So, I've done a lot of growing up the past couple of months.

I mean, lord knows we all have, but you can write your own dang blog about it.

I'm really exhausted, to be honest.

And I wish there were a way to turn this growing up off for a little while. Not that I'd like to revert to a previous level, but I'm content to stay where I'm at, for a few months, anyway. But a few situations are ongoing, situations which, for better or for worse, are going to be pretty tough.

Anyway, I just wish I could have a pause button for a couple of weeks.




BUT I GUESS LIFE DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, DOES IT

So it's been a while since I posted a blog, but I figured this was a worthy topic.

Somehow in the course of conversation last night, Daniel and I got on the subject of Siamese twins. I brought up the fact that I had been watching a documentary the other night on the really famous American conjoined twins who essentially have one body and two heads (I'm sure you've seen these girls).

Anyway, at one point in the documentary, they said they wanted to get married and be mothers. Now, as I can't very well ask them, I was wracking my brain as to how exactly this would work.

Would one head get jealous of the other? Do they crush on the same guy, or different guys? What if one of them isn't attracted to the other's husband? How would sex work with them?

Anyway, just something to think about.

-I'm terribly scared about what I see happening to you, and I wish I had a little more courage to face you about it.
-That goes for a lot of you, actually.
-Maybe I'm just a coward.
-Almost two and a half years and yes, I still love you and you're still my best friend, and I don't care if we've got a "Bennifer" nickname going now and HOLY HECK THIS ONE SHOULD BE PRETTY OBVIOUS
-You need to be up front with me. I should be less up front with you.
-I see a wealth of potential in you.
-I can see that you've still got a lot of growing up to do, but I know you're going to turn out beautifully.
-You are really digging your own grave, and I know you're perfectly aware of it, and if it's cool with you, than la-dee-dee (this one will most likely not be read by the person in question).
-I think I miss you most of all.

Will I tell you? WHO KNOWS

Okay. Here's the deal.

I really don't know if I want a whole lot of drinkingness at this party. If you guys do, that's cool, but I think I'd prefer it if we all just chipped in for a bottle of champagne and left it at that.

We also have to decide if we want to go downtown for the countdown. It would be REALLY fun, but the drawbacks are as follows:
-freezing damn cold
-we'd have to pay/look for parking or take the very crowded light rail
but I'm down if you kids are.

If there aren't enough reliable rides up, I could certainly pack you kids in my car, so let's figure out who's coming and who all can drive. You guys can come up anytime you'd like, but probably nine or ten would be great.

ANYWAY SPREAD THE WORD

How do you get over your hatred of someone?

-I hate chest colds.
-Snow was fun for a while, but OKAY YOU CAN GO AWAY NOW
-My cat's a friggin' drug addict.
-We should hang out in the city of Denver for New Years because city + New Years + probably being intoxicated = funtimes.
-What do you kids want for Christmas? Please keep requests to under five billion dollars.

I wonder what it says about me that I find this influx of "sexy" Halloween costumes so fascinating? Probably that I'm a lesbian.

Also, this makes me a huge friggin' hypocrite, as my costume is decidedly risque.

The Top Ten Worst "Sexy" Halloween Costumes Evar

as decided by me

10. Jane Jetson

What better way to be the belle of the Halloween ball than by dressing up as an annoying housewife from a mildly popular, 60 year old cartoon?

9. "Frederica" Kreuger

Because nothing says "sleep with me" better than dressing up like a horribly disfigured, mystical child molester.

8. Sexy Cablewoman

This kind of strikes me as something you would only get when the costume store was completely sold out of every other damn thing.

7. Taxi Driver

I could comment on this costume, but I think I'll just point out the dangers of collagen abuse.

6. Doll

Perhaps this is actually a clever, ironic statement about the objectification of women, but I'm thinking the chick who buys this costume is just tired of getting groped.

5. Palace Guard

lololoololollolololol

4. Sexy Chef

I like to think that one of the items at her restaurant is "syphilis spaghetti".

3. The Girl Wonder

"Hmm...I'd like to dress up as a comic book character, but none of the hundreds of scantily clad female characters seems right..."

2. "Nursekini"

When you are absolutely fucking desperate.

1. "Spongebabe No-Pants"

I honestly can't decide what the most appaling aspect about this is, but I think one of the top three is definitely that somebody at Nickelodeon decided this would be a good idea.

This is my attempt at an eloquent rant. Forgive how much it isn't.

In a society that is run on trust and hope, the rare blight on compassion and kindness is unfortunate, but quickly forgotten. Weird example, but look at the Amish. After that tragic shooting at one of their schoolhouses, mere hours later, they were talking of unconditional forgiveness for the offender. That friggin' blows my mind.

In a society that's fueled by fear, however, every single example of human error is made to be a large stain on our societal fabric. Any person walking down the street is an enemy. People check sex offender registries every day, where half of those cases were an 18 year old boy having sex with his 17 year old girlfriend.

Fear is exactly the opposite of evolution. In moving away from our primal instincts, the idea is to become less animal, and scared of predators, and to become more humane, and accepting of our fellow humans.

When I hear that people are too scared to take their kids trick-or-treating, what does that say about our society? We can no longer partake in a centuries-old tradition, when the average human lifespan has now passed the 80 year mark? What is wrong with this picture?

Maybe we're only living to be 80 now because we're so frightened of what could hurt us. Well I've got news for you, folks. It isn't much of a life to lead if you're sitting at home, just knowing that your neighbor is going to murder you, or sexually molest your children, or whatever other bullshit we're scared of this week. Hell, my family was robbed, and we still left our windows open the very next day.

Birds fly away from humans because they're scared. Humans should not do the same. I, for one, will be taking my kids trick-or-treating to their young hearts' content.

As much as I'm loving school (and I am, srsly), there is an insane feeling of great distance that you really don't understand until you're somewhere, alone.

So seeing everyone only during the weekend is really kind of a bittersweet experience. I love spending time with you all, but I know that sooner or later, I've got a long drive ahead of me to my dusky, empty apartment.

And yes, this is made even more of a bitter feeling being taken away from Daniel. Never, in my life, have I ever been more myself with anybody. Not even my family. And being apart from something I've put so much of myself into is a heartbreaking experience, every night. I can't imagine being any further away.

And yet, the nights we do share together, the precious few laughs that we get to share, the creativity we still feed each other is still so much a part of us. I know this separation is only temporary.

And yes.

I will (someday).