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Current mood:  moody
Category: Life
Things NOT to ask/say to a military spouse!
1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're
afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our
minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little
annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been
dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms
who carry phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower and to bed. We're
not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just
got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and
found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands
are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An
international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for
Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion,
etc?" (Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of
these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out
there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet
her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find
ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get
lonely, but we don't get bored.)
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or
not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can"
get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they
actually love what they do.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments
you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure
out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never
gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just
because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I
totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three
week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 7 month or more
deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody
shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your
husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew
comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and
ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no
comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of
this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it.
Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is
like comparing a shitty ford taurus with a mercedes convertible.)
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss them! We count down the days
till they come home!)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(We'll tell you, that's if we even know. I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find
Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know
that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Our country has been at war in
Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These
basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the
papers every day --- and on maps everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your
right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be
hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the
way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting
for your freedom.)
12. "Don't you miss sex?! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses
learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something
greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like
simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have
dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships
probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)
13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political
opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery
store, not in Applebees, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out
with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We
tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours
running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog,
and kids, they have an understanding.)
14. "I wish I could get rid of my husband for a few months!" (Another big "duh" Hello!!! Ask them each of these
questions and then tell them to repeat their phrase again if they mean it!)
And last but not least....
14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative
and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to
realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay
abroad. Let me say that part again...so those wars stay abroad, i.e.
out of NYC, commercial airlines, major bridges, subways, and our
nation's capital, etc, etc...)
So, If you want to say anything, say "Thank You!" After all, we are
sexually deprived for your freedom.
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