Day Day 1. Tuesday june 24th
..Holland.. , after playing a very low key show at a lovely little venue in ....Venlo.....
We left right after the show to chase an early morning ferry back to Blighty from ....Calais.....
The highlight of the trip had to be Monty, who had gone a little on the lash, ( see; whiskey,vodka,beer,wine and hash) believing that the trip to the ferry was going to be 9 hours.
We were rudely awoken at 4.45am by the English customs officers wanting everyone off the bus to check i.d..s and go through the rigmarole of entering this green and unpleasant land.
The ..Moron.. was nowhere to be seen until he came stumbling off the bus followed by Miss Crunk and a rather irate customs officer, who obviously took umbridge at being called 27 shades of cunt by the slowly rising and still semi conscious ....Moron.....
We had all gone through and watched in fits of laughter as Monty had to be guided through the complex system of red ropes, cunting all the way to the desk.
There, the lady in charge asked him very politely to calm down, whereupon he started simply swearing at his shoes.
A priceless moron freakout of the highest order, and worthy of an entry into the top 10 of all time.
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Also worthy of a mention is our gloriously stereotypical bus driver, who Cap nicknamed BUS CUNT on account of the fact that he would dump the bus toilet only under extreme protest, and usually in broad daylight on the streets of some big city or other.
We envisioned a Viz comic strip where he would dump the bog at any small grievance, such as getting short changed by the newsagent by a penny or two.
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"RIGHT!!!! THAT..S IT!! TAKE THAT YOU NEWSAGENT BASTARD!!!"
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Another case of Brown Justice from BUS CUNT!!
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We got back( Me, Miss Crunk ,Magic Dave and Motty Scunson ) to cross-load our trailer full of gear into a van, (as the tour bus would never make it down the country lanes that lead to The Studio ) only to find that the vehicle we were renting from "Wide Boy Industries" ( a division of BUS CUNT international ) was way too small for the Job, and we had to send 2 on the train ,2 in the VAAAAAAAAANNNNN YOU CANT!!!!
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So here we are.
After 7+ years since recording Grave Disorder, it..s not the first visit to the studio, but it..s the first where we have all agreed that we are recording the new album.
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I set Madam Bling up in her new home for the next 40 days, and retired to the local pub with the studio owner ( a fantastic legendary drummer in his own right) and ended the day with a glorious Guiness or 3.
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Day 2 Wednesday June 25th
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Woke up feeling really vibey and up for getting some great kit sounds in the awesome drum room.
I felt kind of strange, like I had weird, but happy dreams, and found out that 3 weeks ago, 2 very badly behaved rock..n..roll bands were here, so I just want to say thank you lads for leaving surprisingly good vibes in this place.
I once bought a really cool vintage headboard at home and had to sleep in the lounge after 3 nights of horrific nightmares, eventually doing some kind of weird vibe cleansing ritual before being able to sleep with it again, but that..s another story.
We even appear to have a prank loving ghost here at the studio, but more of that later.
Day 2 was spent just knocking ideas around between Adam, the engineer, Motty Scunson, our live FOH engineer, and myself.
We eventually settled on a mic package for the drums that runs like this;
Kick-D112
Snare top + bottom- SM57s
Aux Snare- Groove Tubes GT66
HiHat- Sennheiser 441
Racks 1+2- Sennheiser 609s
Rack 3- D112
Floors 1+2- Peavey 521s
Overheads L+R –Calrec 748s in XY pattern
Room mics- Neumann U87s x 2 and Groove Tubes GT66
All of these running through vintage API mic preamps.
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I....m obviously recording on Madam Bling from Spaun Drums, outfitted with Remo Ambassador heads for the first few songs to get that modern/vintage sound that suits these drums so well.
The kick has an Emad batter and Single ply front, with a minimal piece of dampening on the front head only.
The snare has my favourite ever head- the Evans HD dry, which sounds studio ready on any snare drum you kit it out with, and believe me, i..ve got a few with me.
I brought a great little brass 13x7 from Worldmax, that is acting as a great auxiliary snare for 1 track in particular.
I also brought the ever faithful ..Pearl.. maple 14x6.5 shell free floater, which is really throaty and very versatile.
The main snare i..m using for the first few tracks is a 14x7 DW Edge , that I had made in the same colour combo as the kit, a beautiful Gold and white marine pearl, and the thing sounds awesome for the more garagey stuff we are tinkering with.
I will eventually get round to using my Spaun Hybrid that has two 2 inch vents that make this thing absolutely crisp and deafening, but i..m holding that back for later tracks.
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So, we all spent the day getting some really exciting drum sounds and then moved on to the bass, where we went for a sans amp setup running through a Joe Meek VC1Q.
Stu..s new ESP bass ( the viper I think) sounded really rich and full through this combo, and was definitely a great start point.
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Next, we busted out a ton of different amp and combo options for Cap to tinker with when he arrives.
Here is the list, in no order of preference.
Marshall- JCM 800, JCM 900 50W hi gain dual reverb, Super lead 100W,Silver Jubilee, and of course, his trusty live EL34 stereo power amps.
Also in the setup is a Mesa Boogie F50, A Vox AC30, and a VHT Valvulator!!!!
It..s all Greek to me, but the tones that Motty and Adam were getting were really varied and exciting.
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That just left the Moron..s gear, which comprises of his Roland set up of the Juno G and the VK8. Also at his disposal is a real Hammond B3 and a beautiful Eavestaff pianette mini piano, as well as a multitude of other keyboards from the ages and a ton of things that go bang, thwack, ding fwaarp, zing and sort of shmoollng.
All of which I am sure he will take full advantage of.
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After about 8 hours of assorted jiggery pokery, Adam left the studio at the mercy of Motty and I, and we created what can only be described as a 20 minute drunk prog classic, based on a riff from Motty..s long lost, but soon to be revived classic prog band "IT". You should google them, they oput out a great record on an obscure Italian label a few years ago.
We watched the sun come up , fell about the studio laughing, tried one more drunk take, and called it a night………..or morning.
Which reminds me, I really must get in touch with my contact at Oakham Ales to supply a barrel of JHB, the most fantastical session beer in the history of beer.
Mmmmmmmm Beeeeeeer!!!!!
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Day 3 Thursday June 26th
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Woke up today, slightly fuzzy headed to be greeted by Mr Stuart West pounding at the door demanding entry.
I let him in and went back to bed for a few more precious ZZZZZZZ..s.
When I got up again, Monty was here and we went off on a shopping trip to stock up on vital items, seeing as we are located so remotely away from any distractions.
My flabber was gasted at the price of food in the local Tescos.
I haven..t had to do a weekly shop in the ....UK.... for a while ,and it blew me away how much just the basics cost. Tomatoes 44p a tin. Bread was over a quid!!!!! Frig !!!!
I still bought a smoothie maker though, just to push at least one healthy burst of juice down every day.
Current favourite is strawberry,banana,blueberry,orange juice and fresh lime.
Works a treat.
Spent most of the rest of the day going through ideas of how to approach tracks, the feel, the tempos etc, and we had a really cool jam to get the feel for the room and the sounds.
Called it a night fairly early after watching the Footie, which was a bit disappointing really.
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Day 4 Friday June 27th
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Today will always be known as Monty day, as me and Stu took a large back seat to the ego of the Legendary Moron, as he flexed his nimble pinkies on the majestic compilation entitled Nature..s Dark Passion.
A real John Barry-esque grandiose affair, with 5…. yes 5…intertwining piano tracks as the basis of this mock opera.
Now , normally , that wouldn..t be a problem, but the moron, being the moron, wrote the whole thing with a free time feel, which completely negates the use of any click track, or time sequencing.
Adam must have had a jolly old time, building a grid to at least be able to distinguish the end of one part and the start of another, but after 5 or 6 hours of assorted grunts, groans, and furious movement of brown air, the moron emerged, having triumphantly nailed the first track of the new Damned record.
Now there were only 357,000 overdubs to be added on 421 different keyboards.
Me and Stu sat back down and opened another bottle of wine.
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Eventually, it was our turn, and we were getting a bit antsy, so we took out our frustration on a really dirty garagey track tentatively titled "Aim To Please", which ends on a very satisfying 3 minutes 00 seconds.
I think you can definatley hear the poor drumkit taking her punishment on that track, poor girl!!!!
And poor Adam.
Miss Crunk had left a rather nasty virus at the studio, and Adam was full blown with it, meaning we had to end the session early as he retired to a safe distance and a large dose of fruits and medecines.
We just sat around throwing tentative album titles at each other, and howling furiously as they were getting more and more ridiculous, of course.
Crapping all over the world, Cum Scrum, The adventures of Ostrich Boy, If you..re not here…..see through this, Whispering Shits, and finally the classic…..shitting in the dark.
Who knows what we will choose, but the pool of ridicule just gets larger by the day.
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Day 5 Saturday June 28th
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Had a bit of a late start today due to Adam..s illness, but little did he know that we had worked out how to arm the pro-tools and fire up the room to record ourselves while he was away.
This resulted in a legendary drunken drum solo being recorded in the very wee hours by the studio owner, who, I must say, even drunk, can outperform nearly any drummer you care to mention. I have the whole thing on video, and unless he pays the ransom, it..s going on Youtube.
So, today we got down to finishing the key tracks on Aim To Please, and very dirty they are too.
Some really glorious parping by Mr Oxymoron, thrashing his organ wildly.
I just know this track is going to be really cool.
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We then started on a real up tempo stormer called "Under The Wheels" , which we have been saving for quite a while as a definite album track after me and Cap knocked it up in ....Sensible.. ..Towers.... quite some time ago.
It was great to finally get our teeth into it in a great studio environment and do it the justice it deserves.
This one has everything a great Damned song needs.
A rip roaring stompfest through a marvelous melody, punctuated by subtle, but crushing guitars, and all topped off by bells and Turkish drums. I shit you not m..lud.
So, the drums, bass and keys, as well as (literally) the bells and whistles went on the rest of the session, and pleased as punch we are to have nailed a great feel on this track.
We are well on the way now and it feels amazing.
I'm still not shaving until all the drums are done!!!
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Day 6 Sunday June 29th
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And an off day.
Yes, even we, the great Damned, are humble enough to give the poor engineer some time with his mrs.
This signals the ....Moron.... going home for a bath ( hates showers, and the one at the studio can strip a cowskull clean in 60 seconds) and to pick up his now clean stage gear from home.
Herr West spends the day trainspotting in ..Southampton.. I believe, and he has gone by the time I rise at 10am.
Today also signals the arrival of Captain, who has been tied up thus far with family commitments , but is raring to go as soon as he arrives.
He..ll have to wait till the morning until he can dive right in, but this gives me time to spend the day pondering a lyric to a song that we have been playing with for a long time, but couldn..t quite get the lyric right to it.
The grounds of the studio are really inspirational, and lend themselves very easily to creation, in a very inward, isolating way.
No distractions, no noise, nothing but the birds and the bees.
I had one of those Eureka moments when I finally got the whole thing finished ,and was feeling very pleased with myself, until Old Sensible showed up and poo pooed my marvelously poetic line that referenced Greek mythology.
Boo Boo and more Boo, I say.
Ho hum, I demanded he come up with a better one or we use it.
It may see the light of day yet.
Spent the rest of the evening tinkering with song ideas and playing Cap all the stuff recorded so far.
A big thumbs up was his reply. Great sounds, great playing and feel.
That was a relief.
Roll on Monday.
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Day 6 Monday June 30th
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Having heartily enjoyed watching ....Spain.... crush the Germans in the footie, I awoke to the sounds of some old hippy strumming an acoustic guitar outside my bedroom window.
Could I be still dreaming and i..m at ....Glastonbury....???? We did watch some great footage of the Raconteurs the previous night.
But, no, it was Cap, greeting the day with a cuppa and a strum.
Really beautiful day today, and felt great to get in and do some serious damage to the songs.
We decided to go for one called "Maid For Pleasure". A spunky little ditty, with probably the heaviest guitar track I have ever heard on a Damned song.
For me, after my cup of incredibly strong morning espresso in a pint mug, it felt like I was on a marine assault course after being dragged out of bed by the sergeant major at 5 am.
I mean , really, you shouldn..t be dripping with sweat an hour after you have woken up unless it..s got something to do with the morning wood and wifey.
The bastards made me play this song so many times, I was starting to get angry, and a little violent ( a side product of giving up smoking prior to the latest Euro jaunt. Still haven..t had one) but I didn..t really know what I was getting angry at.
Maybe the caffeine, maybe the fact that i..m so unfit , that playing a song 13 times in an hour makes me feel like an Everest conqurer without oxygen. Cough!!!
So, I was sitting there after getting the thumbs up on take 13, and realizing I pretty much had the rest of the day off for the lads to finish the track, I thought I would write the first ever blog of my life.
Back in my day, they used to call them reports, or journals, or diary entries, but no, today, I am Blogging.
I..m blogging, and I hope you like blogging too.
I..m off back inside to stop these bastard mossies eating me little by little.
Found out that Stu sleeps with the window open in our communal dorm, as he doesn..t get bothered by them.
I just may have to squeeze a little bit of pus from my string of 6 bites that I got last night into his non mossie bothered mouth when he..s asleep tonight now won..t i?
More tomorrow.
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Day 7 Tuesday July 1st
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Another good night last night.....
After finishing Maid for Pleasure instrumentally, we felt Adam still had some life left in those wheezing lungs of his, so we put him to work setting up a new session for us to record what some of us in the band consider to be the song most likely to…………………………well, you'll just have to wait and see.....
It is still untitled, as the original is just a little too dark, even for us.....
This song has been a source of much to-ing and fro-ing between us since it was written. Not really sure how it should feel, not sure what the lyric should finally say, but we all knew it was definitely going on the new record.....
I tried to lay down a decent drum track to it last night, but , as usually happens with last thing at night takes, you listen to it in the warm light of day, and realize that you spent 3 hours trying to fit an elephant into an ashtray and it just aint working.....
So, after completely scrubbing last nights verses, I swallowed the ego sword and admitted I was no Stewart Copeland, and laid down the ( almost) straightest drum track this side of AC/DC……..and hey presto…..it worked.....
The track just locked itself together and is now available for the seemingly endlessly talented bandmates of mine to spin their dark webs over it.....
I should just take a minute here to mention the copious amounts of food that this band gets through in the average day.....
I mean, it really is quite alarming, seeing as none of us are exactly Oprahesque ( I just made that up, good huh?) in our stature, we seem to be forever eating something, and the kitchen is always the busiest room .( obviously this excludes the toilet…..Monty!!!!!! )....
For example, I have eaten since 10am this morning, Shepherds Pie ( individual portion) , ½ packet of aged chorizo with 2 slices of bread, a smoothie ( which Captain snuck some pears into) , 2 beef cannelloni in garlic /tom sauce, a large handful of Bombay mix, and I now fancy some Morroccan soup I've got my eye on in the cupboard.....
I think I may have worms………....
Anyway, back to the songs.....
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Next on the block was a tune called "A danger to yourself" and we approached this one completely differently.....
We had never played this one together before at all, and decided it would be a blast to write out an arrangement , not rehearse it, and just go for it with the tape rolling.....
Take 1 was awesome, but a little chaotic and overblown, so we went right for take 2, and that is probably what you are going to hear on the album. ....
All live, all vibe, great fun, and a real off the leash whig out for all of us in the best tradition of the MC5!!!!!! ....
Any way, i..m off to lay down another drum track, so until tomorrow…………....
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Day 8 Wednesday July 2nd<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />....
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Today, I discovered something so horrific. ....
Something so utterly repulsive and …….well, just downright mean and evil, that the session was nearly cancelled.....
I grew up with punk rock pranksters. I know their ways. I know the depths that they will go to just for a cheap laugh at somebody elses expense, and occasionally, it has been mine.....
They have a few beers, they think something is hilarious, even for a split second……..and they do it. ....
Often without remorse or the slightest pang of guilt, but they planned it, they executed it, THEY MEANT IT!....
At least they have an excuse.....
It was an evil trick, right from the get go, it was never meant to be innocent, always meant for shock and awe ( Copyright G.Bush esq ), and often planned with military precision.....
However……………………..what greeted me in the bathroom this morning, and the ensuing investigation and childlike admittance of guilt, take some believing.....
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Oh Yes!!!!....
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MONTY WASHES HIS BALLS IN THE BATHROOM SINK!!!!!!!!!....
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The only sink!....
The sink that we clean our teeth in!....
The sink that we wash our faces in!....
The ONLY BATHROOM sink.....
The Bastard!!!!!!....
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There will be revenge. Oh yes. ....
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Anyway, musically speaking, things just keep getting better and better here.....
When I say last night was amazing, I mean it was fuckin amazing.....
I pootled off to the drum booth, all atmospherically illuminated with a fine selection of candles and fragrances ( always wanted to do it, always been too tight to ) to tackle another song that we never played together before.....
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"A Nation Fit For Heroes"....
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Take 1, and it feels like a cool song.....
Take 2, it sounds and feels amazing, but I fuck up something rotten.....
Take 3……….wow!!!!!!!!!....
As we are recording this song, it is as though i..m listening to it on some future cd in some future club at some future disco that I would probably never go to.....
It is SO Damned, I am actually laughing whilst playing!!!!....
There is a smell of coffee and strawberries in the air, and for a second, it almost feels like I am looking down on myself from above, while someone else is playing the track, but i..m actually in time!!!....
Very Surreal, but …………….wow!....
Monty is laying down some incredible staccato Farfisa, Cap is riffing out with unusually good timing for a guitar player ( ! ) and Stu is just totally in the pocket.....
Loook it up if you don..t know what that means.....
Definitely a keeper, which just contradicts everything I said about late night takes.....
I don..t mind being wrong occasionally if it benefits Team Damned!!!!....
And that takes some admitting for a Scorpio.....
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So, we go to bed all happy and fluffy.....
Me, especially, seeing as how Miranda has just got back from her stint wowing the manimals of Napoli for a month with what I know is an amazing burlesque review, and she called to say all is good, home safe, no broken bones or egos.....
I smiled as i drifted off to the sounds of an over-exuberant Captain getting more and more pub rock on the piano downstairs. Hrumph!!!!!....
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So, we woke up to storm clouds a brewing today.....
It wasn..t a surprise.....
We had been promised a visit.....
Sure enough, as me ,Cap and Stu had barely re-created a quarter of the famous England/Germany 5-1 glory, via trampoline, caffeine and a-drenoline, the heavens opened, and we had to retire to the dry, but suspiciously odorous studio lounge to await Adam , his sympathetic beard growth, and growingly confident brown air concertos.
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Brown air has become a big part of the camaraderie between us all in the studio.....
The use of.....
The audio aspect.....
The Comic value.....
And, of course, the related environmental issues that spill forth with every guff.....
Mr Methane..s ghost walks these very halls.....
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And talking of ghosts.....
As I was a few days ago.....
Monty has a device with him that, when you depress the handle with some force (and I mean SOME force), this pigs head rises off the handle and gives a mildly amusing kind of OINK!!!!!....
A few days ago, we were all busy doing studio stuff, like getting sounds, jamming, eating marmite on toast etc, when Monty came , I wouldn..t say running, but definitely scurrying, into the studio, excitedly declaring that the pig had just gone off twice on it..s own.....
Now, I believe brothers and sisters.....
I am not a sceptic.....
But.....
Why, out of all the trickery a poltergeist could have fun with in a studio ( see, every lame band ghost story ever……."yeah man, we were tracking "Lust for the devils cock", when the lights began to flash, and the room went cold, and the pizza looked like a map of Italy!!!!!!!!!!!! ) would a friggin toy pigs head begin to go oink???....
Do we have a really lame ghost?....
Or is the Moron……………………….dare I say it……………a channeller!!!!!!!....
I think this one's gonna run and run.....
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Today, we were feeling a little bit epic.....
Inspired by our majestic performances so far on the drive of doom, that was capturing our every fanfare and fuckup , we felt like giving one of our more epic ( read slow, but awesomely catchy) tunes a bash.....
We all ate food.....
Drank liquid.....
Thrashed ourselves with pine branches…………and we were ready.....
Another undecided title…..but, ….wow….what a great song.!!!!!!!....
If I still took drugs, I would definitely have fired up a bowl or two, slumped back in the armchair, and joined the thousands that were singing along with the insanely catchy chorus of this song.....
When I say that this thing is catchier than Hep C in a Glastonbury mud slide, I mean it is so catchy, I have problems sleeping after I have listened to it.....
Apparently, the best way to get rid of ear worms, is to repeat the lalalalala <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />....America.... song until your brain can take it no more.....
I prefer Grave Disorder…….sends me off every time.....
Familiarity breeds content.....
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So, after our warm glow was getting refueled by fish and chips from the local ( 7/10) chippy, Mr Vanian rolled up, having found his way here with nothing more than a few ancient manuscripts and the position of the stars.
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T'was great to have the full compliment of Damnedlets here at this wonderful place, and feet were immediately tapping and ideas furiously exchanged, amidst a backdrop of anecdotes and ambitions.....
Progress so far got a head-noddingly encouraging thumbs up ( but we knew that anyway, the tracks had been kind of pre-agreed), and a threat that one of the tracks was going to get an airing at Guilfest.....
Hmmmmmmmmmm. Was that a crackle in the air?....
Patricia used to be able to blow fuses and amps at will,( again, I shit you not) and tonight there was a similar feeling surrounding the surroundings.....
We spent the rest of the night looking at the sessions we did back in Chapel studios in Lincolnshire, when we recorded LMD, and agreed there is some great stuff on there that needs slightly tweaking ( ok, I used an electric drumkit. !!!!!!) so, we are gonna re-record the drums to some stuff that you lot have never heard before (even live or bootlegged, you know who you are!!! ) , and include it as some part of the new release.....
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I have to end the night with a touchingly funny story.....
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Me and cap were just about to crash, when he noticed a little tiny new born toad, hopping its little toady way along the corridor in the hallway.....
Poor little thing must have only been maybe a few days old, and got trapped in here, as we leave the doors open ( so the mossies can eat me, obviously) quite often.....
"Let..s pick it up an put it back outside" says Cap.....
Noble sentiment, thinks me.....
Cap, ever so gently gets a pack of guitar strings and lets the little fella jump onto it and then gently cups him in his hand, on the way to freedom once again.....
Wow! That..s a real touch of beauty for an old punk rocker , thinks I.....
He gently takes him out the front door, across the gravel driveway, and before I can say….DONT PUT HIM THERE…………an owl lazily jumps off the tree and gobbles him up with no more than a casual glance at Cap, as if to say…….KEEP EM COMIN ASSHOLE!!!!!!!....
Just then, a unicorn popped his head round the door and asked for directions to Dorking.
I couldn..t help him, but my friend the cyclops was going there, so gave him a ride on Pegasus back... ..
Ahhhhh. The beauty of nature.....
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