Rise In Rent Forces Local Taco Bell To Take On Roommate
~THE ONION MAGAZINE
ROCKFORD, IL—With rents soaring and operating costs at an all-time
high, management at the Auburn St. Taco Bell decided earlier this month
to lessen their financial burden by taking on a roommate, 24-year-old
Mark Studer.

Manager Andy Parker said he found the Tex-Mex chain’s new occupant
after posting a classified ad on Craigslist.org. The online ad
reportedly offered a 100-square-foot storage room, with access to a
modern restaurant-style kitchen, shared public bathroom, and spacious
walk-in fridge, for $325 a month.

Studer, who fit the qualifications of being a responsible non smoker
with no pets, replied to the notice and was quickly approved to move in
following a brief interview.



"We were really excited about getting a roommate," said Parker, who
claimed that the restaurant would have had to move to a cheaper
location were it not for the extra rent money. "Everybody got along
great with Mark at first, and it was fun to have someone new around the
place. Plus, he's got this really amazing collection of wrestling
DVDs."



"Unfortunately, Mark also has a tendency to leave his clothes all
over the dining room floor and walk around the kitchen in his boxers
while we're trying to cook," Parker added. "And yesterday he left his
car parked in the drive-thru for like 12 hours. That's just
inconsiderate."

Since moving in, Studer has irritated several members of the Taco
Bell staff. On Monday, the new roommate refused to wash a stack of his
dirty dishes, claiming that he should be paid just like anyone else for
his efforts. In addition, Studer reportedly inconvenienced dozens of
customers on Friday by throwing a keg party during business hours, and
letting his friend Dave crash inside a booth for three days.

The new living situation has frustrated both full-time and part-time
employees, many of whom have complained about not being able to focus
on their work with Studer constantly around. Head cashier Dana Canty,
19, said she was forced to quit last week after Studer entered her work
area on several occasions wearing nothing but a towel. Others claimed
that Studer is the worst roommate they've ever worked with.

"One morning I came in and he had used up all the hot sauce packets
without even leaving a note," said Doug Marzec, who works the early
shift at Taco Bell. "And last week, he pretty much ate all the shredded
cheese in our fridge and then said he'd get us back the next time he
went shopping."

Added Marzec, "We couldn't serve half our menu that day."

While Studer has infuriated employees by pounding on the windows
after misplacing his keys, tension between the new roommate and staff
reportedly reached its breaking point Wednesday, when Studer left the
front door open all night, and costly Taco Bell property was stolen.

"Sure, it sucks when customers get angry about Mark shaving in the
bathroom, or when he leaves half-eaten pizza on the counter, but this
is too much," Parker said. "They took our damn Frialator."

For his part, Studer said he is also unhappy with the current
arrangement. Calling his new living situation "fucking gross," the
24-year-old was appalled to discover that his roommates never washed
their hands, and was tired of "people stinking up his home" with their
"disgusting food."

"That stuff lingers forever," said Studer, adding that it'd be nice
if someone cooked something other than Mexican every now and again. "I
can still smell it on my clothes and pillow."

In addition, Studer said he was getting tired of the steady stream of people showing up in his home at all hours of the night.

"What's up with all these drunk losers coming over at 2 a.m.?" he
said. "This place isn't bad, but I'm totally going to bail if people
aren't more respectful around here."

Taco Bell management claimed that if the situation didn't improve
soon, they would call a house meeting to kick out Studer, and instead
supplement their income by giving guitar lessons.

Thanks, Ma Angel, for one of the sweetest videos I've ever seen!

The lotus is one of my favorites of spiritual symbolism.  I wanted to share something everyone might not know about the symbolism of color of the lotus.

Lotuses are symbols of purity and 'spontaneous' generation and hence symbolize divine birth. According to the Lalitavistara, 'the spirit of the best of men is spotless, like the new lotus in the [muddy] water which does not adhere to it', and, according to esoteric Buddhism, the heart of the beings is like an unopened lotus: when the virtues of the Buddha develop therein the lotus blossoms. This is why the Buddha sits on a lotus in bloom. In Tantrism, it is the symbol of the feminine principle.

The lotuses are usually differentiated by their colour and grouping, in three or five flowers, which may or may not be combined with leaves.

White lotus

This symbolizes Bodhi, the state of total mental purity and spiritual perfection, and the pacification of our nature. It generally has eight petals corresponding to the Noble Eightfold Path of the Good Law. It is the lotus found at the heart of the Garbhadhatu Mandala, being the womb or embryo of the world. It is characteristic of the esoteric sects, and the lotus of the Buddhas.

Red lotus

This symbolizes the original nature of the heart (hrdaya). It is the lotus of love, compassion, passion, activity and all the qualities of the heart. It is the lotus of Avalokitesvara.

Blue lotus

This is the symbol of the victory of the spirit over the senses, of intelligence and wisdom, of knowledge. It is always represented as a partially opened bud, and (unlike the red lotus) its centre is never seen. It is the lotus of Manjusri, and also one of the attributes of Prajnaparamita, the embodiment of the 'perfection of wisdom'.

Pink lotus

This is the supreme lotus, generally reserved for the highest deity, sometimes confused with the white lotus it is the lotus of the historical Buddha.

Purple lotus

This is the mystic lotus, represented only in images belonging to a few esoteric sects. The flowers may be in full bloom and reveal their heart, or in a bud. They may be supported by a simple stem, a triple stem (symbolizing the three divisions of Garbhadhatu: Vairocana, lotus and vajra), or a quintuple stem (symbolizing the Five Knowledges of Vajradhatu). The eight petals represent the Noble Eightfold Path and the eight principal acolyte deities of the central deity on the mandalas. The flowers may also be depicted presented in a cup or on a tray, as a symbol of homage.