Since everyone is on Facebook now (I mean friends), I thought I'd still live on Myspace a bit with personal things. :]

The raffle/drawing is over for entry. I will try to hold it this weekend and see who wins the free layout.

School life for me has been pretty good. I've been happier than I thought I would be.

Maybe Jon will read this and maybe not. But I've been feeling more cheerful because I'm able to see him. :] He really makes me happy sometimes even though I may not express it. Being around him makes me feel as if I'm actually okay and that someone's actually looking after me. It gets my mind off of things... :D

I've been feeling as if I am just a support these day. Sure, I talk to people. And I gladly communicate with them... but is it just me, or am I there to listen to them? I love helping out and all, since I rely on people too. But lately, I've been keeping a lot to myself. I know it's not really good and all, but it's best for everyone. Sometimes, I wished perhaps I do rant to people because I feel as if all I ever am is a pillar or a shoulder to lean on.

And I know that I'm being used... yet I just learn to accept it. I suppose I really do want to help people. But sometimes, I wonder if they really care about me. Probably not. I could die and they'd only miss my comfort.

Well, most of my problems are more like emotional problems. I still struggle with them, but I'll be fine for now.

Well Jon encouraged me to join Student Council. I wonder how that'll work out. Considering I have no School Spirit whatsoever, I might just quit eventually.

And I'm probably a jackass to people. I have a whole new mindset that is just purely terrible, so I'd rather not talk about it. XD But it's safe to say, that even I notice the that I behave differently towards people. I guess I really have changed a lot over the past few years.

In fact, I think I got worse. XD And I am not really fond of it since I used to be super nice.

Well, this isn't much of a blog. You'd probably see more of what's up on my Facebook. I may just do rants there. =]

Just wanted to prove that I'm still alive. ^_^

I've been working on my PSP lately, so that's something new just in case if you're interested in what I've been doing. :]

~Cindy

Things you probably don't care about:

1.

My taste in music have changed! I used to hate System of a Down, Acoustic Music, Dance/Trance/Techno music, and such. Well guess what? I don't listen to anything BUT music comprised of acoustic + electric guitar. I also don't think System of a Down suck anymore, and I enjoy dance-type of music. This all changed earlier this year. I think it changed with my personality. I find it kinda funny.... since I remember disliking peaceful music which has acoustics but my tastes have changed dramatically... -_-

I've gone back to my brother's playlist to listen to the music he has ever since I found out he had good songs on there. I've discovered that music in which I have previously loathed... are actually good! D: I thought to myself, "I once hated this song?! It's GREAT!"

I fail at life.

2.

I got a scene-ish hair cut, but that's only the way I can describe it. It's the type of hair I've always wanted but could have never gotten because my parents didn't like it. It's just layered and I have long bangs in the front but my hair in the back is shorter. I've always loved this kind of hair before I ever saw that it's called scene hair or emo hair so whatever...

:]

I'll eventually have pics up.

3.

I'm getting slightly creeped out by people messaging me saying that I'm beautiful and apparently someone who lives close by wants to invite me over for OBVIOUS reasons. At first, I think it's ridiculous, but I also get FOBS asking for my phone number and all awhile I'm like "WTF". -__________-

I am seriously weirded out.

4.

I've been having nightmares lately of my family falling apart, my father trying to kill us.... and I've been having dreams of friends leaving me and... I don't know. It kinda makes me feel sad. I can't stop having depressing dreams. Sometimes, they aren't really depressing. Like seeing an old friend and finally having a class with her... just to wake up realizing it'll never happen again.

5.

I've been playing on my PSP a lot since Vinh had modded it. :] Although I'm still gonna purchase the good games for sure,I've been entertained by Rock Band Unplugged. ^_^ It might sound like a ridiculous game, but it's pretty fun!

6.

I hate school with a fiery burning, leg munching, iron crunching, Cloud hitting, change splitting passion (lolwtf?), but I'm kinda excited to see people again. Then again, I'm not excited about the people I don't really like. ._. I hope this year will be good. =]

~Cindy

You know how much you've changed...

...When you dreamt about someone who you've missed.

...And when he apologized to me that he was wrong and all he cared about was himself, I simply said,"Yeah all you did care for was yourself." and walked away to look for my actual friends.

In that dream, I thought about turning back. I thought about reverting to how things once were and stop my tracks when I started to walk. But when I turned my back and started to stroll away, I never looked back. It felt a little painful, but relieving. As if I can finally accept things for the way they are.

If it's anything, the past year had taught me about acceptance and to let go of things.

I still need to let go of some things, but I think I'll be okay for now. :]

Lately, I've been a little down. I blame it on the mood-swings since I practically have it for 24/7. People just don't see it because I tend to not react upon my feelings. But if it's something else I've learned in the past year--- it's that talking to people about your problems shouldn't feel like a chore. I figured that although telling people about my problems is great (they don't even need to help, just listen), I don't believe in them completely. Call it a lack of trust, but keeping my problems to myself would make life a bit easier.

Isn't that odd? Because by saying that, it feels as if "bottling everything up isn't great". But have you even seen the progress? When I don't tell people about my problems, they are happier and talk to me more. It's either that or I need new friends.

Hahahaha. ;D

I find blogging about it easier... people read it. I know they do. I still don't understand why I get at least five views per day on my blogs even though I didn't write anything new. And people don't come forth that they read my blogs. But whatever. As long as someone reads it--- or at least as long as I've put it out there for people to read, I feel better. As if I've let go of a huge burden. Talking to people about my problems is like directly saying, "HEY HERE'S MY PROBLEM. SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT!". Of course, that's not always so nice.

Surprisingly, I'm handling my mental stability pretty well. I'm not saying I'm mental, but I'm more independent right now. =]

For that, I'm glad.

Then again, maybe I've matured. I am almost eighteen afterall. It won't be until another month and less than a half. =] Even though I don't celebrate my birthday, I'm kinda excited. Don't ask me why... I just usually loathe my birthday.

I call it "The Pity Party Day."

...Seriously.

Well anyways!

I've made new textures for Photoshop that you guys can use. =] Check out my photos and there should be a "Photoshop Textures" album. The textures are 1600px x 1600px. They're really big but the canvas size for them were originally even bigger. Tinypic just has to resize it down.

But you can use it for blending and what not. :D

I hope people use them!!!

And enter my "Drawing"! The competition thingy!

Pleaseeeeeeee? :3

I want a lot of people to participate. ^__^

AND w00t!!! For reaching Exactly 6000 Blog Views. :]

~Cindy

I'm writing an entertaining layout tutorial with everything being explained easily so that even a kid or someone with an IQ as low as 41 can understand. (But that's good, right? :D Now everyone can understand!)

It is quite lengthy, but I believe it will improve people's understanding with HTML codes and how they work.

I still remember being in Web Mastering class back in Naaman, and although my teacher was marvelous at her teaching (she was top-notch!), the kids there still... can't design a good layout for the life of them. And it's even worse at North Garland--- everyone has the same design... it's as if the teacher taught them to follow a template.

And THAT, is NEVER GOOD. I'm at the point of being a web designer where I can write almost everything from memory. The only exceptions are the elements invented by Myspace which only applies to Myspace. I do not memorize those for obvious reasons. Following a template will not teach anyone anything but to copy and paste.

The one thing I want to stress out to people who design layouts or are beginning to design layouts... are that the codes make 50% of the layout.

No, I lied.

It's 65%.

You can have the best photoshopped layout design ever but if your coding design is GOD AWFUL, the layout is ruined. Likewise, if your layout design is horrible, then everything is horrible. But get this--- a layout is for visually appealing content.

Any miscellaneous images that are not directly involved with the purpose of the site always come second. The text in a layout is most important. So are the headers, the borders, the alignment of text--- everything. If you do not work on your coding, your layout will fall apart, no matter how great the visual background is.

A layout runs on creativity of both design and the ability to dispatch a unique interface upfront which catches the reader's eyes.

For beginners and some web designers, the design for the banner and background of a layout is more vital than the design of the content. The ratio is probably 65% graphics and 35% content.

So what makes my layouts different as a beginner? My graphics were not great and even now, there are many people who are better at Photoshop than me. But since I was an early web designer, I've always concentrated on the content AND the graphics as a whole.

It is a repeated mistake for newer designers to be so caught up with the graphics that they disregard any of their creativity for the content. In actuality, the importance of the two are at least equal. For me, I personally say the content makes 65% of the layout.

For most of my layouts, I tend to have a ratio for negative space too. By negative space, I mean background--- nothingness.

3/2

60% of the layout is occupied with texts and images. 40% is nothingness. That's probably why I can never go simple. It bothers me a lot when there is more negative space in a layout than positive. o.o

But that's just me. XD There are a few AMAZING layout designers in which I look up to because they can design things in which I cannot.

They can make something so simple but yet very nicely distributed.

I'm always that one designer which goes as complex as she can without overdoing it.

I love simple layouts and actually usually adore them more than mines. It's more like a secret though... I don't ever plan to go simple. I don't plan to take inspiration from others. In fact, I'm rarely inspired by people. I'm inspired by concepts, music, movies, and games.

The scary thing about being inspired by someone, in my opinion... is that a person ends up imitating said person. They start to use elements someone else use--- of course, it changes but the relation and similarity is still there. Using other people's design as inspiration can be dangerous. People used to do that to me and I got... pissed. Using my codes were okay... but they never bothered to change anything and in fact copied my designs but with different colors and photos. That just made me disappointed.

So while I admire many web designers, I rarely take in any of their techniques. If anything, people inspire me as a whole. =]

There was a time where I wanted to delete my myspace layout and just use the default.

But then people were like "No! Your designs make you, you!"

Somehow, I disliked that... but in the end, I couldn't do it. Because I guess a layout does make me, me. Although that does sound ridiculous. :P

Anyway...

So I'll be going now. ^__^

I'll be writing the probably 15-page layout tutorial...

...While listening to Mega Man music.

Because I rave to nerd music.

The tutorial will probably be made for friends only. =D Maybe that will encourage people to add. I've also made a few textures and they are gorgeous to use. =] Stuff like that would be incorporated into people's layout, so I won't be handing them out as easily as my layouts; people have to add me in order to see them. Yeah, I'm weird. Apparently...

My textures > My layouts.

XD

-Cindy