"Sometimes, you don't have to give people an explanation. Sometimes you have to just sit back and listen and not say much. I've tried that, but boy is it hard. It's an awful hard thing to do."

My gram and I had a nice talk tonight. She was supposed to have surgery this morning, but they couldn't go through with the procedure. Her heart wouldn't have been able to handle it. She and I talked about a lot of things this evening. And she offered a lot of really good advice. Somehow we got talking politics and that's where the above quote came in. There's some candidate my gram thinks does a good job of listening, and he has gained her respect.

I've actually thought about this a lot, and that's something I've been trying very hard to do: just sit back and listen. I've found it's a lot easier in larger groups of people. There are plenty of others to carry on the conversation. But, I like to talk! If you get me started, I could probably talk your ear off. And that's not a quality in myself I like too much. I think sometimes there is a place for that. But the more I listen, the more I've found I like to listen a whole lot more than I like to talk. But when I'm nervous, or panicky, or REALLY excited, my mouth just runs without my consent. If you've been a victim of my never-ending chatter: I apologize. =)

So if you ever need a listening ear, I've got two of them. And I need lots of practice, so I'm ready and willing, whenever you need someone to listen.

So it started raining as we packed up from Mariah's wedding reception. Seeing her get married made me feel really grown up. Here was one of my best friends...getting married...something I'll be doing in a few years. Anyway, it was raining really hard on the way home and I popped in a death cab cd. I love listening to death cab or bright eyes when it rains.

I guess I just really felt connected to that line. "Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole" I am moving across the continent and five freaking hours by plane into the ocean. A long way from home. And I won't be home for six months. Now, my parents raised me to be alright on my own, and I will be. But I will really miss my friends. More than I think I can comprehend right now. It hasn't all hit me at once, but a drip of sadness at a time. This morning I had lunch with Kallen. I will not see her again until December. And as I hugged and kissed Severie on the cheek as she hugged and kissed my neck, I tried not to cry. I will not see her until December. The time will go quickly, but people change, and we're going to change away from one another.

That's what scares me. I know I'll never stop loving the wonderful people around me....and I hope they never stop loving me, but we're all changing and growing up. Turning 18 and graduating high school is a turning point. I'm still young, but the relationships I've had until this point will never be the same from this point. Papa Orngard and I talked about this tonight at the wedding. We don't lose what we've had, but it expands. The feelings we had before won't continue, but we don't lose it. The memories will remain, but we will change and grow and expand, and hopefully the relationships will expand as well.

I'm just sad that I know I'll lose touch with a lot of people, and I won't get to see them grow up and grow old. I know there are a lot of people I'll never see married or with kids or all wrinkley. And that makes me sad, because I want to see it all happen, and see the change.

I just hope my dearest friends will stick with me. I know come December we'll all be different, but I'll still love you crazy.

"Home is where the heart is
Where ever you may be
There'll always be a home for you
Here inside of me"

I walked across the street to my grandmothers and everything looked...so real. I felt the gravel beneath my toes and the sun's warmth melted into my back. The trees and houses and clouds all had this incredible depth, and I remember it's all real.

I mean, how often do we actually realize the world. To both comprehend and to bring into reality our own existence and the existence of the world around us. That bush to my left wasn't here a few months ago and will cease to be here in a few months more. It will die. The people in the houses will grow up and grow old. I will too.

I think in our day to day lives we take most everything for granted. That tree out my window is alive. And so is that hummingbird out back and the fields on all sides. And there are more trees and birds and fields and people outside of my town and my state and my country. Earth is living, breathing, and real.

Right now:

* My swelling has gone down. That's exciting. I can close my mouth and I know longer have cheeks the size of Kansas. However, the bruising is going all technicolor on me.

* I just helped my dad build a fence.

* I love staying at Kara's house. I drooled on her pillow. But we stayed up late talking about EVERYTHING and it was fun.

* Dance was kinda lame. Lots of young kids. I didn't really know anyone. I definitely felt too old.

* Went to Emily's last night --- cutest babies ever! And I hadn't seen Emily since November or so. Nice time.

* David invited me to go to John Mayer with him. Cool.

* I feel like reading and lying in the sun. Too bad it's cloudy!

* Becca cracks me up with her silly faces and voices.

* I want to go to Adventureland before I leave for BYUH. I've always been terrified of roller coasters, but I'm feeling brave. Someone come with me?

* I love "Misery Business"

* Road trip soon! Two of them actually! I need to burn some road trip cds.

* Still trying to get my photos and such off of this computer onto my lap top. I always thought it was lab top, but I suppose lap top makes more sense.

* I feel like watching Rent. (Emily, Parker, remember when we went together?! And held hands and cried and then got hot cocoa and played with those snowmen?)

* When I helped my dad build the fence, well, tighten some bolts on the face, I put my knees in the dirt. And it smelled nice outside. And it reminded me of when Austin and I gardened at his grandmother's.

* I slept in the past couple days. Boy, that felt good.

* Jacob moved.

* I still have my flag and flag uniform. I forgot to turn them back into school. Oops. And I still have a book Mr. Dutcher loaned me. Is he moving? Or living here but working elsewhere?

* I want to picnic. I want to full out picnic with a blanket and a basket and sandwiches and lemonade and everything.

* I think I'll take a nap today.

Emily told this story today in church, and it really hit me. It's a little long, but worth reading. I looked it up and I can't find an author. The details are tweaked depending on which religion is telling, but either way, this is worth reading.

There was a boy by the name of Steve who was attending Seminary in Utah.

In this Seminary classes are held during school hours. Brother Christianson taught Seminary at this particular school. He had an open-door policy and would take in any student that had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went into Brother Christianson's Seminary class.

Steve was told that he could not be late, so he arrived just seconds before the bell rang and he would sit in the very back of the room. He would also be the first to leave after the class was over.

One day, Brother Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Bro. Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, "You think you're pretty tough, don't you?"

Steve's answer was, "Yeah, I do."

Then Brother Christianson asked, "How many push-ups can you do?"

Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

"200? That's pretty good, Steve," Brother Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?"

Steve replied, "I don't know... I've never done 300 at a time."

"Do you think you could?" Again asked Brother Christianson.

"Well, I can try," said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I need you to do 300 in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," Brother Christianson said. Steve said, "Well... I think I can... yeah, I can do it."

Brother Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, Brother Christianson pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited-it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend.

Bro. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want a donut?"

Cynthia said, "Yes."

Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"

Steve said, "Sure," and jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Bro. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Bro. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe do you want a donut?"

Joe said, "Yes." Bro. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut.

And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, till Bro.

Christianson came to Scott.

Scott was captain of the football team and center of the basketball team.

He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When Bro.

Christianson asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"

Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own pushups?"

Bro. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them."

Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?"

Steve started to do ten pushups. Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"

Bro. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Bro. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Bro. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?"

Jenny said, "No."

Then Bro. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten, Jenny got a donut.

By now, the students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve was also having to really put forth a lot of effort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Bro. Christianson asked Robert to watch Steve to make sure he did ten pushups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. So Robert began to watch Steve closely. Bro. Christianson started down the fourth row.

During his class, however, some students had wandered in and sat along the heaters along the sides of the room. When Bro. Christianson realized this; he did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Bro. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Bro. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"

Bro. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your pushups. You can do them any way that you want." And Bro. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!"

Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."

Bro. Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him."

Steve said, "Yes, let him come in."

Bro. Christianson said, "Okay, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"

"Yes."

"Steve, will you do ten pushups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Bro. Christianson finished the fourth row, then started on those seated on the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each pushup in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was not a dry eye in the room. The very last two girls in the room were cheerleaders and very popular. Bro. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?

Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

Bro. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?"

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda. Then Bro. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, asked, "Bro. Christianson , can I help him?"

Bro. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, he has to do it alone, Steve, would you do ten pushups so Susan can have a donut?"

As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Brother Christianson turned to the room and said. "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, "Into thy hands I commend my spirit." With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he collapsed on the cross and died. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten."

So, I've always wanted to go to a BYU. But, there were a lot of other schools I had my eye on, just in case. I had gotten a crapload from USC and I looked into that a bit. Something from NYU came about every week and I wanted to apply there. Tisch sent me an app and I just wanted to do it! But ma didn't want to pay application fees for a school I probably wouldn't go to. I got stuff from Sarah Lawrence, too. I guess I just had all these big dreams.

As fun as those dreams were, I already knew what would be best for me and where I'd probably be happiest. My church is most important in my life. That's where I'm happiest. So, that's of course where I want to put myself. So I applied to BYU and BYU-Hawaii. I went out there a couple summers ago with Breena and Brandi. I fell in love.

I was really nervous. I figured I'd get into BYU. (I mean, I went to Y Weekend which was basically orientation...I have my student ID card.) BYU-Hawaii scared me a little though. Half of the students are international, and of kids entering as college freshman from the US, there were only about 365 spots. Yeah. Definitely more than a little scared.

But I guess that's where the Lord wants me. Cause I got in. And I am so incredibly excited. It'll be exciting. I love my major and the classes I can take and I look forward to internships available later. I love theatre and english and books and writing, but International Cultural Studies is for me. I'll take the Communications route and study culture and social issues...and I'll still take Performance Studies! I also plan to be active in their choir and theatre department, which will help with scholarships. Paying for school will be interesting. At BYU my school would be paid for, but the same scholarships aren't available at BYUH. We'll figure it out somehow.

Anyway, I move out in June. Aloha! (not hello, or goodbye, but love. Aloha au ia'oe. I love you.)

So I've been thinking about my oats. I have to have oats somewhere.

Have you seen my oats?

I want my fetching oats.

You see, I wanna learn how to shake my oats, so when someone finally sees my oats, it won't freak me out. I'm not used to havin someone come after the oats. In fact, I don't even know how to use my oats.

Maybe I don't have any after all. Maybe, I'm shaking some...peas or something. No one likes peas. And they smell bad. I mean, I don't smell bad. I'm just not shaking the oats right. Because they're peas.

But, seriously, help me out here. You have oats. I know you have oats. How do you shake 'em? Maybe you could give me a few pointers.

Well, as soon as I get rid of the peas and find me some oats...I'm gonna be shaking them. You'd better bet I'd shake my oats.

Watch out, world. e.d's shaking oats!

Yesterday I woke up feeling like cool rain and warm sunshine.

I walked outside and basked in the feeling of being alive. Beneath my feet the earth turned and churned. But my feet stayed planted and I moved with nature. Soon the soil gave birth and life sprung up all around me, entangling me in its goodness. And still I stood planted. I closed my eyes and hummed with the heavens as I became a part of the sun and the rain.

So Saturday we had a meet. We walk in the doors a little after seven. I see a scrawny guy with red hair. A grin spreads over my face. Meg grabs my arm, "It's Jeff!"

We walked into the gym, then laid with our blankets and pillows on the mat to rest until the guys started warming up. About ten minutes later, Jeff came in and laid down about 15 feet from us. He looked as if he was begging for a reenactment of last year.

Last year at the Comet Invitation, our team was goofy and tired and really cuddly. We all were being lovey dovey and laid in a pile on the mat. The boys were weird and kept kicking up their heals and giggling, while Meg and I just laughed with our heads in our hands. Then Dillon raised his hand to his mouth, "Shh..guys, check it out. Should I?"

We followed his stare. There was a little red-haired kid laying on the mat all by himself. This kid was out. He was dead asleep. People were running by and jumping over him. He never flinched. We all chuckled and covered our mouths to muffle the sound.

"Go!" Don urged Dill.

So Dillon go up, and laid his blanket and pillow next to the kid. He sank to the mat quietly, then waved a hand. Don got up and laid next to the kid too. That did it. The rest of us hopped up and tried to be sneaky. We ran over to the boys and the team laid in a circle around this strange kid. After a few minutes, he stirred. His eyes opened wide and with a shout, the kid jumped up and ran across the mat to finish his sleep elsewhere. We burst into laughter. "Where are you going? Come back!"

"Hey, let's pretend we know him. What should we call him?" Someone suggested.

"He looks like a Jeff!"

"Jeff! Hey Jeff come back!"

And we followed him and laid around him again. When he tried to get away, we all called him by name. We told jokes, asked him about his weekend, acted like old friends.

"My name isn't Jeff! Leave me alone!"

We followed him to the bleachers where his team sat and continued our game. His friends started chuckling at our antics and joined in.

"Jeff, what's wrong? Are you feeling okay, Jeff? Of course you're Jeff!" His teammates assured him.

"I am not Jeff! Mike, what are you talking about?" "Jeff" yelled.

"Mike? Jeff, that's Steve. Are you sure you're okay?" We continued to give all of his friends fake names. They kept playing along.

And we had fun with this poor kid all day. We even found his school phone number on a paper and some days we call it and ask for Jeff.

We didn't feel like messing with him on Saturday, though. It just wasn't the right mood. It was also such an amazing prank, I don't think we could have made it as good this past weekend. Ahh, Jeff.

Shukhov was glad they'd gotten off so easy, and he poked the Captain in the ribs, sort of kidding him. "Captain, tell me what it says in those books you've studied about what happens to the old moon when it goes down."
    "What d'you mean? Where does it go? You're just ignorant. It's simply you can't see it!"
    Shukhov shook his head and laughed. "But if you can't see it, how do you know it's there?"
    "So you think" --the Captain just looked at him-- "so you think we get a brand-new moon every month?"
    "Well, don't we? If people are born every day, why shouldn't there be a brand-new moon every four weeks?"
    "Come off it." The Captain spat. "I've never met such a dumb sailor in my life. Where d'you think the old one goes to?"
     "Well, that's what I"m asking you," Shukhov said, and you could see the gap in his teeth.
     "Well, you tell me."
     Shukhov sighed and said with that funny lisp of his: "The old people at home used to say God breaks the moon up into stars."
      "What ignorance," the Captain said and laughed. "Never heard that one before. Do you believe in God then, Shukhov?"
      "And why not?" Shukhov said. "When He thunders up there in the sky, how can you help believe in Him?"
      "And why does God do that?"
      "Do what?"
      "Break the moon up into stars," the Captain said.
      "Don't you see?" And Shukhov shrugged his shoulders. "The stars keep falling down, so you've got to have new ones in their place."

Some days I really love living in a small town. It's wonderful to go to the store (which I'm often there just to pick up things for baking) and have the cashier recognize me and ask me what i'm baking this time or for what occasion. I love that I can go to the library and the librarian trusts that when I say I returned the book, even if she can't find it, that I did and I don't have to pay a fine. I also love that if she notices I'm reading a lot of one author, she buys all the books she can find of the same author. I love the fact that small town folk are trusting and caring.

So tonight my mother and father were supposed to check wristbands at the rodeo. However, my mother was feeling ill so I had to go with my dad last minute. Now, I haven't been feeling well this weekend either. My throat is horribly swollen and I'm just all over crappy.

It poured. At first it was a sprinkle and I had my umbrella and raincoat so I was fine, but then it rained and the wind picked up. I was freezing and terribly worried about getting sick again. Finally my dad told me to go inside and I rushed in the back of the concession stand. My family has worked it Monday afternoon of the rodeo for about 9 years now, so I felt as if I earned my right to be back there.

I had barely stepped in when one woman offered me a chair. Brittany's mom came to talk and grabbed my hands and then gasped at how cold they were. Another woman overheard and offered me the sweatshirt off of her back. Then they pulled me over to the popcorn machine and started up the fire for me to stand in front of. Then one of the older men made me some hot cocoa and they stood around chatting with me and tending to my every need.

Golly, aren't people wonderful sometimes?

So, I'm sick, again. And my family came to the rescue. They really are amazingly good to me.

First, my grandmother drives me to my doctors appointment on a moments notice when I'm too dizzy to drive. Then, my dad was already there when I got to the doctor's office, so my gram went on home. I've been going to the doctor by myself since I was 14, but my dad came and stayed with me and looked just as scared as I did when the doctor said I might have appendicitus. [Which I don't. Yay. But no conclusions were drawn from blood tests, as usual.]

Meanwhile, my mother, upon hearing that I was sick, bought a lot of my favourite foods. She bought a gallon of chocolate milk, fudge brownie mix, bisquick (because i use it to bake),  new syrup for my waffles, biscuits,  and frosted shredded wheat. Now, chocolate milk is a big deal in my house. My dad and I love it, but we don't get it at home unless it's a holiday or someone's birthday. We just had brownies last week, and I usually get shredded wheat like twice a year. I love frosted shredded wheat. She's amazing.

My dad never complained once or acted annoyed when he had to drop everything to help me walk up and down the stairs because I was really weak, dizzy, and out of it. He just assisted me and caught me when I started to sway, then once I reached where I was going, he went back to whatever he was doing without a hitch.

My mom had no problem cleaning up the table of my medicines, water, and nearly full bowl of soup. I couldn't carry any of it, and she cleaned it up without a sigh at me being ridiculous, or anything. She also didn't complain when she got me a fat free fudge stick [my favourite] and I couldn't finish it because I couldn't breathe when I was swallowing and that made me really tired and angry because I couldn't eat a stupid ice cream stick thing.

My dad only made fun of me once, when I fell asleep. He and my mom watched two movies last night [[which was so weird! right in a row, too!]] and they both just ignored the fact I kept falling asleep and snoring because I can't breathe through my nose. My dad only made fun of me once. He was watching The Village, and when the giant porcupine was on the screen, he thought it was that thing making the funny noses, and he turned down the volume to realize it was just me. Snoring. Another reason he thinks I'll never get married. But, hey, i'm sick! I can't help it!

Basically my parents are wonderful to me when I'm sick. Well, this time. This summer when I was throwing up they just kinda stared at me and walked away, but I'll take their love. I don't mind.

I was thinking about this summer, and how it wasn't anything like I expected, but it was amazing. Here's the memories that just stick out:

:::Driving for the first time in Des Moines with Kara. We went shopping for "modest summer clothes" before we both started off for camps.

:::Hitting on junior high boys when I worked the concession stand.

:::Dancing with the JUFA's in the talent show while Tyler played guitar, the crazy kid sang, and the girl played the yazz flute.

:::Tyler and I shouting at breakfast and in turn scaring the crap out of Marvin. Haha, Marvin.

:::Having a super secret JUFA party at HOBY and making blessing bracelets and eating animal crackers.

:::Working nights at the care center. Well just a few. Aunt B loved me one night and tried beating me up the next. A couple old ladies got in a fight about a cat. I cleaned up vomit. I also got the flu the first night of work and had to leave early.

:::Meeting up with Sid and Shelby for the first time since 2nd grade. Hanging out with Shelby. Going for walks. Escaping bad rap. Drinking smoothies. Playing in the water at Doliver. Riding the feriss wheel, me wondering how to rock it, leaning forward to read something, it swinging, scaring the crap out of Shelby who is afraid of heights. Books stores. Cds. The Da Vinci Code. More smoothies.

:::Spending the day with Austin and telling my lame jokes at dinner. Singing "Happy Birthday" to his dad and forgetting his name and just calling him "Dad." Kids in the park. And washing cars. Ask Austin how wet he got. Just ask him. (Okay, so maybe I got my butt kicked all freaking day.)

:::Wearing the same clothes for three days straight on the handcart trek and sneaking a shower with Kara, Mel, and our Ma. Bawling my eyes out at the testimony meeting and using my apron as a hankerchief. The clouds that shaded us as we walked and let the sun out once we set up camp. The rain that came only when we slept. Sleeping in a tent for the first time.

:::EFY. Meeting Nicole and helping her make her bed. Unquenchable Fire being closer than close. Being in the musical program and singing a duet with Nicole. Singing with her every morning after breakfast at our piano. The boys cuddling in the booth. Eating Corn Pops for a week. Pizza night and goofy pictures. Pizza slaps. Burrito slaps. Variety show. Sitting alone with no one talking to me until after I sang at practice then having the guts to say: "What, now you wanna talk to me? Doesn't work that way, boys." and seeing jaws drop. Only being asked to dance by 14 year olds and then Keith pretending to be one. Singing hymns with Keith. Devos with Kate. Natha telling us how lucky we really are and what amazing daughters of God we are. Testimony meeting, belonging to eachother. Double dates. Nate and I tripping at the same time. Oldies and the service project. Loving 19 people more than I could ever imagine. Crying as my dad and I drove away.

:::Kara coming over and staying the night. Chocolate milk and smores. The fireplace. Climbing the fence. Making a movie. Playing on construction equipment. Sharing a bed. Getting no sleep then biking five miles. Being sisters.

:::Three weeks of not seeing a single person outside of my family.

:::Swimming at Laura's and staying up all night.

:::Afternoons at my grandmother's house.

:::Rocking out at Elk Fest with Grant, Lani, Kat, and Casey. Scraping my knee trying to be cool. Driving all over Ames for food, just to get free pizza at Casey's. Stabbing Bryan with his sword. Seeing Run Kid Run. Singing along 4 feet away from Run Kid Run.

:::Having lunch with Ella, Severie, and Bri. Seeing Bri for the first time in a year and catching up. Laughing. Muffins. Meters.

:::Nights in the tent with Kara, Mel, and Kellie. Kara's nasty head. Her smelly pillow. Cutting the pillow open. Adorable little girls. Making the 1st years bring us their cots for us to sleep on. The flood. Protection. Talking with Lauren nonstop. More awkward moments. Going crazy the last day and making tiki men on sticks and then mud war paint. Dry Wood. Venom Eater. Raptors. Earthquakes in Diverse Places.

:::Cake ditching with my parents.

:::AJ dancing to Queen in the car.

:::The bald man at the volleyball meeting. Seeing the top of his bald head and hearing his voice. Having no idea who he is. Bald man at my house. Me driving to bald man's house to give his son baseball cleats. My dad golfs with bald man.

:::Meeting my luvahs at All-State. Music so beautiful I wanted to cry. Saying Hot Dog then people jumping on me. Disonance with Mallory. Boots. Pizza. Having a heart to heart with Michael. Loud thunder. Not wanting to leave. Feeding Michael's caterpillar. "I'm 14 and I make fun of my elders." Being the oldest, for once. Telling horrible deaf jokes waiting for food. Dinky. "There's no such thing as marinara!" Being a raptor again. Playing football. Singing. Laying in the sun. Sitting surrounded by boys in rehearsal. Swooning. Having the coolest director. Hugging his sweaty self.

:::Watching high school musical with a drooling, toothless sister.

:::Seeing a funnel cloud out the window and disregarding it, my dad calling five minutes later to say we were in a tornado warning, and then my grandmother calling to say there was a tornado sighted a mile north of town. Me ignoring the entire thing.

:::Sunshine and books.

:::The Rocket Summer.:::