It's official:
Karate High School has signed a deal with
Eyeball Records. This will probably be the shortest record deal in history, however, since I'm obviously going to die soon. This is because my dreams keep coming true, and I think it's carved in a 3000 year old oak tree somewhere that once you complete a certain number of accomplishments in your life, The Dude Upstairs With The White Beard decides that you've done enough and it's time for you to leave Earth and play harp among the clouds with Elvis and Bigfoot.
But before I die, Karate High School is going to make a few albums for Eyeball Records.
And before we get to that, I want to say something to every single one of you that bought our records, listened to our music, drove three hours to see a show, and told your friends about some unknown band called Karate High School:
Thank you for believing in us.
It's that simple.
I know it sounds cliché, but that doesn't make it any less true: without you, none of what we do is possible. To everyone who let us crash on their living room floors, wash our disgusting bodies in their showers, and let us raid their fridges even though we ate all the chocolate cake and blamed it on their drunken roommate after stepping in dog poop outside and tracking it into their house, Thank You. We simply could not have toured for years through the worst weather conditions with absolutely zero money if you hadn't been there to lift our spirits and help us believe that we should continue postponing our inevitable future positions at McDonald's. If I wasn't so worried about looking cool and maintaining my macho, tough-guy image, I'd cry right now and blow a rainbow-colored magic kiss to each and every one of you.
I couldn't be happier about the future of Karate High School, and about our new home on Eyeball. To be part of a label with amazing artists that I love and respect, with owners and employees that are hands-down the hardest working men in show-business is a dream come true.
Remember that scene at the end of Back To The Future when Doc Brown is sitting behind the wheel of the DeLorean, and just after he slides his titanium sunglasses over his face he states, "where we're going, we don't need…roads" and then the car lifts off the ground and flies into the sunset?
Yeah, I remember that scene too. I don't know what that has to do with I'm talking about, but Back To The Future is seriously fucking rad.
But anyways, let's recap: Karate High School has signed to Eyeball. I love you all dearly. I'm going to die soon. That's about it, folks.
We love all of you more than any human should ever love another human being,
Paul McGuire and the fine gentlemen of Karate High School
P.S. Oh, and if you feel the need to congratulate us, Karate High School's preferred cookie of choice is chocolate chip. Just sayin'.