http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQLhWqek7i0

Modest Mouse King Rat (c) (C) 2009 Sony Music Entertainment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSDGcRrceLE

Ever wish songs just sang what was happening in the music video? Wish no more... the 5th official installment of literal music videos is here! (sorry, the video is blocked in Germany and won't allow embedding. I can't change it)

watch this because you're still on myspace. what the fuck?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QBOJZolP6o

Check out the dork at 2:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GfgnBEZsj4

Winter Lilacs (see my posted videos), a short in which I co-starred with Carol Vnuk, will be screening at Austin's prestigious South by Southwest Film Festival next month. Lilac's director Stephen Gurewitz, producer Rachel Morgan, DP Adam Ginsberg and myself are all attending in support of the film. We'll be sure to bring our festival experience back to you with photos and words. A big fat juicy thanks! to everyone who believed in our little film from the very start. Festival info at http://www.sxsw.com

For 5 bucks or less, oftentimes, no money down, there are a shipload of great opportunities to see and perform Live COMEDY in the Twin Cities. Print this list and put it on your fridge. Then reach inside the fridge and grab me a PBR. Signup times also shown, if you’re feelin’ funny. Ask yourself: do ya feel funny, punk?


WEDNESDAY

Wednesday Night Stand Up

Brave New Workshop Cafe
8PM Show
2605 Hennepin Avenue S
Beer and Wine specials for the gorwn-ups available during and after the show.

This may be hard for the stoners to process but it’s every 2nd and 4th Wednesday. As of this blog update, next shows are March 26,2008 and April 9, 2008. First show was too crazy-good for words. Next one will probably be a letdown. Y’know, sophmore jinx and my new debilitating opium habit.

So come down and throw down. Comics, booking online, so contact me. Or try your luck with sign up at the door 7:00-730PM

$1 Cover so what are you waiting for - Michael Richards to show up in blackface??

And our good friends who rock comedy every Wednesday,

Grumpy’s Downtown
Death Comedy Jam
Show 10 PM
Sign up by 900PM PM
21+
Free
Comment: Hosted by Death Himself: The Grin Reaper. Show has to be seen to be believed.

FRIDAY
Corner Bar, 7Corners MPLS
Show 10 PM
Signup 930 PM
21+
Free
Newly Renovated. A fun little room near West Bank campus. Good drink specials. Free parking in the back (make sure you sign your car in).

SATURDAY
BALLS @ the Southern Theatre
Matriarch of the variety open mic Leslie Ball hosts an eclectic Midnight show with all disciplines of performance including stand up. A sober stage. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been by in a while. After all, it’s Saturday night. Great show $5/free for performers. Must see the show and talk to Leslie before getting booked. All Ages.

SUNDAY

Grumpy’s in Roseville
Worst open mic title on this list: Stand up if U can Comedy Showcase. In Roseville off of Snelling Ave. "Stand Up if You Can" There’s no cover 2 for 1 beer and free pizza. Show starts at 9:30pm Hosted by Comedian Joey I.L.O.

Grumpy’s Coon Rapids
Hosted by Daryl Horner.
Show 10pm
Signup 9pm
21+
Free
Comment: 2-4-1s and the comics get their first round free. Now a booked show? IDK Talk to Daryl.

The Joke Joint
At the Bloomington Ramada,
Near MOA
730PM showtime
Pre-booked show. Contact Ken for more info if you want to perform.

MONDAY
Acme Comedy Club,MPLS
Cost:Free
Show 8pm Doors 730 (It does "sell out" from time to time)
Sign up by 630
18+
Comment:
It’s the only A club for thousands of miles. A great show for audiences. Tough for "certain" comedians to get on, no matter how funny or how cool their stage name. 1st time comedians are guaranteed a slot in the show. We love to watch the fresh meat sizzle. And I don’t mean that in a gay way.

Artist’s Quarter
409 St. Peter St Downtown St. Paul 55101
Show 9:00
Signup 8:30-9:00
21+
Free With 2 Drink Min (Talk to Dave the Awesome Bartender and he’ll set u up with a slot card for performing.)
Comment:
I have a soft spot for this place, right on top of my head. Live Jazz band Green plays from 7-9. The shitty part for comedians/comedy fans is this show features a lot of poetry but after 7 erotic poems by unfuckable people - I’m looking at you Matthew - the crowd is primed for some hilarity.

Monday Night Comedy @The Beat - Uptown 1414 West 28th Street Minneapolis , MN 55408  8PM

Coffeeshop/Venue in Uptown area of Minneapolis. Impressed by how well the show’s going here, talent and audience. Monday Night Comedy is produced by Andy Brynildson.
For future stage time, talk to Andy before or after the show. Note: starting in April, only improv will be booked and stand up will be sign up only starting at 7PM
8:00PM Showtime. Free parking in the back.
Cost: $3

La Bodega
Run by the gayest gay you will ever like, Scottie Romfo. Cool room overlooking Hennepin and Lake. idk If they still do this but I got a free drink and tapas app for performing. That’s right bitches I’m getting paid for my joke stylings now.
830PM Signup(?)

Kieran’s Irish Pub, mpls. Variety Open Mic in the backroom.
9pm?
Cover:$1
Comment:You can try at your own risk. See Artist’s Quarter then subtract 4/5 of the crowd. Small cash prizes for top 3 acts.
21+

Was I excited for Superbowl Sunday coming around. Was I excited for Superbowl Sunday coming around? Not really. I enjoy a super*bowl every day. And that's not a drug thing; it's a coco puffs thing. You wouldn't understand.

What one thing does every successful band have in common? A great name. What quality is second? A gimmicky concept. Third is a willingness to work with the Jews. You might be asking yourself, where does musicianship and creativity come into play? 31 & 37 on the list, respectively.

With this in mind, I'm announcing the formation of my new eco-friendly, multi-racial, inter-gendered, post-punk, electro-funk, agism fighting band Crazy Gramma Space Party! And don't even think about calling it The Crazy Gramma Space Party!, pal, if you want us to play your shitty club. True, we haven't even rehearsed yet. That would be tough considering I haven't auditioned anybody. No auditions have been scheduled. No songs have been written, in solidarity for the Writer's Strike.

Not too worried about it. Got our whole deal mapped out.

The room goes dark and the stage lights come on, obscured by a smoke machine's mist. A figure is dropped to the stage on wires. The spotlight reveals our 80 year old chick singer with bat wings on.

Next on stage is The Dez, wearing a kimono and a crown of upholstery. The horn section comes in on a conveyor belt. They are encouraged to take out their dentures while performing, which looks hilarious. The remaining members of Crazy Gramma Space Party!, a baton wielding monkey, a heavily pierced cancer patient and a small toy dog, ascend from rising platforms within the stage.

The first note is struck and the crowd, ages 16-75, goes absolutely crazy. One elderly fan has a heart attack and drops dead on the spot. Two young goths seizure, to the delight of their friends. A woman in a red power suit, presumably a news anchor, begins speaking in tongues. A portly man with tattoos begins beating himself in the head with a lightly braised pork chop. Two college roommates quote Borat while stabbing each other in the chest. The song we're playing, "Is There a Doctor in the House?" sadly confuses any attempts to get some actual medical attention to those in need. The next song, ironically, is an Alanis Morissette cover. Okay that's not ironic.

The video screens drop and begin playing loops of Granny-porn so unwatchable you can't help but get drawn into the music by default. The sound of old people fucking is mercifully absent from the house mix. Every now and then, however, your eye catches something wiggly and gray and you think as hard as you can about the happiest day of your life - and about how much this band plain rocks.

Unlikely events continue to unfold in the frenetic crowd. The smell of marijuana and Metamucil emanates from the multi-racial, non-age specific, inter-faith, eco-friendly audience. Elderly people are shooting Ecstasy into their varicose veins as the young shoot up calcium supplements. The lead singer, bless her heart, jumps into the arms of her adoring front row and the snap of a vertebra is audible over the sound mix. Then to top it off, a man wearing hemp clothes gets a phone number.

Backstage, the roadies are smoking crack from a midget's asshole. "The best part about smoking out of these little guys," one says to the other, "is snapping them in half when you're done. No fuss no muss." A stifled fart comes out of the recumbent midget in agreement.

Songs include "Obama Small Country", "My Trombone Uses Armor All® Blues", "This Comedy Thing Just Isn't Working Out", "I Married a Whore", "Get Zed on your Head", and "To Name But a Few", to name but a few.

I think you can see that with a blueprint for success like Crazy Gramma Space Party!, all that's left to do is to put my dealer on high alert. It's only fair to the midget.

This is beautiful.

It has come to my attention that I tend to overuse certain phrases, words, slang terms. So I'm preparing myself for New Years, 2008 by compiling a list of taboo talk. If anyone has any other suggestions of things they are tired of hearing me say, leave a comment. The list so far:



Big Ass
Da Bomb
Cut to:
My Myspace
Um...
Rad
Call me daddy
Like,
Awesome
I'm Sorry
I'm coming
Oh snaps
Fuck you, officer
That's what she said
Is the tip included in the rate for hand job?
Diss
You go, Grrl
I'm a comedian
Rapesies!

Let's talk about Facebook

I'm not a fan of this social hub. Let me count the ways.

For starters, "Facebook" sounds like the alternate selection from the Ed Gein Book Club. And that's gross.

Zombie hugs. If I want them, I'll get chummy with the guy sitting next to me at the counter at Mickey's Diner.

Another thing - Facebook is all about the pictures.I recently got "tagged" in an ancient picture where I had disgusting long nappy hair. Imus would have had a field day and kept his job if he had seen me first. There it is for my entire network of friends to see and laugh at. It was the 90s! Things were different then! Arghhhh!

Speaking of the Facebook/Digital Picture connection, the annoyances don't stop once you log off and return to the outside world. Now everytime you take a picture in public, some douchebag jumps into the frame, yells "tag me!" and runs off.