Hello. Welcome to the 1st part of my 2 part blog special, celebrating the end of 2006 and dreading the start of 2007. It's just about new year's eve and I was thinking - what could my next blog be about? Before I write one of my ingenious blogs i think of three things. 1. What mood am I in - do I want my blog to be praising someone or something, or moaning about and insulting them. 2. What has happened recently - something that may have affected me either in a positive or negative way. 3. I need to be as insulting as possible. So i thought and i thought for a whole minute, and finally came up with this idea. So here it is - part 1 - What I liked, but more importantly what I didn't. As I couldn't find a way to categorise each part, I've just split them into two parts. So each of the two parts are split up into two parts. I call them Part 1 part 1, part 1 part 2, part 2 part 1, part 2 part 2. Cool. So here it is. Part 1 part 1. What I Liked about 2006. Each month, I spend the last night of that month lying in bed and picking out my personal highlight of each month. I already have picked out mine for this month, and it happened yesterday actually. The smart readers I have will notice that new year's eve is in December, as is Christmas, meaning my highlight of this month wasn't Christmas. This may have lead you to the conclusion that I am a Muslim. I'm not. I also am not a descendant of Ebeneezer Scrooge. As much as i like christmas, the hanging of the evil bastard that is Saddam Hussain beat Christmas to my top spot. Now, I'll admit that America has given the Earth SOME good things - the beach boys, the apple pie, the double whopper, the Ford GT, Elvis' blue suade shoes and Madonna (i think). But why it took them 24 years to sentence a mass murderer and 8 months to find him living in a hole, I don't know. There we go that is the only good thing i liked that i could think of. Part 1 part 2 What I disliked in 2006. To kick off, I'll start with Kate Moss. In December 2005, she admitted to taking cocaine. Throughout the 1st half of '06, she was in rehab. She recieved 86 business and advertising deals from various companies after she came out of rehabilitation. So I have a plan. If my job selling trips to the moon on the roadside goes down the hole, I will stand outside 10 Downing Street, spark up a spliff and tell Mr Blair to make me prime minister if I go into rehab. You never know. Jade Goody has also made my dislikes list. See my blog called 'The Loch Ness Monster is really a fat man SCUBA diving'. The terrible TV that started and  the good TV that ended. Dammit I miss David Gest

I dont wanna sound like I don't appreciate today's extremely advanced media...

There's alot of things I hate. I hate little people and traffic jams and Carol Thatcher and cats. I hate hairdressers and walnuts and people who drive BMWs. I even hate sand. But what I hate most of all, what annoys me, what drives me up the wall, onto the ceiling, and out the skylight is day-time TV.

I've never realised how bad it really is until last week. Last week I broke up from school for the Christmas holidays. For the first two or three days I was on the computer all day and night and that was fine. But I don't like chairs so all that time I was kneeling while I chatted on MSN and whatever. I kneel alot. Anyway my knees were so painful I decided to give the PC a rest for a week or so. Hence the reason I haven't written a blog in a while.

Now I live in a village about 5 miles away from all my friends. No offence but anyone in the village that would want to see me outside of school is gay. So what else was there to do but watch telly all day. And night. I was trapped. What crap. There was nothing on. I literally mean nothing. I might as well have been watching the snowy screen that comes up when you try to connect a PlayStation 2 to a 1992 Sanyo heap of crap from Fukuchiyama or somewhere from a weird place called Korea or something where there is no gravity and everyone has a tail. And they eat rhino tongue. And testacles.

There is a weird show called Trisha where a lot of crying people shout at each other while a woman with a microphone stands in the middle and occasionally adds useless points to the subject. You flick over to find the everlasting trail of finance and banking adverts that play from 10am till 3pm non-stop. From what I gather from them, if you are stuck on an island all you have to do is call an 0901 number at 50p a minute where the calls last on average 9 minutes and a sailor wearing cricket whites will drag you into his yaught called Ocean Finance if you swim 500 yards out to sea, and that if you go onto the More Than website your car will be saved from your dog pulling a crate of bricks off the garage roof into the bonnet. And that if you dont know which of them will happen to you, you only have to log onto confused.com and Confused does all the leg work.

Just.. why??

I'm not meaning to sound like a food critic...

If you know me, you'll know that I'm in year 10. If you know about schools you'll know that that's when GCSE's start. And if you know anything you'll know that GCSE's depend on my future.
You may however be surprised when I tell you that I really don't want to do well in my GCSE's. Not because I don't want my mum to use the phrase 'you did brilliantly in your exams don't waste it by not going to university!' but because I'm scared. I'm scared of my mum wanting to congratulating me. There are three ways she normally does this. No four;
1. She dotes upon me - she lavishes me with expensive gifts
2. She smothers me in love
3. She takes me to a Pizza Hut for a lovely meal
4. Heaven forbid, she takes me to McDonalds and buys me cheaper presents.

Now I'm not the kind of person to kick myself for missing out on something. I'm the kind of person who kicks the person next to him when he misses something. Therefore I am prepared to risk missing numbers 1, 2 & 3, and bad exam results, just to avoid the risk of the occurance of numero quatre.
I fear the man with the red nose and make up, who has to have his shoes specially made. I fear the man in the advert who yells 'THEY'RE BEHIND YOU!'. And I fear chewing into another cold, heart stopping chip, or as they call them 'fries', that consists of whatever the chip skin is and lard in the middle. No potato. Oh no. Probably the single worst experience of my life.

The burgers are packed with the 19 year old head chef on minimum wage's white heads. The chips, well I said. The salad alone contains 10 kilos of salt and white heads and the once in a lifetime McFlurries speak for themselves.

Horse seamen was found in a BigMac in Northampton and I found a tennis ball-sized peice of chewing gum under a table, with flies and ants all over it.

And the advertising. I mean come on. The adverts themselves are unbelievably annoying and if you so much as mutter the words Burger King they will 'remove you for disturbance'.

I've made my own new restaurant which will be bigger than McDonalds. It's called McRoss's and it can be found in any dumpster in your area today!

Don't mean to sound grumpy...
Jade Goody has a programme on Living TV playing at 8pm every Sunday night, called Jade's PA. Now I'm not very good at remembering abreviations (the only ones I can remember are MYOB and LMAO, MYOB being the only one that is said to me, (unless I'm talking to Ben, in which case it would be LMAO)), but i have been doing my research (I asked my mum) and have found that it stands for personal assistant.

Now, I can live with Tony Blair being prime minister, David Gest not winning I'm a Celebrity, Ben getting kicked off the X Factor, NASA suddenly forgetting how to put a man on the moon, Scottish people not realising that the Loch Ness monster is really Johnny Vegas SCUBA diving and only 2% of all the Earth's water being fresh and safe to drink, and 86% of all that fresh water being in the polar ice caps that are melting and turning into salt water; but why in the name of all that's holy does Jade Goody need a PA? She's not important, she has nothing to do ever and from what I can see she has done sweet Fanny Adams to this country. The only acceptable reason I can find for her having one is to teach her how to read and write, as she told a Sun reporter that the first letter of her name was 'g'. Yeah. And even if this is the reason, which we will find out on the next exciting and thrilling episode of Jade's PA, why waste an hour of a good space on a crappy channel to televise it, when I'm sure they could find some other crap to fill it with.

Don't mean to sound like a Scrooge...

December 8th and people should be starting to think about considering putting up their trees and lights in preparation for Christmas. Instead they are watching the news lady on TV warning us all not to have our lights on all night and not put them up until the official 1st day of xmas, which is December 12th, because of 'pollution', or whatever they can think of next. Pentapeptide gas in the air or something. Whilst watching the news they are smoking madly and drinking coffee after coffee with a light dose of chloroform to try and calm themselves down after receiving their ridiculously high electricity bill. This is because they have had their Christmas lights blaring on and on 24/7 since September 26th.

Now I don't mean to be a Scrooge, but why? If you're going to celebrate Christmas half a year earlier than necessary, do it inside your house and don't invite anyone in for a good 5 months. And to stop the polar bears from a summer of constant swimming, the Guzunga Bunga tree dying off and starving all the Shimbotimba Beetles, and that warty old FairTrade represenative woman going on about the hours of man-labour-for-little-pay going on in Azerbaijan - which I didn't know existed until her last speech - where they cut down pine trees and ship them to Britain, have a plastic tree with candles instead of twinkling lights. Oh and of course the workers at the World Bauble Processing HQ in Djibouti would appreciate you making your own this Christmas.

Don't mean to bring you down...

Hello
I have a thing
Yes, a thing
Why on god's great nine planets do people have to put deep meaninful sh*t on there blogs like

Everything Changes.. Some For Good, Some For Bad.
Most Things Are Perfect, Eh? Yer I Wish.
You Cant Judge A Book By Its Cover. Try Reading Them Once In A While, You Never Know You Might Grow To Like It.
Love Is One Of Those Things We Will All Get To Experience Once In A While, Don't Worry Your Time Will Come.
Don't Let Regrets Get In The Way Of Dreams.
Look Ahead And Not Back, You Can Change The Future But Not The Past.
When Someone Says They Love You, Only Say I Love You Back If You Really Mean It.
Every Dark Cloud Has A Sun Somewhere Behind It.
Nothing Was Made To Last Forever, Don't Get ure Hopes Up Too High On One Thing, They Might Just Crash Back Down On You.
Life Can Throw Some Real Shitters At You, What You Going To Do? I Suggest You Don't Give Up, Keep On Fighting.
I Love You. 3 Simple Words That Mean So Much.
Im Sorry. Im Not What You Asked For, You Deserve Better. Much Better.

It's rather annoying.
I have bad times in my life and I tell people but I don't go all emo and say stuff like life sucks. and then you die.
MySpace is ment to be HappySpace. Have a laugh. Piss about. Sooo many annoyin things on myspace

Postin bullitens that no1 reads

Spending three hours a night tarting up your profile that no one goes on

Writing a blog thats gonna be totaly ignored, so then you post a bulliten that no1 reads asking them to go on your profile that no1 goes on and giving them a clear link to your blog, that will be totally ignored.

MySpace is a place not only to be happy on but to meet new friends. I gave up tryin to do that a long time ago, and instead am meeting them in person and then giving them my MySpace and Microsoft Network Messenger Instant Messaging Service Email Address (MSN Address).

No way of advertising your space on the main site which is a pain in the backside.

Ah i don't know I just wanna have a moan. I'm on MySpace so im happy. Happy Happy Happy. Happy.

Recently...
So many things have happened recently. Makes you think... what would life be like on the moon? Heads exploding from pressure and peoples lungs emptying aside, the moon seems like a perfectly habitable place. There's no Michael Schumachers to upset you by not winning the championship, no chavs to break things, no little prats who butt into everything you do, there's nothing on the moon that is as bad as the very annoying little things that happen everyday here.

So now I have a new dream. My dream, like everyone else's is to live perfectly happily with no worries. And it seems the only feesible way of doing this that I can find is for all the nice people to live on the moon, leaving the nasty mean Hitlers back on earth. Maybe built some more carbon emmiting fossil fuel powered electricity plants before we go. Oh and bring all the earth's seals and whales to the moon to so they aren't so endangered anymore. Shame I'll be still on earth when it all happens...