We are not "lone ranger" Christians. We need each other. In the DVD this week, Rick Warren says, "We're not just supposed to be believers; we're supposed to be belongers." As we studied in the first session, Jesus said in John 13:35 that "Your love for one another will prove you are my disciples" (NLT). But how do we build a community rooted in this love and what does it look like?
1 Corinthians 13:7 outlines four important attributes of love for building community - four attributes to build our group around.
1) Love always protects. The word protects in this passage literally means "to cover over with silence." One of the most important ways we can build community within our group is to practice confidentiality. Nothing will destroy a relationship faster than gossip. Gossip can be defined as talking about a situation with someone who is neither part of the problem or solution. Gossip is basically making ourselves feel better or superior about our own lives at the expense of others. A true friend not only does not participate in gossip, but stops gossip when they hear it. Gossip probably destroys more churches and friendships than any other thing. Rather than gossiping we need to create an atmosphere where people can be free to share issues without worrying they will be broadcast outside the group. We need to not criticize the actions of others behind their backs.
2) Love always trusts. We need to believe in each other as well as believe for each other. Luke 5:17-25 involves a paralyzed man and some friends who brought him to Jesus - carrying him on a mat and lowering him through a roof. Believing in each other makes us vulnerable. In a way all of us come with our own "mat" - some sort of symbol of human brokenness and imperfection. It's a very vulnerable thing to have someone carry your mat. When somebody's carrying your mat, they see you in your weakness. They might also hurt you if they drop you (and this would be especially scary if they are literally lowering you through a roof...). But in order to have deep friendships, you can't always be the strong one - sometimes you have to let somebody else carry your mat. Without his friends believing for him, this man wouldn't have gotten to Jesus that day - he wouldn't have been healed or had his sins forgiven. Sometimes we're too discouraged or beat-up and we don't have the faith ourselves - and that's when we need our group to carry us - believe for us and bring us to God in prayer and support us.
3) Love always hopes. A true friend wants you to win. A real test of friendship is how one handles their friends' successes. Everyone needs someone they can share the joys of their life with, without feeling put down for it. We need to be excited for each other, not secretly competing or jealous. A major secret for building a strong relationship is being genuinely excited about other people's accomplishments. We each need to become a cheering section for each other and let people know we're pulling for them and praying for them - hoping the best for their lives. Everybody needs encouragement - it's one of the most attractive features we can put out there as a group. "So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind" 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (Msg).
4) Love always perseveres. We need to hang in there with people and always be there for each other when needed. Proverbs 17:17 says, "a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (NIV). Having a group based on love that perseveres means people being able to count on us in the good times and the bad. Perseverance also means putting up with each other and not running away, isolating ourselves, or moving to a new church every time we get our feelings hurt or things don't go exactly the way we want. People are going to hurt our feelings, just as we will hurt others'. In fact the people we love the most have the greatest potential to hurt us. True friendships begin with commitment - genuine love is based on personal commitment. Romans 12:10 states "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves" (NIV). To develop a love that perseveres we need to not be focused on ourselves - but to be focused on God and letting Him lead us to act in love. Romans 12:5 tells us that "in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others" (NIV). Love is not about being self-centered.
God wants us to develop close meaningful friendships that build us up rather than tearing us down - and that encourage rather than discourage. Therefore, we each need to focus on being a friend who always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres - a friend who loves.