This Yule has been difficult for me. I've had to go rest my head a thouand times, and couldn't even participate much in the cooking or dancing around the Yuletree. I almost fainted after we'd sung the last hymn, I was so tired. And my hip and knee has been hurting like shite (tell me who should've been an Irishman, ya crazy sheep!), and that old thing with my wrist has begun aching again. I desperately need some good health. But let's be fair, I've heard no voices and seen nothing weird throughout the entire holiday. And I've taken good care of my diabetes, so I think it adds up. But anywho. I got some nice presents, and gave some nice ones away, too. My ma was really pleased about those earrings, and my grandma adored the paintings I did for her.

I haven't missed Jakob, though. Just been angry with him for not contacting me. I discussed it with Andy last night, and he's - as always - certain that the best thing is to break up with him. And maybe I should. But I'm a sucker at being alone, I start doing stupid things like cutting. So I guess I'll have to wait until someone I like comes by. I like Janek in the right way, but I don't think he'd want me af his girlfirend, even if I asked him. So the search must go on. I'm not gonna leave Jakob unless he does something that really upsets me, or I fall in love with someone new. That's where I stand. I am gonna leave Jakob eventually, it's just a matter of time and timing. I couldn't do it just before Yule, but maybe I can when the new year starts. The problem is, he's been there for me at times, when everything about the hospital made me sad. He's been there almost every day for the past three ½ months, so I feel like I owe him something. Of course that's sheepshit, but that's an issue I've got. I just don't want any of us to be fooled.

Aunt Stinne and cousin Emma is here for a few days. It's nice to have Stinne here, but I'm angry with Emma, possibly because she's a wannabe and has stolen Bram from me. I like to think that Bram fell for the original, but realised I was as good as impossible to get, and then settled with a copy. I am the Mona Lisa. But I didn't want to be impossible to get, cause I liked Bram. I wouldn't say I loved him, but he made me believe I did. And he said he loved me. But he knew that we live too far away - Denmark and Holland isn't exactly neighbours.

But Yule has been nice, I felt a little blessed when we lit a thousand candles at my grandma's place and sang hymnes. There was no snow this year, but it didn't really matter much. The family was gathered, and there was a smile on peoples faces.

Enjoy the remainings of this Yule, everyone! And remember, war is over if we want it.