I've tried to balance these lives that we are living
You always feel justified but you never feel forgiving
I woke up one morning to find myself wrapped in the things I swore I'd never touch.
And here I am again trying to save what's left of you and I
So why aren't you satisfied?

As some of you know, I have quite a bit of debt. And saying that, I mean more than my $25,000 loan. I have about $4,500 on a single credit card, and a large part of that was my camera that was stolen, and the camera that I have right now and various other things. I'm guessing about $2,000 in other credit cards. It's probably more. Now that there are fees and what-not added to them. I got a letter in the mail for the $4,500 one in the mail today and it's at the point where I'm seriously considering filing for bankruptcy. When am I going to buy a house? When am I going to buy a car? When am I ever going to buy property? The answer is most likely never. For all three of those things. The only problem is finding a bankruptcy court around here and finding a lawyer, and figuring out how to pay him/her. I'm sick of having this big ugly... thing sitting on my back when I think it's unnecessary. I'm sick of thinking about it. I'm sick of creditors calling my cell phone. I have 4 or 5 numbers in my phone that are saved as "ignore". Fuck. I really fucked things up.



I'm not going to go into detail, but I feel like I've experienced some of the worst things people my age have to experience, and this might be, perhaps, the last big one. I can't think of anything else that happens to people my age, that hasn't happened to me. I'm not looking for comments that are meant to make me feel better by telling me what you or someone else you know has already gone through. The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is the fact that I haven't been arrested for anything yet. But, perhaps I am speaking too soon. I wish someone would just fucking hand me ten grand and all my worries would be over, as far as debt goes.

I'm having a bad day.

Maybe I should just be pleased that I'm alive and not in prison or something. Or the fact that I'm not sick, or have some life-threatening disease. Or happy that I'm not homeless. I'm sort of homeless in the fact that I live with my parents. This is not making me feel better right now.