One evening last week, the Missus and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, things start to get a little naughty and then she turns round and says, "I don't feel like it now hun, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What the fuck did you just say?!"

So she says the words that every Fella on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I rolled over and went to sleep.

The next day I took the day off of work to spend some "Quality" time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big "unnamed" West End department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy 'em all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was proper excited. She must have thought I was a sandwich short of a picnic basket.

I started to think she was testing me, because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to fucking play tennis...

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, Babe-a-lini. You pick up what you want!" Fuck me, she was almost nearing orgasm from all of the excitement. Smiling with a rather excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all Hun, let's go pay for it now."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out...

"No Baby, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?"

I then said, "Babes! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....