I haven’t updated in a while so here goes.  Well, I got real lazy during the holliers, I mean the Spring festival holidays.  I had 6 weeks off to lark around.  I got very lazy.  I ate a lot.  Didn’t exercise.  And, then, WHAM, back to work.  And, my first week back at my place of work, to cut a long story short, I had a blazing quarrel with my boss.  To such an extent, that my throat dried as I, at one stage, shouted, "fuck you" at him.  Oh, it’s a long story.  Basically, I didn’t get the time table I wanted for teaching at his teaching department in the teaching establishment I teach in.  In hindsight, I think I was just getting lazy and suddenly so shocked to find such a nasty timetable of work work work, you know.  Getting up at 5:30 in the mornings.  So much worse than getting up in the afternoons during my indolent Spring festival holidays.

Yup, I guess I should write here and now, not for the first time, that, you know, I do lose my temper sometimes.  I lose my cool.  Kinda McCain moments, you know.




  Today,  for instance, I received a phone call from this girl, this girrrrrrl, anyway, to cut a long story short, she wants to know if I can accept a lower pay offer because she read this in an ad I had placed on a website.  Oh.  Anyway.  What’s the point of going into this.  [sighs] Jesus.  Anyway. [sighs].  I just get the feeling that these people calling you, many of them, these Chinese people, many of them, looking for work from you, they don’t like you.  This particular woman today said that I, oh let me give you what I think the direct quotation was:  "You need to be humble".  In her slow halting voice.  She was chinese.  I told her I wasn’t accepting her low pay offer per hour.  She had read another ad I had uploaded the previous day where I talked about a low pay offer for a private student, not a language school that she was representing.  So, it seemed to me at the time she didn’t read my ad.  I pointed this out to her.  I admit though I was flustered.  Last thing the bitch says to me before hanging the phone up was, "You need to be humble".  Bitch.  I couldn’t take it.  I texted her back to say something like, "You think I am not humble?  You didn’t read my ad.  You’re a foreigner-hater.".  And, yeah, I think she is!!  Some of these Chinese head-hunters are.  They think we are all cocky-as-hell and arrogant westerners.  My point, in response though, is that the bitch didn’t read my ad.  If she had read my ad, she would have realised that, hey, I was making a reduced pay offer for a private student, not a languuage school.  Anyway, I don’t know if she received my text message back as the number didn’t seem to be a mobile phone number but what a bitch.  And, I was so fucking nice to her on the phone.  I could have called her a "foreigner-hater" on the phone (and, in hindsight, I should have) but I was nice and patient, admittedly somewhat flustered, explaining to her that she hadn’t read my ad.  And, then, she, prejudiced as stone, twice, before my lecture and then again after, as if none of it went into her skull, saying like a robot, "You need to be humble" before hanging up the phone without allowing me a response.  Admittedly, had she let me had a response, I wouldn’t have been kind to her.  Yeah, I probably, in all probability, would have called her a foreigner-hater.  Perhaps, she saw that coming and that’s why she hung up.  But, why call a spade anything other than a spade?  As far as I’m concerned, that’s what she is.  A foreigner-hater, a kinda you know, a bigot!!.  She doesn’t listen to any viewpoint that doesn’t fit into her own preconceptions of westerners.  They have to be wrong under all circumstances and she had to be right.  Bullshit.

Ah, so anyway, I had to get that off my chest on my low-quality msn spaces blog.  I don’t blog her much these days.  Working, working, working.  But, frankly, not making enough money.  Have a big debt of a big fucking barrelload of money on my credit card.  It’ll take another job with better pay to pay it off.  Perhaps, later this year. [sighs].  I’m tempted to spill the beans here about that but I won’t.  Bullshit.

Anyways, I am, at least, keeping my apartment reasonably tidy. Bought a better (hopefully) electric shaver today.  I hope with this one it won’t take an eternity to shave my facial hair every morning.  But, I’m not confident.  I grow pretty abundant facial hair I think.  And, it’s Chinese made and I don’t think the Chinese grow their facial hair anywhere near as abundantly as Westerners do.  [sighs].  I might have no choice later if this one doesn’t work out but to buy a Philips one for just shy of 1000 RMB.  

After March 15th, the government supplied heating in my apartment was switched off.  And, it kinda got cold in my bedroom.  Temperatures dipped to about 12 degrees celsius.  So, I bought this kick-ass heater in a "Da Zhong Dian Qi" shop and, yeah, well, temperatures hit 22 degrees.  Nice enough, I suppose.  But, boy, it eats like hell into my electricity meter.  Bugger.  Every benefit comes with a kick up the ass.

Actually, I wasn't planning on writing about this today.  But, since I have the time today.  I have Wednesdays off from work.  I've decided to write about it.  Oh, my God, last night, I was confronted by the most horrible of people.

Let me just say this before I talk about it.  I placed ads on thebeijinger, chinadaily and foreignercn forums, seeking a girlfriend, seeking someone to live with me in Beijing in my apartment. My ad was clear.  You can read what the ad says in my September 23rd post.  Okay, my msn messenger e-mail is there and many people add me.  Well, you know, 2 or 3 maybe a day, maybe more, maybe less.  I expect maybe 1 or 2 anyway.  I don't mind this.  I add anybody who wants to add me.  And, you know, some of them, don't have great English.  I reckon, like 95%, at least, are Chinese. Most are from Beijing now.  I guess because I did say in my ad I was looking for someone living in Beijing.  And, you know, some of them, ask me questions that are like already answered in my ad. Like, for example, how long I have been in Beijing and so on.  Oh, come on. [sighs]. Now, sometimes, I'm in a good mood, and, you know, I'll answer the questions anyway, but, you know, they should know the answers to the questions already.  Sure, there are some questions which I don't answer in my ad, such as what my job is (you can find out that though by visiting my blog and reading it awhile and where I live in Beijing specifically (again with a little research you can find this information on my blog)..  But, sometimes, you know, I'm not in a good mood, or not in a good enough mood, and I won't answer the questions again but I do try, at all times, to be polite and point out where I feel the girl/woman is being unfair and unreasonable to me.  I do believe in common courtesy and manners. But, even if I'm not going to be in a good enough and generous mood for a newcomer, I'm still in the right because the information is on my ad.  So, really, you don't need to ask again.  Now, follow up questions on what I've written on my ad, sure, that's okay. But, not the basic questions again and again. Come on.  And, now to this argument that one should be more polite to people whose first language isn't English and whose English is subsequently not very good. I'm sorry. I don't buy that.  I'm not going to cut those with poor English any slack.  You have the opportunity at your own pace and time to study my ad, if you're really desperate, you can use use translation software like babelfish to translate what I say.  I'm not going to be kinder to you or cut you any slack. I'm not going to make special rules for you.  You can just turn around and say, "Oh, you misunderstood me.". "Oh, my English is bad. Can you tell me again?".  I won't.  It's on my ad.  Read my ad to answer the basic questions.  I have the courage to write on the internet what I want and I write a bit about myself.  There was one lady who I asked recently for a photo. We chatted on msn messenger.  She said I must say more about myself first and then she would send me a photo.  I didn't buy it.  Unfair.  On my thebejinger website, she saw 2 photos of me. There were links to my blogs. On my blogs, many, many more pics of me. So, honey, dear, come on (becoming my catchcry. ). You pitch the playing field to much in your favour.  I told her, you know, you show me ill will. She did!!.  You have no idea just how cocky and arrogant some of these Chinese women are.  I'm sorry to say "Chinese" women.  I'm sure it is a cross-cultural phenomenum.  The nasty women I have written about in recent weeks, I think, are mostly, but not all, in the 20 to 25 year old age bracket.

Anyway, that's the background.  Let's get back to the issue at hand.  The absolutely appalling, bullying,annoying 2 women I "encountered" on the internet yesterday.  Okay, here's the story.

This woman (I presume a woman) adds me. I won't identify her. I won't identify anyone.  I intend not to identify anyone.  Below is a transcript of our "chat".

I've deleted her name.

..> ..>.. style="vertical-align: top;"> ..> ..> ..>..> ..>

Date		Time		From		To		Message
2007-9-25		18:42:47		____________		Paul Carr		are you...
2007-9-25		18:43:01		Paul Carr		____________		hi
2007-9-25		18:43:14		____________		Paul Carr		why are you in my MSN list?
2007-9-25		18:43:27		Paul Carr		____________		I didn't add you.
2007-9-25		18:43:34		Paul Carr		____________		maybe a friend of yours added me.?
2007-9-25		18:43:49		____________		Paul Carr		really??
2007-9-25		18:43:56		Paul Carr		____________		well, I don't know.
2007-9-25		18:43:59		Paul Carr		____________		I didn't add you.
2007-9-25		18:44:01		____________		Paul Carr		ok
2007-9-25		18:45:51		____________		Paul Carr		oh,I remember
2007-9-25		18:46:20		____________		Paul Carr		your information is in www.the beijinger.com,right?
2007-9-25		18:46:27		Paul Carr		____________		yes.
2007-9-25		18:46:41		____________		Paul Carr		oh,maybe from there
2007-9-25		18:46:50		Paul Carr		____________		ok
2007-9-25		18:48:12		____________		Paul Carr		you look like don't want to talk to me,maybe you have find your Chinese girlfriend.hehe~~~
2007-9-25		18:48:23		Paul Carr		____________		oh come on.
2007-9-25		18:48:30		____________		Paul Carr		haha~~~
2007-9-25		18:48:33		Paul Carr		____________		first of all, you don't acknowledge *you* added me.
2007-9-25		18:48:37		Paul Carr		____________		so you're beiing dishonest.
2007-9-25		18:52:36		____________		Paul Carr		just forgot,because I add several person,so I am not sure if I add you.by the way just now I didn't acknowledge but I also didn't deny,right?
2007-9-25		18:53:09		Paul Carr		____________		oh come on!!
2007-9-25		18:53:20		Paul Carr		____________		you asked me "Why are you on my msn list?".
2007-9-25		18:53:32		____________		Paul Carr		my god
2007-9-25		18:53:33		Paul Carr		____________		I should ask you the same question.
2007-9-25		18:53:40		Paul Carr		____________		at least, I wrote an ad, and wrote about what I want.
2007-9-25		18:53:43		Paul Carr		____________		I don't know what you want.
2007-9-25		18:53:52		Paul Carr		____________		so stop being selfish and dishonest.
2007-9-25		18:54:18		____________		Paul Carr		ok,if you don't like talk to me, I can delete you
2007-9-25		18:54:21		____________		Paul Carr		bye
2007-9-25		18:54:26		Paul Carr		____________		bye and good riddance.

You know, actually, I'll tell you.  What I find particularly annoying is the first 3 lines.  She writes, "are you....", I say, "Hi", because I'm a nice guy, and, she, apparently, exploits my niceness (oh, such immaturity) and writes her next question, "Why are you in my msn list?". Good grief!!  And, as I wrote later, I could ask her the same question.  Anyway, after our chat, I barred her on msn messenger.  

Anyway, about 2 hours or so later, I get this nasty e-mail from someone claiming to be a friend of hers.

It goes:

---

From: ___________________
To: worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com
Subject: Who do you think who you are!!!!!
Date: Tue, 25 Sep 2007 12:00:15 +0000

You don't have to know who I am, but I just want to tell you that you are a very unpolite person. My friend just adding you to her mailing list, but she thinks you are a very weired person it just because she doesn't remember who you are at the first time. I think she explained to you that she added several people on her list, and you think she is dishonest when she doesn't recongized you. My friend doesn't speak very well English, so that's why she viewed the Beijinger's web-site to see if she can make some foreign friends.  She is very disappointed since she met you.
Maybe she doesn't express herself well when she talked to you on-line, but you are very unpolite to her, you know? cuz you used the word of "dishonest"! Bad attutide I've never seen!
I guessed you won't meet anybody if you still stay in Beijing.

---

Her e-mail address and name have been deleted for this blog post.

Anyway, upon receiving this e-mail last night, I fired one back.  Here's what I wrote:

---

She saw my ad on thebeijinger website. On that ad, I said I was looking for a girlfriend.  On that ad, I said I was looking for someone to live with me.  She read my ad and then she added me to her msn list.  As I recall, she asked me, "Why did you add me?".  I explained to her I didn't add her.  I suggested either she added me or her friend added her.  Later, she acknowledged she added me.  Actually, at the bottom of this e-mail, I include a transcript of our dialogue. You can read for yourself.  Unfortunately, you've already come to a judgement about me and are not interested in hearing my side of the story.  Therefore, I will be barring your e-mail address after I've sent this e-mail to you..
 
What I find annoying is here she is asking me *why* *I* added her, when it was obvious she added me.
 
I am a polite person. You don't know me. You can't intimidate me.  The vast majority of the Chinese people are friendly and honest.  Your friend isn't.  Neither are you.  You are a bully. And, I'm not weird.  But, I think you, bully girl, and your friend, both are. Regarding English language ability. Nonsense. I've been in Beijing 14 months and I'm not going to be kinder to anyone just because their English isn't good enough or is poor.  If I were to be kinder to them, then they can just say to me, "Oh, you know, you misunderstood me. My English isn't any good". Oh, come on.  I have rights too.  And, until I learn Chinese well, my dialogue with Chinese people will be in English. That isn't my fault.
 
She is very disappointed since she met me?  I reckon she's very upset since she got her friend (i.e. you) to write me a lengthy e-mail with the indignant title, "Who do you think who are you!!". Actually, it should read, "Who do you think you are?" in proper English.  I was polite to her and very patient.  However, I've learnt that with many dishonest people such as her, I've been too patient in recent months.  I don't need to do that and I have no intention to do so in future.  You say I have a bad attitude.  First of all, you're not interested in hearing my side of the story, so I think you have a bad attitude.  I think your friend has a terrible attitude and I suggest, instead of getting her friend (i.e. you) to write a bullying intimidating letter to me, she look at herself in the mirror and look at her own faults and her own level of dishonesty.  I've barred her, by the way, on msn messenger.  I don't want to talk or type or communicate with her and I don't want to communicate with you either. So, both of you, GO AWAY. And, learn something from this.  And, if you don't, that's your problem.
 
Finally, you write in your bad English, "I guessed you won't meet anybody if you still stay in Beijing.  ". I think you mean, "I guess you won't meet anybody if you stay in Beijing". Let me tell you something.  At least, I had the honesty to write an ad on thebeijinger website, honestly stating that I was looking for a girlfriend, looking for someone to live with me, honestly introducing myself and giving links to my blog. I've been transparent and honest, as transparent and as honest as I can.  So, yeah, it's deeply insulting for your friend to ask me, "Why did you add me?" when she had an opportunity to read my ad to find out more about my motivations.  And, no, don't give me this, oh, her English is bad.  She is rude.  And, finally, to you, "Who do you think you are?".
 
Here's the transcript below.
 
Paul Carr

---

For this blog post, I have placed the transcript above.

Like, honey, she could have read my post on thebeijinger website and realise I was not looking for a language partner, but, in fact, for a girlfriend in Beijing.  The title of my ad on thebeijinger website is "Looking for a girlfriend". How much clearer can I be than that? Oh, and your friend doesn't speak English well. That's not my problem. So, I'm a very weird person (you love the word "very" don't you, dear) because...... because of what? I doubt you even know yourself. She asked me "why are you in my msn list?". So, am I supposed to know the answer to that? You added me, honey. I could ask you the same question. In fact, since I wrote about what I wanted in thebeijinger ad, really, it is more appropriate to ask you that question.

Anyway, horrible experience. But, you know, I date so many women recently, I think it is going to be inevitable I'm going to meet some rotten eggs. There's little I can do.  I just have to accept it. Bare my teeth and take it. I wish I had a detector system where I can see which girl or girls are going to be contrary.

One final thing.  Earlier this summer, I had so so many "friends" on msn messenger. 3 or 4 were adding my name every day. I was under so much pressure. It felt like the whole of China was bearing down on me. All 1.3 billion people. I've read elsewhere that 400 million Chinese people speak English. Kinda doubt that. I'd say 400 million Chinese people can say "Hello", "Goodbye" and "Welcome to China" and a few of them can say a little more. But, anyway, 400 million Chinese english language students. A lot, if it were true. One of those Chinese people who added me this summer, remarked, that I was so so passive, only giving like one-liner answers, not following up or, generally speaking, being conversational.  It's because I was like a stunned rabbit, honey. Too many people and I was undecided whether to travel around China (my finances weren't the best but weren't too bad either) or whether I would say in Beijing and invest in kitchen utensils and appliances like a microwave and rice cooker, learn to do some cooking, buy a treadmill, do some exercise, get thinner and in better shape and so on. I chose the latter course and, now, I'm paring back radically on my "friends" as I focus on finding a girlfriend.  Anyway, I've written enough.

Time to sign out.

Zaijian,

Paul Carr

You know, I date lots of women/girls.  Last week, I dated 4 women!! Probably a record.  It has its upsides and downsides.  Downside: it can be tiring.  The girl I met on Friday night was appalling. Walked out of me in a restaurant, not the first time that has happened to me. Oh, the girl, on Friday night, asked me, why I hadn't found a girlfriend yet. I have a number of answers to that.  First of all, you know, maybe, they weren't really looking for a boyfriend, contrary to what I said I was looking for in my ad, but rather a language partner.  Bear in mind, all my dates (about 25 or so - I've lost count) since February have been Chinese with the exception of one who was Japanese.  Their English levels varied from staccato and broken and sporadic to near fluent and American-accent like. So,come on, am I to blame there? Am I to blame if they can't read my English in my ad.  Earlier this year, I wrote on thatsbj that I was looking for a date. Since then, I have revised that to read, I'm looking for a girlfriend.. I see it as my being as honest as possible. But, it also means if a girl replies to me and, well, she's not looking for a boyfriend, then, I'm wasting my time with her, and if she adds me to her msn messenger for example, upon finding out this information, I'll bar her.

Oh, this brings me to msn messenger. Here's the state of play below.



I've managed to get my number of "friends" down to 110 or so.  About 2 weeks ago, it was more like 230.  I've been barring and deleted numerous "friends" over the past 2 weeks from places outside of Beijing.  Okay, after I finished work in the college where I teach in July, I was undecided whether I would travel around China or not.  A website called, foreignercn.com posted an old ad of mine from chinadaily.com.cn from 6 months previously (without my permission) and put it up on their website (in the "friends and partners" section) where I couldn't edit it or delete it.  I pointed this out to them later. So, anyway, I was getting a lot of people, especially from Shanghai, but also all around China, joining my msn friends list.  As a general rule, I'd add everybody.  Why not? Even if they don't give an explanation when they ask to add me.  So, anyway, I went along with the flow and before long, my friends list swelled from 50 or so to 250 or so.  Then, about 2 weeks ago, (oh, I didn't leave Beijing at all in the end - just didn't have the money and I was learning to look after myself, doing the cooking, doing some exercise, going shopping, enjoying my independence), two weeks ago, I started deleting and barring lots of people, those who were married, so not looking for a boyfriend, those not living in Beijing and anyone who was, generally speaking, annoying. Quite a few of those.  So, the number of "friends" has dropped to a more focussed number of 110 or so. That's  good. I want to get it under 100 soon. My habit these days is to actively ask people who are online where in China they come from and, if they're not from Beijing, they're barred.  You see, they may have added me during the summer, seeing my ad on foreignercn (I admit I added another ad on foreignercn similar to the one I had posted on chinadaily.com.cn six months previously looking for friends around China), looking for friends around China, and added me but, now, my priority is to find a girlfriend, someone to live with me in my apartment, to share my life with me, so I'm not wasting my time, talking to girls, not living in Beijing, married women, unless I like them and, oh my God, men!! And, quite a lot of men added me during the summer too. Come on!! I have no time for man talk, beer talk, sport talk. Come on.

Anyway, that's msn.  Okay, let's move on.  Let me think. What am I going to write about now.[reviews and re-reads post up to now]

Okay, let's move on to the issue at hand. I want to talk about my Saturday night date.  In my previous 3 posts, I've talked about my Friday night date. Time now for my Saturday night date.  Okay, I grant, she was nicer and more bearable than my Friday night date, or maybe it was just that a chastened me, was nicer and more bearable to her. I don't know.  

Here's the summary. We met in Dongzhimen.  We went to a restaurant and we ordered food and we chatted for a long long time. 4 hours or so.  She spoke English slowly.  Sorry, I'm still learning Chinese and I'm still only a beginner.  How long I will be a beginner, I do not know.  But, anyway, she had a good vocabulary range in English.  Okay, she was married. Same age as me. 33 years old.  Split up and I presume divorced from her husband. She criticised her ex-husband. He showed her no affection but she, on the other hand, tried to show him affection. He was tall (175 cm) and handsome. They worked in the same company and still do so today although they have now separated. She's single again.  At one point, she was even crying during our chat in the restaurant.  I guess I'm always moved by someone who is crying. She had to live with her parents for 2 years before finally divorcing him. She was undecided for much of the time about what she should do.

So, anyway, we talked.  And, then we went for a walk. It was late. She lived nearby in a place near Chaoyang park. But, anyway, I invited her to stay at my place, my 2 bedroom apartment for the night. Finally she agreed. Maybe I was too insistant. I think I might have been. Okay, we went back to my place and we continued to talk. She wanted to talk to me more, I think. During our talk in my apartment, I finally asked her if I could put my arm around her. She agreed but, within a minute, she said she wanted to go to bed in the second bedroom, the spare bedroom (I think that was it). I asked her if I could lie with her together on the bed. She said okay.  And, okay, here's my problem. I put my arms around her, even before that, her body language was like, stay away from me. For example, when we sat on the wide side of the bed, chatting in my apartment, one of her legs (on the other side of where I was sitting beside her) was off the edge of the bed, the other side of the bed, the narrow side of the bed, as if she's saying to me, you know, keep away from me. At other times, she would have her legs crossed in a defensive body posture. Her feet turned into each other and crossed. [sighs]. Defensive. Finally, we went into the second bedroom, where there's a double bed and lay together, with our clothes on, light turned off and......nothing. It was pitch dark. I admit lying together with her on the bed mattress was my idea. But, in the end, I tried rather half heartedly to touch her and stroke her but no response from her. I finally said, okay, I'm going to the toilet but I didn't go back into her room. I went back to my bedroom and locked the door and did some masturbation and cumming to porn (*) in my computer. About 10 minutes later, I hear her, "Are you okay?" something like that. I open the door and reply, oh, I'm so so tired, I'll sleep in the other room. She replies okay.

Okay, about 10 o'clock the next morning (I slept pretty badly I have to say, both pillows and duvet were in the other room - that was my idea), I walked into her bedroom. She was already dressed to leave. She says to me, "Oh, I have to go now. I was going to tell you just now" I say okay and then she says, "What's wrong with you?" Why did you leave me last night? I told  her, in a less than full answer, that I was tired, which is true by the way.  Anyway, she then gathered her things and left, saying thank you for buying her food in the restaurant and for putting her up for the night.  Afterwards, I admit I was furious with her. Here's why.

Here I was, as I see it, being chivalrous, being "gentlemanly", "being "worthy", (**)not having a one night stand with her, not having sex with her that night, the first night I got to meet her. I had "met" her virtually on msn messenger days previously. Going into my room,leaving her in the other bedroom, because she was all clammed up like a clammed up seashell, sealled tight, impossible to open up,to prise open, despite my efforts to show her affection and, by God, I did try, something apparently, she doesn't appreciate,(***) and now, the next morning, she asks me, "What's wrong with you?". Good grief, woman,here's the reply I wish I made there and then but didn't because I'm too much of a fucking nice guy, what's wrong with you? a). You divorced your husband. Fine. No shame in that. That's life You still work in the same company as your husband. That's okay too.  You see him sometimes and you told me the previous night in the restaurant, it was "embarrassing" to see him.  I presume you mean, he is an embarrassment to you. Gawd, honey, you're an embarrassment!! and b). You say you have more emotional intelligence (EQ) than your ex-husband. You tried to be, I presume, affectionate, to him but he showed none in return. I don't believe you!! You were just as icy, cold and unaffectionate to him as he was to you.

That night, I tried to be affectionate to you. I put my arm around you.  I talked with you for hours and hours. I tried to hold you in bed but, on each occasion with each effort, you turned away from me.  So, please, honey, don't live in denial, don't lie and say I didn't try to be affectionate to you, I did, don't lie and say, au contraire, you were affectionate to me, you weren't.  I left the room that night, to let you get a good night's sleep because I'm a nice guy.  Sometimes, I feel many many women exploit that, expecially younger women in the 20 to 25 age range, many of whom are immature. Honey, dear, I've barred you on msn messenger. I barred you because, you know I'm annoyed with you and I'm not wasting my energy letting you know the reasons why, you should know already if you were truthful and honest with yourself. You texted me last night to wish me a happy mid-Autumn's festival. Thank you. I texted you back to wish likewise to you.  But, you refused to send me on more pictures of yourself.  Only one on msn.  Just one and you were extremely reluctant to do that. Extremely reluctant. But, finally, you  msn-ed me one. You have more. You told me but you don't want to send them to me. I'm a man and I like pictures. You don't respect that. That's your problem. I feel you pitch the field too much in your favour. This is not fair on me.(****) All I ask for is fairness.  You won't give me that. So, it's over. It's over between us and I wish you all the best for your future.  I don't want to show affection, in future, to a rock. I'm looking for a woman who will show me affection back.

Okay, that's that.

Paul Carr

(*) HeHe. Well, actually, this is not strictly true.  Actually, the photo I cummed to was *her* photo. The photo she had sent me via msn the previous day I think. HeHe. It's not porn.  So, please, detractors, don't criticise me about this. Okay? Sometimes, a guy can wack off without porn at all, all he needs is a wild and liberated imagination.

(**)And being utterly fucking sexless. What the fuck was she expecting? Did she want me to be "rough" with her? Did she want me to rape her? I would never do that. I never do that. A sexy woman, for me, is a woman, who is assertive and aggressive with great personality and knows what she wants and comes to me as much as I come to her.  But, here in China, and East Asia, generally speaking, I've met a number of women who like a passive role in the bedroom, who, I guess, like a spanking, and to be rough handled. Sorry, I'm not going to do that without initial consent.

(***) Another reason why your marriage with your husband failed? He tried too but you didn't recognise it? Or you refused to recognise his efforts? (*****)

(****). This brings me to another thing.  Okay, maybe, I have had a poor sampling in women thus far in my life. When I was a teenager, my sister, 3 years older than me, joined a Christian cult, believing she was "born again". We grew up in Donegal, a part of Ireland, that is mostly Catholic, but, nonetheless, influenced by evangelical Protestant movements such as the born-again movement and so on.  Many a time, I would have amusing animated conversations with my sister, which I think my sister enjoyed too, talking about her religion.  I quarrelled with her because she was saying, you know, other religions were invalid except her own and this was intolerant and wrong, and by extension, she was intolerant. I just couldn't understand why she joined that movement. I guess my liberal politics were emerging at that age (I was 13 or so)

I remember another thing.  Something I want to share with you on my blog.  I may have written about this before.  My father, he died when I was 17, hit my mother sometimes.(******) He was unemployed. I remember being in my bedroom, feeling utterly powerless and incempetent, whilst, my two parents, were having at each other, like two children.  Yeah, yeah, I felt that I was more grown up than them.  I remember my mum telling Dad, who was kinda sick after a kidney operation in the early 1980s,to get a job. My dad would hit her, screaming, yeah, Dad, screaming, "Shut up".  Oh, the 1980s, were bad times in the Republic of Ireland. Fat cats were in power,like Charlie Haughey, drinking champagne and living a "cultured" life, a good quality of life, whilst unemployment soared to near 20%. [sighs][shakes head]. In the US, Barack Obama, the Democrat US Presidential candidate talks a lot about empowering citizens to be active.  As a teenager, in my room, listening to my parents, behaving like idiots, I felt powerless, far from Barack Obama's ideal.  [shakes head]. Was this my fault? I was reclusive as a teenager. Unhappy. Going home after school and retiring to my bedroom, not playing sport with other boys after school (*******), not being brave enough, not even to go to a cafe during the lunch break from secondary school at 1 o'clock, for fish and chips, I didn't want to be one of them, I didn't dare to be, not once, was that it? Was it me? Was it my fault my parents behaved so strangely? I was a bad influence on both my parents? [sighs]. Horrible. And, so there I was, masturbating in my room,reading my books badly (********), studying badly, both my parents didn't think I was bright, at least not as bright as my elder sister, yeah, actually, they didn't think I was bright at all.(*********) I am  bright. I just didn't have a social life. [shakes head]. It was a tough time. The roots of my depression, a mild form perhaps becoming more severe in my 20s, in my late teens and early 20s, can go back to about 12 years old (**********) when I turned in on myself, ceased to try to socialise and just retreated to my bedroom and sulked. [chuckles].  I decided, there and then, you know, why pretend to be this guy, full of initiative and go-ahead and go-get-'em, when I wasn't?[shakes head]. And, at home, mam and dad, were shouting at each other and dad was hitting mum, like a bunch of idiots. Yeah, get a job. [shakes head]. My mum!! [sighs][chuckles], I'm not talking to her now until October 18th. I told her any communication she sends me I would delete and ignore.  I've written about this already in a previous blog post and I'm not going to go over this again now, read my previous blog post.  And, you know, I don't know if I get any westerners reading my blog, most of the people, the vast majority seem to be Chinese [sighs] and I don't think most of them really understand the English that well. But, I'll keep an open mind.

(*****) I just don't know. For some reason, I am attracted to these "conservative" women.  They're prudes, kinda  like my mum.(see what I wrote previously about a poor sampling of woman) All duty, little pleasure. Why should I be attracted this time?  Go for a wild, adventurous woman instead!! Can be dangerous though. She may come to your apartment with a friend (like one asked me recently) and, you know, steal everything in your apartment, including what's in your safe. [sighs]. I guess I find these prudish women a turn on. A dutiful woman. Perhaps, the biggest single reason why I find Asian women so so sexy is that I have this perception of them being so dutiful and loyal and hard working and not "fun" in the conventional sense, and why the vast majority of my orgasms (as detailed on another website about my orgasms, are masturbating to pictures of Asian women, for example with earnest faces and splashing water over their hot bodies. "I'm so dutiful to you and I want your loyalty to me". HeHe. I dunno.

(******)Oh, he hit me too. My sister subsequently confessed to me, he hit her.  My brother, I don't know.

(*******) Needless to say, I was not really interested in girls, like normal boys, with hormones charging, would. Not interested in the courtship ritual, in the way I dressed, in fashion, in being cool, in being sexy. None of that.

(********) Maybe, reading a book from the back to the front or reading a random page at a time. I don't really like novels and the like, requires discipline to read them. At the time, I read newspapers, encyclopedias, dictionaries, reference books, these books were better because you didn't have to be so disciplined in acquiring knowledge or information from them, you can pick and choose, read whatever page takes your fancy at that particular moment. No discipline required as is required from reading a novel from the first page to the last, but when I first went to university, I did try to "re-acquire", as I saw it, a discipline to read books, once again, from first page to last., i.e. novels and classics. It was an interesting effort on my part.

(*********). My parents had my sister sent to another school for an IQ test so that she could go to some top notch place, probably a school.  I was never sent for a test.  But, you know, I admit that I was de-motivated at the time, as a teenager. My sister was more outgoing and socially motivated than I was, as, indeed, was my brother, who also, to the best of my knowledge, wasn't sent to have his IQ tested. I reckon I would have done well in the test if they had sent me. But, I was only interested in going to my bedroom and sulking, whereas my sister would have had her outdoor interests and she could actively lobby both her loving parents for patronage and support. I accept both my parents loved me but, you know, I also, accept, that I was a clammed up shell, very very difficult to open up from his reserve.

(**********). It's hard to place a finger on where exactly my problem began, my turn to introspection and introversion. I remember, when I was about 12,last year in primary school, befofre going to secondary school, shitting my pants, sitting in a classroom bench at the front of the class, then moving to the back of the class. A girl in the class sat down at the same place, and there was a terrible smell. I think she looked at me with her girlfriend(s), knowing it was me giving me a disgusted look.  Maybe, that was it.  But, then if it was, perhaps, this goes back to a sense of instability at home. Maybe, Dad was already hitting mum at that stage. Probably. Homelife was unstable. Dad was unemployed and restless. I was turning in on myself, retiring to my bedroom after school, feeling spoilt and unworthy. I dunno. I  remember all my family, my parents and my brother anyway, being disappointed with me when I bragged to my classmates the following day that my Dad was about to get a good job. I was about 12 or so. They had told me the previous evening to be quiet about it. It turned out, the job offer fell through. I think it did anyway. And, you know, I had egg all over my face. Ah, stupid. [chuckles].

Anyway, this blog post (nearly 2 hours in the writing and proof-reading, has turned into another good old catharsis.[chuckles]. And, there's still more I want to write. But,not today. Today's my day off. Another day. Maybe tomorrow, I'll write about another nasty incident. Let me repeat though, Little Miss "What's Wrong With You" wasn't really nasty, just annoying.

I'm wondering. Why was she disappointed in me?  Maybe, it was my lack of height.  I think I'm only 174 cm in my bare feet. Was that it?  Was that why she was so haughty and high and mighty to me?  She, so statueseque, with her high heels elevated to over 178 cm, was expecting a tall Western gentlemen on her date, over 180, maybe 190 in height. Okay, sorry to disappoint her there.  Anyway, I've editted my ad at the weekend to say, clearly and transparently, okay, guys, I'm not tall. I'm only 174 cm.  Hey, but I want to be dead sexy anyway.

Gawd, what annoys me about that woman, is, you know, she criticised my ad,after I first met her, specifically the part where I said I liked cooking.  But, I told her that I hadn't any time to cook when I met her. (*) But, I think what she was really criticising me for was for being not tall enough.  That's my theory.  Okay, I've written enough about her. I'm going to move on from heartless bitch (a.k.a. sullen sulky bitch) and forget about her. Hopefully.

Paul Carr

(*) I explained the reason for this in my previous post. But, let me in summary, explain again, the ad was aleady 1 month old, when she read it and I had since returned to teaching in college and I simply didn't have time to cook at home.  Whereas during the summer, I had plenty of time and, so, I did some cooking everyday, e.g. cooking rice and curry.

I've justed editted my ads on foreignercn, chinadaily and the beijinger websites.

It now goes:

---

I'm a 33 year old single man living and working in Beijing. I think I'm 174 cm tall on my bare feet. I'm from Ireland originally. I'm looking for a Chinese girlfriend in Beijing. I rent an apartment here in Beijing and I'm looking for someone to live with me. I've been in Beijing for 14 months now as of the 23rd of September,2007 and I love it here! I'm thinking of making a new life for myself here. I'm looking for companionship and fun with a like-minded woman. We can have an intense day-to-day language exchange. She learns English from me. I learn Chinese from her. I'm a beginner in Chinese.

I always make a special effort to be 100% honest with whoever I meet. I don't think anyone can be 100% honest all the time but I do think we all ought to try to do that, to strive to be as honest as possible in our daily lives both with ourselves and with others.

I'm a philosopical guy with opinions on the issues of the day.  I'm very interested in politics and world affairs as well as history. I like to do exercise every day and lead a stress free lifestyle.
Looking for a Chinese girlfriend

I view life as a challenge. I want to rise to the challenge and enjoy life. No life is honky-dory. There are ups and downs and pitfalls on the way. It's a rollercoaster ride but it's not necessarily always fun.

I'm looking for a physically fit, independent woman(both emotionally and financially) who is creative, tolerant and open-minded.

I keep blogs here:

http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com
http://europeanpaulcarr.spaces.live.com

Please e-mail/msn me back at worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com
or phone/text me at 13521715098.

At least one photo would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Paul Carr

---

Anyway, I've decided to make my ad as transparent as possible.  Two nights ago, I had a bruising encounter with Miss Sullen Sulky Bitch.  You know, I date lots of young women.  Maybe 25 or so since February. All, but one, Chinese.  Most are nice and okay, but some not so nice, such as Miss Sullen Sulky Bitch I met on Friday night.  She's one of those holier-than-thou people.  She told me virtually nothing about herself but was happy to pass judgement (*) on me because, at least, I had the courage to be honest with her, or try my very best to be as honest with her as possible.  I wish I had some sort of radar detection system so that when I go on these dates (and my date with Miss Sullen Sulky Bitch was initially a blind date on my part), I know when the girl is actually going to walk out of a restaurant on you, saying "You're Selfish" before doing so..(**)

What a sulker.  But, to be honest, you made a number of criticisms of me and, to be honest, I've decided to address these and have decided to make some editions to my blog, including the blog you saw.

She appeared to be implying that my ad wasn't transparent.  As we were walking to a restaurant I invited her to go to with me, she criticised me because I had told her there and then, you know, I don't really cook now, contrary to what I said on my advertisement.  Okay, let's get this straight. Sullen, sulky bitch, the ad on thebeijinger website was up and running for 4 weeks.  I first posted it before I started work this semester as a college english language teacher.  I had more time then.  I had time to go to a nearby "Jia Le Fu" and buy some food and do some cooking at home and, this summer, I even invested in some cooking items and appliances (because until this summer my rented apartment, here in Beijing city, had an empty kitchen which I never used). So, I bought some kitchen items, e.g. plates, pans, rice cooker, toaster, microwave and so on so that I could do some cooking and, during the summer, I had a lot of time and I did some cooking.  But, since going back to work during the week, I've now stopped cooking again.  So, sullen, sulky bitch, what do you want me and what do you expect me to do?  Update my ad on a daily basis as my life circumstances change? It was not my intent to mislead.  

I've also clarifed a few other matters. For example, I'm a beginner in the Chinese language. I'm 174 cm in height.  Maybe, the dates I'm getting are a little too tall for me.  I'm wondering if a girl is over 170 cm tall, in her bare feet, then, you know, maybe, I have an inferiority complex when I meet them and can't settle.  Even less than 170 cm, maybe 165 or down from that. I don't know. One thing I won't be doing to my ads though is writing negative things like, I don't want such-and-such a girl.  I don't want to do that, even after meeting very unpleasant dates such as Miss Sulky Sullen Bitch.  Well, she was a surprise. There I was, that morning, in my college, taking her phone call, she had seen my ad on the thebeijinger website, saying she was from the same location in Beijing as me, Dongzhimen, speaking, apparently confident English, and I was thinking, I'm in heaven, maybe the perfect woman for me.  Gawd, Paul, you live in a dream world, pull yourself away from it. Come back to reality. [shakes head]. You, Sullen Sulky Bitch. I'd like to see your ad and test just how transparent and honest yours is!!. How would you like to be put to the test? You sit there, hardly saying anything about yourself, except, "yes", "no", or "maybe", and little else, giving me the impression you're leading a perfect little life, and are happy to pass (negative) judgement on other people. Fuck off!!. [sighs].

Anyway, I'm happy to see that on the foreignercn website, I can now edit my ad on the "Friends and Partners" section.  I couldn't do so before.  I recall, around the 6th of July 2007, foreignercn placed an ad I had placed back in January this year (on another website, chinadaily.com.cn) on their website (www.foreignercn.com), which I couldn't edit (I didn't know about the website and I didn't have an member account) Since, *they* placed that ad (not me) , I had been getting lots of adds to my msn messenger from people in Shanghai so it would appear this website is popular with Shanghaiers (or should I say Shanghaiese). Unfortunately, I've just discovered now that I  can't edit previous ads I have placed on chinadaily.com.cn . , including ads I placed on it nearly 3 years ago I think. So, all I could do there is add a new one.  Maybe, it's because I had an old account but lost it and am logging in now with a new account. Not sure. Anyway. My point is: I  don't have full control over what information I can put on the internet. Oh well.

Paul Carr

(*) In her case, negative judgement, because passing condemnation, i.e. I'm immature and selfish, is what sullen sulky bitches do... My wish to her - Get a life!!

(**). Who knows, maybe in the future, I will develop such a radar detection system and, you know, walk out on such cranky girls in the future. But,  maybe I'm just too nice a guy.  You know, 2 days ago, when I first met Miss Sullen Sulky Bitch at the subway station. She had texted me to say, "You're late". After that, she was just as unforgiving. I felt walking beside her like a jackass. Sure, I apologized to her for being late. Started talking to her. She was about 177cm in her high heels but I felt like a jackass and too patient and nice.  Kinda like Mr Tweedy. Picture below.



Gawd, Paul, you're too much of a nice guy!!. Show some backbone in future!!

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sullen sulky bitch, you call me selfish!! I think you're selfish. You just sit on your fucking high horse and think you're perfect and find fault (it's an integral part of your personality) with everybody else around, I suspect, especially with boys and men.

Okay, here's the background.

I had placed an ad on the thebeijinger website. It goes:

---

Looking for a Chinese girlfriend.

I'm a 33 year old single man living in Beijing. I'm from Ireland originally. I'm looking for a Chinese girlfriend in Beijing. I have an apartment here in Beijing and I'm looking for someone to live with me. I've been in Beijing for 13 months now and I love it here. I'm thinking of making a new life for me here. I'm looking for companionship and fun with a like-minded woman. I'm also looking for an intense day-to-day language exchange with someone. She learns English from me. I learn Chinese from her.

I'm a philosopical guy with opinions on the issues of the day. I'm very interested in politics and world affairs as well as history. I like to do exercise every day and I try to eat healthily and do as much cooking as possible at home.

I'm looking for an independent woman(both emotionally and financially) who is creative, tolerant and open-minded.

I keep blogs here:

*****************************************
*******************************************

Please e-mail/msn me back at ************************
or phone/text me at *****************.

At least one photo would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Paul Carr

---

Also, there were two pics of me attached to this ad.

Contact details have been deleted.

---

Actually, last night, the ad expired.  It's Sunday morning now. 22nd of September, 11:15.  I've justed renewed the ad. Or, in any case, applied for it to be nenewed.

By the way, I don't mean to brag but last night, just before my 4 week old ad expired, I did  notice that my ad was at the top of the hottest list.  Here's a screen dump below for the 21st of September.



Anyway, back to the issue at hand. Yesterday morning, I was working.  A lady calls me.  You know, I'm always impressed with Chinese ladies phoning me, as opposed to texting me, (which many of them do) because that shows they have confidence in their english ability.  Anyway, the summary of it, is that we arrange to meet at a subway station.  Okay, anyway, I was late. sorry about that.  8 minutes or so.  She texts me, just as I'm about to arrive at the prearranged place to say, "You're late".  Okay, sorry, honey.  But, let me remind you of something.  For me, this is a blind date.  For you, you have two pics of me already from my thebeijinger ad.  And you can read more about me and find more of my pics on my blogs. So, anyway.  I also have to admit, at this stage, I was very very tired!!. Got up at 6 that morning.  Was working at a college in the morning, went to a job interview far away later that afternoon.  Too many people and too few buses and subways, I texted my Chinese friend when explaining to her that I would be late for the job interview earlier that day. I was hoping for a nap before meeting my Chinese date at 6 but that wasn't possible in the end.

You know, I've met quite a lot of nasty people.  I may not necessarily write about them on this blog or blog post.  But, I guess I write about this particular one because she challenged me.  She said to me, in summary, my life, as I was presently leading it, was unsatisfactory.  And, the reason, I'm writing this blog post is to tell myself, perhaps her and others, is, fuck you, my life is satisfactory and what is more, it's getting better by means of a process of evolution.

You know, I have a friend who says to me, I'm lazy.  I'm not going to identify her.  I accept her as a friend but I can tell you that my friend, a girl, also is lying (sort of) to her boyfriend(and soon perhaps to be husband) so, hey, nobody's perfect.  I didn't come to China to makes loadza money.  I came to China to relax, enjoy the culture, learn something about the culture, language and customs of China.  This will take time and, in the meantime, I'm not going to work my fucking arse off.

But, I'm in big debt now on my credit card.  This summer, I forewent any holidays outside of Beijing.(*)  One reason for this was that I just didn't have the money.  I'm new to China. Been here like 14 months.  You know, for the first few months, it's costly to live in another country, I think.  One has to settle down.  I got an apartment in Dongzhimen.  I had to renew the contract (one year) on that 2 weeks or so ago.  I rent it.  I got a treadmill about 5 weeks ago in a nearby "Jia Le Fu" because I want to lose weight and that was costly, like, 4,000 RMB.  I got special motion control shoes recently (imported) recommended by my surgeon in February.  890RMB in Beijing.  My posture is incorrect so I got special insoles for my feet, customized for my feet.  I'm going to get 3 pairs for now.  I have one already.  The first one cost me 2100 RMB.  The next two, I think, about 3,200 RMB or, maybe, a little less.  I hope these are worth while.  But, the foot specialist recommended I buy them because my feet are flat.  Oh, before I got the first pair, I was having lower back problems (I went to hospital in Ireland 2 or 3 years or so before I came to China for a kidney scan and that came up clear - my Dad had kidney problems. He had only a half of one kidney left by the time he died in 1991, aged 57, so I have concerns there - however he did say that he started having the kidney problems because he drank contaminated water from the Hoogly river in India, near Calcutta.). So, anyway, I think my back problems have gone away since buying the insoles (such a small thing to buy but so expensive).  A few days ago, I got a wedge put on the bottom of the insole on the advice of the foot specialist to correct my posture and walking gait.  My left leg is still turning into one side.  But, the wedge has adjusted that.  So, now, I am hopeful that most of the discomfort, the heat and so on, I have been experiencing, the pain and so on, will be a thing of the past. I hope.  So, yeah, the insoles are expensive.  But, I think they're a good investment.  They are worth it.  And, it's a simple thing.  Okay, this February, I had an operation on my left ankle.  I was told by my surgeon who I first saw in Beijing last August 2006, I recall, that I needed an operation to remove some extra bone from my ankle that was causing impediment. [sighs].  But, I think he was thinking "Ka-ching!!!". Money, money,money.  It would cost, like, 30,000 RMB or Hong Kong dollars to have the operation in the Matilda hospital in Hong Kong. If you include my flight there this February and living expenses, you're talking 36,000 RMB easily. Begorrah!!. And, I'm wondering was it necessary?  Because I think the special insoles may have done the trick instead.  And, interesting to reada letter my surgeon sent me *after* my operation in which he said my posture was "reasonable". "Reasonable"?!! Anyone, who is a native english speaker or is familiar, very familiar, with the english language, will know that "reasonable" is a very underwhelming word.  It's not even as good as "good".  Yeah, yeah, my surgeon could have  told me, back in August, in 2006, I think, when I first met him at in a Beijing hospital for a consultation, if he was really doing his job (which ought to be to help people) that I should get the special insoles first and the motion control shoes to correct my walking gait, my posture whilst walking and, then, only then, have the surgery, if my pain, or discomfort, or heat, continued.  But, he didn't.  But, last August, I was clueless. I just followed uncritically, whatever professional advice I was given. [sighs]. But, you know, my surgeon was thinking back then, "Ka-ching", Money, money, money.  Why, the poor man has to make a living. Oh, well, [sighs].

Anyway, let's not digress too much here. My immediate point is. I've been spending a lot of money and, really, I need another job.  [sighs]. My present job doesn't pay everything.  But, you know, I'm determined to have a certain quality of life in China.  For example, I want to date some girls and maybe buy them dinner from time to time.  Something I never did in Ireland.

But, you know, despite my problems, despite the big debt on my credit card, I hate to think what it is. I guess after paying the remaining money for another 2 pairs of special insoles (the second one was tempting because it was half price), my credit card debit would be pushed back to 2,500 euros (about 25,000 RMB). My credit card ceiling is presently 3,000 euros.  I don't even know yet how to transfer money from my bank of China account to my western credit card account. I have to find out. Anyway, despite my financial problems, I am determined to get rid of the ankle problem satisfactorily.  I'm determined to be a better person.  So, this is why I'm so so annoyed with this selfish, heartless bitch I met yesterday on a date. I'll get to talk about that later on in this post. She called me fucking "selfish".  We met on a date and she called me fucking "selfish".

Okay, let's fill in more background. My mother pays money into my credi card account.  I don't want her to.  But,  it would appear, last time I checked, she's still putting 50 euros (about 500 RMB) into my credit card account every week.  I'm presently not talking to my mother, not until October 18th. She e-mailed me yesterday or the day before yesterday and I deleted it without reading it.  She knows I would do this. I told her!!.  And, I told her during our last conversation, I said to her, look, mum, stop putting money into my account. How much clearer can I get??!!

So, anyway, I met this sulken sullen chinese woman last night. She's 172 centimetres tall, wearing her 5 centimetres heels elevated her to 177 or so, about my height with my shoes on.  Anyway, from the fucking little she told me about herself, she's successful. Has a job selling health insurance. She told me she could work at home but has to go to her office in another part of Beijing to sign paperwork. She lives in Dongzhimen like me. What a fucking sullen depressing bitch!! So, let me get this, I told her, a lot about me, stuff, that I've also spilled on this blog, about my mother, about the 25 girls or so, I've dated since February this year (I've lost count to be honest), about my debt, about the fact that I'm not talking to my mother now, not until October 18th or so, about the fact, that I've asked my mother to stop sending me money but that she refuses to stop.  Anyway, all this honesty from  me, all my talking, what was her response? Here it is: "you're selfish". So, bitch, you say nothing about yourself and you call me selfish. So, bitch, you lead a perfect life.  So, perfect in fact, that, all you can give me in response to my questions are, "Yes", "No" and "Maybe" and so on, little else.  You know, I had a bad feeling about her, as soon as I met her at the subway.  Why the fuck was she angry with me for being just 8 minutes to 10 minutes late?  She has my photo from the beijinger website. I don't have hers.  I was going on a blind date. She wasn't. She told me it was her first date with a foreiginer. She's 31 years old. And, anyway, I was also dead tired. [sighs].

You know, I've met her kind before, or, indeed, an even worse version of her. Another Chinese girl who simply didn't want to say anything about herself except as little as possible.  This time, for yeterday's date, I started talking a lot about myself because, she, fucking, wouldn't or couldn't say anything about herself. So, I talked about the things above. My mother, my dates and so on.  I wonder if she's envious because I'm dating other women.  Okay, she tells me Chinese people are more conservative than westerners.  I told her I agreed but I added the qualifier that, you know, the middle class of China is over 300 million strong now and the younger generation of this class are just as liberal as Westerners. I don't think she agrees with me but anyway. So, anyway, Miss sulky bitch says to me, "You're selfish" after I told her my situation about my mother.  I press her to give me a reason why I'm selfish.  At first, she can only generalise but, finally, she gives a specific answer. Because I should be paying back my mother. I had told her that my mother paid for 2 thirds of my 30,000 RMB hospital operation in Hong Kong this February. I told her, in exasperation, that I didn't have the money to pay her back.  I'm new to China. I'm settling in and down here. I'm not superman.  I think she was suggesting I get another job.  I told her I was considering it. But, I want to get a decent part time job, not a job where I'm harnessed into obligations and contracts.  To be honest, my present college contract, I think, doesn't allow me to sign contracts for other jobs. She had asked me why I didn't have a second job and told me about a friend of hers or an acquaintance  of hers, a foreigner, who has (at least?) 2 jobs, one of which is an agent, selling art work.  You know, honey, I'm not in China to make LOADZA money. I'm here to enjoy my new life in China.  I love it here but I haven't come here to worship money. That said, yeah, I need to make more money. HeHe. So, that's my dilemma.

I suppose she wasn't the most nasty person I met in the world.  I've met other Chinese people who were more nasty. We went to a kinda cheap Chinese restaurant (I had invited her and offered to buy food) and, well, we chatted, we quarrelled, she called me selfish, she criticised me on my choice of food. I had bought some "Tang Su Li Ti". She said it was fatty food and unhealthy. I was in the process of eating the whole plate. I think she only had one or two pieces. Oh, what a sulky, sullen bitch. By the end of our conversation, I got the impression was criticising my entire lifestyle.

But, you know what I think. I think she's envious of me.  I dunno why. She says I should be grateful to my mother. I tried to explain to her that, you know, I'm entitled to be independent from my mother. I think she only understood about 20% of what I said because her English wasn't that good, expecially her listening english.  And, of the 20% she did understand, she didn't listen to what I said anyway. After sulky sullen bitch criticised me on my diet, I told her stress kills, not really food first of all, stress kills, and talking to her, and trying to get her to listen was very stressful for me. But, she doesn't listen. Anyway, she did, at least, have a minimum level of courtesy and she thanked me for the food, I got a vegetable dish she wanted.  Finally, selfish, sulky bitch says to me, "You're selfish" for the 5th or 6th time.  She wouldn't relent.  I had been putting up a vigorous defense and, upon saying that, stands up and leaves the restaurant without giving me a chance to reply.  I finish my delicious "Tang Su Li Ti" and then leave about 10  minutes later.

So, sulky, sullen bitch says nothing about her, almost nothing.  I try my best to talk about my problems and ideas and life and, in return, all sulky sullen bitch can say is "You're selfish". Sulky sullen bitch has been abroad but only on holiday and she told me that, you know, she'd like to go abroad to live on a more permanent basis, like,  I'm doing now in China. So, you know, I think she's a little envious of me, another reason, a big reason for her sulkiness and bitchiness.

[sighs]. to be honest, she wasn't the nastiest person I've met on a date.  And, she wasn't the first of that kind of negative date experience I had either.  Initially, last night, I thought, no, I wouldn't write about this, because, you know, she wasn't worth it.  But, I've changed my mind this morning because, as written, she *challenged* me, saying my life sucked. She was so so cruel and selfish so, fuck it, I'll write to my blog and defend myself and fight back.  You know, I am not adverse to criticism but, don't be critical like she was critical, put on your "I'm perfect" hard mask and criticise other with one-liners.  Just learn some common manners and decency. Yeah, I want to change.  But, not on the terms of sulky sullen bitch or anyone else's.  The best change is as a result of a process of evolution.  Oh, sulky sullen bitch hadn't read my blog - the link was on the ad that she read before contacting me.  I told her that she could have read about my bad date experiences there, for example. But, I tried to explain the details of them to her anyway because I'm a nice guy and I like to be straightforward.

At one stage, during the conversation, she even said I was interesting.. She did!! I wonder if sulky sullen bitch is going to read this and write a comment to say, no, I didn't hear right.I'm boring. I suck, et cetera. I heard right. She said I was interesting!! A compliment from sulky sullen bitch!!. I don't think I lied to her at all during this conversation.  I told her I never had a girlfriend. I don't think that's a lie but she didn't believe me. How do you define girlfriend anyway? For me, you know, it means sleeping together in the same bed at night,  at least one night, probably a lot more.

But, anyway, what else to write.

Sulky,sullen bitch, China is not the unforgiving, unfriendly place for foreigners you want me to believe. I don't believe it.

China is a very friendly place.

Paul Carr

(*) Because of my debt situation, I'm probably not going to go on holiday outside of Beijing for some time for the sake of saving money. I don't know how long I will have to keep this up.  But, it looks like I'll also have to find a part time job to supplement my income.

Neighbour(s) been complaining about "noise" in my apartment.

Yup, today, I was informed by my Chinese friend that my apartment agent has received a complaint from at least one neighbour of mine in my house (danyuan?) that I'm making too much noise and that I should quieten down.  Still, I'm a little confused as to what this noise is.  My Chinese friend (who has visited my apartment last week and saw that I had a treadmill which I use every day), suggested that she was complaining about the treadmill.  I assume the complainer is a "she" because I believe the complainer is the about 55 year old woman who lives downstairs of my apartment. I could be wrong here.  She speaks no English and I don't really speak Chinese and, well, she (or whoever the complainer is) hasn't knocked on my door to the best of my knowledge to present their complaints.  But ,anyway.  She may well not have been complaining about the treadmill which I always use between 9 in the morning and 10 at night, never as I pointed out to my Chinese friend, via mobile phone, at night!!.

My response screw her.

Her's a visual representation of my response below.



So, she considers I make too much noise.  Honey, I'm like a silent mouse most of the time.  As soon as I let out a squeak, you, in your own self-centred world, think it's because I've got a chip on my shoulder against you.  Not so!!.  I just want to get some exercise and lose some weight.

But, hell, it may well be that it's not my jogging on the treadmill at all which bothers her.  It might be the fact that, sometimes, during the unsocial hours at night (especially during the past 2 months of my summer holidays), I have taken to masturbating frequently, whilst watching and viewing porn on my computer laptop beside my bed.  Whoa!! Lady, I'm not allowed to masturbate!!?? I can only masturbate during day time hours?  My masturbating is making too much noise?  Rocking the bed?  Especially, in the run up to orgasm? Is that it?  You know, this is a possibility.

I've taken a point of view on this cranky lady downstairs.  I've had a run-in with her before.  Like 6 weeks ago, I went to Beijing zoo with my friend. Then, I received a phone call from my agent who says I must return home immediately because "my apartment was flooded" - or words to that effect.  Yeah, yeah, I kid you not!!.  So, yeah, I was worried.  My friend and I went home as quickly as we could.  Took us about 50 minutes because the taxi was going against the traffic flow.  Might have been better in hindsight to have taken the bus and subway.  But, anyway, we got back.  Oh, yeah, yeah, I forgot to tell you, that in the text messages from my apartment agent, we were also told that there was a repairman waiting outside my apartment.  Well, no repairman was present when we got back.  Just Mrs (I assume she's a Mrs) Grumpy woman waiting outside her apartment, immediately below mine (she's on the 2nd floor, I'm on the 3rd floor).  I live in Dongzhimen.  But, won't give you any more details than that.  Anyway, my Chinese friend starts talking to Mrs Grumpy Woman and I rush up to my apartment,anticipating flooding, as the agent had said.  No bloody flooding.  Nothing.  My apartment was perfectly normal.  Mrs Grumpy Woman had apparently contacted my agent.  I rent my apartment from the agent directly, not the landlord.  She had told my agent that there was a "leak" in her bathroom (I'll come to that in a moment) and she believed that my apartment above hers was "flooded" or else, the agents, with poor english, mistransalated what she had said.  Well, with my Chinese friend, we went into Mrs Grumpy Woman's apartment, immaculately clean, with lots of nice vases and the like and we went into her bathroom to see the tiniest of piddles of water and a stain marking her front mirror.  Good grief.  I was called by my agent whilst I was enjoying myself at Beijing zoo for this crap!!.  No flooding whatsoever in my apartment.  My Chinese friend and I invited Mrs Grumpy Woman up to my apartment to verify for herself that there was no flooding in my apartment.  Anyway, later, the landlord (my landlord) and my landlord agent arrived, chatted with Mrs Grumpy Woman, then with me and my Chinese friend and they asked me to give them a copy of my keys so that a repairman can do some repairs in my bathroom (which is immediately above Mrs Grumpy Woman's apartment).  I think my apartment is exactly the same as hers.  The next morning, the repairman did, what appeared to me, to be superficial repairs of my shower head.  It had been leaking a bit, water spraying from the bit between the shower head and the hose.  So, that was solved.  The repairman (or rather two men) were only in my apartment for 30 minutes or so.  Very short.  My Chinese friend, acting as translator, told me that I needed to dry clean my floor.  Here's a my response to that.  Picture below.



I'm not going to dry clean my floor.  The  bathroom floor is tiled and slightly angled to ensure that the water drains into the drain.  However, I have, ever since, undertaken to place the shower head into the sink to ensure that no water leaks onto the floor after I have showered.. I don't think Mrs Grumpy Woman has complained about leaking water since.

But, it would appear Mrs Grumpy Woman now objects to my using my treadmill.  A treadmill I paid nearly 4,000 RMB for in a nearby "Jia Le Fu". (bought it about 2 and a half weeks ago).  Well, I'm not going to stop using it.  I use it,  these days, for about 35 minutes each day, running at about 10 kmph.  I feel a lot fitter already.  I think it's a good investment.  My dear Mum doesn't approve of my using it.  Another reason why I'm not talking to her now.  And, you know, if my agent confronts me about this and tells me to stop using it, then, well, to hell with it, when my present apartment contract expires on the 20th of October, I'm going to find myself another bloody apartment, that is, I'm going to move into another apartment.  I don't need to take this crap.  I'm entitled to get some exercise.  And, no, I have no intention of going to the gym to do it, or going outside in the morning for a jog along Dongzhimen Wai Dajie.  Forget it!!.

[sighs].  My Chinese friend (by the way, the Chinese friend I talked to today is different from the Chinese friend who was with me at Beijing zoo at the time of the "phantom water" incident). My latest Chinese friend hasn't the best of English.  I think, I really do think, that Mrs Grumpy Woman was complaining about the noise weeks ago but I could be wrong.  Maybe, she complains repeatedly.  But, here's my response Mrs Grumpy Woman.  Screw you.  Here's a nice picture below.



I'm a good neighbour.  You're a crap neighbour.  Learn to be a good neighbour.  You know, unfortunately, it is a fact, that among the older generation in China, there are many, many people who don't like foreigners.  Sad but true.  Anyway, Mrs Grumpy Woman complained before about my making noise (at the time of the "phantom water" incident to my other Chinese friend.  Honey, dear, I'm going to ride this one out.  And, if the apartment agency tries to bully me into stopping the jogging on my treadmill, for example, and say they won't renew my apartment contract (which I want to renew), then, so be it, I'm outta here and I'm happy about that.

Paul Carr

Well, it's going on.  I can't seem to keep my old friends. Sad

Actually, I was wanting to write more about my break up with the Chinese girl I talked in detail about in a previous post, the post entitled "Dating Chinese people, more downs than ups".  But, I can think of two events, major events which have intervened.  One: I've talked about already, my splitting up and falling out with my mum and the other: splitting up and falling out with this Chinese friend.  Okay, I should stress here, in case she's reading, we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend. 

But, anyway, I discovered that, you know, she was angry with me.  She had been helping me with translation during the summer.  You know, I still think she's nice and a patient young woman and I guess, in fairness to her, I did lose patience with her.  But, I just felt that she was pushing me away over the course of a number of weeks.

Oh, where to begin to explain this.  Oh, right now, as I write this, you know, I'm not annoyed with her.  But, yeah, yesterday, when I had my final phone call with her, sent my final text message to her (unless she replies which is unlikely), sent my final e-mail to her (unless she replies which is unlikely), I guess I was upset and, you know, a tad depressed.  I was thinking to myself, "Paul, you fucked up again!".  As I lay on my bed, curled up in despair and annoyance.  What had I done wrong? [shakes head]. [sighs].  I guess, yeah, I was a little frustrated with her because she didn't want to meet me these past 4 weeks or so because, so she says, she was busy finding a job.  And, she even told me she would meet me as soon as she had found a suitable job.  But, you know, in fairness to her, I should have let her at that but I lost patience.  [sighs].  So, I texted her about 2 weeks ago inviting her for lunch.  She said no, saying she had no time.  I replied, in annoyance I suppose, that what she really meant was that she had no time for me but she had plenty of time for guzheng classes, her girlfriends (and boyfriends?), job interviews, even msn messenger (I could hear the msn messenger messages clicking when I phoned her one day).  But, in contrast to before, she never msn-s me these days.  She claimed that she had another account. HeHe.  But, you know, she told me she barred people before and I reckon she barred me too.  Her blog was updated on the account she  had chatted with me before.

I just felt that she had no time for me.  She didn't want to be my friend.  Yeah, I would phone her sometimes because, you know, I don't speak Chinese and I need help with translation, for example, when the treadmill arrived at my apartment, I needed somebody to talk to the guys who delivered it so that I can ask them some questions about how to operate the thing.  So, she helped me there.  I'm grateful to her for that.  But, you know, I think that it is  pointless to ask her to help me with these translation issues when, in reality, she didn't want to be my friend and, in reality, she was angry with me.

And, yesterday, I finally got my confirmation about this.  I texted her, "R U angry with me?".  No reply.  Not for the first time she has done that.  So, I phoned her and asked her again.  This time, oh, she really stung me.  Not only was she angry with me but she was scared of me!!.  Okay, up to 3 weeks ago, honey, you told me that I could ring you anytime I had problems.  You told me that.  And, as I recall, on two separate occasions, I did that.  But, now, you told me, yesterday, you were angry with me.  First time I heard that from you.  And, of course, this vindicates me in my decision not to ask her for help anymore.  I sent her an e-mail subsequently to tell her I will get another Chinese friend to talk to my landlady and agent to discuss a renewal of my apartment contract for another year.  I didn't want to impose myself on her.  Now, that I know that she is scared of me.

Okay, what did I do wrong?  Okay, I admit that about 3 or 4 weeks ago, she told me she would contact me and meet me again after she had found a suitable job.  She was unemployed at the time.  Sure, I should have respected her decision.  But, I missed the girl.  So, I rang her about 2 weeks later and then yesterday to ask her if I could meet her.  What's wrong with that?  Is that aggressive?

Okay, anyway, in our final phone conversation, she says to me she was angry (and scared of me) because I had told her before that I didn't want to talk to her again because she had failed to explain to me why she split up with her ex-boyfriend.  I subsequently apologized for that.  But, it seems to me, she isn't in forgiving mode on that one. [sighs].

Okay, here's the story.  I like her.  She has a sexy husky voice.  And, babe, if you're reading this, don't worry, I won't identify you on this blog and I won't contact you again (unless you contact me which is unlikely).  [sighs].  Up to about 5 weeks or so ago, I would meet her sometimes, not a lot.  I guess she wanted to practice her English but, maybe, just maybe, she liked me too!! Oh, she's Chinese by the way. 168 cm tall, with crazy tomboyish long hair.  Anyway, I don't want to give away too many details lest I identify her.  But, anyway. [sighs].  I guess, in my own awkward way, I tried to get near to her.  Remember I'm a virgin (or almost),I'm an awkward mothafucka.  So, let me tell you where I think the problems began.  I felt she was pushing me away and we were chatting on msn messenger which we had liked to do and you know, out of the blue, I got cocky and wrote, "I'd like to sleep with you.".

And, anyway, next thing, she starts writing about her ex-boyfriend and how hurt she is because she saw him that day with another girl.  She was so so hurt about it.  The ex-boyfriend was a Canadian or American of Chinese extraction.  She had lived with him.  So, as you do, I asked questions.  I have a degree in journalism for Christ's sake.   And, eventually, I came to the question, "Why did you leave him".  At this point, she clammed up, saying she didn't want to talk about it anymore.  And, this struck alarm bells in me.  And, I said to her, you know, if you don't tell me, our friendship is over.  You know, I think honesty and forthrightness is important in any friendship or relationship.  Anyway, I tried to use my "persuasive powers" to persuade her to give me more information. But, no, she wasn't having it. 

Anyway, later, I got in contact with her again to apologise and to say, okay, you win, we can still be friends.  I think, in hindsight, this was a mistake.  I should have gone with my instincts and just give up on it, and leave her.  But, you know, I guess I was reflecting on the fact that so so many friends (who are girls),girlfriends, no longer talk to me or I no longer talk to them, that I felt, you know, I shouldn't be so hasty.  As it turned out, I think my instinct was right but I just didn't trust my instincts well enough. [sighs].  Maybe, also, I had selfish reasons.  Her English (for a Chinese  person) is very good.  She could be helpful and useful to me in translation during the long summer (with the summer recess, I couldn't phone my fellow teachers to bother them to help me with translation problems). I don't know. [sighs]. 

Fact is, now, yesterday, I discovered that she has this deep-seated anger towards me (to the point where she says she is afraid of me!).  I figure, in actuality, she doesn't give a toss about me, she's indifferent about me.

And, what a naive fucking idiot I have been.  You know, she's pretty.  Although, she herself thinks she isn't.  And, one time, I blurted out to her on the phone as I was about the hang up.  "I love you".  I guess I can get carried away sometimes.  You know, I'm a top-notch dreamer.  I love dreaming up big dreams and cuddling up comfortably inside of them.  And, my big dream at the time was her. This beauty, with the husky voice, 24 years old, very fashionable, with beautiful pert breasts.  She dressed very sexily and alluringly when I first met her in MacDonalds. Lovely. Push up bra. She wouldn't show her dad that dress, like she told me.  But, I'd worship you, baby. The Bra was slung around her neck in an exciting way and a pink dress over that.  Very daring and adventurous.  I was very impressed when I first saw her.  And, quite tall too. 168 cm.  The woman of my dreams.  So, I started dreaming, something I'm apt to do all so easily.

But since about 4 or 5 weeks ago, it's been downhill.  I suppose I've only known her for maybe 10 weeks.  Pretty short. [sighs]. And, the downhill ride has been one of humiliation.  First, she won't tell me why she split up with her ex-boyfriend (but she was happy to tell me that she saw him with his new girlfriend). [sighs].  I let that go.  We continued to maintain contact but soon it was becoming clear she was moving away from me.  She wouldn't chat with me on msn messenger anymore. Oh the adolescent excitement of meeting a gorgeous lady was beginning to wear off.  She updated her blog about 2 weeks ago and, you know, I checked it out and I saw this picture of her, so so hot and beautiful and soft and cuddly, with this Chinese guy with his arms around her.  She was in the water in bathing suit.  I was saddened and upset.  Why didn't she send me this picture of her hot self before?  And, I read an ad on foreignercn about some American guy offering between 5,000RMB and 10,000RMB to some girl, and he specifically meant a girl, not a boy, to be his "research assistant" and this reminded me of her.  And, the penny dropped.  Paul Carr,you are one fucking dimwit,  believing in love and romance.  She was a research assistant too (she told me), and, you know,I bet she got paid big bucks to help her yank friend (who was nearly or into his seventies) to research his book.  But,Paul Carr, idiot, you never thought about that.  You thought, she was just travelling around China, just  to practice her English with him.  Nah. And, you Paul Carr, you dick, inviting her to Shanghai, this summer, you pauper, and offering to take her with you and all you could fucking offer her was like a hard seat on the train or a soft seat or something and stay for 7 days in a budget level hotel.  She's a hotshot, Paul.  And, you just  don't have the fucking money. [sighs].

So, yeah, with her, the feeling in recent weeks has been one of mounting humiliation.  Perhaps, in hindsight, I should have just removed all my contact details of her 2 weeks ago so that I couldn't possibly bother her again.  But, yesterday, I rang her, I guess bothered her, and then, only then, you delete all her contact details.  But, to be frank, I've done the right decision. [sighs].  The painful truth of it, Paul Carr, she is completely indifferent to you.  And, she even told you on the phone that she is scared of you.  Yeah, yeah, asking her to dinner yesterday on the phone, kinda had the ring of Travis Bickle asking Betsy out for another date after Travis had taken her to see a porn flick. HeHe.  See "Taxi Driver" (1975), starring Robert DeNiro and directed by Martin Scorsese, so that you know what I'm talking about.  Gawd, Paul, you have been so fucking pathetic!!.  Leave the poor girl alone.  She's not interested in a fat slob like you.

You know, I think she's nice and she was so so helpful to me, tidying up my apartment, even cooking for me once, going with me to a nearby "Jia Le Fu" to help me with shopping.  She has even motivated me to now take exercise (I bought a treadmill and I use it to jog for 35 minutes every day in order to lose some weight).  You know, I was trying to impress her  with losing some weight.  I've even lost some already, around the neck.  I'll get rid of the (pot)belly (I hope) in the next 2 months.

Yeah, she's nice.  And, you, Paul, you're pathetic. HeHe.  Oh, the last day and today, so so hard for me.  I split up with her.  It was just like the 32 year  Chinese girl I split up with and what I wrote about in my previous post, "Dating Chinese women - more  downs than ups". And, yeah,yeah, girls, I know, I know, we weren't really girlfriend/boyfriend but, you know, I'm a dreamer.  Oh, it was so so sore for me to go through this process of splitting up.  So intensely emotionally  painful.  The sort of emotional pain that only the passage of time and perhaps a few intervening worries can weaken.  Yesterday, after ringing her, after losing my patience with her, yeah, I lay in my bed for a few fucking hours and felt like a crock of shit.  Contemplating my future.  I'm 33 years old.  I'm single.  How the fuck do I find a girlfriend?!! Jesus!!. [sighs].

[sighs]. What else to write?  I just want to say I think she was nice.  However, I will say,  in my defense, her remark on the phone, that I kept bringing up the question of why she split up with her boyfriend is a little unfair.  I subsequently met her in my apartment (she was helping me with more translation), and she told me that I could ask her any question and she would try to answer.  So, you know, I asked her the same question. Because, she practically invited me to.  namely, "Why did you leave your ex-boyfriend".  And, again, she refused to answer the question after I said, rather "intelligently" NOT, that, in fact, she had split up twice with her ex-boyfriend because they had briefly got back together again (so she said) so I asked her why she split up with her ex-boyfriend the first time.  And, again,  she clammed up and refused to tell me.  And, guess what, she said, to me, Paul, you know, this is "Girl's Talk". Rubbish!!  She also told me she had told 2 boys before as well as her girlfriends.  I guess she was trying to say that there are certain things off limits for me to intrude into.  But, you know, I think this all goes back to my remark on msn messenger that "I'd like to sleep with you".  This single remark, this is why she was punishing me with this bullshit.  So, she told me she would try to answer the question. She lied.  And, afterwards, I thought about that and I realised I had been suckered in.  Oh. Oh, honey, you're a little bit of a bitch!!. [sighs].  ANd, now, yesterday, she accused me of fucking bringing up this question again and again, after she had told me that, in fact, it was okay to ask her any question and she would *try* to answer them.  [sighs]. Christ!!.

But, you know, I still think she's a nice girl.

What else  to talk about.?

I sent her a final e-mail yesterday to say that I thought that the reason she  couldn't accept me as a boyfriend was because she was afraid of her parents (especially her Dad) who wouldn't approve of a Westerner as a boyfriend for her.  Her ex-boyfriend was American but, at least, he was of Chinese  extraction. [sighs].  I also told her that sleeping with her ex-boyfriend one day out of every 9 days (that is living with her ex-boyfriend one day out of every 9 days for 6 months or so) doesn't constitute a relationship  or a commitment in my opinion. So, when she told me she couldn't tell me or wouldn't tell me why she "split up" with her boyfriend,I suggested to her that, you know, they weren't really together in the first place.

But, you know,this girl, this woman, she is a girl of my dreams and fantasies.  Refer to above my  predeliction to live a fantasy life!!.  I can easily believe she is perfect in mind as well as body and worship the very ground she stands on.  Still, I found her to be a tad serious sometimes.  For  example, I  told her once, via e-mail or msn messenger, oh, yeah, it was msn messenger,I said something along the lines of "Oh, I'd like you to be my nurse (wink) (wink)". Next thing, perhaps a few minutes later, as I recall (this was during the good times of the first 5 weeks of our friendship), she was on the phone to me to chastise me, saying, "Paul, I'm not your nurse.".  Crumbs, woman, loosen up!!.

[sighs].

What else to write about?

Hmm,I just  want to say I wish her all the best.

Paul  Carr

I must admit that your phone call to me a few days ago and your attitude towards me in this phone call took me by surprise.  For 2 months previously, you had behaved yourself.  But, a few days ago, you were back to your old critical self of me.  So, what did you say?  Hmm,  You said that this harasser, oh, yes, this guy who has been harassing me on the phone, what was it, yeah, yeah, I'm harassing him.  Oh, I don't know how you come to that conclusion, Mummy Dear.  But, I have a question for you.  This harasser has been using up to 8 phone numbers to phone me. One of which is a Hong Kong based mobile phone number.  But, sometimes, when you phone me to my mobile phone, a number comes up on my mobile which corresponds to one of the harasser's phone numbers..  Why is that, Mother?  Do you have an answer?

Okay, I want to go over some old ground with you.  First of all, you are very aggressive towards me, Mother.  You don't  listen to anything I say.  Back at the end of 2005, you *insisted* on having a key to my Dublin apartment copied so that you can come and go into and out of my apartment as you pleased.  You didn't care if I said "No".  You were going to have your own way.

At the time I was fired from my job at a certain English language school in Dublin in January 2006, you came into my apartment, without my authorization, without my permission, to snoop and clean my apartment.  You discovered the letter of dismissal from that nasty boss of that particular "school".

Let me say this, mother.  A number of things.  First of all, people come and go into and out of jobs all the time, sometimes, people are fired.  That's life.  I was fired.  That's life.  I moved on.  Unfortunately, you  haven't.  Ever since,  you haven't given me a moment's peace about that.  You won't let it go.

This is your problem not mine.  As a result of this absurd and stupid behaviour on your part, I have been forced to ostracise you, for 2 months or so in 2006, during the spring and into the summer of 2006, again this spring of 2007, and now, once again, after your latest outburst against me on the phone, for another 2 months into October.  I don't have to take your crap, Mum.  Life's tough enough as it is.

Yeah, Mum, right now, I'm really really angry with you and, yeah, I have been tempted to write some nasty things about you in this post.  Your outburst a few days ago kinda took me by surprise.  And, I was real annoyed about it at the time too.  I'm going to enjoy my 2 month break from you, Mum.

Paul Carr

My main blog is at:

http://spaces.msn.com/EuropeanPaulCarr

Thank you,

Paul Carr