I know, I don't usually do this sort of thing, but it's worth it so fucking do it.

See, diabetes sucks.  It took my adoptive father's feet and eventually his life.  It's time to do something about this grotesque disease.

Maybe some of you have heard of this, but recently I've noticed a lot of press about these so-called "Real Life Superheroes".  People, like you and I, who take up a comic-book style persona and try to go do good.  Good beyond the norm.  They don't just volunteer at shelters, they put together whole sets of helpful items for homeless people.  They don't just toss a few toys at the xmass charity folks, they collect boxes and bags full of them, dress up in elaborate superhero costumes, and deliver the toys themselves to underprivileged children.  These people kick ass.

Right now, the Real Life Superheroes (RLSH) from around the US really need to make one hell of an impact when they participate in an upcoming "Walk to Fight Juvenile Diabetes" event on January 24th.  It appears that the Today Show will be tagging along after the RLSH "Geist"  while he and other RLSH participate by walking in the Mall of America (MN), and these Heroes need your help to make the event a success.

See, there's finally a cure in sight for diabetes.  Yeah, insulin is a way to manage it, but there's still no actual CURE for this long-time disease.  Now, we have a chance to speed along the creation of a cure by contributing to the cause.  In this case, by supporting a runner for this fund raising event. A little bit will go a good long way.  Think of it as paying to make someone dressed up like a comic book character do a bunch of exercise.

What's extra nice is not only does your donation contribute to the cure, it helps promote the cause, meaning even more donations and an even faster route to helping people -- particularly children -- who must deal with the grinding disease of diabetes. Let's kick some ass, people -- go donate, help a superhero and help people who are suffering.

To donate, follow the links below to the heroes' MySpace pages, where you'll find thermometers to click on and donate.  Pick whichever participant you like best, no one will have any hurt feelings, just donate!  If you have any trouble finding their donation links, they're also included below.  Help them out, and I won't come pester and tease you.

Whoever you choose, just do us all a favor and donate, because seriously... diabetes is stupid and should be destroyed.  Thank you.

~ Brent Elskan
Your Friendly Nieghborhood Bastard

That's right, I still don't give a fuck about myspace, but I'll tell you this anyway: I updated my website. And I plan to do it more often. And there's a redesign coming soon, I hope.

In the meantime, here's the update itself.  Comment here or email me if you like, or come to livejournal to do it, I don't give a shit.  Do NOT try sending me messages through myspace since I won't waste my time with them.  The only reason I'm even here still is for a few friends who I can only reach here and whose profiles can only be seen by being a friend, so yeah.  Shut it.

As ridiculous as it is for me, tonight I finally—after eight pleasant years—decided that I wanted to find a cord, attach it to that nipple in the wall (pun intended, kudos to those who get it) and thence the set, and watch a real, honest-to-void TV program... Commercials and all.

No, I'm not fucking with you.  I really watched television tonight.

Why?  Because of the program NBC is running, "The Office."  Yes, I, Brent Elskan, have finally broken down and watched not just television, but network television!

Kinda scary, if you know me, eh?

I can't help it, the show is fucking hillarious and has some tallented cast members. If you haven't gotten addicted to it yet, you need to seek out your first hit.  NBC is not a discriminating pusher.

In the lackluster office setting of an Ohio paper supplier by the name of Dunder Mifflin (not even a high-profile one, but a mid-level sort of supplier), we have a staff that anyone who's ever worked in an office setting will identify with. I currently have to work with a woman who is so  full of corporate-style bullshit I wonder if she will one day choke on her touchy-feely, pandering spew.  Anyhow...

That's all I'm going to say except that every main cast-member has completely hit the mark with quintessential characterisations.  Oh, and the excellently strung-along, hidden-and-forbidden romance aspect of "JAM" (Jim and Pam) is fucking brilliant.  That and Angela is fucking awesome in her role.  She nails it beautifully.

Okay, seriously... I'm going to have to make up for my TV watching tonight (the episode was fucking great—nice job, "Ryan"/B.J).  Maybe I'll need to do some really hard-core research again to get back to my intellectual roots.  But I'm telling you, this show is worth breaking one's personal moral rule-set for.

But that's me, I could be wrong.

Brains are Like Trees... Kind Of.

The human brain functions in an associative fashion.  It has millions of tiny "branches" which interconnect via the synapses and store information in tree-like structures.  When we experience life, each instance is compared to prior experiences and the associative process begins.

Thunderstorms of thought begin to spark in the recesses of the brain as the event we are contemplating or experiencing is quickly passed along the associative chain.  Someone may experience a momentary feeling of connection to a person, verging on love, and when the brain processes this input it may associate love with a specific person.  That person in turn calls up associated memories also of the break-up one may have gone through, so a negative association is apparent.

The association continues:  Thoughts of love have led to the former lover who is associated with a painful break-up, which is an association of his abusive verbalizations when angry, which is associated with the abusive father, connected strongly to the beatings and possibly rapes, and suddenly the prospect of falling in love with the perfectly benign (or perhaps equally abusive), new lover is now slightly soured by these subconscious but highly present emotions of pain and trauma.

Hard-Wiring the Brain

This kind of associative process is one which causes a closer synchronization of those synapses the more it is called upon. As stated in several sources "Neurons that fire together, wire together."  That is, the more we repeat an experience, the more adapted the brain's thought highways will cement into place.

Conversely, the better we become at disciplining our thought process to break those connections, the less connected those "neural networks" become.  Each time we make the effort to not react to our associations, to not automatically assume their validity and respond as we "instinctually" or "usually" do, the more likely we can free the mind to think in different ways, to rewire our thought process and experience new and different reactions, ideas and memories free from the overlay of our pasts.

How the Body Experiences Emotions

Of particular interest is the release of special protein strands within the hypothalamus when emotive response is called for by the firing of these neural networks. Neuropeptides (nerve proteins) are essentially the communicating sequences which tell cells what to do and how to grow.  They are responsible for emotional responses within the system, but also directly relate to the progression of psychological reaction and cellular evolution within the individual.

As cells are bombarded with particular Neuropeptides during specific emotional experiences, the more frequently a cell receives those Neuropeptides, the more likely that, when it splits and reproduces, it will produce a child or sister cell with more receptors designed specifically for those proteins it most encounters.  So a cell which has been repeatedly flooded with some protein for say, rage, over and over, will be more likely to adapt when it splits by generating a new cell with more receptors designed to receive the specific Neuropeptide for the rage emotion.  If a cell is not replenished with that specific strain in a timely enough fashion, the body reacts with sensations of discomfort, irritability and frustration.  Withdrawal.

Addiction

Hard-wiring our neurons and synapses, steadily mutating cells to receive more and more of the specific emotional protein strands... this is addiction.  Psychological and physiological addiction to emotional states.

Essentially, the body will experience emotional states which it has been subjected to on a regular basis more readily as a result of greater instances of that emotion.  The more you have that emotion, the more you physically and psychologically want to experience those emotions again.

Anger, excitement, dissatisfaction, joy, fear, passion, victimization, elation... every emotional state excites the manufacture of Neuropeptides to enact and sustain that emotional state.  The more that emotion is experienced, the more cells will be ready to receive the instruction to undergo that emotional state again.  This is precisely the reaction the cells have when receiving narcotic substances such as cocaine or heroine.  Those drugs act upon the body via those exact same protein receptors on the cell membrane as are used by Neuropeptides.

Summary

The associative properties of the mind mean that we will probably always have our past influence our current experiences.  So long as we are able to break the chains of repeating our pasts, when we stop allowing the same neural networks to be wired together and begin breaking those clumps of associated memories apart, replacing them with new ideas and experiences, allowing ourselves to experience life unfettered by the restriction of victimization, we overcome our trappings and can live fuller, more meaningful lives.

Further, refusing to become trapped by our negative memories--absorbing and accepting them, rather than allowing them to dictate our responses--opens the doorway to vast potentials of emotional experience.

When we constantly bombard our cells with the Neuropeptides of a specific emotional state, they become more and more likely to reproduce/split into cells more and more receptive to those proteins that are the fuel of those emotions.  Anger, pain, victim-syndrome, frustration, melancholy, can all become our addictions and we can often find ourselves the plaything of our biochemical responses feeding the addictions.

The mind continues to find more memories to correlate to our painful past (hard-wiring the reaction process, making it easier and easier to react with the same call for suffering) and the body becomes more and more addicted to the emotional bath of nerve proteins powering the emotional state.  The brain begins to seek out ways to fulfill our emotional addictions and manufactures situations to attain the desired fix.

But we are all fortunate to have the frontal cortex.  The center of higher reason and intellectual thought.  With proper consideration, observation of ourselves, and the conscientious choices to no longer decide we are a victim or that we are afraid, we can stop the cycle of feeding our addiction, so the process of expanding our experiences, of become more whole, self-determined masters of our own fate, can progress.

You are not your past.  You are an immeasurably powerful entity in the universe with the potential for infinite chances to make a choice.  Each choice is your opportunity to alter your nature and make yourself into that which you most wish to become.  We are the result of our own devices.  If we do not find happiness in who we are, where we have led ourselves, we have the responsibility for that.  But we also have the power to change it.

That's my two pennies, with hay-pennies contributed by "What the Bleep?"

Frivolity Part A
1. The McCoys - Hang On Sloopy
2. The Archies - Sugar Sugar
3. Bill Withers - Lean On Me
4. The Cardigans - Love Fool
5. The Human League - (Keep Feeling) Fascination
6. PJ Harvey - Down By the Water
7. Cornershop - Brimful of Asha (remix)
8. Eurythmics - Here Comes the Rain Again
9. Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (are Made of This)
10. Bob Sinclair - Love Generation (Club Mix)
11. O-Zone - Dragostea din Tei (remix)
12. Erwin Beekveld - They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard
13. Squirrel Nut Zippers - Put a Lid On It
14. Squirrel Nut Zippers - Hell
15. Suzanne Vega - Blood Makes Noise
16. Suzanne Vega - 99.9° F
17. David Bowie with Queen - Pressure
18. Soul Coughing - Circles
19. The Eels - I Like Birds

Yes, those of you who saw my bulletin on the matter already know:  I've finally updated www.elskan.net.

Whoever has seen the bulletin can attest that it is a bitchy, mean rant, so if you're offended easily... uh, go see it now, jerkwater!

If you want to reply to anything I said in it, feel free.

Today I was reminded why I wrote this: Jesus Would Not Be a Fundamentalist.

Why would I have been reminded of that old thing, you ask?  Because this woman today tried to tell me I was going to rot and burn in eternal damnation, flames of hell boiling my flesh, because of my... no, really, get this... my tee-shirt.  Can you imagine?  She actually beleives that her little god is so insignificant, so completely impotent and needy, that it is threatened by my tee-shirt.

Fukcing people!

Okay, so I'm chatting on the phone with one of my work contacts/clients and she asks what I think about the whole David Blaine thing.  My first response?

"What the hell is a 'David Blaine' and why the hell should I care?" I ask politely.

"Are you kidding? How can you miss it, he's all over the news!" she replies.

"No TV for me, remember?  I hate it. I won't watch it.  And the news is full of stupidity and infotainment, alright?  So don't get on me about that."

"Oh come on.  You had to have heard about David Blaine.  Guy in a fishbowl in New York?"

"...okay, three things: 1- I have no idea what this fishbowl crap is about, 2- What is a David Blaine and 3- why the hell should I care?"

"You're so mean."  (laughs) "Come on, you can't have missed it.  The story is everywhere."

"You can't miss something if you've never aimed at it.  Alright, I'll google it."

...and so on.

So I do.  I google the name, I find this little story. I call back.

"Jane?  Hey, the David Blaine thing, alright?  I still don;'t get why I should care."

"Well you know there's more to the world than coffee and cigarettes and the internet, Brent."

"Well, yeah, like sex and love and Guinness and... a couple other things.  Still, what's the big deal?  Some exhibitionist with a wet-suit fetish decides to abuse and decimate his body in the middle of the most media-saturated city on the planet and I'm supposed to give a f... sh.. a damn about it?  Worse, people genuinely think it does matter, and is even worthy of news coverage?  Something is wrong with this culture."

"Well... but it's interesting!" she retorts.

"How's that?"

"Well... you know, nobody's tried it before."

"Yeah, well probably nobody has tried to smash their face into the wall of the NATO buildinig for three days straight, either, but I don't think that'd be very news-worthy either."

"...what?"

Yeah, this is how I spend my breaks, sometimes.

Okay, a friend of mine posted a bulletin a few hours back about this girl who died and happened to have a myspace account.  How this is noteworthy, I don't know.  You can read the contents of this bulletin below (which is lengthly, so I cut out a lot) so that some of this makes more sense.  Essentially, though, here's what I have to say about it (as if anyone gives a fuck).

The bulletin:

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------

((SNIPPED HEADERS))

To those of you who wont repost this, thats kind of sad.  I know most of you didnt know her but I have seen you repost the most ridiculous bulletins likGavin DeGrawe "If you dont repost this in .2 seconds you will die tonight and your crush will hate you", "What kind of skittle are you?", "Whats your favorite song to have SEX too?", "put BACARDI if your taken", "Leave me comments lyke now!!1!!111" and so on.  But you cant repost one that has meaning, and that isnt threatening you?

To alot of you this is just another sad bulletin or news article, but to the people who knew her she was their daughter, best friend, niece, cousin, crush, grandaughter, sister, prom date.  Think of how they feel? and how you would feel if this happened to someone close to you.

R.I.P Anna Svidersky

Anna was a smart 17 year old girl who lived in Vancover, WA. She attended Fort Vancover Highschool and was going to graduating this June,2006.

Thursday, April 20th 2006 in the evening she was stabbed and murdered at Mcdonalds while working. She didnt deserve this, at all.  There is so much violence going on lately its ridiculous. Her Myspace

'THE ARTICLE' Here

Stabbing of Vancouver teen hits community hard

02:35 PM PDT on Friday, April 21, 2006
By TERESA BELL and KRISTINA BRENNEMAN, kgw.com Staff

A photo of Anna Svidersky from her high school yearbook.

VANCOUVER -- The deadly stabbing of a 17-year-old girl who made everyone smile is tearing the Vancouver community apart, said the Vancouver police chief Friday.

Anna Svidersky, a Fort Vancouver High School senior, was stabbed in the chest by a stranger while working at McDonald's Thursday night, said Police Chief Brian Martinek at a news conference.

"It's tearing us apart, quite frankly," he said. "There's no magic wall around Vancouver. We've had two young girls killed in the last six months," referring to the November 2005 murder of 14-year-old Chelsea Harrison.

Svidersky, who would have graduated in June, was taken to Legacy Emanuel Hospital in Portland where she died around 9 p.m. Thursday. An autopsy was scheduled for Friday morning, Martinek said.

The suspect, David Barton Sullivan, was charged with first-degree murder Friday morning.

((SNIP OF REMAINDER OF ARTICLE))

...

If you have a heart, pass this on.  Let her be rememberd.

Remembered?  Obviously the people who actually knew her will remember, ass-hat.  But look at a little bigger picture here. People die all the bloody time.  What makes this one so fucking special?  You don't see people posting "pass it along" bulletins about all the people of Iraq who've died, but more of them die every day at the hands of local insugents and our own troops under command of a war-monger, oil-loving sociopath who's IQ is smaller than his inseam.  Equally appaling and tragic as this bulletin, in my opinion.

In addition, the bulletin mentions in the body about people posting and reposting bulletins full of stupid shit all the time and never anything with meaning.  While I agree with that, I don't agree this has meaning to anyone but those who knew the person, so it would be pointless for me to do it.

It also mentions briefly that it isn't threatining anyone with consequences like many of those shitty, meaningless bulletins do.  True, in a practical, semantic fashion, yes.  However, what about the "guilt-trip" it tries to impose on the reader with it's nagging?  Isn't this merely a veild threat of "you'll feel bad about not doing it if you don't"?  Is not the manipulation of people's emotions also a threat?  I think so, and I believe the person who wrote the original post has far too great a sense of self-importance to realize that their little diatribe about meaning in bulletins (or even on myspace in general) is ironic and short-sighted.

Why should anyone on myspace besides that person's own friends give a damn that she's dead, beyond the typical empathy one feels when knowing of a tragedy in humane matters?  Is it important to us to know?  Not really.  Is it somehow related to our use of myspace?  Not much, no.  Does it really make any difference to anyone if anyone else reposts it?  Only difference I can see is giving more people more bullshit to feel crappy about.

This sort of crap is why I refuse to watch television: it's mindless tripe designed to make me give a shit about things that don't ultimately change my life in any way, except to waste my emotions and thoughts.  This way, I'm not concerned about local affairs, politics, the things that really influence my everyday happiness, well-being and potential for such.  Television has been so good at brainwashing us to believe that sensationalized stories of death and misfortune are of paramount value, that we are doing it to ourselves now.

Well, I refuse to take part.  So there, fuck them all.

In the following image, let me just state for the record, I was not hung over.

I wasn't hung over, but I was waking up.  Not that there's much difference.

Tip:   Never ask me for help with your Windows computer unless [1] you use Mozilla, preferably the Firefox breeds and [2] you use a Win OS version that is at least Windows 2000 or later.

Tip:   Never ask me for help with your Linux computer at all.  It's great that you're into Linux and all, I applaud the effort, but I'm not even a tenth as capable on a Linux box as I am on a Win box, so I'm of little or no help to you.  I have yet to understand the full contents and conditions of my single Linux box, let alone the intricacies of other systems besides my own.

That is all.