(aside from the one major reason that I am a fuck up and ruined my life)

01. I am tired of having to kiss peoples asses in order to get them to come to my shows.
02. I am tired of having to remind these same people to come to my shows over and over.
03. I dont want these people there, nor do they even want to be there. Said guests and I are just doing things out of
guilt for each other, which is not healthy.
04. I am tired of having to get really drunk on stage and sleep over at someone elses house near the venue,
when all I really want to do is go home.
05. I am very annoyed with getting paid less than $7 an hour to perform on stage
(When you factor in prep time, load in, sound check, etc.)
06. Lack of free beer and oral sex after performing.
07. Lack of interest in performing in general.
08. Lack of interest in hobbies and other endeavors where I am not guaranteed a certain per hour income.
09. The fact that I would actually pay myself more NOT to have to play shows. For example, on average, I would pay myself $300 to stay home, get up early, mow the lawn, and clean the house as opposed to stand on stage until 2am getting drunk in front of strangers.
10. No one takes my stand up comedy routine serious, resulting in constant shouting over my jokes and routines.
This is very disheartening and has resulted in a decline in on stage humor.
11. All my fans in Wisconsin are meth heads.
12. All my fans in Illinois are grown men stuck in a perpetual state of frat boy jocularity.
13. In 8 years I have yet to meet a fellow performer who shares my own opinions and views of the world.
As a result, a feeling of isolation is perpetual.
14. The one time after 8 years that I finally went home with a chick was extremely disappointing and led to a significant moment of clarity, perhaps for the first time in my adult life.
15. No one appreciates my attempts at melding with hip hop culture and instead
wishes to force me into the long dead hardcore rave scene.
16. Stupid music labels like Indie Hop and Breakcore and Experimental Hip Hop and Mash Up.
17. People who review my albums without knowing my complete discography.
18. Is my loss of hearing really worth your enjoyment?
19. Concern about my prostate.
20. The fact that after 8 years, I still have to be fall down drunk in order to stand up in front of a group of strangers and play.
21. Lack of interest in general from people who claim to be big fans.
22. I am tired of having to explain to my ex girlfriend why I dont want her to come to my shows.
23. Standing in poorly ventilated clubs filled with smoke doesnt seem like a very healthy thing to do.
24. In a way I feel like I am selfishly forcing my real friends to drive approx. 45 to stand around, get drunk, and then be forced to drive home and get potential D.U.I.s.
25. Making music comes to easy these days and seems a bit to formulaic even for my simple methods.
26. All fans with girlfriends serve as a constant reminder of what I should really be doing with my life; meeting a life partner.
27. My fanbase grows at the approximate rate of 2 males per 8 shows played, and 1 female per 34 shows played. (Actual statistics).
28. The majority of my fanbase would rather buy me a beer than my me new CD or T-Shirt.
29. Venues without a backstage area.
30. Friends and fans that want to be guest listed.
31. Having to listen to peoples shitty excuses about why they didnt make it to a show. (Most common excuses in order: Girlfriend was Being a Bitch, No Ride, No Oxycotin, Forgot Venue Information, Met Hot Chick , No Money, Cant Find I.D., Overslept).
32. The majority of women I am finding interested in me because of my music are either: a. Divorced or b. between the ages of 17-19.
33. Simply put, why am I trying to become what I dont want to be?
34. I only smoke cigarettes in the weeks leading up to, and during, a show.
35. My car is getting old and I am tired of driving it all over Wisconsin, Illinois, Minnesota, and Indiana.
36. Touring Europe free of charge for 3 weeks at a time is extremely overrated when all you care about is staying home.
39. No girls in Europe want to get to know traveling American musicians with self esteem issues.
40. Fellow musicians constantly mock me and downplay me into token funny opening act slots which I have outgrown.
41. Im almost at the age where all of my heroes died. Isnt that a clue to hang it up?
42. My father does not understand or sees no artistic merit in what I do.
43. Lack of merchandise sales over all.
44. My last two albums have been a mockery of my mid period good albums which where created while I lived in my moms basement as a 25 year old man. Since moving out, subsequent albums have just been riffing on the same material with sub par results.
45. Wrist pain.
46. According to studies, I would drink less if I stopped playing music.
47. Pressure from my Mother to grow the fuck up and stop goofing around with these computers and friends.
48. Catching colds at shows is a common occurrence.
49. The guy doing the documentary on me is starting to get a little weird.
50. Lack of response to everything on this list.