Self review NYC Bikes in Kitchens show 05/25/2007
- I was pretty sure everything that could go wrong had…


- By Johnny Siera

We have a feeling this show will be crazy so we get there early to take our time to sound check as we are actual idiots setting up under the usual drunken, crowded conditions. Previously we have gone to such lengths as color coding cables and buying suitcases smirking like gear dogs thinking we got equipment shit on lock. First "good" sign is that our ipod which runs all our backing tracks has broken again. Weeks before in NYC we look actually retarded when the beats coming from the old ipod stop mid show after first being set on shuffle confusing the "douche" set terribly with extremely convenient vice cameras there documenting the whole kerfuffle. Realizing this will take some time Matt goes off to drink Mojito's while I stay and try not to look like a confused monkey. Luckily awesome sound girl Dylan really holds it down and gets everything sounding sick. Now that the ipod is busted I have to run the backing tracks off my laptop but everything is tight. Time to skip to the bodega to buy some batteries for a third backing track backup and some delicious beers.

So everything is chill, we're hanging in the green room making a real time backup of the backing tracks onto mini-disc off the laptop. For those unbeknown to the technology pre ipod, mini dics record in real time and require the insert of track marks. This is the first mini disc backup I have done in almost two years since our early early shows. However that would just be over precautionary I decide (do read on good peoples). Loads of our friends from Bmore and NYC are there and its all super fun. People are showing up and all signs lead to another sick "Bikes in Kitchens" show.

Fast forward two hours and our pals Best Fwends from Austin start to play using our equipment and kids go crazy. Previously I have been accidently punched in the throat in the pit watching Team Robespierre. Sore to swallow but alls good. First song into Best Fwends someone kicks out the power and we have to stand on stage making sure the power lead stays in and the PA speakers don't fall crushing the mixer and possibly actual humans. None the less, after a couple of technical hiccups Best Fwends kill it and we are pumped and about to start.

We set up as usual on the floor and kick in our intro – I want you back (Jackson 5). Positive vibes, good times. Carlos from Bikes in Kitchens has even put down his crutch to crowd surf with a broken foot. Three quarters into our first song kids are spazzing and the show is going sick but alas… the backing tracks start doing a little unplanned looping, deafening crackling trick and the speaker bins are rattling like an over full dryer on high. I look to my laptop and pick it up out of the puddle of water it is now residing in. Immediately take off my shirt definitely not to show my scrawny 5'5" chest but to sop up the water off my laptop. Not that we know now but what has destroyed not only our laptop but our mixer, guitar amp, speaker bins, pretty much our whole set up are water balloons some or all of which are filled with blue water. This convenient water when propelled into our electronics, speakers and the like caused the somewhat poppy backing tracks to sound like somewhat unlistenable noise band. Unbeknown to us an actual idiot/imbecile and her friend decided it would be a sick idea to throw water balloons from the mezzanine onto the bands equipment who not sure if they realized needed electricity. WTF !$!^@&@*(@!! Even though I really want to name this fuckhead lets just describe her by the shirt she was wearing which read, "Fuck you you fucking fuck." Sweet mid 20's teen angst? Matt and I look at each other like startled penguins and I'm pretty sure simultaneously think "Not again in NYC…"

Anyways… luckily awesome sound girl Dylan saves the day and we proceed to borrow a mixer from Team Robespierre, run beats through the house PA and re-start the set using the untrackmarked mini disc. All things considering, the set is now going OK, kids spazzing, good times. Usual problems occur like actual good hearted individuals trying to hold Matt's mic stand but simultaneously thrashing as hard as they possibly can causing the mic to repeatedly smash into Matt's face delivering a nice black eye and bloodied lip. Proceeding through the set we now realize I am playing guitar but not causing any sound. Sweet little water balloon has torn a massive hole in my guitar amp and Matt has broken all three power chord strings (E,A and D). Convenient for a punk band?? I stop the set to give Matt my guitar but then to top it off have to fast forward through the set as I didn't track mark the mini disc before. By the end of the set it sounds like to us we are strangling kittens over the top of backing tracks but somehow people still seem to like it. I then looked at my powerbook screen whose which appears to resemble more the cover of the Nevermind album than a bunch of icons.

Shortly after we finish local awesome photographer Tod Seelie informs me that it was water balloons not beer as we first thought that destroyed around $3000 of our equipment and he knows who it was and actually took photographs of her in the act. Somewhat white with anger I proceeded to try and find her shirtless and looking not unlike a meth fueled mid western criminal from the television serial "COPS", I find her sitting all nonchalant in her car outside. Firstly demanding her license she doesn't budge and the little apathetic piece of shit simply doesn't give a fuck. A little screaming and car hood slapping later I just decide it's fruitless and simply reach in and steal her keys. Firstly looking for a drain to throw them down some more level headed friends decide maybe that isn't the best idea if I am to get her details, I just go inside and start to pack up. People congratulate us on our ridiculous set somewhat unaware of the full spectrum of this disaster.

Meanwhile "Fuck you you fucking fuck" girl decides instead of simply giving me her details it would be a better idea to call the police after first trying to fight me all the time me thinking how ridiculous it actually is that my first fight will be with a girl. Luckily peoples pull her off. So in summary, this girl is not only an imbecile and an idiot, she is also a narc, causing the party to end. The police come and side with me after they hear the story and I tell them I don't want her to be arrested and they advise me to get an attorney which I don't have the first clue about and obviously being in a touring band can not afford.

When I get home there is a healthy reminder and little present of a water balloon stuck to our mixer.

We then proceed on our tour. Every show is awesome, we get paid really well but still way behind after our little water balloon party. Dreams still intact of quitting bullshit jobs but not quite yet current.

Next tour June / July. Sweet jams.

c'est la vie?



Our new EP will be available on our June/July tour. It also comes with a screeprinted flag designed by Nolen Strals of Post Typography and sick punk band Double Dagger.


Here is some footage from the pre-mentioned show by Danny Baxter.



Tod Seelie wrote about it in Suckapants

Here are the culprits

Repost kind peoples.

L8

Johnny Siera