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I miss her.
I miss her a lot.
I miss both of them.
I’ve been staring at everyone since I pulled my small television out of my back pocket and watched every channel over and over again.
It’s a small, leather-bound tri-fold wallet that used to hold my money back when money was used for something other than to burn for warmth. That’s my television. Brand new, state of the art, leather-technology with a whopping 4 and a half channels of family programming.
I stare into each picture behind the cheap frosted plastic coating that they sit in, behind the useless credit cards and the ticket stub to the worst picture-show in history that I’m only saving hoping that if anyone sees the stub, they will drown me with sympathy for sitting through it for 2 and a half hours. I’m sleeping in a bed of gore and infection, and I would rather be here than watching that god damned movie again.
Chuckle number 3. It’s either a sign of healing, or a sign of insanity.
As I stare at the faded photos inside the worn out, ten dollar television, my brain broadcasts reruns of memories and experiences, some that are more than worthy of awards.
I hate that I never got to say goodbye.
"I’ll be fine. Just…do what they say. I’ll be right back."
That was it.
I didn’t say I love you. I didn’t say….(words too illegible to transcribe)
I didn’t demand answers. I didn’t ask questions. I just followed instructions. That’s what they tell you to do, right?
I wasn’t even scared!
I believed them.
Shit, when was that? 5, 6 years ago? Yah, 6 years ago, I just…believed them.
The amount of horror and loneliness that have enveloped me over those last 6 years has warped a lot of my memories of the beginning of all this. I remember every second of every day that I spent with both of them up until that first…scare. After that, I remember some confusion. I remember some kinds of mass hysteria. I remember the nay-sayers. But mostly, I just remember REMEMBERING. Because that’s all I had, and all I still have. Remembering.
6 winters ago, the first case showed up. I think it was pretty deep into Downtown Vulture, almost by the northeast coast, if I remember. Close to the zoo. You would think that the downright violence of the incident would have been enough to scare the general population, or at least make them shudder. But it was the exact opposite. They were EXCITED. Everyone. It was a fucking party. Everyone naively celebrating that we were visited by an alien…
3:25 AM
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