Fear is crazy little thing.  It keeps us from so much growth.  I'm discovering more and more in my middle years how you just have to leap into the spiritual fire, letting it consume you and all the shells that encompass you.  I'm venturing into another domination of a complete and utter fear of mine. It's a fear that has been slowly waning thanks to some very persistent friends.  I wouldn't have believed it possible, but here I am doing it. I'm putting my voice on the internet.

This may seem quite audacious to you, arrogant even, but for me, it is the renunciation of a lifelong childhood hang up. I have been terrified to sing in front of people, fearing the criticism that would follow evidencing the great imperfections of my voice.  I know the seed of this fear.  It resides very firmly with what I believe was innocent though earnest jesting on the part of a parent. It kept me from believing in any of my abilities vocally.  I have believed myself to be quite hideous in this department, in the not so distant past.  And though I recognize I am no Streisand or Kathleen Battle, I am coming to terms with the fact that, in a mediocre sense, I can actually hold my own.  Much of this new found belief I owe to my SCA friends.  Despite my constant terror and loathing of singing solo in front of people, they have forced me to face that demon slowly but surely.  Now when Ferd or Erich asks me to sing Soldier's Daughter, I don't have an immediate urge to bolt for the door, or run for the vomitorium.  I've even been able to sing at some of my friends' weddings upon their request.  You can't imagine the hurdle this is. But here I am, jumping it.  Anyway, the crux of it is that I'm continuing this journey into the abolishment of this fear by putting up some vocal stuff.  For those who have any morbid curiosity  it can be found at http://www.myspace.com/aellossister.  Soldier's Daughter is there, too, for anyone who is wanting to learn it.  I'll put more original compositions up as time allows and my nose stops being so stuffy.

And to all of you out there on journeys that are tread with any trepidation:  Happy conquering!!!