that you don't, so stop before you start.

 Okay if you blatantly ignored the afore sentence then you are off to a great start and you are on your way to unpussification. I know for a fact that Alexander would most definitely be my kick ass cohort. I'm more than confidant that he would punch me in the uterus then give me a frencher. That's how he rolls. Don't believe me that he has the sand to hang with me read his blog that he wrote over a year ago that still gets comments  here.

So here's the rub. To prove you worth or basically if you are bored and have nothing better to do take this quiz to see if you could be my partner in crime. Compare your answers to see if you could kick a homeless Japanese man in the face, ass punch a drag queen, birth babies  look as faboo as me and did I mention my husband is hot? His blue eyes will melt your vagina off regardless if you have one or not. Remember that Indiana Jones movie where the Nazis opened the Ark? Yeah it's like that.

Answer these questions as honestly as you can. But I know you will try to answer them how you would think I would. Fuck you in advance. Happy Thanksgiving Bitches!