That’s right, issue 117 hits shelves on March 28th and will is so good it will explode the head of everyone who reads it. Seriously, it’s quite dangerous.This could be like fucking BSE all over again.

Here’s what’s in your jam-fucking-packed issue:

- Seren’s sexy student guide: The A-Z of being a student, as brought to you by Britain’s finest advertisement for education, the achingly fit Seren Gibson.
- The World’s Dumbest Deaths: Dying is a bit shit, so why not do it in an exciting manner? We run through those free-thinkers who have left this mortal coil in kick-ass ways, like getting their heads ripped off by robots and shit.
- Can spam emails change your life? One brave reporter decides to take the spammers’ offers up, with predictably crap results.
- Kitty Lea goes Viking: To celebrate the new game Viking we dressed Kitty Lea up like a Norse warrior. Any excuse to talk to her really.
- Smooth Criminals: Whenever famous people get arrested, they always seem to look unfeasibly cool. Proof that crime does pay in this ace criminal style guide.
- How to Moonwalk. You never know when it might come in handy. What if one day you wake up in Back To The Future III?
- Welsh Rivals special featuring Dirty Sanchez: Pancho and Pritchard go head to head in this South Wales derby.

PLUS: King Kenny Dalglish, the story behind Daft Punk’s finest hour, Rainbow Six Vegas 2, ace new band Blackhole, a bike that glows in the dark, Happy Gilmore, a shit joke about cats, the winner of the Walkabout Beach Babes competition, complete lies about babies, Crystal Castles, violent women, laughing gas explained, Final Fantasy versus Zelda, Hulk Hogan’s favourite things, and a bunch of animals eating each other’s heads.

AND THE USUAL: Alex Sim-Wise’s monthly madness, Von’s smut-filled advice, the fantastically sweary Cunts page, Mate in a State, more unfeasibly fit women and all the news, reviews and how-do-you-dos that we deliver every month. Plus loads, fucking LOADS, more...

AND THIS AS WELL: The first person to get this and email front@frontarmy.co.uk with the subject line "I’d like some grot please" can have some free grot, as long as they’re over 18 and don’t forget to include their address like a retard.

WE LOVE YOU ALL. PLEASE MAKE THIS A TWO-WAY LOVE THING AND LOVE US BACK. NOW GO GET DRUNK!*

*after buying several copies of FRONT, obviously.