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originally printed 02.17.05 in the Eureka, California newspaper The Times-Standard.
Fat guys are postmen in the mountains who are delivering ground up sharks tail a remedy for impotence to the man who claimed Pauly Shore is dead and ... alright, how in the hell are we supposed to work Poohs Heffalump Movie into this sentence? Any ideas?
Poohs Heffalump movie
Durant: Pooh is pooh. This is classic pooh, but the bear is increasingly giving up the spotlight for the likes of Roo and Piglet. I think he needs to fire his agent and only sign onto movies where he's the main attraction. The movie deals with stereotypes and getting along with everyone, in only a way the 100-acre wood crew can do it. The movie messed with me a little because I was still reeling from the pink elephants I saw the night before.
Rating: L/T
Faulk: Something about Winnie the Pooh makes me feel like taking a sedative. It's the kind of cartoon that plays for hours and hours in the mental ward of county hospitals up and down the state as drool puddles on the floor. That being said, after suffering through "Racing Stripes" a few weeks ago, this movie seemed like "The Godfather" for little people. Pooh is zen. Pooh is high art. This pooh doesn't stink.
Rating: L/T
Gabe, 6: It was great! It was crazy! It was heffalumpy!
Phoebe, 4: Are we going to see it again right now? Please?
Holden, 2 1/2: Movie? Good?
Postmen in the Mountains
Durant: If you know "Cats in the Cradle" then you know this movie. It's a Chinese version of the Harry Chapin song. It was all right, but I don't think it's going to go down in my book as a great foreign film. There were some parts where I chuckled, and I did like the flashback sequences, but the narration I could have done without. It kind of stuck out like a sore thumb, and I think there was a better way they could have gotten that information out there other than narration by the son. But they sure do go through a lot out there to get a letter to someone. I wish I had the same relationship with my postperson as these people do. He just doesn't deliver the mail hes like a wandering therapist.
Rating: L
Faulk: A coming-of-age story, "Postmen in the Mountains" follows a father and son through the Chinese mountains as the father prepares to hand off his job as a rural mail carrier to his son. Accompanied by their trusty companion Rin Tin Chin they develop the relationship they never had due to the father's constant absenteeism. Sloppily editied and lacking in substance, the movie failed to follow through on the emotional power of its subject. At times, the setting was beautiful, but beyond that, the movie failed to make a good impression.
Rating: M
DVDs
Shark Tale
Durant: Why does every time a Pixar picture comes out, a Dreamworks animation picture tries to imitate it? "Shark Tale" sure has the star power behind it: Will Smith, Robert DeNiro, Angelina Joile even Martin Scorsese, but it's sure no "Finding Nemo". I guess it's a different story all together, but why set it in the ocean and all when Nemo came out a year before and was successful? Find another premise/setting. Let's see like Dinosaurs. No, thats been done to death. How 'bout toys that talk? No, can't do that either. Maybe insects? Nope. I got it parameciums and amoebas in a Petri dish. Mark my words, that will be one of the new Pixar movies and Dreamworks will come out with one about bacteria three weeks later.
Rating: M
Faulk: Rub a dub dub, there's a shark in my tub. Wait thats my son's schwag merchandise from the film. And there's Nemo! And Woody! And, uh oh, the TV remote control?! Gabe! Anyway, onto the review: There were enough A-list actors in this movie to ensure an audience, and it worked. Beyond that, the movie was actually decent. Will Smith, as Fresh Prince in a tour of the Mid-Atlantic Trench, pulls off a doozy here as a shark killer extraordinaire. Whale washing aside, this movie was good clean fun for the family.
Rating: L/T
Gabe, 6: It was great. Can I have dessert?
Phoebe, 4: Are we going to see it again right now? Please?
Pauly Shore is Dead
Durant: This movie has been a long time coming. I remember Pauly Shore talking about it in 2001. Shore did it all, co-wrote it, directed it and starred in it, and you know, it's not half bad. He doesn't hold back on making fun of himself, the Weezle and all of his movies. It walks a razor thin line where you can't really tell if it's tongue-in-cheek. If it is, then I was pleasantly surprised. If it wasn't, then I think he took it a little too seriously. The stars came out for this one too, like Charlie Sheen, Ellen DeGeneres and Chris Rock. The best cameo is Sean Penn very funny scene. The movie has a low-budget quality to it, but it really doesn't take away from the film.
Rating: L/T
Faulk: Probably the best Pauly Shore movie ever, which places it firmly in the bottom 30 percent of all the movies I've ever seen. Seeing Pauly made me reminiscent for high school channel surfing and Jenny McArthy. I rooted for this movie I thought, wouldn't it be great if Pauly Shore reinvented himself and came back as a comic actor with real talent? No dice. Well, there is some similarity between Shore's staying power and that of Dice Clay, but no dice where Shore's resurrection is concerned. He is, and will always be, marginal. Its touching that so many celebs would put themselves on film for the Weezle, but that was the extent of my emotional involvement.
Rating: M
"Pauly Shore is Dead" rental provided by McKinleyville Figueiredo's.
7:00 PM
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