Jenuhfuh THROWDOWN©'s MySpace Blog | Someone, somewhere said some things that may have sparked some sympathy, but don't believe.

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Saturday, September 01, 2007 2:32 AM

I guess this is growing up.
Current mood:

disappointed
Category: Blogging

have you ever gotten to the point where you're just completely sick of yourself?

well im definitely feeling that right now.
its to the point where i cant even look in the mirror without being disgusted with myself.
i dont like who i am.
so its time for some changes.
im sick of my weight,and im sick of the way i look in general. everyday my wardrobe consists of my work uniform, then when i get off its a band tee and some jeans. EVERYDAY.
i want to be attractive. i want people to not stare at me like im some kind of freak because my hair is three different colors and it doesnt exactly conform to what society considers "normal." ive walked around for years saying i dont give a fuck what people think about me, but it all boils down to the fact that i do. i dont like being stared at like a freak of nature, id rather be stared and people think, "oh wow, shes pretty" and i know itll never happen, so i guess its all just wishful thinking, it just gets tiring. im mentally and physically exhausted. i just need a break from everything and everyone.
theres some people out there right now who think that they are better than me because they are enrolled in college and im not. they think that their life is busier and more important than mine.
well i want to tell you right fucking now, that half of you assholes who sit there and trash me wouldnt even be able to handle one day in my shoes.
imagine waking up everyday at 830 in the morning, getting ready for work, going to work till five and being the only waitress there all day running around taking care of asshole customers who dont tip you, then coming home hot sweaty and tired, to a two year old who needs all the attention in the world cause he gets into everything and doesnt stop for a second, and cooking dinner for him every night and cleaning up after him until eventually at about 1130 at night he passes out and you can finally get what you have to done, like shower and just relax for a few minutes before you pass out until the next morning when you have to start it all over again. now dont get me wrong, i love my son to death, but its not exactly every eighteen year olds dream, right?

anyways the point to this whole blog is that im just sick. im sick of everything.