Everything has gone to fuck.
Like, no joke.

You did not owe it to me.
But you owed it to her, to be a decent human being.
Yeah, I care about you. Because you were there when I needed that father figure to watch football with, or take me on that boat trip.
You owed it to her to be home every night, and call, and tell her you love her.
It didn't matter whether you talked to me or not, until you left.
Because now I've lost the one man in my life that I thought I could trust.
The one guy I thought was good enough for my family.
But, no. You have to be one of the guys who fucks up in the end.
And It's taken this long, 4 freaking months, for her to work up the guts to tell us.

You fucked up, kid.

The house has always been quite, and empty.
Now it feels like Death is knocking on the front door.
No giggles; no smiles; no sound, other than the ticking of the clock, and the dryer.
I sit here, in the living room.
Waiting for an answer.
Because I'm so damn lost, my mind is a maze for myself to cross.

I can't see what I'm typing, because my eyes burn with salty tears.
I can't talk, because somehow everything that is said makes me want to put my fist through the wall.
I can't move, because everything in this house carries memories of you, none of which are anymore deserved.

My heart beats like the drums of the holiday parade, with the steady pace of the death march.

There's no way you'll repair this hole.
Because by the time you try, I'll be outta here.
Gone. With no trace.
You will not, I swear on my life, get a chance to find me and fix it.

It took 30 seconds, literally, for me to go from "I can't wait for my sea-faring life to begin," to "I never want to see another boat, for the rest of my days".

Thank you, for always keeping one foot out the door.

Oh. Em. Gee.
It sure has been a while.

Ahaha.
For those of you wondering:
Your mom.
Yeah, I went there. What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Ooh!
Hey, I failed English 3.
Mmhmm.
Summer school for me, baby!
Woo!
(Hey, Morgan, was that real or fake enthusiasm?)
The good news?
Yo' mama likes my biscuits.
I don't even know what that means.

*cough cough*
You missed our meeting, Ms. Ryneski.
What a shame.
You know, I was really looking forward to hearing your input on the subject(;
But, alas, you can't change the past.
(BTW, I'm placing all the blame on you.)

Ugh. My hand hurts like fuck.
It's painful to make a fist.
Bahah. Fisting.
Why do people let me research, then think, then talk?
I cannot be good for anyone's health.

Hmm.
Boston.
THAT'S good music.
Classic rock 'n' roll is where it's at, my friend.
Real nicee.
Eeep!
Speaking of which,
I love my big, goofy grin.
Because I need braces.
Like, hella bad.

Bleh.
I'm supa tired.
Ima go watch some weird movie that no one has ever heard of.
Goodnight.

I know you'll probably never read this,
And I know we can't change it, or go back in time.
I just miss so dearly the times we used to share.
I miss how you would tickle me and make me giggle when I had an awful day at school;
I miss the nights we'd spend in your man cave drinking Coca-Cola and playing video games.
I miss how you'd take me out everyday for ice cream, [I blame you for my chubbiness];
I miss playing piano, while sitting in your lap and feeling your manhands on my cute little paws;
Or emailing mom while she was away at military school;
And feeding our fish;
Dancing on your feet to Frank Sinatra;
And wrestling over the remote control;
Arguing over what radio station we were going to listen to on our long drives to nowhere;
I miss you telling me that no boy would ever be good enough for your little girl, and then hold me tight, telling me you'd always be there when my heart was broken;
Watching movies in your arms;
I miss your voice, correcting my grammer;
I miss making Sassy and Chance and Tyco chase lasers on the wall.
I miss all the things we used to do, even the ones from when I was too young to remember.

I hate how you just left,
Without saying a word.
I remember waking up, that morning, and you were gone; no note, no hug, nothing.
You never called, never emailed.
You even got pissed off at me when I said I didn't want to talk to you the one time you called.
I was so mad at you.
The nerve you had. Calling only after your mom forced you to.
Your mom.
That, in itself, is pathetic.

That day, was the day I had lost all respect for you.
And don't think that because we briefly speak here and there that you've gained a single ounce of my respect.
Because you didn't communicate for four year.
Four years.
And, now, you've moved to Belgium, married Maryanne, and had a baby.
Oh, and I found out all of this from your mom.
Again, pathetic.
You knew she was coming to visit me, and you didn't even care enough to tell me "Hi" through her.
How selfish?

You, don't know what it's like to go through life without a father.
You had everything you ever wanted.
Minus the siblings.

How could you neglect the fact that you had something good going here?
Not that I have any insight into your divorce,
But what I do know, is you had multiple chances to prove yourself a good father over the past 10 years.
No, you spent it playing video games, figures.

You hated her more than you loved us.
You couldn't call, because you "didn't want to hear her voice".
Ouch.
That burned.
You couldn't even pick up the phone without worrying the she-devil of your nightmares was gonna get you.
She wasn't out to keep you away from us, asshole.
You're just selfish, and short-tempered.
I see where I get all my awful traits.
Except the one where I don't know when to shut my mouth, that's all my mother.
But, my irritability, my inability to be rational, my tantrums.
I remember the way you would throw things around the basement, after fighting with mom.
And how I'd just crawl into your lap and sit there, not understanding why you were upset and crying.
And then we'd go out for ice cream(:
Or to the go-kart track.
Or drive to Wal*Mart to stock up on Coca-Cola and candy, return home and lock ourselves in the mancave and watch movies or play Ashern's Call.
Those were the good times.

I know I was too young to comprehend why we did what we did, or why you left, or the grammer rules you instilled in my brain,
But I miss the closeness,
I miss the father that used to be my bestfriend.
I would do anything to have that back;
Anything.

I love you, Dad.
And I wish you would make the right choices,
So, we can be back in eachother's lives, like we're supposed to.

Karma,
Is a bitch.
This is what I get for being mean to you:
Somehow, a spoon flies and hits me in the face;
My sammich falls on the floor;
I fall down the stairs;
And I only have one piece of ham left. I swear to god I just opened this package yesterday.

And not only that,
I feel like a complete idiot, because my hands have minds of their own.
I was making a sammich, the one that fell on the floor,
Ad I had to get a knife.
I say, "I need a knife," walk over to the utensil drawer, and grab a fork.
I walk back to the table, realize I had instead picked up a fork, and head back.
I remind myself, "Aly, get a knife."
I grab a spoon.
Hooray.

Aarron and Jorden laughed hysterically at me.

I miss being here, in this room.
Spending every night on our DS's, PictoChating.
Switching beds every other night.
Talking, and goofing off.

Remember when you made me fall off the bed, by pushing my mattress?
That hurt.
But it was fun.

Oh!
And the times, when we were wayyy little, and we'd jump off the top bed onto a sea of pillows?
Oh, man.
Good times.
And the times we fell off from hanging upside-down off the side?
And getting stuck in the bars before putting the board there.
And when we could finally touch the ceiling, because we were tall enough.

I miss that.
Very much.
But I love how close we've become.
It makes me happy that we don't fight nearly as often as we used to, if not at all.
And that we tell eachother everything,
Whether it be awkward, or whatever.

I love you, Jorden.

I've gotten to this point where I can't come up with witty titles anymore.
So, I have to ask:
I need witty title ideas,
Can you spare some?
It would be greatly appreciated.

Anywho,
My feet are gross.
And not just my feet,
Feet in general are gross.
Just,
Fuck you, Adam Sandler.

Is it weird that...
Nevermind.

Oh!
Aminal crackers,
Are yummy.
And, they make me happy.
Yeeee!
I look like a freak,
Cause I'm carrying the box of aminal crackers around the house with me.
:)

Question of the day,
And answer honestly:
Do YOU get turned on in class?
Comment it!
Dooooo ittt!
Later,
Dude.

Oh, wow.
The one dream I remember,
Was one of the worst possible.

I woke up, at 4am,
With my pillow soaking wet,
A severe cold sweat,
And I was tweaking out so bad.

Oh my gosh.
I hate nightmares.
I haven't had one in years,
And I'm going to assume it was all the shit I snorted yesterday.
Because I never have nightmares, and I never remember my dreams.

So, I don't remember the pretext or anything,
But, what I can recall, is, Robert shows up out of nowhere, and is like, "Oh, hey. I'm baaaack".
And without warning, Morgan is like, "Oh, hey, Robert", and just drops me.
Like, just without even second guessing anything.
She's gone.

And the next thing I remember is someone, who looked very similar to me and whatnot, lying on the floor, with a bullet hole, somewhere in the head region.
Bah.
Yeah.
That about sums it up, well, yeah.
Uhh,
That's what I remember, at least.
But, I just,
IDEK.
I know I didn't like it.

Awful.
Bleh.
But, other than that,
My day was pretty great.
=/

I'm off.
To do what, I dunno.
I'm waiting for my chicken wings to finish cooking.
Yuuum.

Jorden: "Snort the chili powder. Allie says you should. So does RJ."
Aly: *lays down a line of chili powder* "I'm scared. But, here goes nothing." *snorts line*

A few seconds go by.

Aly : "Gah! Mother fuckin' bitchcock asshole! Fuck me!"
RJ: "Alright!"

God damn, I love America.
That's a fkn lie.
I love my house, and things that happen here.

I hate smart people.
They ruin my supremeness.
-.-

Uhh, alright.
My fingers are freezing.

I want a PB&J.
Toasted!
A toasted PB&J.
But I don't want to make it.
I need a slave.
:]

Urgh. I hate keeping secrets from you.
Really, I do.
But, I love surprises.
And, to surprise, I have to keep secrets.
So, I win.
XD

Bahah.
Stupid toaster.
I unplugged it this morning, so I could make...something, I don't remember.
And I forgot to plug it back in, and tried to toast the bread,
But it wouldn't stay down.
I almost threw it.
Yay me.

Oh, this is delicious.
I love sammichs.

Bahah. Jorden just fell down the driveway.
Yays!

Anything else?
I don't like these pants.
They're uncomfortably baggy.

Bahah. I wonder how many different sammichs I can make, before I get sick.
Not to my stomach,
Just, of sammichs.

Back this mini van up!



I have a mission.
And I probably won't tell you if I accomplish it or not.
I'm off!!

I'll forever remember the time my mom said, "Even though there was a dead body in that truck, and cop cars everywhere, I couldn't help but smile at the way the red and blue lights reflected on the glistening snow-covered trees."
O.o
Wadda freak.

Bah.
Stupid song.
This is where I decide to quit trying,
And pick it up later.
In about a week, or so.

Someone should bring an acoustic to school, sometime in the near future.
I can't bring mine, because it's tuned to Drop C, and I'm too lazy to re-tune it.
Mainly, because I'm stuck on a particular song, that requires Drop C.
What's great, is, even though I practically hate it, and I haven't listened to it in over a year, I fluently know the lyrics and rhythm.
So...FTW, I'm just awesome.

It's way too cold in my house.
And I miss my bestfriend(s).

Oh!
I made dinosaur-shaped cookies at 3am.
I couldn't sleep.
So I blasted Daphne Loves Derby into mah ears, and made cookie.
Fun times.
But I ated dem alls, already.
"Eat, fatty, eat!"
Rawrg.

I want two shirts;
One that says, "Smile If You're Not Wearing Undies".
And another reading, "With A Shirt Like This, Who Needs Pants?"
Awesome possum.

Ah, well.
I'm off to...do stuff.

Remember: Aly knows best.
Right, Heather?
^^)