I guess it's a natural reaction to the turn of the year, the desire for change. Everyone seems obsessed with changing themselves at this time of year, and for the next few weeks, every one of us is going to be asked what our New Year's resolution is. This really seems to serve to negate the effects of drinking, eating and generally partying a little too hard over December.

As well as this, I guess birthdays serve the same purpose - more than just a change of number, but a desire to change the self with it. It comes as a desire for maturity and bettering the self.

My birthday is the day after New Year's day, so I get these "desire for change" feelings as a double whammy.

Obviously I cut my hair recently, during a period of what could be viewed as either enlightenment or mental illness - I undertook a sleep deprived satori, realising that you can cut hair, then grow it again, so why keep it long when it's annoying you?!

This took effect when I was listening to a lot of David Bowie, so basicly, to everyone who keeps asking me about my haircut, Blame the Bowie.

Anyway, the desire for change is actually much deeper than wanting to cut my hair to a length where even simple tasks such as washing or styling it confuse the hell out of me (honest to God, I have to use gel. I've never used gel in my entire life. How am I meant to understand this whole gel concept!?).

My New Year's/birthday/post haircut resolution is to change my entire personage, which frankly isn't all that surprising, considering I do this every year.

Last year, I decided in short that I was going to have the most debauched year ever. It didn't really start off too well, since I was ill for the first half of the year, but once I got fixed up, I guess I was a bit of a party animal.

With this, I seemed to change into some sort of violent Right Wing Nazi dictator, complete with casual racism and frequent verbal and physical attacks on those around me, as well as slipping into the old pattern of dragging my own name through the dirt to see how controversial I can be (without my parents finding out, which they inevitably do anyway).

I don't like this about myself though, and I don't like how bloody annoying and violent I become when I'm drunk (again, nothing new there).

This is a bit of a confessional, but even though I'm not totally happy about the idea of trying to calm down a bit from last year, I feel that following the road I've been on for the past year (alkie Nazi Davie, who is surprisingly similar to the Thin White Duke, minus the budget) is going to further alienate me from everyone and will lead to me hating myself - as I said, I don't like the mental state I am in right now.

What I'm saying is that the desire for change has led me to decide that among other things, I'm planning to DRINK LESS BOOZE. Seriously. This one's the main resolution, as although I do like drinking, and I like its effects on me, I don't like how that in turn affects everyone around me.

No smoking either, since it's starting to affect me.

Less controversial statements... maybe.

Less racism (which, by the way, was not actually serious, but it was often taken to be).

No more of the "personal issues" which don't need to be offloaded here; I have Martin for that (sorry mate!).

I do believe that giving in to the desire for change will positively affect my life, as it has in the past. Besides, it should be interesting to see how many days I go between making this vow and needing my stomach pumped.

And hey, maybe one day, if I'm lucky, the path to enlightenment will lead me to some in-depth answers as to why the hell I can't comprehend hair wax. Some instructions, please!?