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you don't wish you were me ; thanks.

[21 Aug 2008 | Thursday] 3:57 PM

Current mood:  okay
Category: Life
There's a lot of little things about me that I'd like to put in my about me, but they won't all fit... so instead, have this list I put together for those that are really interested.

- I think I look better with unnatural hair colors.
- My natural color is ashy, dirty blonde.
- I took dance lessons when I was 4.
- I went to Catholic school in kindergarten and had a lesbian teacher.
- I'm an only child.
- My mom died when I was 12.
- My family has a reunion every year and we play bingo.
- I'm trying hard to be straightedge. I dislike smoking and hate drugs, and excessive drinking bothers me. If you don't hold it against me, I won't hold it against you.
- I've been in a few online relationships.
- I am often confused by my attraction to the male gender.
- I read constantly. My 6ft. bookshelf is completely full, and I often have more than one book started at the same time. Most of them are fiction.
- I bite my nails a lot, but mostly while I watch movies.
- I took 2 years of violin lessons, but I cannot read music.
- I was raised Roman Catholic, and was was baptized, received Confession, Communion, and Confirmation. I chose the name Clare.
- I'm now agnostic.
- I have no middle name.
- My initials are the same as the state initals for Virginia - VA.
- I was almost named Brittany.
- I have dial-up.
- I'd rather have a CD than the music on my computer. I like the CD booklets.
- I keep all my movie ticket stubs.
- I love driving alone.
- Christmas lights are in my room year round.
- I love film photography, especially Polaroids.
- I go to Pier 1 only to buy their incense.
- I prefer the cold to the heat. You can always put more clothes on, but you can't always take more clothes off.
- I intend to get dreadlocks very soon.
- I hate being overweight more than you think.
- I like purified water more than spring water.
- My hearing kind of sucks, so I often ask "what?" over and over. Eventually the person I'm talking to says never mind.
- I can't read lips.
- I wish I could be a ventriloquist.
- I love abandoned places.
- I'm a really big scaredy cat.
- I still sleep with my teddy bear that I got when I was 1.
- I'm very pessimistic.
- I've been [mental] hospitalized 4 times.
- I love to do arts and crafts.
- I love teriyaki beef jerky. Actually, I love all sorts of beef jerky.
- I hate seafood.
- I drain my ramen.
- I fall into insomnia easily.
- But I love to sleep.
- I don't like having to work because I don't like losing my free time.
- I consider myself a jack of all trades, master of none. I'm hoping I find my calling soon.

There's more, but I'm too tired to keep going. Look for updates though. :]

Currently watching:
The L Word - The Complete Fourth Season
Release date: 2007-10-23
[11 Dec 2007 | Tuesday] 3:11 AM

Current mood:  sick
Category: Romance and Relationships
A long, long while.

I don't know if I can do this.

I need to change first.

I can't be who I am now.
[15 Jun 2007 | Friday] 1:08 AM

Current mood:  cold
Category: Life
I don't want to end up being just a statistic.

But it's hard.
[24 May 2007 | Thursday] 12:20 AM

Current mood:  okay
Category: Quiz/Survey

The rules are: Once you have been tagged, you write a blog with ten, weird, random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end you choose 10 people to be tagged, list their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" and tell them to read your latest blog. No tag backs - you can't tag the person who tagged you!

1. I used to sleep with one pillow when I was little, then I went to 2, and for the past few years I've been sleeping with 3. But it could just be because I have flat pillows...

2. Even the "cutest" bugs freak me out - ladybugs and butterflies, for instance.

3. I have OCD with my handwriting. I tend to erase words until they look right to me.

4. Love is definitely the most important thing to me, over everything. Because it has to do with everything.

5. I swallow my gum.

6. I wanted to be a pilot when I was 16 after taking a plane to Texas.

7. I took welding as an elective in 10th grade.

8. I have a fear of breathing loudly ever since some kid pointed out that I did it in elementary school.

9. I hate comedy movies because I don't tend to think things that people are supposed to laugh at are funny.

10. I went through a doll phase and took this one doll I had, Daisy, everywhere with me. I used to even put her in the baby cart at grocery stores and people would come over to see it, only to find that it was a doll.

You're it!!

1. Matthew
2. Lil Bird (Steph)
3. Laura
4. Mikey Misery [[Zebra Death Squad]]
5. Bianca
6. Tanis
7. Raggedy Sam.
8. Stephanie
9.
disco superfly
10. gitsy gruesome {{1.4k}} [AT] [HH] [TFF] [CC]

[30 Mar 2007 | Friday] 5:06 AM

Current mood:  tired
Category: Life
I am straightedge... 95% of the time. I've never tried drugs, and I don't care to. Sometimes I think about it though. I tried smoking for the first time last year, and I didn't like it. Though, for a while, I kept taking hits off of other people's cigarettes. Why? I don't know. I didn't like it. I looked stupid. It made me feel guilty and I usually coughed. Drinking is okay... but I don't really like the way it tastes. Especially beer. It makes me sick. I look like ass if I do drink. And I'm afraid to get drunk because I'm afraid to see what I'd be like. I'd prefer not to be a whore. Sometimes, you can even call me prude. But I dont know if I like being straightedge. I wish I could be wild and crazy and not care... there's no reason I should even care. What's stopping me? I don't know. I guess my insanity makes up for it.
[26 Feb 2007 | Monday] 6:48 PM

Current mood:  pissed off
Category: Friends
I knew this was going to happen, I just fucking knew it. I'm so tired of this shit. I'm tired of fighting and taking sides. I was the object of everyone's hate, then I was a member of one team, and now I'm just the sideshow and I don't want any of it.

Stop fucking acting like you're 10. "OMG I HATE HIM CAUSE HE'S SO WHINY SO AS SOON AS I GET HOME I'M TAKING HIM OFF MY TOP!" "SHE'S SUCH A BITCH AND I'M DELETING HER."

I'm just going to go the fuck away if it doesn't stop.

Get.

Over.

It.

I sure as hell did.
[05 Feb 2007 | Monday] 7:12 AM

Current mood:  tired
Category: Music
Let this be the day that you change your life,
Let me show you what a day without pain is like.

Augustana
Feel Fine

I'm leaving today, so why don't you care...
I am afraid...I am afraid...tonight...
I'm running away tonight...tonight...I am..
So far away, say what you say,
I am afraid...I am afraid... tonight...
I'm running away tonight...tonight...I am..

Throwing all my calls away, you don't need me, you don't need me...
Drink at night and sleep all day, well I don't need you, I don't need you...
I drove on every interstate, but you don't need me, you don't need me...
Well anyways, ya anyways, it's over, over, over, over now...

Currently listening:
All The Stars And Boulevards
By Augustana
Release date: 06 September, 2005
[01 Jan 2007 | Monday] 3:57 AM

Current mood:  pissed off
Category: Life
I am so goddamn sick of drama. I seriously must say that word at least twenty times a day. But you know what? Life wouldn't be life without drama. Because if life didn't have rumours, gossip, and backstabbing, life would be perfect. And there is no such thing as perfect.

If any one of my friends doesn't like drama, then don't hang out with me. Hang out with your perfect friends that don't have drama. Especially the non-Italians, cause they don't have any drama.

Drama, drama, drama.

LOVE IT!!!
Currently listening:
Let Love In
By The Goo Goo Dolls
Release date: 25 April, 2006
[10 Oct 2006 | Tuesday] 3:04 AM

Current mood:  lonely
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'll Meet You in the Elevator

Just pretend you want to be mine...
Pretend that you care about
how much you mean to me.
I'll wait for you,
holding open the elevator doors,
holding out my heart.
I'm standing on the threshold
of the thirteenth floor,
watching the mirrors shatter,
and the ladders fall,
and the black cats
walk in front of me.
The bell keeps dinging,
the clock keeps chiming,
but still, I see no sign of you.
I left the napkin on your table
in the cafe yesterday;
"Meet me in the elevator
on the thirteenth floor,"
it read. And you smiled as I
walked towards the door.
I thought I understood what that
smile meant; I guess
I was wrong.
With shaking hands, I push
the button to close the doors,
and as I hear the hiss of the machinery
beginning to work, I see
your face across the hall,
opening the door to the stairway.
I cry out, trying to push
the emergency stop.
But there's no stopping life,
no stopping fate or love or
God.
When the doors open to the lobby,
I step out, pushing back the tears.
The man at the desk calls out to me,
holding me back.
"Miss, wait! I have a note for you," he says.
I take the envelope from him, slide my
fingers under the flap.
Inside is a napkin...
"Meet me in the elevator
on the thirteenth floor."
[08 Oct 2006 | Sunday] 5:50 PM

Current mood:  thoughtful
Category: Life
Losing one friend is not remotely the same as losing six, but I'll pretend it is for you.

I shouldn't have to say I'm sorry for liking you, but for you, I will.

You tell me I didn't change, and I'm glad, because I'd rather not change than change for the worse like you did.

It's understandable that you treated me like a piece of garbage, but you can't treat her like that. Karma is a bitch. I hope you find that out sooner rather than later.

You need to get over him. He doesn't care a bit about you, why can't you see that? You need to grow up. You're in highschool now.

Maybe people should start listening to me. I'm not a bad person, and I realize that now. I'm just human, and humans make mistakes. I think I finally understand that no one is perfect. I used to hold some people in such high esteem, and when they let me down, I felt it was my fault for holding them so high, and not theirs. Because they could never do wrong. But they could, because they're human.

I'm not saying that I'm better than everyone else. Because I'm not. I'm probably doing more harm than good, but I think I'm a lot wiser than others. Because I've dealt with a lot. I've suffered. I've been in love. I've lost friends and family. And even though I'm not very good at handling some situations, I know what to expect emotionally.

My dad must have done something right in raising me. And apparently my mother did as well, probably moreso in death. This past summer I've probably added another five years to my mental age.

Go me?

Yeah... go me.
virgie.



Last Updated: 11/16/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 20
Sign: Taurus

City: West Hazleton
State: Pennsylvania
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/20/2006

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