OK, that's it.  I'm officially pissed.  It seems to me that this country is going to hell in a hand basket and it has nothing to do with our president, his policies, the war in the Middle East, or for that matter any of the politics on the other side of the aisle either.  In fact this problem is something that has been propagated by bleeding heart liberals and cold hearted conservatives alike.  This problem that is plaguing America and dooming the next thirty years of our society and its chances for success is…bumper bowling.  I'm sure you're saying, "But Al, what harm can bumper bowling do?"  Well, sit down and please allow me to explain. 

When I was growing up, there were no bumpers on the lanes when we went bowling.  If you were too small to throw the ball straight, you put it down and two-hand shoved it granny style to try and hit as many pins as you could.  But somewhere along the line, someone who was afraid for their child's psyche and just couldn't bear to see them fail at something invented an inflatable, rubber tube that would make it so that if this child threw the ball at the gutter it would bounce back into the lane and careen safely towards the pins.  Suddenly everybody's happy because their kids like to go bowling, and everyone's a winner.  This is exactly the problem.  An entire generation of America's youth has been brought up without the knowledge of what it feels like to fail at anything, and if you don't know what failure is like, how can you truly appreciate success?

I grew up in a family with a large network of cousins.  One half of my family lived here in Los Angeles and the other half was based in Denver.  All of the cousins in both groups were older than me, and all of them were competitive at something in one aspect or another.  We played basketball, pool, ping pong, went bowling, running, board games, and basically anything that would be competitive and produce a winner.  As a direct result of there being a winner, someone would lose…and guess what, it was OKAY!!!  If you lost, you had to try to get better because nobody would EVER even think of letting you win.  If you cried, your parents would sit you down and explain that there's always someone who's going to be better than you at something.  Even if you become the best in the world, someday someone would be better, so all you can do is your best, compete and do what you can to get better if that's what was important to you.  If you did that, you'd be successful.  It's just too bad that philosophy doesn't exist anymore.

My friends and I coached basketball at a local park years ago.  We were pretty competitive with ourselves as coaches and always played to win while trying to infuse as much fun as you could in a competitive youth sport.  We coached teenagers so they knew the difference between winning and losing and could handle either, so we kept things healthy, but competitive.  Eventually the park named a new head of operations…I don't want to name names, but lets just say that his name rhymed with "Bike Fairy-son".  Before the end of his first season, he eliminated wins and losses from the standings and initiated a NEW way of keeping track of who was in first place.  After every game, the two referees and the scorekeeper would grade each team on sportsmanship and the team with the most sportsmanship points would be in first place and the team with the least (regardless of their wins and losses) would be in last.  He eliminated the playoffs because they "brought out a win at all costs mentality," he got rid of the All-Star program at the park because "it singled out kids for being good at a sport and could create a rift between the kids who were good and the kids who weren't good enough to be selected".

When did the parents in this country forget that teaching their children that the road to success is paved with NUMEROUS failures?  When did we become a society where everyone gets a first place ribbon because god forbid you have to work harder to get better to actually EARN one in the next event, match or season?  When did parents start believing that their children aren't succeeding because of everyone else instead of pointing a finger at themselves or their child?  I spent the last nine years working in high-school and college sports and the lack of accountability for ones own mistakes and shortcomings has virtually disappeared from the youth of America.  Everything is everyone else's fault.  "The referee is cheating, my teacher doesn't like me, the coach doesn't know what he's doing, but don't worry baby, there's nothing wrong with you, you're mommy's perfect little angel."  Excuse me while I puke. 

It's been about 18 years since Bumper bowling was invented.  An entire generation has been brought up on it and is now making its way through college and into the working world.  Many of them afraid to try anything that they're not instantly an expert at because they think they'll look silly if they try and fail.  The next generation of leaders this country will have to suffer through are looking to make their way through life on "easy mode" and I personally fear for what we'll become.  It's up to my generation to beat the ever loving shit out of them and try to salvage what we can for the sake of the future of this great country of ours.  So please, the next time you take your son, daughter, niece, nephew or cousin to the bowling alley, put down the bumpers and teach them that it's ok to try your best and not be perfect the first time out.