The Legend of Ninja Jesus.

Did you know that Jesus lived in Japan? No? Well let me enlighten you!

http://www.thiaoouba.com/tomb.htm



(A 1900 year old document.)

So apparently some 100 odd years after his death, Jesus decided that Japan would be an awesome place to settle down and raise some kids! So apparently Jesus was not only ninja enough to die and be resurrected, but he snuck back from heaven to go settle down in the promised land. JAPAN!

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The document contained also Jesus will, requesting that his brother's tomb to be located next to his. The document was SO authentic and news so explosive at the time, that the Japanese government banned the document from public view and kept it locked in a museum in Tokyo.



Please tell me that they are kidding. Hey, I get it. It’s the same reason why the Mormons claim that Jesus walked America. Everyone wants to feel special, and I get that. But the Mormons are also insane and this is total crap.

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It is interesting to note that historians still argue about the authenticity of this document.



By interesting you mean expected? Any historian that doesn’t question this should be shot.

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Note that any “material evidence” such as bones, teeth etc which could possibly be excavated from the grave – will clarify absolutely nothing about the identity and the spiritual magnitude of the person buried in Herai. Clearly more precise evidence is needed.



Um…what? So its true because you say so! Well then, I say anyone that questions me obviously is retarded and doesn’t know just how awesome my kung fu can be! I’m sorry but nothing is stronger than physical evidence. If they carbon date the corpse to be 10 years old, obviously someone lied. Or if the genetic markers show that he was Japanese or a woman. I hate people.

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Very important and extraordinarily comprehensive evidence of what really happened 2000 years ago comes from the Herai folklore. Folklore cannot be easily erased by officials, by renaming villages, hiding, destroying and mistranslating documents or other material remains. People in Herai, for almost 2000 years perform a dance and sing a very strange song: "Nanya Do Yara Nanya Do Nasareno Nanya Do Yara", repeated many times.

This custom is very specific to Herai village. This song, as recorded in Japanese writing, has absolutely no meaning in the Japanese language. However, some people say that phonetically it resembles distorted Japanese phrases: "What is it? what's happening ?, what are you going to do ?".



Yes, folklore is in fact proof. Meaning that soon we shall all be crushed by the Wendell and the glow worms. And that phrase sounds just like Jesus to me…also sounds like Ninjas. Which I will get to in a second.

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Journalists worldwide (BBC, ABC Australia - to mention a few) KNOW about the song. I met some of them in Herai personally. However, their programs clearly ridicule efforts of simple people from Mountains of Herai to preserve tradition. People from Herai WILL keep singing The Song, and no one on Earth, even the Pope himself, can stop them.



Ridicule? Oh, damn them for pointing out the GIANT GAPPING HOLES in your logic. I especially love the Pope comment. I wonder if this guy is perhaps Baptist?


Now to the part I’ve been wanting to get to. Since Jesus obviously lived in Japan, and the song seems to be explaining what happens when a Ninja attacks…I present to you The Legend of Ninja Jesus.

The Legend of Ninja Jesus


*right click> Show picture if it doesnt show up*
Jesus, the black death as he has been come to known among some ninja clans, is perhaps the least known and often over looked figure in Ninja history. During the mighty Ninja Pirate wars, it was Jesus who said “Lo, for I am the Son of God. By my blade may you learn the meaning of judgment.” It was a long and bloody war but with Jesus’ help the day was won for the side of the Ninja.
Ninja Jesus brought much knowledge to the Ninja, his commandments are followed even to this day, they are as follows:
Thou shall not suffer a pirate to live.
Thou shall get thine ass kicked should a single ninja attack, but thou shall win thine day should a group of ninja attack.
Thou shall not be caught, failure requires punishment of death by thine own hand.

Thou shall kick ass.
It is these basic tenants that all true ninja lived by. Legend has it that he would often walk on water to sneak around people and kill them. Ninja Jesus also had these mystical sayings that philosopher ninjas try to understand so that they may better know Ninja Jesus:
"The Kingdom (of Heaven) is inside you and it is outside your enemy. Tear it out, split the face of your enemy, and I am there, lift up the disembodied head and there you will find me”

“Blessed are the Shinobi, for they shall inherit the earth


"For I was clumsy and you gave me nimbleness, I was loud and you gave me stealth, I was a Stranger and you died by my blade, I was naked and you clothed me, I was seen and you obscured me, I was in prison and you came to me. Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these, my brethren, you did it to me.”

’Eat of this rice cake and know you eat of my flesh, drink of this saki and know that you drink of my blood. If one of you shall betray me, know that I poisoned it.”

All fear Ninja Jesus.

If you agree with me, feel free to Email me at: geekmasterflash@gmail.com

And if you just want to send me hatemail, feel free. Just remember that you are an idiot and everything will work out for the best.


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DOWN WITH RED CANADA!