So.... My favourite way of starting a sentence is "So...", and the ellipsis is my favouritest-ever form of punctuation IN THE WORLD. I read Lynn Truss' 'Eats Shoots and Leaves' cover to cover. Can't say I am punctuation-perfect (full stop comma comma nudge nudge ;-) ;-)) but I am quiiiite a big fan of good spelling and grammar. 4 what that is worth in today's uber-geek world of 1337 and IM. I can hardly fathom what my daughters are chatting about online these days, less still when every other line (I won't say 'sentence') is punctuated with a ` ---lol---'. LOL!

So anyway.... words are great aren't they? I particularly like long, fancy and unnecessary ones. Probably my favourite is 'corroborable', as in "His alibi was watertight; his alleged activity during the course of the evening was entirely corroborable, with many witnesses confirming his whereabouts." I adore this word for the way it knocks around on your tongue like a bunch of unruly marbles. But check it out; 'corroborable' is NOT a word. Google it; you'll find dozens and dozens of references, but take a look at AskOxford, Chambers Online or (even ) Dictionary.com, and you'll find nada - it is a non-word. So far, anyway... . Which brings me to the topic of neologisms, which are my favouritest-ever type of word IN THE WORLD. And you can blame the Americans for bringing us 'sticktoitiveness' and 'bottoming out', but all praise to the Washington Post for honouring the neologistic form in an erstwhile monthly column, and annual open contest to find the best in new words and alternative meanings. Many thanks to my friend Marsh for reminding me of this the other day - I have posted below the list of winning entries from one such contest, but sadly cannot find reference to any others, and I'm pretty sure there were a few. As I recall (AIRC), for example, the WP contest was also responsible in recent years for

'Testiculation' - The act of waving ones arms around in wild gestures while talking utter bollocks
and
'Extrapolagenesis' - (Marsh, help required with this one - I can't find any online refs.... but you remember! Something to do with creating an entire fantasy ecosystem out of one small historical artefact....)

Another neolegend, attributable to Matt Groenig, is the creation of such words as 'embiggen' and 'cromulent' - ahhh... the power of the Simpsons :-)

I, for one, shall endeavour to continue to simultaneously enrich and pollute our language with my own stitched-together efforts. At which point I need to lay claim to the acronym `TWUTI', which I coined and am watching to gauge how widely and swiftly it gets adopted... TWUTI - texting while under the influence - is to be avoided at all costs and can be the source of huge embarrassment.

Here's one of the winning lists of neologisms and alternative meanings from the Washington Post. If anyone can unearth others, I'd be grateful for a pointer.... There were some good 'uns.


ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate (sic) meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
3. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6 . Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10 .Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things tha! t are good for you.
11. Glibido (v) All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:*Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a55hole.