1. Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u kiss me?
6. would u fuk me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11.. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18.R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19.Anything 2 say b4 u go?

If the person who hurt you the most in your life apologized and kept bugging you and told you they loved you what would you say?
Alan Titchmarsh?
Oh god why did you leave Ground Force? Why?



Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
Fell hardest for? Sounds like a porn movie. Ok now, do the fall hard.



Who have you texted today?
Hello. I just go up. Its only 11



Are you in a good mood right now?
I dunno its too early to care

The phone rings, What do you say?
Yello
or
Good afternoon this is Jack's window cleaning service, how can i help?

depends on the number



What do you need?
coffee



What is wrong with you right now?
Neck ache

Ever sleep over at an opposite sex's?
Yes.

Oh you want me to divulge into that thought? Then no.


Are you mean?
No never I'm nice like grandmas


Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Little from column A, little from column B.



Happiest moment of 2008 so far?
God no idea.



What are you drinking?
Nuffin



Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Nuffin



Who is your last text from?
My phones all the way over there



How is your hair?
Fine thanks, how are you



Who do you tell the most to?
My pets



Latest you stayed up in the past week?
I was up at 2 this morning on here



Have you been in a car accident?
I moped hit the back of my car, does that count?


Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
Yes it bugs me and I will inevitably cry


Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Pass

What are you wearing?
bed covers

Do you remember your dreams?
I only have nightmares since i realised theres a man living under my bed



Who do you hate?
Where to start..
I hate everyone that's ever been on Big Brother except Glyn
I hate people that don't agree with me
I hate Jade Goody although she counts as above
I hate Peter Andre
I hate Lewis Hamilton
I hate footballers and football fans
I hate Bernie Ecclestone and Max Mosely
I hate Brown
I hate Hillary Clinton
to be continued



Orange or apple juice?
Orange. always



Who is one person who never lets you down?
oh. dunno



When will you get your next call?
The whole point in phones is so you can ring someone unexpected. Otherwise you might as well agree to meet up.



Do you love someone right now?
No



Where were you at 2:02 this morning?
Just turning off the laptop and goin bed



Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
Ye always, but I do it before i finished the drink and its all sticky when i hold it



Were you happy when you woke up today?
Well i've just woke up now, and no



Do you eat candy on a daily basis?
WTF is candy?
Lloyd says it's 'dno bloke of mice n men'
then no.



Who was the last person you ate with?
My dad



Do you have any piercings?
Hope not



What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
orange squash yesterday



Who was the first person to call you this morning?
this questions alread come up. I refuse to answer it



Can you live a day without tv?
yes



How many pets do you have?
7

Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
shoes



What are you thinking about right now?
quizzes



Any plans for next weekend?
let me check
no.



Do you smile a lot?
more than i cry



What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
f1 merchandise or top up but the second one only coz i have to



Who is the funniest person you know?
probs lloyd


What is your ringtone?
I Come From a Land Down Under by Men at Work its a quality song



If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?
lmao i wouldnt believe it



Is the sun shining?
ye i think

What are your plans for later today?
I'd like to say to have a productive day, but I'm gna watch MotoGP

What are you doing tomorrow?
tuesday errm nothing as usual


How late did you stay up last night and why?
This question had come up. till about 2 coz i was on myspace n msn



Have you ever kissed someone with red hair?
lol does ginger count



How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
this has come up.



Does anyone like you?
my friends



What are you looking forward to?
breakfast


Do you think you are an argumentative person?
i like to argue if thats what you mean



Has this week been good?
ye not bad last day of school was the best day of school



Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?
poodle and I'd shave it to look purty


Have you ever stayed in a hotel?
ye.. dur



Have you ever dated some one who was not good to you?
lol have i ever dated someone



Have you ever driven without a license?
yes but not on roads it was at silverstone



Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
yeah a few



Who is your best guy friend?
thats a bit gay really

Where did you last sleep other than your house?
My dads last night

Do you have a best friend?
I have many

Do you like someone right now?
Nope

Do they know?
who

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Cant member

When will your next kiss be?
When i go to bed and my mummy tucks me in

Where do you keep your money?
wallet


Who was the last person to call you beautiful/gorgeous?
Mummy

Where were you at 3:02 this morning?
Talking on MSN at my daddys house


How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
Let me check...
James... prefer not to disclose

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
ye... why


Who did you last go out to eat with?
God i never go out to eat its too expensive when you can get a bottle of kick and a packets of rich tea for £1.85 at jaffs

When is the last time you took a nap?
last night

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my mummy

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
hide unless someone wants to talk but i get bored

Do you wear glasses?
no


The way to win your heart?
i like bunnies

So how was your weekend?
cool

Are you dating the last person you kissed?
i hope not

What were you doing last night at 10pm?
BBQ

How long is your hair?
just had it shaved

Last text message received?
Beavs watchin formula renault at silverstone

Name what's on your mind right now?
this quiz
YESS HAMILTON JUST GOT A 10 PLACE GRID PENALTY FOR CHEATING

What do you really want right now?
Milkshake


When was the last time you got yelled at?
dno

Who do you really want to see right now?
My mates

Do you swear a lot?
I try not to and i dont swear loads but i should do it less

Who was the last person you slept in a bed with?
God knows

What are you going to do tomorrow?
Have a lay in until 3pm then watch motogp that i sky+d today

Do you miss someone today?
My mates

that was so boring im gna find another quiz

Well, we're leaving. Today was our last EVER school day. I dunno whether that's sad or good. We've had good, and plenty of bad, times.

Good times:

Seven fire bells one April Fools Day
Mr Foster getting hit by a rugby ball
Ms MacDonnell finally popping that little alien out
Annoying Mr Rees
Mrs Brooks saying 'gumption'
Every lesson with Brian Standish

Bad times:

Dale leaving
Miss Harley leaving
James being there
Coursework
Homework
Classwork
Having Mrs Brierly
Having Miss Honeybourne as a form tutor
Exams

Met alot of cool people. Some I'm still good friends with, others not, and others left. Hard to think of what to say really. Hope everybody is going to the leaving thing on Friday 13th, need more people to sign my book who didn't today. Everyone bring a T-Shirt to sign and please please please let me be the first to sign the back.

I've put some of the pics I took today, which I'm treating as our last full day, on my profile, so take a look.

Here are a couple:

Lloyd, Miss Nicola and me

I signed Tom's shirt

Here's a poem I wrote. I know I've put it in another post but I don't wanna delete that and this post needs to look longer. It's called the Leaving Poem:

Danetre is over,
It's a shame it was shit,
Thank god for Miss Briggs,
Who was pretty damn fit.

School is now ending,
We can finally leave,
My tutor is sick,
Of me calling him Steve.

We can all go home now,
And do what we like,
And never come back,
So get on yer bike.

The school is a crap hole,
Thank goodness we're leaving,
Don't know about you,
But I won't be grieving.

We did have good times though,
When Macdonell buggered off,
And Miss Brooksy said 'gumption',
And Dawkins turned goth.

It wasn't that bad here,
Although I am glad to leave,
I'll still miss it alot,
Except from PE.

Have a nice day
Ross

Few things. Because of global warming this is the coldest September since god only knows when. Three times I have had to stand at that god forsaken bus stop in the freezing cold and three times I have said to myself that I'm going to stop leaving my TV standby overnight. So last night I turned it off at the plug because I was fed up of getting frostbite every morning. But this morning again the bitter chill of the greenhouse effect rushed down my neck so I've decided the man can shove global warming up his ass. I'll just mute my telly tonight.

--- So Gordon's decided to go against his campaign speech and not give us an EU referendum. What the hell is a referendum?

People complained when the Portugese police named Kate and Gerry McCann as official suspects in the Madeleine abduction case. Now I am not at all against Mr & Mrs McCann, particulary as they have now been cleared, but there are two things that annoy me.
1. The police cannot have done such a damn huge thing as name her PARENTS as suspects in Maddy's abduction if they did not have a strong lead.
2. How do people who complained know better than the police?
The second one was a rhetorical question because I know the answer. Truth is they didn't know better. They hoped.
Nearly everybody who read that Kate and Gerry McCann were suspects hoped deep down that they didn't do it. Nobody wants that to be the outcome. That will destroy peoples' hope in everything.
I respect that. And I hope the McCanns saw peoples' reactions to them being named suspects. Because then they will know the incredible support they have behind them in this horrible time.
And this is a fantastic example of Britain standing together to back something that needs backing. And if we can do this, we can do anything. Which leads me to my referendum point. If we all work together we can wipe that perverted smile off Gordo's face and get what WE want.

I'm not a religeous fellow. I don't pray, I don't own a bible and I steal. I believe the theory of evolution and I don't believe God built the world in six days. Only Ty Pennington could to that.

That's why I believe Al Gore and his scissor lift when he tells us that the world is over-heating. I came past Tewkesbury the other day on the way back from my holiday and immediately you know something is wrong. Partly because The Sun had told everyone all week but mainly because the atmosphere was just tense. One thing stood out to me though and I regret not having a camera on me at the time. There was a large banner on the church which read: 'Prey for the floods'. I remember laughing to myself as we drove by. Not because millions of people were devestated by flooding across the country, but because these people think that the lord will help them. If global warming isn't to blame, then it must be Mr God who gave us this downpour of C Diff filled water in the first place.

Seriously, you're better of calling on Noah or Pam An.

Saw the Simpsons Movie yesterday. It was hilarious at the beginning. And again at the end. And in the middle.

The human race is at it's peak. We are technologically advanced beyond imagination, the world has grown out to it's limit so we grow up. We have planes and we have skyscrapers and we have space travel. No other being on the planet could match us for adaptation to environment and be as advanced as us in so many ways. We have got this life thing covered. We can now get from London to Paris in an hour and travel higher than any bird, than any insect. We have gone where no living creature has gone before. Our intelligence is that of the universe itself. The human race has evolved into a super lifeform. And we are alone.

We spawn minds that no one thought could be as advanced as they are. We have people who are the smartest, the most academically advanced. Top of the top. Super humans, if you will. These minds work behind the scenes. There are many of these minds but there are few whose names we know and lives we follow. These people work behind the scenes and tell the big men of their intelligence, of their discoveries, their hypothoses. So they live their life as the background men, they don't exist.

These people have cracked whatever the area above the atmosphere is, have cracked weather and microbiology and chemistry. They said that space was the final frontier. But they were wrong.

See, space has been partially cracked. But when they do 'crack' space, which could be soon, there will still be other issues that need solving closer to home. There is no final frontier, only large frontiers. Obstacles in other words. I have comprimised a list, consisting of one. Women.

Women are the closest thing to the 'final frontier'. Once we conquer women, discover their secrets, then we have alot of everything sorted.

Women are the core of the earth, they populate the earth. Without them, Adam and Eve would be a gay couple. They are what makes us so strong as a species, they are what makes us so dominant on the planet, they are what makes dinner.

Einstein's theory of relativity would be no match to a study of the female mind. Man needs to know such important factors in life as what is the big attraction to George Clooney and what is in the bathroom that makes ladies spend weeks on end in there. How can cars not be classed as living things and why are rats horrible? Surely you can't think that flowery aprons are sexy and how can Barry Scott be annoying? Same goes to Michael Winner and what is with constant checking of texts - turn the phone on loud dear and you'll know. Ladies you have to understand that the government won't just fix the pothole and kicking your neighbours' dog is the answer to the issue of the football they won't give back. Titanic isn't sad and children are not a way to fix a relationship. Dogs don't smell and no I can't just get a goldfish because if I had anymore, mum, I'd have an AQUARIUM. Golf is a sport and apple-bobbing isn't. It is acceptable to shout at the man in Ikea when you're new kitchen turns out to be a sofa and The Bill isn't interesting and no it isn't realistic because the most the police ever have to deal with is a punch-up in a bar and a kicked dog due to football not give back incident. Same goes for Casualty and definately Midsomer Murders. Deal or no Deal isn't good evening television and eyeliner is no different to mascara. Kittens aren't cute and body hair is unattractive. Chanel and Tesco's own are made in the same factory, for argument's sake. Sat nav is better than your map reading skills, love, and lets just go without is the one thing you shouldn't say in the bedroom.

I do not understand how women can think these things. I could go on all night but the cat is scratching my ear. I will hire a scientist for as much money as you can buy a free sample with to do a study into this phenomenon we call women. But in the meantime, help me someone.

This week on the radio and in the papers we have been told how 15 British marines have been captured by Iranian troops because they 'trespassed' on 'their' territory.

What a load of !"£$%^&*. The satellite pictures released and shown to the Iranian government by Mr things can only get better clearly show that the marines were nowhere near Mr Ahmadinejad's territory.

If our fellow Brits even were over the Iranian border, they were causing no threat to anyone in Iran's safety, and what right do they have to kidnap our marines?

And a 26 year old mother who was captured was made to wear a Muslim scarf, praise her captors and lie that she and the 14 other Royal Navy captives were over Iranian borders. She even had to APOLOGISE for it all.
Well Mr lying Iranian president, let me ask you this - the next time you send soldiers to raid Scotland, and that's where they go, straight to John O'Groats, but Mr I won't negotiate with anyone Gerry Adams says your troops are in Irish waters, would you like it if he made them wear green hats with clovers on sing Lord of the Dance?

Oh and while we are on the subject, for the first time ever, Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams and DUP boss Rev. Ian 'NO' Paisley talked on Monday. They settled a £35bn deal to share power in Ireland. Of course Tony was behind this, so congratulations Mr Blair, you have added another country to your list of pointless money spenders. Next stop, France.

159,000 turkeys have been slaughtered at the Bernard Matthews plant in the last few weeks because a bloke says there has been an outbreak of bird flu in Suffolk.

183,803 cases of mad cow disease were reported in the last decade. Millions of cows were slaughtered, just 'to be safe'.

Now really. It's the same story with foot and mouth and even the plague.

I have two points to make about this.

1. Cows, sheep, birds – any animal that is at risk from an epidemic, we kill. It doesn't matter if a dog develops a rash or a rat's tail goes green, we will kill it. We will 'put it out of it's misery'.

   I developed a cold last week. I was really annoyed by it. I wanted to die or better still kill someone else. Had I been a warthog it would have all been fine and I would have gotten on with it. But Mr Blair says that murder is bad and that suicide is worse. Well Mr Blair, I say that killing hundreds of thousands of innocent animals is bad and allowing them to live to the point where they want to commit suicide is worse. I have started a new business. I call it the NHS-A. If you are interested, I will sell you the business for seven million and I will let you destroy it. You seem to be good at that. Maybe you could hire some Thai veterinarians and create a four year waiting list. Maybe hire those wonderful Wembley builders to build the surgery. Just a thought.

2. Secondly, Brits annoy me. Take the weather for instance. If it snows, we all have to stay indoors and only go out in emergencies. If we do go out we face harsh weather conditions that would be hard for even Ranulph Fiennes to tackle. We will need slicks on the cars and we should dress in 22 layers and bring hot soup in a thermos and a shovel. If it rains and there's wind at the same time, well it's the end of the world. It's the same with this disease thing. If you graze your knee you should be confined in a room for three days and all food will be handed to you by a man wearing a face mask and via a stick. And if a turkey or two die, kill 160 thousand just to be on the safe side.

Ladies and gentlemen I dropped an ice lolly on the M1 this morning, so be sure to bring extra supplies and drive no faster that 6mph. Passengers DON'T distract the driver at anytime and radios should be turned off except on the hour to hear the news so you can be sure to buy a helmet after you hear a satellite has crashed into Jupiter.

Can someone please tell me why, on any of god's great nine planets, when it snows, people have to turn into blithering idiots.
Now I am sitting here perfectly happily on my comfortable armchair in a warm house watching Carol Vordeman talking about why we should switch to First Plus. And I am not complaining that I am here and not sitting on a questionably sticky plastic chair at a table with a questionably sticky underbelly, listening to a balding old teacher talking about why limewater turns cloudy when subjected to carbon dioxide.
But this morning we switched on the radio to find out how many other schools were closed in the county, and Michelle somebody was saying that the government had issued a severe weather warning. And the DJs were saying how horrible the snow is. And how the top speed on the whole of the M1 this morning is 15mph.

Now I know nothing about politics and I know nothing about the person who runs the department that has the power to issue 'severe weather' warnings. But I can guess that he is a man who should have retired a long time ago. His name must be Clive or Kevin, and he wears green and red zig-zagged v-necks over a navy shirt. He wears a hearing aid - but not the new small ones - they are too loud and high tech and 'will break' all the time. Instead he wears the 1950s ones that make him look like a spy with a communication device that links back to the Russian Embassy in his ear. He wears grey and white pin-striped trousers with a brown belt and his shoes have soft sleeves inside covering the souls.
He lives in a bungalow in Cheshire with his partially deaf and partially sited wife - Janet - and he drives a Daewoo Matiz to the post office every Saturday morning. He NEVER drives to work as he doesn't move out of 2nd and is scared when lorries overtake him on the M17.
So his eldest son - Barty - drives him in every Monday morning, he gets home early Monday afternoon and that's his work done for the week.
He does his job by talking to a man who knows a lady who knows the BBC weather woman who doesn't wear a bra, and gets the latest weather updates from her. So when she says snow will be here on Thursday, he jumps in delight and issues one of his 'severe weather warnings'. He does not believe it is 'severe', as back in his day there was 6ft of snowfall in an hour. He only issues his warnings for two reasons - 1. He wants to keep his job as he didn't pay towards his pension earlier in his life, and 2. he won't need Bartholemew to pick him up, he can borrow one of Gordon's Jags and drive home, with no need to fear lorries going fast and him crashing when he goes over 28mph because the max speed will be15, give or take 5mph.
Look people, this man is cenile. This means he has Meals on Wheels and a pleasant young lady who calls him 'Mr S' visits him every Tuesday to make his bed and top up his medication.

Hi

Don't start I'm not in the mood : )
And me not being in the mood is a good mood to be in when I want to write a blog. It made sense in my head.

I'm not really that sorry that I haven't written in my blog for a while because no one will read it anyway.

Okay I was leaving a comment on my friend's MySpace or TheirSpace and thought of a good subject to write my new blog about!

So here is the top 5 things I want to do before I croak.

FIVE
I've always been a huge fan of car chases; Bullitt, Die Another Day, The Incredibles, well the third one hasn't got a car chase in but I like it anyway.
So the fifth thing I want to do before I get murdered by the pope is drive a large tanker over a ramp onto Number 10 Downing St. Not that I want Mr B to get hurt or anything. No, Gordon Brown will be in there then.

FOUR
I think every boy's dream is to set fire to alot of very expensive equiptment that doesn't belong to them. And I think that the only person in the world that can get away with it is Barney the Dinosaur, simply because EVERYBODY loves Barney. So at number four I want to burn Barney until he is a melted pile of laughing play-doh.

FREE
We've all seen Jordan on page 3 bearing her womanly features and now it's Keeley. Will this insanity go on any longer? I can't bear their stupidity! Nobody reads the papers anymore! If you really want to show off your 40DDs to the nation the only obvious way to do it is to purchase a large projector and shine a large picture of yourself on a tall building in Central London. So that's why my number three is to show my large manhood to the world. Not because I want to be a page 3 girl, but because I want to see the look on Her Majesty's face when she sees a fourteen year old's thingymabob separating hers and prince Charles' bedroom window. And now i feel is a good time to say to Charlie that you are in your 50s sir and you still live with your mother. I don't know why Camilla married you but I'm sure that isn't a turn on.

TOO
I want to borrow sixteen million quid off my mum with a slight intention of paying her back, just so I can go to the US of A and offer NASA a few bob to take me to the moon. Number two isn't to go into space, I don't care about that, it's just to prove that Neil Armstrong's shadows weren't due to bad camera quality.

ONE UNO UN WON
I know 'ooohh that's so mean Ross' could be quite fitting here, but, quick and painless, my numero un is to push a granny, preferably with a zimaframe, into a bush or large shrub. Yes ok it's not nice but they are living off poket money from Blair and spend it all on Werthers Original and The Sunday Telegraph.
You are all going to die soon so let me put you out of your misery before the Telegraph becomes a Tabloid.

Hello. Again.

Ok you have read part one of my New Year's special I pressume. If not get reading that first.

This then, is Part Two - 2007.

As before, I have split the blog into two parts, this time called part 2 1 and part 2 2. Hmmm. Ok easy enough. The first part is what I want from 2007 and what I am and am not looking forward to. The next bit is what I predict from 2007 using my cristal ball. I am mystic Ross if you like.

So then, here we go - part 2 1.

As far as I can remember, and the milennium aside, 2007 has been arguably the most eagerly awaited year since I was born. I don't know who has been spreading around that it will be a make or break year for the earth and the human race, and why it will be any different to any other year, but, according to them, there is no doubt, they sware on their sister's son's friend's dog's mum's owner's cat's second cousin's friend's neighbour's carer's best man's life that it will be huge.

Well it started off with a bang - a massive fireworks display, and a gallon of petrol dripped onto the mains fuse box in my garage, but it is just gonna get duller and duller.

As far as I know, there are no celebrity milestone anniversaries or birthdays, no big events, except of course my birthday, and no one is going to have any planned celebration of any sort all year. The only planned event that is potentially big is the queen's death, but I'll come back to that at a later time. It has nothing to do with me.

I am however looking forward to January 28th - when Richard Hammond returns to Top Gear.

And 27th - BB ends.

I want someone in the royal family to die so all the news is on that and I can get on with car robbery, and I want Gordon Brown to get shot, it riccochés off of him and kills John Prescott when he is on a high balcony making one of his speeches to the 14 residents of Little Erling. I then want him to fall off his balcony and kill the entire labour party except Tony Blair, so that when Mr Blair resigns in May or whatever we can all see the look on his face when he hands the top spot to David Cameron and the Torys.

And when 2008 is finaly upon us, I want to look back at 07 and think - 'god that was boring. I can't wait for 2009.'.

Part 2 2 - My predictions.

January

Celebrity Big Brother begins. Jade Goody goes into the house, and admits she thinks gorgonzola terrorises Japanese people. She wins Big Brother and is assasinated the night she leaves the house. Davina then tells that she is pregnant with her 41st baby. Tony Blair announces he is resigning early and Gordon Brown becomes PM.

February

Riots break out and Brown is forced to leave Number 10. Blair returns as permanent cabinet leader. Matt Lucas leaves his husband on Valentine's day, and announces he got confused and thought he was the straight one and David Walliams was the gay one. Walliams flees the country. Saddam Hussein's body is discovered outside the White House a week after the grave was dug up.

March

Scotland develops the SRA and fights to become a republic. British troops are called from Iraq and sent into Aberdeenshire. Tony Blair calls John Prescott fat in a press conference about the England - Scotland war. The first round of the Formula One season kicks off in Melbourne. No driver finishes due to a rogue scotsman blowing up the track.

April

After a 2 week trial the scotsman was found innocent - he was apparently looking for England. The Wembley Statium finish date is set to 2009.

Scotland is granted a split from the United Kingdom and work begins on a large canal across the England - Scottish border. Billy Connelly was threatened by Jimmy Carr after he made an Englishman Scotsman Irishman joke aimed at the English. Billy Connelly then protests that he is English and is allowed to live in the country. He and Carr make up.

May

Tony Blair resigns from Labour and becomes head of the Lib Dems. Ken Livingstone is for some reason made Prime Minister. He withdraws the council tax and instead orders a cartel on all Christmas tree retailers. Ebay becomes Treebay and is sold to Ikea. The country becomes in debt and Livingstone is forced to resign. The Treebay boss becomes the first Prime Minister to work souly over the internet.

June

Tony Blair gets sacked from his Liberal Democrats job after he was found molesting 12 year old boys. Elvis Presley is discovered alive and working in a chip shop in Bolton. He is immediately swamped by press and dies suddenly of a heart attack

Manchester Utd lose 11-2 to Coventry City and riots break out down the M1. A Tsunami devastated the good people of Fort William as a huge wave of Loch Ness water saturates the town. The Loch Ness Monster was confirmed as unreal and two men from Orkney's life work is ruined. the public are enrages as Chris Moyles is once again let off by the BBC, this time after he called 50 Cent a gollywog on Radio 1.

Paulla Radcliffe finishes the late starting marathon in 11 days after she got stuck behind 5 joggers dressed as the Jackson 5. Just as Tony Blair announces his return to the Prime Minister position after being cleared of all charges, the builders say a giant tomato came and destroyed the wembley stadium. Weird Al Yankovic reaches number 1 in the charts with his controversial Nelly Furtardo spoof Woman Beater.

In George Bush's memorial speech, he announces he is hiring the wembley builders to rebuild the Twin towers and the estimated finish date is set to 3070. Peugeot release theire new 907 which has aero dynamic roof features that are describes by Jeremy Clarkson as: 'Bunny Ears. The pink fluff makes it look even more rabbit-ish.'

Tony Blair announces that him and Cherie have decided to 'call it a day' on their marriage, and he says he cant go on as Prime Minister. David Cameron and the tories take over. Cameron enforces his 'hug a hoodie' programme and is fired from the Conservative party after 6000 more people were stabbed a week over a 2 week period. Tony Blair returns with new mail-order wife Sceljita Baloney from Bulgaria. Halloween night riots break out after the residents of Newcastle protest against eggs being thrown. One scouser has this to say: 'We can put up with the one or two a day we get every other day but I had 14 on the same window last night. That is not on.'

Fires break out over London a drunk Edwina Curry threw 68 hairspray bottles on her back garden bonfire. As soon as the news reaches Blair, he immediately resigns from Number 10 and Boris Johnson takes over. The fires get put out by acid rain blown over from Germany.

As Christmas approaches, world peace is declared and a skint Scotland regrets not enforcing laws and begs Boris to let them return to the UK. The Grand Scotland Canal is drained and filled. Boris gives Blair a large Christmas present - the position of Prime Minister. Blair accepts but says he is due to retire in May 2008. So expect to hear his excuse for leaving sometime next month.