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I have to say, I am really sad today, coming home with my tail between my legs, having lost the 1st Decemberists vs Stephen Colbert Shred Off. Meaning I've lost us any possible chance of an endorsement deal with B.C. Rich, Marshall, Jagermeister or Mountain Dew.
Further insult to my loss, it seems some of you out there feel that I should lay down my coveted Warlock, my companion through the 80's and even later at G.I.T. in LA during the "hair years". Since some of you have called my bluff and discovered that, in fact, I am not capable of a "face melter" nor concise hammer-ons or sweep arpeggio, and that the best gig I ever got on The Strip while in Hollywood was as a dishwasher at The Trubador (and back then they served their Jack n' Cokes in plastic cups).
I admit I did not practice more than 20 minutes in total for the Guitarmaggedon. I owe all you real rockers and champions of the devil's staff (locked in your rooms, sweating away at the backpages of Guitar Player magazine) an apology as well as the B.C. Rich Guitar Company (maker of my Warlock as well as the "Bitch" and "Virgin" model), Steve Vai, Eddie Van Halen, Joe Satrani, Yngwie Malmsteen, Nuno Bettencourt, and Paul Gilbert. It is with great regret that I would like to announce that I will be putting my Warlock up on eBay for a benefit auction the 2nd week of January.
I thought I'd share some quotes from some of the guys who wrote in. I hang my head in shame and take these words of advice into my practice room, in hopes that one day I will swing my axe over the concert hall into a ball of molten strings and singed fiberglass, or at least the back corner of Guitar Center with my friends cheering me on:
"Lamest bit of wannabe shred wankage it has ever been my misfortune to endure. Don't atempt techniques (tapping, and whatnot) that you simply don't have the chops to execute in any kind of meaningful way."
"But still man, you butchered that poor guitar, why do you even own a warlock? You guys dont really strike me as a metal band...."
"He seems to just go up and down the scale, more or less lacklusterly jumping between psuedo metallica riffs and remotely butchered tapping and hammering on and off."
"Dont try to play flashy metallic solo's if you can't, and don't own expensive high end metal guitars when all you really need is a squire telle (not a bad guitar by any stretch but defintley more suited to indie in my oppinion)."
"And don't hype yourself up on national television and make guitar duel challenges when you don't have the skill to back it up."
Best Wishes,
Chris
3:42
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