From time to time people still message me about my blogs...
If ya read the dates on them, they're all from 2005-early 2007. Most are at least 2 years old.

Meaning, the shit posted in them has already happened. Any rants and raves are OLD NEWS. lol

I'll try to make it a point to start blogging on MySpace again. But for now, here's my blogger.com blog: http://chanelrene.blogspot.com/

Toodles!

We've broken up and I'm moving to Alaska!

hahahhahahahahaha just kidding!

We decided it would be pointless to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding.
I don't have a best female friend, so no maid of honor.
I don't have any close female friends, so no bridesmaids.
My mother embarrasses the crap out of me.
My father and I don't speak, so no one to give me away.
I'm too fucking fat to fit in the dress I want.

Blah blah blah blah...

What's the point?
We've decided to just plan a trip to Italy instead. We've been DYING to go... so why not!?

Don't worry! We're still together, we still love each other and all that good shit. Marriage is so overrated these days. A little piece of paper isn't going to change our level of committment to each other...
And I'm not gonna go into credit card debt just to plan a wedding to impress people I could care less about...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news...

We're moving July 1st! House shopping in the OC side of Corona and in Chino Hills! I'm gonna miss having a Huntington Beach locale, but we need more space! For what we pay for 2 bedrooms in the OC, we could get 4 bedrooms in the IE...ya know...

Plus, that puts me 30 miles closer to my homegirl Randi (who I miss dearly, I have no one to talk shit with! lol) and Charlie Girl (who I still haven't had a chance to spend much time with) and closer to my crazy family...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The baby is doing great! Princess Anabelle is 7 months old now. She crawls allll over the house, sits up on her own, and now she's standing up!!! I swear she'll be walking by 9 months like her big brother! lol
I'm working on updating her webpage... I'll post a link when I do!

That's all for now!

~Chanel

{sigh}

I find it very interesting how one can be out of the loop, out of the clubs, and out of the scene for almost a whole year...
And yet, my name still keeps coming outta the wrong bitches mouths.

Folks need to stop worrying about what the fuck I'm doing and worry about themselves. I am DRAMA-FREE. And I intend to keep it that way!

I don't care who's fighting with who.
I don't care who's fucking who.
I don't care who's starting this or opening that.
I don't care if you like me.
I don't care if you think I'm a snob. I am. I and I like it that way.

Do not bring your drama to my front door. You're liable to get slammed in the face.

And please... don't pretend to know me. If you have to QUESTION our friendship. We're probably not friends.

I don't need GROUPIES, so please feel free to DETACH YOUR LIPS FROM MY FUCKING ASS!

And while I'm ranting...
Quit telling people that I work for free. Cuz I don't.
I work HARD at what I do, my rates are what they are for a reason.
I don't work for $10 and I never will. You get what you pay for, and if you want CRAP, then bust out a $20 and hand it to the joke of a photographer standing next to you.

One more thing...
I don't give a shit if YOU don't like who I'm associated with!
I am a grown ass woman, I will talk to whoever the fuck I want to, and you can't do a damn thing about so whine to someone else.

People need to stop taking this Fattie shit so seriously!
Y'all complain about the skinny bitches of the world not accepting you, yet you spend soooo much fucking time NOT accepting each other. It's ridiculous!
Aint' NOBODY getting rich off being FAT, so get over it!

I can't believe all the bullshit I'm hearing from people I do know, people I don't know, and people I don't want to know.

I'm done for now...

The NINJA hath spoken....

word

PS: I'm in one of those moods today... I'll probably add to this!

If you read my last blog...you already know that I'm getting hitched!
If you didn't read it, well then your lame, but now you know. ;-)

After much deliberation, we've decided NOT to elope.
Nahid says she will murder me if I do! lol

So the date has been set for Feburary 10th 2007.
The day before our 6 year 'dating' anniversary. :-)

Friday we went to the mall to get my ring sized.
The ring he gave me when he proposed at Disneyland was sooo pretty! But he only bought it because he thought that's what *I* would like. He had actually found one that *he* liked better... so I wanted to see it!

Loved it! It's perfect! And I'm so glad he picked it!

It's exactly what I would have picked out for myself...

So, I'm a happy girl!
And the baby's so excited she can hardly sit stil! lol

Sooooo..........

Now it's time to plan a wedding!
YAY!

I don't want to do Vegas. That's so... passe' lol
And I don't want to get married in a Church!

Just something simple and pretty... preferrably outdoors.
Our budget isn't huge... so we're not going all extravagant and shit. Hell we've been together almost 6 years! lol I'm happy to even be gettin' married at all!  I'd rather spend the extra money on a trip to Italy or a cruise...

Anyway...
I've been looking at dresses, what do you think of these?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

Number 1 is my absolute favorite with number 9 a close second! :-)

I'll keep y'all updated on wedding plans as they come up!

I'm so excited!! Only 6 months till the big day! YAY!

~Chanel

So yesterday My Honey and I went to Disneyland for his 32nd birthday.

I woke up at 4am to feed the baby, and never got back to sleep... so needless to say, my ass was tired!
We had to drive all the way to San Bernardino to take the baby to my Mom's house, then all the way back to Anaheim...
By the time we got to Disneyland it was a little after 11am...

First off, it was HOT as FUCK!
Secondly, Space Mountain was closed and the ride attendents said it would be open around 6pm. (We asked at the main gates if it was open and they said yes!)
Third of all, they were out of those spray bottles with the fans!!
And lastly, it was fucking PACKED!

Pirates was a 120 minute wait.
Indiana Jones 60 minutes.
Toy Story 45 minutes.
Splash Mountain 75 minutes.
Thunder Mountain 40 minutes
Etc. etc...

I start to get grumpy REAL QUICK... I'm sweating to death, and of course, my dumbass wore GREY! ick! lol
We had only been there for 30 minutes, so we walk over to City Hall to see if we can get a refund.

The girl at the desk says 'no', of course...
She tells us that they have no control of the rides going down temporarily...blah blah.
So we go sit outside City Hall... and I'm getting bitchier and bitchier... but I feel really bad, cuz it's his birthday and he loves Disneyland so much, AND because he had made a reservation for the Blue Bayou Restaurant on the water of Pirates of the Carribean... he's been DYING to eat there! lol

After 15 minutes of sitting, sweating and swearing...lol He gets up and says, "stay here, I'll try to talk to a manager or something..."
Well, 10 minutes later and he still hadn't come back, so I was like, 'oh shit! he got mad and smacked a bitch and got detained!' I wait a lil while longer, then go in...

When I walk up to where he is at the counter, he's grinning ear to ear!
I'l like, 'umm... what's going on Honey?'
The lady at the counter says, "Your boyfriend tells me that you just had a baby and you're feeling a little overheated, and that you just wanna go home.."
I'm like, 'yeah, it's just too hot, too crowded, and Space Mountain is down...'
(Don's still beaming... lol)
She says, "well we're gonna help you out!"
So I'm thinking she meant she was gonna refund the our tickets so we could get the hell outta there and go see damn movie or something lol
(Don is sttiiilll smiling for some strange reason...)

Then she hands me a pink envelope...
I open it. It has Readmission Passes for Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain, Indiana Jones, and the Matterhorn. (Readmission passes are like FastPasses, except you can use them ANYTIME, you don't have to wait for the FastPass Return timeframes)
Then, there was 2 $10 food vouchers.
And a letter for VIP seating at Fantasmic!
But, the best part of it all was... They gave us 2 of those water misters!! Those things are like $20 each!! SCORE!!!!!

I was like, 'good lord! um ok... cool!'

So we stayed... lol

By this time it's about 12:15pm
Our reservation was for 6:40pm at the Blue Bayou Restaurant...
Space Mountain opened back up, so we went their first...
I got a little motion sick, but nothing major! ;-)
Then we headed to Pirates to check out the line... it wasn't as bad, and since it was the only major ride we didn't have a pass to, we decided to wait.

OMG! I love the new Jack Sparrow features! They made the dummies look soooooo much like Johhny Depp, it's crazy!! And as we came outta the ride, a Jack Sparrow character was out signing autographs! He looked just like Johhny, but not nearly as HOT! lol I tried to get a picture of him, but he was swarmed!

Anyway, because we had the passes, we just went to the front of the line for everything...
And OMG! I have never been so drenched on Splash Mountain in my life! I mean, COVERED with water! I was so soaked it looked like I had jumped in the damn river! lol I think that was Walt Disney's way of saying, "this is the happiest place on earth, bitch! Quit yer whining!" lol

We hit all the rides we wanted to by 4:30pm! lol
So we had to kill 2 hours... we just walked around through some of the shops... Found some ADORABLE Disney Princess stuff! I can't wait for my daughter to get older... ;-)

Finally, it's time to eat!
We get to the restaurant and they gave us a table for 2 by the water...
OMG, it was beatimus!! I've never eaten there, but I've always been jealous as I'm floating by in a pirate boat! lol

The menu was insane! $24-35 a plate! I was like, 'this food better be DAMN good! cuz I only pay that much for Crab Legs!' lol
He went with the Prime Rib, I went with the Short Ribs...

Before the server came and took our order, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and how sorry I was for being bitchy at the start of the day, and of course, wish him a Happy Birthday... {insert violins here}

Then he tells me he's sorry about everything that happened last year. (Around his birthday last year, we had some relationship issues...)
And that he wanted to make everything right.
He said that he was so happy that we now have a child together and everything feels almost perfect! awww...

Then he hands me a little white box with a pretty gold bow and says, "Honey, there's only one thing missing... Will you marry me?"

OMG!
WHAT!?
I mean, I felt like something was up... but then again, we've only talked about marriage casually... ya know... 'what if'..

If you know my boyfriend, you know that he isn't the most well-spoken person...lol So it all came out with his usually nervousness... but it was sooo sweet and soooo tender!

And of course, I said YES!!!!  Duh! lol

So I'm thinking... ok... a year or so down the road, we'll have enough money and I'll have lost enough weight, and we'll get married...

Oh no... he wants to ELOPE! Like within the next couple months!
I'm like! Um... ok!
(My boyfriend is a 'romantic'...so wanting to elope and not have a big wedding seemed out of character for him..)

But anyway....
Since he didn't ask me to marry him AFTER we ate, we got interrupted by the server to order our food... lol
That's my Don! lol

We talked more through dinner...
Just a bunch of sappy shit y'all don't want to hear...hehehe
I'm not sure of our plans just yet...
And it's weird... we've been together for nearly 5 and a half years...practically married except for the paperwork...lol
Yet, it's so different when it's actually going to HAPPEN! ya know...

So, yeah, Disneyland turned out to be not-so-bad after all...
It was worth the crankiness, the sweating to death, and the sore muscles... just to see the tears in his eyes when he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him... {swoon}

~~~

I forgot to mention...
As we left Disneyland, I wanted to back to City Hall to thank the lady who hooked us up VIP style! She was gone for the day, but we filled out a comment card...
Turns out, she gave us so much stuff, because my Honey told her about his proposal plans, so she needed to make me happy so we wouldn't just leave!

lol DAMN!
I feel so bad for being such a diva bitch!

He's so dang charming.... {sigh}

As you all know... I am a whore.
Er... a CELEBRITY WHORE that is!  ;-)
If you pay any attention to my blogs you've probably read of my encounters with a decent about of famous people...

I believe that celebrities are people too. They are entitled to make mistakes and have poor judgement, just like the rest of us common folk.
However, a line must be drawn somewhere.

I was viewing the online blog of a particular celeb today... Jeremy Jackson. In case you don't know who he is, he played David Hasselhof's son Hobie on Baywatch back in tha day...
Apparently, now that he's all grown up, sexy and cool, he decided to sport a mullet for a while... well. I'm sure he's aware that mullets are not only unattractive, they're just plain stupid. But in his own way, he pulls it off. Go Hobie!

Anyhow, he got some hate mail from some peeps about his hideous mullet and posted a link to the haters site in his blog.
One of his fans/friends/whatever decided she wanted to defend the honor of said mullet and she posted this, "Haha all those chicks are soo fat!!! You know it... Fat and sweaty, chewing on chicken bones alone in their rooms chatting on the internet with other sweaty fat virgins..."
Mind you, the girl is only 20... can't expect a whole lot outta 20 year olds these days...
(I dunno about you... but most normal humans [fat or not] don't chew on chicken bones. So that's just a damn retarded thing to say.)

Now, let me make it clear that I hold NO ill will against Jeremy Jackson, he can't control what his fans say, just like he has no control of what his naysayers have to say about him.
So this rant is not AGAINST Jeremy Jackson. He appears to be a cool cat and he's damn sexy! ;-)

No, no...
This rant is dedicated to ignorant folk who ALWAYS assume the worst of fat people. That includes celebrities and non-celebs alike...

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat.
If it wasn't for us fat lazy motherfuckers worshiping the red carpet that celebrities walk on, famous people would be out of a job!

It is the fat unattractive American that sits at home 7 days a week with their weekly lineup of 1-hour dramas, reality shows, and late night talk shows. It is the chubby shy girl who has formed a new religion by watching every single (moronic) episode of Laguna Beach, Desperate Housewives, Passions, Entertainment Tonight, the Real World, etc...

Pretty people don't sit at home watching T.V.
They're too busy being beautiful. Club hopping, liposuction, brazillian waxes, house parties, designer haircuts, shopping, gossiping, losing their sidekick, avoiding carbs, hitting the gym, looking down on others, and most importantly... trying to be more fabulous than the next bitch.

No, it's the loser with nothing else to do that keeps celebrities in the lives we all wish we had. The ugly people that idolize them and dream of being just like them. The fat people who would kill to fit into their tiny designer clothes.

So the next time one of you skinny mutherfuckers has something to say about fat people, try to take just a millisecond to THINK about what you're saying. I know it's hard, in that over tanned, over dyed, and over airbrushed lil head of yours... but try...

NOT all fat people just sit and eat all day.
NOT all fat people supersize their value meals.
NOT all fat people are virgins.. matter of fact, fat girls are freaks in bed, so I'm sure we're getting laid just as much, if not MORE than you!
NOT all fat people have a hard time breathing. Some of us are actually pretty damn athletic...yes, a-t-h-l-e-t-i-c!
NOT all fat people are slobs. Some of us actually give a damn about our appearance and make sure not to leave the house lookin busted!

Need I go on?

Don't get it twisted skinny people of the world.
Fat people are just as pretty, just as smart, just as rich, and just as fabulous as all of you. So move your narrow ass out tha way, cuz we need more room to get through! ha ha

The last time I went to a club was September 21st 2005.
The morning after I woke up puking my guts out...not because I had a hangover, but because I was 6 weeks pregnant!
As most of you know, the first 6 months of my pregnancy were horrendous! So, I didn't leave the house except for picking up my son and going to doctor's appointments.

Anyway... my point is...
The pregnancy is over.
The baby is here!
And I'm fully recovered!
I've got my 6-week check-up on Thursday...hopefully all goes well!

So, I'm back on the market!
The FRIEND market that is! lol
(I already got a man, and I'm not lookin'!)

Many thanks to all the people who have supported me over the past 10 months...I appreciate it!

And don't get me wrong. I love the friends I have, dearly...
But, I'm starting to think people have forgotten about me and moved on...So now it's time for me to move on.

I need to meet some new people!
Many of you I've never met, but we've chatted a lot over the past few months...well dang it, we need to meet! :-)

I'm the type of person that has many friends for different reasons.
You've got your "chill around the house friends".
You've got your "shopping buddy friends".
You've got your "don't bother getting dressed up, let's catch a flick friends".
You've got your "we can talk about anything, but we don't really meet up that often friends".
You've got your "sports buddy friends".
And you've got your "get dolled up and go clubbin friends".

Well, since I've been pregnant, sick, and busy with life... it seems as though some of my friends have disappeared. And that's cool. Shows how shitty of a friend they were to begin with.

So, now it's time to make new friends.

Here's what I'm looking for:
- People who play volleyball. I play league vball in Fountain Valley.
- People who have kids. I have 2 now, so I'm up for playdates...
- People who love to EAT! I'm a certified chef, I love cooking and trying out new restaurants.
- People who like to go to the movies. Sometimes it's nice to do something that doesn't require getting dressed up.
- People that like to just have get-togethers at the house; BBQ, swimming, a lil liquor, etc.
- People that like to go to the club occasionally, but don't spend their life there. I don't have time for that shit anymore.
- People who are honest, say what's on their mind, and don't follow the crowd just to say they did.
- People who are into the performing arts; plays, musicals, opera, ballet, even karaoke
- People who are comfortable wearing jeans and a t-shirt with tennies to the mall, without wearing a ton of make-up.

The list could go on forever...

I don't want ass kissers...
I don't want girls that are just trying to get free photos...
I don't want bitches trying to fuck my man...
I don't want dudes trying to get laid...

I'm re-evaluating my life and the people in it.

I'm sick of the drama, bullshit, and backstabbing...
I'm getting too old and too busy to be a club whore anymore.
I'm getting married, I've got 2 kids, and I'm starting school again in the fall.
It's time for a change!

So...as I said, I'm back on the market. I'm fully recovered and ready to have a social life again.
Don't hesitate to email or call me if you want to hang out.

I'm not as big of a bitch as people would like to think... lol So don't be skerred...

~Chanel

ps: You don't have to be a fattie to be my friend...
My life doesn't revolve around the size of my ass.

Thursday, June 1st 2006
1pm-5pm

I got back to the hospital at noon, get all checked in and prepped for the inducement. I'm not nervous at all, I just want to get things rolling!
By 1pm, the IV's are in and the Picotocin is flowing...

I'm doing fine, mild contractions, nothing major...
Don gets to the hospital about 3:30pm. By this time, the contractions have gotten strong enough that I need some pain meds... I get a dose of Nubane in the IV... then I'm feeling fine.

5pm-8pm

Around 6:00pm, the Nubane wears off... the contractions are strong but not unbearable... the doctor comes in and tells me that I can either get another dose of the pain killer or I can just go ahead and get the epidural going...
I think it's a bit early, considering I'm only 4 centimeters dialated...
But, then again, I can barely sit still with the contractions that I had right then, so I figured, I better get the epidural now, before I can't sit still at all! (If I squirm too much, I might end up paralized! yikes!)

If you've never had an epidural you don't know just how creepy it is!
A regional anesthetic (painkiller) is used during labor. By the use of a needle, a catheter (a narrow flexible tube) is inserted, through which anesthesia is injected into the outer lining of the spinal cord (epidural space). Eliminating the sensation of pain in the abdominal, genital and pelvic areas. Enabling the woman to save her strength for pushing. It can numb the lower body entirely, so she's unable to feel contractions when it is time to push out the baby.

The anesthesiologist was this 5'5" old ass asian man... Dr. Pham. He was nice, but not gentle... neither was my asian nurse, Kathy. Maybe it was the language barrier, but whenever I told them that I couldn't bend my fucking wrist, they insisted on pushing on it anyway to keep me in the fetal position. {ouch!}
It took 15 minutes to get the damn thing in! All the while the contractions are getting stronger, so I'm having a damn hard time keeping still through the pain!! (If you don't sit still, the anesthesiologist could potentionally paralize you! yikes!)

Thirty minutes later...RELIEF! My legs went numb... and I mean NUMB! It's hard to describe the sensation... They felt like jelly! Kinda warm and dull...

8pm-10pm

Don keeps track of my contractions on the LCD monitor, he's totally enjoying tracking the algorithms...typical engineer that he is! lol

For 2 solid hours, I'm doing pretty good! A little pressure in the abdomen from contractions, but nothing major...

10pm-3am

I don't know if any of you have ever given birth without an epidural, but around 10:30pm, I thought I was going to have to!

All of a sudden, I felt tremendous pain in my lower left abdomen! The anesthesiologist came in and gave me another dose of whatever the painkiller is that they put in epidurals...
Dr. Pham calls it 'Liquid Ice' because once it goes in the catheter in your back, if feels like a stream of ice running down your spine! Very creepy!

15 minutes later... still no relief!
OMG! The pain just becomes more and more intense...
To the point of needing to SCREAM!

That's when I lost it! I'm freaking out! 'Why is the epidural NOT working?!?'

The anesthesiologist tells me he will redo the epidural! I tell him, "fuck no!"
There is no way in HELL I could possible lay still with the severity of the contractions going on.

So Dr. Pham, the 5 foot tall, 60 year old, Asian anesthesiologist says, "Yoo too biiig!"
Um... nigga say what?
"Yoo too heavy..."
Am I hearing this? He's telling me that I'm TOO FAT!? WTF?!

Don starts to get pissed... he asks him what he's talking about. The doctor says that because I'm so overweight I have "two hemispheres".
OMG! Am I that fucking HUGE!? Jeezus Christ!
So, I've got two hemispheres, the edpirdural medication is having a hard time circulating evenly.

So for the next 4 fucking hours...
I am in nearly unbearable pain!
Don't get me wrong, women all over the world have babies WITHOUT any pain medication... but, *I* have not! Therefore, the pain is nearly unbearable!

It was so bad I didn't even cry, not a single tear.
Then I started shivering, severe convulsion-like shivering, in between every contraction.

Eventually, the baby is lacking oxygen, so they hook me up with an oxygen mask. After that, I can't really remember what the pain felt like. Don says I was mumbling some strange stuff, and my eyes kept rolling around... 'some crazy excorsist type shit' lol

Around 2:00, we have an epiphany!
Well, duh..... the logical thing to do, since I'm such a fat fucking cow, is to switch back and forth from laying on my left and right sides every 15 minutes so that the medicine can distribute evenly.

So that's what I do...back and forth, back and forth...
Although, the nurse keeps yelling at me, she says the baby doesn't get enough oxygen when I lay on my right side...

FINALLY! No mutherfucking pain!

GEE... TOOK LONG ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUCK! lol

I finally fall asleep at 3am. f i n a l l y

At 4:30am I hear voices...
I open my eyes a bit and see 6 people standing in front of me... I also see that the white flourecent lights are off, and the delivery spotlights are on.

My doctor says, "wake up hon...I see the head, it's time to push...."
Um... my first thought is, 'what time is it?'
My second thought is, 'why the fuck are my legs wide open and where did these people come from?'
I honestly thought I was dreaming... so I closed my eyes and went back to sleep...

Then I feel someone grab my leg and shove it towards my chest! WTF!?
It was a nurse... "Let's push!", she says...

Because the epidural had finally worked, I couldn't feel the contractions, not at all!
Which means, I didn't know WHEN to push...

So Don gets right up in my face (because he was too scared to look at what was going on in my nether region! lol) and starts coaching me...

"1-2-3! Puuuuush!"

Well, 6 contractions and 24 minutes later...
Anabelle graced us with her presence!

Matter of fact, I was so numb...I didn't even know she was OUT till her lil legs hit the bed! lmao!
Wierd!  I was sooooo sleepy through the whole thing!

I asked the doctor, "Is it a girl!? Is she here?"
As soon as she said yes and yes... I burst into tears...

And that was it.
She was born on June 2nd @ 4:54 am.
7lbs 12oz and 21in long.
And of course, absolutely adorable!

They swooped her up and started sucking all the yuckies out! The umbiblical cord was wrapped around her neck while I was pushing, so the nurses were taking extra care of her!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So that's it!

Sorry it took me so long to post this...
The last 5 weeks have been insane!!!!!!!!

I figured by now, I'd be blogging about the new baby...

Apparently, the lil squirt likes my stomach so much, she's hung curtains and planted flowers! lol

So... here is my saga from the weekend.... YES.... it continues... {sigh} I know I know...

Went to the ER again on Sunday... My right hand swelled up again and my wrist was in agony... I go in, the ER nurse takes my BP... 147/80!
So she sends me to L&D... I'm like.... 'nooooooo they hate me!' I'm not in labor, my fucking WRIST hurts!!
I thought it might be a sprain or carpal tunnel... So, I go to L&D... they monitor me for an hour... nothing...
As they release me, I say, thanks I'm heading back to the ER for my wrist... The fucking OB nurse literally tries to TALK ME OUT OF IT!
I'm like, huh? why?
"Oh, I talked to your doctor he says its probably Carpal Tunnel... It'll go away after the baby, nothing you can do now, just go home..." I said, fine. ok
Then I take myself back to the ER lol  I'm not as dumb as she looked! ;-)

Turns out, it's NOT carpal tunnel! It's tenosynovitis! De Quervain Tenosynovitis of the Wrist, to be exact...Which is like, totally different I guess...

What is Tendon Sheath Inflammation ?

The tendons are the sinews which join the muscle to the bone, so that when the muscle contracts the bone on the other side of the joint will move. Tendons are often surrounded by a thin sheath. Tenosynovitis occurs when this sheath becomes swollen and inflamed. This produces pain and swelling over the tendon which is made worse by moving the joint over which the tendon runs. As the tendon moves backwards andf orwards in its inflamed sheath, it may produce a crackling sensation called crepitus. This can be felt or even heard in the wrist, hand and foot, the most common places where people get tenosynovitis.

How does Tendon Sheath Inflammation occur ?

It is usually the result of rapidly repeated movements. For some reason it is more common in pregnancy and in patients who also have rheumatoid arthritis.

The ER doc said that  in my case the tendon that attaches my thumb to my wrist is slowly seperating due to the severe swelling and inflammation underneath it!
So take THAT L&D bitches! The ER doc said that if I hadn't come back, I would have never known, and probably would have tore the damn tendon at some point, requiring surgery... so much for just going away after pregnancy. So I'm in a freaking CAST! lol WHAT NEXT!?? I bullet wound to the head?

I bet the Labor and Delivery nurse will tell me that bullet wounds to the head are also COMMON DURING PREGNANCY! fucking cunt!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So, Monday...
We go visit my mom in Moreno Valley... we were going to pick up my lil boy, but decided to just let him stay with her for the rest of the week... just in case the baby does come or the doctor induces me on Thursday...
I know my girl Nahid, would have watched him last week... But since we're overdue, this weekend is her big ass birthday party... therefore, she will be drunk off her ass... er... I mean... indisposed! hehehe

Anyway... everything is cool... we go swimming (well, I just stick my fat swollen feet in), we BBQ and we chill till about 6pm.

Don and I head back home and as soon as I walk in the door.
BOOM! Excruciating pain in my stomach!

omg omg omg! What the fuck was that!?
I can barely stand....
Then...BOOM! Excruciating pain in my ASS!

It literally felt like thunder and lighting in my lower region! omg!!!

So.... I try to go to the potty... lol
no luck there.

Can you say enema? hehehehe

Okay, so this is all too much information...
But dammit, I'm writing a book on the Pitfalls of Pregnancy! lol

Still... nothing... N O T H I N G...
So for 3 days, I haven't been able to go!!
The books say at the end of pregnancy you'll have a flood of diareaha! THE BOOKS LIED! dammit!

Obviously, it's all catching up now! lol
So for 3 hours, I cry... moan, scream, cuss, and scare the crap outta Don.
At which point is gets PISSED!
"That's it, let's go! I'm sick of them telling you everything is just part of pregnancy and sending you home!", he says.

So, at 9, we go back to the ER. Oh boy, do they love ME! lol

They send us to Labor and Delivery...which is fine THIS time...
Oh look... a totally different staff this evening... GOOD! :-)

I start telling the nurse the problem...all the problems... ALLLLLL the problems! And she actually listens and tries to give me REAL answers. Geez! Finally!

I started having some steady contractions... but the nurse said they were probably due to the severe constipation. Grrrreat... still no labor!

She leaves and comes back with a huge Irish lady! oh lord!
They tell me they're going to give me a 'different kind of enema'... I'm like... How many kinds are there! lmao!

"Well, this one is made of oil, it's stronger and it will stay in your system a little longer..."

OH. It's like THAT, huh? {sigh}
Bring it on!

I knew there was a reason I didn't like Anal Sex.... yah... it hurt like a motherfucker! BRICKS AND RAZORS in my ass!!!

Then for the next 30 minutes, my stomach started talking to me...gurgling so much that it was registering on the ultrasound monitors! lol jeez....

Finally... it hit! f i n a l l y . . .

Let's just say, I LIT UP THAT BATHROOM!!
Okay, so here's the gross part.... beware...

When I looked in the toilet... there were huge OIL BUBBLES! lol
Like Italian salad dressing!    

EWWWWWWW!! what the fuck!? lol

Anyway... I got it all out, and that's the important part.

We ended up at the hospital for a few more hours hoping the contractions would become more steady and strong... No such luck!

We go home... and BOY, do I need a fucking shower! Poor Don! lol

Allllll night long... my stomach grumbles....
Allllll night long... I'm farting.

OIL!!!!!!

{sigh}

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tuesday...
I'm feeling fine today. No aches, no pains except for my wrist. No constipation, no contractions, no nothing.

Just bubble guts and farting oil!
Thank GOD for panty liners and baby wipes!

sooooo gross....

Glad I shared tho... feel free to laugh!

I'm gonna write a book and send it to all the little 15 year old MySpace sluts... consider it BIRTH CONTROL!

~Chanel

Could my life get any stranger?
Wait... don't answer THAT!

So... yesterday after I blogged, I headed to Moreno Valley to drop my son off at my mom's house for the weekend.

Well, I had to stop by Don's work to pick him up and we were gonna jump on the toll roads from there. We pulled up and I had my son run in to get him... I turned the car off and sat for a second, then I realized I needed some scissors to fix a snag on my new purse...

So, I get outta the car, take about 10 steps towards the entrance of his building...and click the automatic lock on my keychain...
I didn't HEAR it lock, so I turned around to click again and watch the tail lights flash...

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

The car was rolling into the fucking street!

My first thought was to yell for Don, KNOWING he couldn't possibly hear me...So I RAN!

Yessss............

I RAN!
I ran towards the car, and actually CAUGHT UP with it just before it went into the street...

BUT!

When I pulled the handle on the door, it was LOCKED!
I jerked it so hard I pulled myself forward into the car!

BAM!

My stomach slammed into the side of car...

t h e n . . .

{sigh}

Then....

My fucking pants fell down to my knees!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what did I do?

I let the car fucking roll into the street!

Whatchu think? lol

I pull my pants up as fast as I can, but just in that split second pause to pull my pants up, the car nearly rolls over my fucking FOOT!!
I jump back...then run back to the main door, just as I open it and start to yell for Don, he's running past me...

BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elbows me right in the lower belly! OWW FUCKING OWWW!

By the time he made it to the car, it had already stopped JUST before the curb across the street!
But, a semi was barreling down the street just as he ran into it.
I stood at the door, holding my pants up (the drawstring broke) and staring in udder HORROR as the semi truck stops jussssst as he leaps past it!

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

I turn behind me and the people in his office are all staring and gasping....
I take a couple steps towards the reception desk, then I just collapse!

My son runs over and is asking if I'm okay, and what happened, and why did my pants fall down... lol

By this time, I can't even breathe. So I just sit.

Then I see the car going in REVERSE back into the parking lot!
I swore to GOD I was losing it!
I'm like OMG!! It's rolling again!!!!!

lmao!

{sigh} I'm an idiot.

I couldn't figure out how Don KNEW to run out...
Since there is no way he could have actually SEEN what was happening...
Then one of the girls at his work tells me that SHE saw the car roll and yelled to him about it...
Of course, him being the dense person that he is, he thought she was JOKING! Then she tells him that my PANTS had fallen down...
So he ran out...

{once again... sigh}

Not only did this girl see... the receptionist saw... and 3 people leaving for the day saw...

THEY ALL SAW MY BIG FAT ASS!
In HUGE WHITE UNDERWEAR!

I was mortified for the rest of the day!!!!!!
And, to top if off... my stomach was in MAJOR pain!!

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

So... we leave. The drive to my mom's is 60 miles. It took us an hour and 45 minutes.
When we got there, I open the door to get outta the car...
In one solid movement I lean to get out.

OWWWWUUUUCH!!

I don't know what I did, but it hurt!
I couldn't get out and when they got me out, I couldn't stand up straight!
OMG! Whatever it was it hurt!! Badly!

It felt like someone had kicked me in my pelvis with a steel toe boot!
Yes... that bad!

So, we stay at my mom's for a bit... she's all pissed at me for chasing a car...
My son is bouncing off the walls from the long drive...
And my dumbass brother keeps trying to converse with me (we don't get along...
While, *I* just want to leave... my stomach hurts, my ass hurts, my feet are even more swollen, and my coochie is aching! Plus, I'm fucking STARVING!

We leave... go to a Mexican restaurant (Siquios, which was nasty)...
I figured, lemme get some food in me and I'll feel better and sleep on the long drive home.

Oh no.... couldn't be THAT simple.
I couldn't even stand UP from my chair. Soooo embarassing...
AND... and... AND!! I forgot my fucking drawstring was broken, so when my boyfriend managed to help me up, my fucking pants slipped again! lol
Luckily, not down toooooo far! lol

THAT IS IT! lol I've had it!

Again.... we leave.
After an excruciating drive home (my boyfriend is a shitty driver!)...
We get home and I waddle half bent over into the house, straight to the bathroom...

Um.... "honey! I'm bleeding..."

FUCK!!!

Once again... we leave.... hospital checks me out, monitors the baby, everything is fine... sends me home.

Around 4:00am, I roll over in bed and I feel something POP in my cooter area...
BACK TO THE HOSPITAL!

The nurse checks my cervix to see if I've dialated some more...
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Boy did that hurt!

Finally, we all come to the conclusion that my doctor BRUISED my pelvic wall when he FISTED ME (er, I mean.... CHECKED MY CERVIX) earlier that morning.

They gave me a shot in my ass cheek called Nubane...

{sigh}

Finally........
Some fucking relief!
We both slept at the hospital till about 8 this morning...
It was the BEST sleep I've gotten in nearly a month! lol
Came home and slept some more...

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

Today, I can barely walk....

I think I just need to stop leaving the house...lol  It's getting too dangerous out there for this fat pregnant lady...

~Chanel