First writing rule -use a catchy title even if it has absolutely no connection to your topic whatsoever. CHECK.
- Lately I have this zero tolerance to ridicule. And looking back I find myself being The Ridicule Inventor, which says a lot, about ridicule. And me. Of all the exes I respect none. Except. He who has been ridiculously ill, he who has always been ridiculously alive, he who has been ridiculously handsome, he who has been ridiculously rude, he whom I know so ridiculously well nothing can surprise me for a change, he who has been, so much ridiculously, my Milton 'n all, he who has been ridiculously young. He who has been ridiculously late.
-Lately I have been taking ridiculous pride in people I know. Person I decorates their home exactly like I tell them so Boss Feature CHECK. Person II rides a vespa, dresses like the poster up on the Wallpaper stylists' bedroom wall and plays in a band. So Groupie Feature CHECK.
Person III buys me gifts when I least expect gifts and prefers to give them to me in private, dragging me, holding hands. So Surprise Feature CHECK. Person IV, V, VI make my days at work worth the effort, so Career (…whaaaa?) Feature CHECK.
-Lately I got really envious. There is this couple who have it all, who make it happen, who are Da Thang, who prove 2 makes sense. It is like my Full Coupling Theory finally applies: An angel wakes up someday and looking from above, knowing all, picks people who match and magically brings them in a Common TimePlaceGround. They do not have to do anything, they do not have to try, they have no say. They just BE. Next time I see them kiss, before I puke I will make sure to bang one's head against the other's and then against the wall. Gosh the guy doesn't even remember the chick's freaking shoe size. (Cheese Feature CHECK).
-Lately I realised that there are families who do not need to abolish distance to stay close. Wouldn't know. Never had one.
-Lately I found out we have a caretaker in the building where I work. Sweet elderly guy, does not dye his hair, smiles at me, so loveable. He thought I was a university student yesterday. I almost sat on his lap with joy, playing the 9 1/2 weeks theme song. Kinky Feature CHECK.
- Lately I have been involved in a sex related accident. Whoa.
-Lately I am, at last, oriented-careerwise. It all started with a pole and a pair of high heels and walking in circles.
-Lately I am in desperate need of shoes and chocolate. Sorry, it's Froyd on the phone, I have to get that.
-Lately this friend told me she lives with a guy who doesn't want to have babies. Unwisely, she does, and feels every meaning is lost. I think she hasn't listened to Tears In Heaven yet. Or seen Kramer vs Kramer.
-Lately I have come to think my life was simpler before fucking internet and before finding out in terror The Boyfriend couldn't even buy me this cardigan. Shop so close to apartment he could reach cardigan by just stretching arm out of window.
-Lately this cute guy told me he will never forget the first time he met me. He has only seen me twice. Two years ago. I said, YAHAAAAH?!?!?, you are only 20 forchristsakes, you would remember everything even if an alien hit your head with a hammer, took you to Mars, extracted your brain and replaced it with Keanu Reeves's at his 80s, with alzheimer.
(wow. Twice, 2 years, 20 years old. The Universe is whispering)
-Those of you girls who don't have a boyfriend don't read this. Those of you who do, for the love of God DO NOT READ THIS EITHER: feelingminnesota.wordpress.com