You are not Elliot Smith, you are not Johnny Cash. We don't really like it when you make a sad music album, it comes off really boring.

Don't get me wrong, I loved 'Roses' and I don't mind you slowing it down for us every once in a while, but let's try to keep it to a ratio.

I'm suggesting a 7:1 ratio.

For every boring 'Love Lockdown' you have to give us seven club bangers that everybody loves.

I'm talking about 'Stronger,' 'The New Workout Plan.' etc.

Also, if you'd like to know more about Stephen Colbert, he has a wikipedia page.

Love,
Jamie Martin